Jesus was a human being, a Jew in Galilee with a name and a family, a person who was in a way just like everyone else. Yet in another way he was something different than anyone who had ever lived on earth before. It took the church five centuries of active debate to agree on some sort of balance between 'just like everyone else' and something 'different.' For those of us raised in the church, even raised in a nominally Christian culture, the balance inevitably tilts toward 'something different.' As Pascal said, “The church has had as much difficulty in showing that Jesus Christ was man, against those who denied it, as in showing that he was God.” --Philip Yancey

Who is Jesus? He is a unique person because he is the God-man.

Yet this is not a dogma imposed on us simply to receive without question; it is a conclusion which grows out of the evidence in the Bible. Many facts point to the conclusion that Jesus Christ is God; many others lead to the conclusion that he is truly human. In him is the union of undiminished deity and perfect humanity. –Charles Ryrie

If you were having a discussion with someone about Him, would you be able to prove your convictions from Scripture? There are different opinions out there dating back to the early church. Some people have denied His deity; some have denied the reality of His humanity. Some assign to him a lesser status as a god, e.g., Jehovah’s Witnesses. Some say that he was merely a man, a good man, even a great man. One who had the courage to die for his convictions. As such he was an example to us. (Unitarians)

Is Jesus Fully God?

The Scripture is our only source of information and we have learned that it is inerrant in the original manuscripts, because it is God-breathed. So what the Bible says about Jesus must be true and cannot be edited to suit our particular notions.

Let's ask the Bible some determinative questions.

Did Christ Exist Before He Was Born At Bethlehem?

Read Micah 5:2 and Colossians 1:16-17.

John 8:58: “Before Abraham was, I AM.”

Both the Old Testament and the New Testament state clearly that the Son of God existed before He came to earth and shared our humanity. He is the Creator and Sustainer of all things.

Did Jesus Ever Claim To Be God?

There are some who say that Jesus never claimed to be God, but that His disciples concocted the myth after He died. But that assertion is overwhelmingly contradicted by the evidence of Scripture. The Jews of his day understood perfectly what He was saying.

Read John 5:18.

What did He say that so enraged them?

“I and the Father are one” (John 10:30).

“If you knew Me, you would know MY Father also” (John 8:19).

“When a man looks at me, he sees the one who sent me” (John 12:45).

“Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9).

“He who hates me hates my Father as well” (John 15:23).

“That all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father, who sent Him” (John 5:23).

In unmistakable language, Jesus claimed equality with the Father. Even when He was on trial for His life and was questioned under oath He didn't recant or water down His identity.

Read Matthew 26:63-65.

Did His Disciples Believe That He Was God?

Peter's confession: “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God” (Matthew 16:16).

When He revealed himself to Thomas after His resurrection, Thomas called him, “My Lord and my God.”

Jude, his half-brother who didn't believe in Him before his resurrection calls Him, “Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord,” and “the only God our Savior.”

Did He Demonstrate The Unique Characteristics Of God?

In Mark 2:1-12, He demonstrated his OMNISCIENCE and his authority to FORGIVE sins.

In John 5:25ff, He promised to RAISE THE DEAD, claimed to be the SOURCE OF LIFE as the Father is, and to have authority to JUDGE the world.

In John 15:26, He promised to SEND the Holy Spirit to be with believers after He RETURNED to heaven.

In Matthew 28:20, He promised to be EVER-PRESENT with us.

Throughout the Gospels He demonstrated his OMNIPOTENCE by the miracles He did. He healed every kind of disease and disability. He calmed the raging sea. He multiplied the bread and fish. He raised the dead. He did the works that only God can do.

Did Others Substantiate His Claims To Deity?

Read Matthew 14:33. He was worshiped as Son of God. In Jewish usage, this did not imply subordination, but rather equality and identity of nature.

Read Colossians 2:9. In Him, the fullness of Deity lives in bodily form.

Read Hebrews 1:2-3. He was the exact likeness of God’s substance.

Read Revelation 19:16. “King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

These are just a few of the places which state without equivocation that Jesus Christ is fully God. We can trust our life on earth and our eternal future in His hands because He is the truth, He is the way to God, and He is the source of eternal life. If He is not God, our faith is built on a foundation of sand. We have no hope, we will die in our sins, and we are of all people most miserable.

The other question we must answer is:

Is Jesus Fully Human?

The Bible gives abundant evidence that Jesus was fully human.

His Birth Was Unique

Incarnation means in flesh. When God invaded the human race, his conception and birth as a human baby was unique. An angel told a young virgin named Mary that the Holy Spirit would come upon her and she would conceive and bear a son, who would be holy, the Son of the Most High. And angels announced his birth to the world.

His Nature Was Unique

Jesus had a human nature, but he didn't have a sin nature. He was without sin and no other human being can make that claim.

Read Hebrews 4:15 and 2 Corinthians 5:21.

Why is this so important? Because if he were just another sinner like us, he couldn't die as our substitute. He could only die for his own sins. We needed a sinless Savior and only God could meet that qualification. What were the reasons for His coming?

Proofs Of His Humanity

He matured like all human beings do (Luke 2:40, 52).

He had a human body: seen, heard, and touched (1 John 1:1).

He had a human soul and spirit (Matthew 26:38, Luke 23:46).

He possessed human names, Son of Man, Son of David, Jesus.

He was hungry (Matthew 4:2).

He was thirsty (John 19:28).

He grew tired (John 4:6).

He wept (John 11:35).

He showed feelings (Mark 6:34; Luke 7:13, compassion; 10:14, indignation; Mark 14:34, sorrow; John 11:5 love).

He was tested (Hebrews 4:15).

He prayed (Luke 5:16).

He died (John 19:30, 33).

Purposes For His Coming As A Man

To reveal God to men (John 1:18).

To provide an example for living (1 Peter 2:21).

To die as a sacrifice for humanity's sins (Hebrews 10:1-10).

To enable Him to be a merciful High Priest (Hebrews 4:15-16).

To destroy the devil's work (1 John 3:8).

To free us from bondage to fear of death (Hebrews 2:14-15).

To be the Savior of the world (1 John 4:14).

There's one more passage we should look at that will help explain how this could be.

Read Philippians 2:5-11.

He made himself nothing, or He made himself of no reputation.

The Amplified Version says, “He emptied himself.”

Did Christ empty Himself of some or all aspects of deity when he came to earth?

If emptying means that Christ gave up or lost some of His divine attributes during His earthly life, the other Scriptures we have already looked at contradict that notion. This passage says that He humbled himself by taking on a human body and nature and by dying on the cross the death of a criminal. This means that there is no subtraction to His deity, but just the addition of humanity with its consequent limitations.

The concept involves the veiling of Christ's preincarnate glory (John 17:5), the condescension of taking on Himself the likeness of sinful flesh (Romans 8:3) and the voluntary nonuse of some of His attributes of deity during His earthly life (Matthew 24:36). His humanity was not a glorified humanity and was thus subject to temptation, weakness, pain and sorrow. Choosing not to use his divine attributes is quite different from saying that He gave them up. Nonuse does not mean subtraction. –Ryrie p. 58, 59

Jesus was and is genuinely God and genuinely man, undiminished deity and perfect humanity in one Person forever.

C. S. Lewis put it well.

I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.

Why is it so important to understand what the Scriptures say about our Lord Jesus Christ? Because who He is validates what He did. If He is not uniquely the God-Man, then he was just another human martyr who suffered unjustly. There are many others who did that. But because He is the God-man, He suffered and died and rose again victoriously from the dead for our sins, in our place and for our benefit. Then He went back to heaven. We can trust Him without a shadow of a doubt. We can believe all of His promises. We can look at life in a fallen world from the perspective of eternity. That's what will give us hope, courage, and perseverance in adversity, joy in the midst of sorrow, peace in the midst of struggles, faith in God's plan for our lives, love for others, the ability to forgive, and the absolute certainty that death for us is only the doorway that opens to a glorious eternity in the presence of our great God and Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Study Questions

Read Isaiah 9:6; Micah 5:2; John 8:58; Colossians 1:16

1. What do these verses tell us about the Son of God? What is He called and what has He done? When did His life begin?

Read John 1:1-18

2. Who is the Word (v. 1, 14)? Who is He declared to be? What is He the source of? From this passage how would you describe Him?

Read John 5:18; 8:19; 10:30; 14:7, 9; 12:44; Matthew 26:63-65

3. Who did Jesus claim to be? What did He say about his relationship to God the Father?

Read Mark 2:1-12; John 5:27; John 15:26; John 5:25; Matthew 28:18; 28:20

4. What characteristics and prerogatives of God did Jesus claim for himself? If His claims were not true what impact would that have on our faith? On our salvation?

Read John 1:18; 1 Peter 2:21; Hebrews 2:14-15; 5:1-2; 10:1-10; 1 John 3:8

5. List some of the purposes for which the Son of God became a man?

Read Matthew 4:2; Luke 2:40, 52; John 4:6; 11:35; 19:28, 30, 33

6. What evidence do these verses give of Jesus’ humanity? Why is it essential to believe in the full deity and humanity of Jesus Christ?

Read John 8:46; 2 Corinthians 5:21; 1 Peter 2:22; Hebrews 4:15; 1 John 3:5

7. How was Christ different from every other person ever born? Why was this essential?

Read Philippians 2:6-11

8. What did Jesus deliberately do so that people could be saved? What is His position now? What will all people eventually do? Have you submitted to Him as Lord of every area of your life?

Who is the Holy Spirit? What has He done in Scripture? What does He do for us? There are different views about Him. Some define Him as simply a force or an influence. In the 16th century, Socinian defined Him as “virtue or energy flowing from God to man.” This is the view that most liberal theologians and cults hold today. But this is not what the Scripture teaches about Him. Remember in our study of the Trinity we learned that He is a person, equal in the Godhead with the Father and the Son.

Is The Holy Spirit A Person?

When we think of a person we usually think of a body. Must a person have a body? What happens when a human being dies? Only the body dies, but the person continues to exist consciously forever, either in heaven or hell. What are the essential characteristics of a person? Three things: intelligence, emotions, and will. If the Holy Spirit were only a force or an influence or a thing, He would not possess these three things. But He does.

He has the characteristics of a person

Intelligence: He knows the things of God (1 Corinthians 2:10-11). The mind of the Spirit (Romans 8:27).

Emotions: Grieve the Spirit (Ephesians 4:30).

Will: Spirit gives spiritual gifts “as He wills” (1 Corinthians 12:11).

He acts like a person

He teaches (John 14:26).

He intercedes (Romans 8:26).

He performs miracles (Acts 8:39).

He leads (Romans 8:14).

He is designated as a person

Pneuma is neuter, but the pronouns used for it are masculine (John 16:13-14).

Is The Holy Spirit Completely God?

He has characteristics possessed only by God.

Things true of the Father and Son are true of the Spirit.

He is associated on an equal plane with the other persons of the Trinity.

Yahweh said something in the Old Testament; Spirit says it in the New Testament (Isaiah 6:1-13 and Acts 28:25; Jeremiah 31:31-34 and Hebrews 10:15-17).

Baptismal formula (Matthew 28:19).

The Spirit’s Work In The Old Testament

His part in creation

Genesis 1:2, Job 33:4

His part in revelation of the Old Testament

Men spoke from God, being moved by the Holy Spirit (2 Peter 1:21).

His relation to man

Selective indwelling

In: Genesis 41:38, Numbers 27:18, Daniel 4:8

Upon: 1 Samuel 10:9-10, Saul; Judges 14:6, Samson

Going away: Judges 15:14 with Judges 16:20

Enablement for special service

Exodus 31:3

The Spirit In The Life Of Christ

In the virgin birth

Luke 1:35, Matthew 1:20

In His life-

Baptism: Luke 4:18

Filled and led: Luke 4:1;

Empowered to do miracles: Matthew 12:28

In His death and resurrection

Offered himself as a sacrifice: Hebrews 9:14

Gave instructions to apostles: Acts 1:2

Jesus Promises To Send The Spirit

On the night before His death, Jesus and his disciples sat at the Passover table and He told them things He had not taught them before. He specifically told them about the coming of the Holy Spirit and the work He would do.

Read John 14:16-18.

Counselor: parakletos, “a person summoned to one’s aid.” It may refer to an advisor, a legal advocate, a mediator or intercessor. Refers to Jesus in 1 John 2:1. The Spirit’s function is to represent God to the believer as Jesus did when He was here on earth in a human body. There are two words for another. One means another who is of a different kind. The word used here is one of the same kind. Jesus was going back to heaven, but He and the Father would send another person who would be God dwelling among believers here on earth. The difference would be that the Holy Spirit, who lived with them because He was in Jesus, would live in them after Jesus returned to heaven. Jesus would be with them always in the person of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth. However, this time, God would not be visible to all people as Jesus was. When the Holy Spirit came, His ministry would be primarily to believers. He would not operate on the world’s wavelength.

Read John 14:25-26.

This is the reason we can believe the record of the New Testament. Jesus promised his disciples that the Holy Spirit would teach them all things and remind them of all that Jesus had taught them. The Holy Spirit is the divine author of the New Testament, just as He is of the Old Testament.

Read John 16:5-15.

There are three major aspects of the ministry of the Holy Spirit described here.

To the world: conviction of sin, righteousness and judgment.

Convict of guilt means to present or expose facts, to convince of the truth.

Conviction of sin

The Spirit does not merely accuse men of sin; he brings to them an inescapable sense of guilt so that they realize their shame and helplessness before God. The Spirit is the prosecuting attorney who presents God’s case against humanity. The ultimate sin for which man is guilty is unbelief. This is a total rejection of the gospel and the Savior it presents.

Conviction of righteousness

The Spirit makes it clear that God has a standard of righteousness that defines sin, and that there is an infinite gap between the righteousness of God and the sinfulness of man. It’s a gap man cannot bridge by himself. The connection of righteousness to Jesus’ return to heaven refers to the fact that His resurrection and ascension proved that sin was atoned for, and vindicated Him as God’s righteous servant.

Conviction of judgment

When the standards of righteousness are violated, there is judgment, condemnation. Jesus’ death on the cross the next day would bring condemnation and defeat to the “prince of this world,” Satan. The word condemned is in a tense which expresses a settled state. Satan is already under a fixed and permanent judgment. It follows that there is no escape from the same fate for those who do not believe in Jesus Christ.

The convicting work of the Spirit is the placing of the truth of the gospel in a clear light before the unsaved person so that he acknowledges it as truth whether or not he receives Christ as personal Saviour. Conviction is making the message clear, not the saving of the soul.

To the disciples: direction and truth

Jesus also told his friends that there was much more to tell them but they were not mature enough to receive this further truth. The Holy Spirit would lead them into the full comprehension of all He would give them. He would continue to develop the principles they had already learned. He would teach them about coming events. He would unfold the truth as they grew in spiritual capacity. He would be a guide into the unknown future.

To Jesus:

To testify of Him

John 15:26

To glorify Him

The chief function of the Holy Spirit is to reveal and glorify Jesus Christ. His purpose is not to make Himself prominent, but to magnify the person of Jesus, just as the lamp stand in the tabernacle was revealed and glorified by the light of the invisible oil. Sometimes we can overemphasize the Holy Spirit and minimize Jesus Christ. That is not the prescription of Scripture. Beware of any religious movement that does this.

The Spirit’s Work In Salvation

Regeneration (Titus 3:5)

This is God’s supernatural act of imparting eternal life to the one who believes in Christ: the new nature (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Indwelling (1 Corinthians 6:19)

Spirit indwells every believer, regardless of his spiritual condition. Notice Corinthians- 1 Corinthians 3:3; (worldly, carnal) 5:1; (immoral) 6 (suing in pagan courts).

Absence of Spirit is evidence of being unsaved. Romans 8:9

How can a believer know that the Holy Spirit lives in him?

Believe God’s word. John 14:16-17

Christian experience for evidence. Are you growing?

Are you more sensitive to sin? Do you have good impulses that you didn’t have before? Is the Word of God clearer to you?

Baptizing (1 Corinthians 12:13)

Places believers into the body of Christ.

It is for all believers

Done only once. No sign for evidence.

Sealing (Ephesians 4:30)

Father has sealed every believer with the Holy Spirit, 2 Corinthians 1:22; Ephesians 1:13; 4:30

Concept includes ideas of ownership, authority and security. We are God’s possession, secure until the day of redemption. Only God can break that seal and He has promised to deliver us safely to heaven.

Guarantee: (2 Corinthians 5:5, Ephesians 1:13b-14)

The fact that we have the Holy Spirit is God’s guarantee that we will receive everything else He has promised with our salvation. He is the down payment. The rest is certain. What assurance this should give us!

The Spirit’s Work In Believers

He gives spiritual gifts: a God-given ability for service.

1 Corinthians 12:7-11

He decides who gets what gift. He is sovereign. Each one gets something that equips them to build up others in the body.

1 Corinthians 12:27-30

No one has all the gifts. There’s no one gift that is given to everyone.

He fills (Ephesians 5:18).

“Keep on being filled.” Keep on being controlled by the Spirit. The filling of the Spirit is vital if we are going to experience genuine Christian living (Acts 2:4, 4:31).

How?

1. Dedicate self to God for His use and control (Romans 12:1-2).

2. Don’t grieve the Spirit (Ephesians 4:30).

3. Depend on the Spirit. Walking is a life of dependence (Galatians 5:16).

Results of being filled.

Ephesians 5:18-21: Worship, praise, singing, being thankful, submissiveness, service.

Galatians 5:22-23: Christlike character

He teaches (John 14:25).

How does He teach? He illumines the Scriptures. He makes them come alive and applies them to our specific condition. He will use books, sermons, lessons, and the counsel of other people. He will speak to your heart with an inner voice. But He will never contradict the Word. When someone says “God told me to do this,” and it is contrary to Scripture, they are either deceived or liars. Check everything out with the Bible.

He guides (Romans 8:14).

He guides through Scripture, through circumstances, through others--but mostly through His peace in our hearts (Colossians 3:15).

He gives assurance (Romans 8:16).

It’s the Holy Spirit who assures us that we really are God’s children. We can come into His presence and call Him “Abba,” “Daddy.”

He prays (Romans 8:26).

It’s an incredible comfort to me to know that when I don’t know how to pray or what to pray for, the Spirit intercedes and interprets my prayers. He knows my weakness. He does not condemn, scold or abandon me. He intercedes for me according to God’s will. And God’s will is all that I really want for my life. He is the one who will reveal to me what that will is if my heart is set to please Him and not myself.

Conclusion

Do you see how much we need the Holy Spirit? If He were not here with us, God would be distant; we would have no assurance of our salvation or security. We would never see anyone come to Christ. We wouldn’t understand God’s word. We would not be aware of God’s presence, nor be assured of his love. We couldn’t be sure that we really belonged to Him. We would not become more sensitive to sin. We would not be growing in Christian character. We would not be able to serve the Lord with effectiveness and joy. But we do have Him, and to have the most joyful and fruitful life, we can safely put ourselves into His hands and yield our wills to His control.

Study Questions

Read 1 Corinthians 2:10-11; Ephesians 4:30; 1 Corinthians 12:11; Romans 8:26; Acts 8:39

1. What characteristics does the Holy Spirit have that prove He is a Person, not a force or a thing? What actions does He perform that only a person can do. Why is it important to understand this?

Read 1 Corinthians 2:11-12; Psalm 139:7; John 3:5-6; Luke 1:35; Psalm 104:30

2. What attributes of God are credited to the Spirit? What actions that only God can do are credited to Him? What is He called in Acts 5:3-4? Why is this important?

Read Matthew 28:19; 2 Corinthians 13:14

3. What further proof do these verses give that the Spirit is equally God?

Read John 14:25-27; 15:26; 16:5-15

4. Who does Jesus say will send the Spirit? What does Jesus call Him? What did He say the Spirit would do for the disciples? What is always the purpose of the Holy Spirit’s work (16:13-15)?

Read John 16:8; Titus 3:5; 1 Corinthians 6:19; 12:13; Ephesians 4:30

5. What is the Holy Spirit’s work in our salvation? What does each of these actions mean? What assurance does this give you about your relationship to God?

Read 1 Corinthians 12:8-10; Ephesians 5:18; John 16:12-15; Romans 8:14, 16, 26

6. What does the Spirit do in the life of the believer? How does He equip us for service? What is His part in our understanding of God’s Word? How does He give us security? How does He interpret and fortify our prayers?

7. How will your understanding of the person and work of the Holy Spirit impact your view of the Christian life? Do you see that God does not expect you to live a godly life in your own power? What must you do to allow the Spirit to work in you?

Diane was flooded with joy as she looked down at the newborn son in her arms. Feeling almost triumphant, she rode down the hospital hall in a wheelchair, headed for home. Just five days before, little Todd had been delivered by Caesarean section, and although Diane's spirits were strong, her legs were not. She was grateful not to be walking all the way to the parking lot.

Her husband Gordon pulled the car up to the curb, and gingerly strapped the baby into the infant carrier. Settling in for the ride, Diane felt a wave of fatigue.

"I'm sure glad you're taking the week off to help me, Honey. I don't think I could have managed both babies without you. I just hope Terry doesn't feel too jealous of Todd."

Two-year-old Terry, their other son, was awaiting their arrival at the next-door neighbors' house. As Diane turned to smile at the sleeping infant in the back seat, she caught her breath in pain. She was still very sore.

Gordon cleared his throat. "Uh, Honey, I need to talk to you about taking the week off."

She stared at her husband. Surely he wasn't going to let her down now. Not this time!

"Talk about what?"

"Well, you know it's end-of-the-month, and John doesn't think he can spare me at the office. I kept saying no, I had to help you. But he finally talked me into working when he offered to pay for a maid to help you."

Tears filled Diane's eyes. She looked out the side window, not wanting Gordon to know how wounded she felt. It wasn't just the fact that she needed her husband's help, although she needed it very badly. Didn't he want to take care of her?

" Well, are you upset or what?" Her silence annoyed Gordon and he sounded defensive.

"I . . . I'm just disappointed. Gordon, I have no idea where to find a maid. Nobody we know even has a cleaning lady. And I wouldn't know where to begin looking for someone I could trust with my babies. Besides, I thought you'd want to be there with Todd and me . . ."

"Well, look. If I don't do things John's way, I won't have a job, and we won't even be able to feed Todd and Terry. Besides, you're tough. You can handle it."

Diane looked out the window again. I am tough, she thought. I've had to be.

Things went better than she'd hoped when Terry ran across the lawn to greet her. How she'd missed him at the hospital! The little brown-eyed toddler had been her pride and joy every day for two wonderful years.

"Come meet your new brother!"

Terry ran to her arms and then surveyed the little bundle in the car seat. "Baby?" he said inquisitively. He spontaneously reached over and touched Todd's face. "Baby," he said to himself, quite satisfied with his conclusion.

She took Terry in her arms, saddened that she couldn't pick him up—her stitches wouldn't permit it. She had always carried him. Would he feel neglected now if she didn't?

"I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off," Gordon announced generously, "so I can help you out."

Next morning Diane was exhausted—she'd been up since five o'clock. Todd had nursed every two hours all night, and

Terry had awakened her twice while Todd slept. Gordon hadn't heard a thing and had left for work at seven o'clock. Fatigue made her limbs ache. At eight, the phone began to ring, well-meaning friends calling in their congratulations.

"I'm hungry," Terry informed her, and she slowly shuffled into the kitchen to feed him. Another phone call interrupted her, and while she was talking, the little boy opened the refrigerator and knocked a full carton of milk and a half-eaten pie onto the floor. Diane couldn't bend over, and the mop wasn't particularly effective in cleaning up the pie.

Ants. I'm going to have a million ants . . .

Just then Todd started to cry.

"Baby cry!" Terry proclaimed, running toward the nursery.

"No, Terry! Don't touch him!" Diane rushed—too fast—to keep Terry from trying to pick up the now-squalling infant. Breast milk suddenly soaked the front of her robe.

She picked up Todd, sank heavily onto the bed, and began to nurse him, feeling dizzy and shaky. Fear rippled through her. What if I pass out? I won't. I just can't!

Terry watched his little brother nurse and tugged at Diane's robe. It hadn't been all that long since she'd weaned him, and he somehow felt hurt by his new brother's closeness to her.

Tears for Terry stung her eyes. She loved him so dearly, and he was too little to understand the intrusion of a new baby. Diane's tears were for herself, too, because she felt abandoned by her husband. She wasn't really angry—it was her nature to make excuses for his negligence. But she was hurt, and her pain was acute, aggravated by exhaustion and surging postpartum hormones.

She gradually began to weep, deeply and sorrowfully. "Mommy cry! Mommy cry!" Terry looked at her in dismay and patted her arm. It made her feel ten times worse. "God, help me . . ."

Her eyes fell on the phone, which hadn't rung for all of fifteen minutes. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed help. But who could she call?

She tried to focus her weary mind on her list of friends. Everyone she could think of was either at work or had little ones at home. Then she remembered Laurie Hawkins.

Laurie was a woman at their church who had been linked with her through an innovative program called Heart-to-Heart. The two women had committed themselves to a supportive Christian friendship, and talked and prayed regularly, usually by phone. Laurie was twenty years older than Diane, and had raised several children of her own. She'd called the hospital once, and Diane vaguely recalled her having said something like, "Let me know if you need anything."

She's probably going to wish she hadn't offered . . . but here goes. Balancing Todd against her breast, Diane tried to remember the number which she should have known by heart. Her mind was blank. She fumbled through the H's in the church directory until she found the right number. Terry began to scream, as he often did, when she picked up the receiver.

"Shh!" she frowned at him. It was all she could do to hear the friendly "Hello" on the other end of the line.

"Laurie? It's Diane." Terry's wails continued.

"Well, hello! You're home! How are you doing there? Sounds like you've got your hands full."

"Oh, I'm fine. I just . . ." Unexpectedly, Diane's voice broke. "I guess I need some help," she whispered.

"I'll be right over."

Laurie was at the door in less than an hour. Her arms were filled with groceries, videos for Terry to watch, and a stuffed animal for him to play with. "I didn't bring anything for the baby. He doesn't know the difference right now anyway, and this little guy needs all the attention he can get!"

Diane began to cry again, this time with relief and gratitude. She explained the entire situation to the older woman, and even managed to express her disappointment with Gordon. "I can understand your feelings, Diane, and I know it's not the first time this kind of thing has happened. But for now just forgive him. Gordon loves you, and he thinks he's doing the best for you by pleasing his boss and keeping his job secure. That's the way men think. You can talk it over with him later when you're stronger. But go lie down now, while Todd's asleep. You'll feel better when you wake up."

When Diane awoke, the house was orderly, fresh laundry was in the dryer, Terry was happily watching cartoons, and Todd was in Laurie's arms quietly sucking on a pacifier. "I can never thank you enough, Laurie."

"Well, don't thank me yet—I still want to make dinner. Listen, Diane, if it's all right with you, I'm going to come over for the next few days. Frankly, I think you're going to need help for at least a week."

A Heartfelt Cry

Yes, women need women. And as demonstrated by Diane's story, our own church in Dallas, Texas, has successfully launched a formal program called Heart-to-Heart, which links women into relationships for prayer, encouragement, emotional support, and friendship. In our particular situation, we place senior/junior partners together for a year's time. The two agree to meet together at least once a month and to speak to each other by phone no less than once a week. They are "officially" committed to one another for this period of time, but their friendships usually last far longer. (For more information about Heart-to-Heart, please see the Appendix.)

Not long ago, after speaking at a women's retreat, I received a note.

I am thirty-four years old, the wife of a policeman who works rotating shifts, the mother of three children, two in school and one in preschool. I am very excited about what you have been teaching us. I found myself choking back tears the whole time, because you were addressing so many things relevant to my life. I would so love to have an older godly Christian woman teach me! You are right on target when you say there aren't support groups for one another anymore. People are all working outside the home and those of us who feel called to be at home suffer with isolation and loneliness.

Everywhere I go, I hear the same cry from women—young and old, rich and poor, married and single. "I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm discouraged and depressed. My husband just doesn't understand my needs. My mother isn't there for me. Does anybody care? Will anybody help me, or even listen to me?"

Now, more than ever, godly women should be reaching out, stepping out, and speaking out. In today's world we're being confronted with challenges never before faced by any generation. Dramatic social changes. An astronomically high divorce rate. A large percentage of mothers working outside the home. Materialism that has deceived us into thinking that "things" are more important than people. The media-inspired concept that only career women are fulfilling themselves as individuals. All of this has contributed to unrest, dissatisfaction, and confusion.

Feminists with a humanistic world-view have been talking about women's concerns for years. On some points we can agree with them. Self-esteem is not derived from our connection to a man. We know that it is not found in raising children successfully, nor is it the by-product of career success or material wealth. But Christian women have more than an "inner self" to provide us with personal guidance and satisfaction. Christians have access to Someone beyond ourselves, giving us unlimited power and resources, and matchless hope for the future.

As women of God, our self-esteem lies in the immense value God, our Creator, has placed upon and within us.

Our Creator has not only given us a priceless position in His creation, He has also provided us with clear instruction as to our proper place in other women's lives. Whether we involve ourselves in formal programs, such as Heart-to-Heart (which, by the way, I highly recommend), or we simply choose to care for those in our circle of acquaintances informally, we have a wonderful biblical mandate for such relationships. God's Word promises every Christian woman strength, direction, and support, not only for herself, but for those she wants to help.

Wise Advice to a Young Pastor

Women helping women is not a new idea at all. It was initiated in the Christian church some two thousand years ago. In the first century Paul the Apostle sent a letter to a young pastor named Titus, whom he had dispatched to the Island of Crete. Titus' job was to help the young church there grow to maturity. Titus faced two major problems. Those new believers had been raised in a pagan society, and a very immoral one at that. To further complicate matters, he was also competing with false teachers who were deceiving and confusing the new converts.

Of course, we still have those same problems today. In our western civilization, Christianity is losing its influence and its power because many times there is little discernible difference between the Christian and the non-Christian. Many people who turn to Christ come out of either pagan or distorted religious backgrounds. They don't know what a godly mother, wife, father, husband, son, or daughter should be like. It's almost unnecessary to mention the false teaching that is spewed out of the media, our educational institutions, and even some of our pulpits. Each generation of new believers has to see the Christian life lived out before them by godly role models who are committed to God's Word as their standard for truth. Paul's advice to Titus is as relevant and workable today as it was then.

You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

Titus 2:1-8

Qualified by God

Just for the record, let's assure ourselves that women who reach out to women don't have to be graduates of colleges, universities, seminaries, or Bible schools. You may not have a degree from anywhere. But you do have something that is much more important. You have lived!

You have experienced life. You've rejoiced in birth and faced the reality of death. You may be a mother. You may have a career. You may be widowed. You may have been through divorce. You may be single, never married. You may have come through times of great failure and repentance. No matter where life has taken you, you have gone through all kinds of joy and suffering and you have something to share.

Why? Because in spite of all you've been through, you have not become embittered toward God. Instead you've walked with Him. You've let Him minister to you. You have not turned away, but have instead grown closer to Him. And now you have something to offer others who are in the very same boat.

You have been equipped for this responsibility in another important way. God has given spiritual gifts to every one of His children, including His daughters. And those gifts were not meant to confine you to making cookies or working in the church nursery! There is much, much more here for you to do.

Furthermore, you are responsible to use your gifts. They are not "optional equipment."

Why do you think God wants women to reach out to women?

Well, for one thing, we can do it better than anyone else. I say this without any apology whatsoever. Only a woman knows what it's like to go through a difficult pregnancy. To suffer PMS or postpartum blues. To work through the terrible fatigue that results from chasing toddlers for hours on end. Only a woman can relate to the boredom and isolation of speaking to children all day in monosyllables. Only a woman understands the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) discrimination sometimes confronted both at work and at church. Only a woman can really understand how another woman feels.

And only a woman can follow up properly. It's easy for us to call each other and ask, "How did the talk with your husband go yesterday?" "Are you feeling better?" "Why don't you come over for coffee? We can talk a little more and pray together."

This type of loving concern and practical advice often will defuse conflicts before they reach a crisis stage that threatens the marriage or requires long-term professional counseling.

Probably the most obvious reason for older women to counsel and train younger women is that it helps avoid the opportunity for temptation. There are some rather grim statistics regarding immorality within the Christian church. A high percentage of these tragic circumstances originates when men take the job God ordained for women—the long-term counseling of younger women. Women should be doing the job they were called to do!

Getting Ready to Reach Out

Is every woman eligible to minister to others? No. In fact, Paul specifies some guidelines for eligibility. In the first place it goes without saying that, within a Christian context, the woman who wishes to involve herself in the lives of others must be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. She is to be reverent in the way she lives. Now that doesn't mean she sprouts a halo and keeps her hands in a holy, prayerful position while she goes about her daily chores. In the original language in which the Bible was written, the word translated "reverent" described a priestess serving in the temple of her God. For us, then, it means that she sees the world as a temple, and herself as God's servant within it.

That perspective removes any sacred/secular division from our lives. It isn't any more spiritual for you to teach a Sunday school class than it is for you to prepare nutritious meals for your family. It's no holier for you to sing in the church choir than it is for you to be a responsible secretary, full of integrity. Work, whatever it is, is not something that you leave behind in order to pursue ministry. For the believer, all of life is sacred, and every act is an act of ministry (1 Cor. 10:31).

In his letter to Titus, Paul goes on to say that the woman who ministers to other women should not be a slanderer. If women are going to trust you with their heartbreaks, you'd better not be a gossip! You must be able to keep a confidence. You must be trustworthy.

Nor are we to be addicts. Now, the Scripture actually says, "Nor addicted to much wine," and it was specifically speaking of drunkards. But I think we can take that warning a little further. Addiction to external substances or activities—drugs, alcohol, soap operas, food, even shopping—is an escape from our secret pain. We need to learn to handle life by placing our dependence on the Lord. Otherwise we don't have much to offer others.

Finally, this older or more mature woman is to be "a teacher of what is good."

There is a presupposition in all this—something we must know in order to carry out our responsibilities to each other. We must know the Word of God. We've got to know what the Bible teaches—not only what it states specifically, but what it expresses in principle. And that is, in large part, what this book is about. What does the Bible say to us as women? Who are we in God's great design? How does He want us to live, to enjoy life, to fulfill ourselves? And what are the concepts we are to teach our women friends?

Sharing Invaluable Lessons

Certainly we are all still working through our own learning process. We always will be. As we find our way, with God's help, through our own times of difficulty and darkness, we are able to offer our deeper understanding to those we love.

One of the lessons Titus 2 teaches us is to be "husband lovers." As we develop healthy relationships between ourselves and our husbands, we incorporate such qualities as friendship, pleasure, and enjoyment.

Young women, especially newlyweds, need us to teach them patience and wisdom. A lot of us have acquired these qualities through hard experience, but that isn't necessarily the best way to learn. I am amazed at how much help is received when one woman explains to another the basic differences between men and women.

Not so long ago, a young woman stormed into my office. She was an attractive twenty-year-old, but her face was clouded with frustration. "You wouldn't believe how disappointed I am in my husband!" She took a deep breath and shook her head. "You know we've been married less than a year, right? Well, he's just about stopped talking to me! I'm so upset . . ."

"What happens when you try to talk to him?"

Her answer was just what I thought it would be. "Oh, he's either watching the news, listening to the stereo, messing around with his computer—whatever. Everything seems more important than what I have to say. He mumbles one or two words, and that's it!"

I couldn't help but smile, "You know, Carole, that's really fairly typical of men."

A frown of disbelief creased her forehead. "It's typical? You mean it isn't just him? He makes me feel like I'm the most boring woman in the world!"

Much has been written about male-female communication. Norman Wright has addressed this issue with particular insight in his books on communication. He points out that women amplify and men condense. You know what I mean, don't you? You're desperately trying to tell the man in your life the whole story including all the details. He says, "Get to the bottom line! What happened?"

Or, he comes home from work and tells you the bottom line.

You immediately want to know, "But what happened to begin with?"

He looks at you with frustration. "I just told you, didn't I?"

There are a number of other basic differences between men and women. Most women are relational; most men are analytical. Face it, some surveys indicate that less than 10 percent of the men in America have one personal friend. Did you think it was just your husband who didn't have any friends? As we are learning to love our husbands—to enjoy and appreciate them and, yes, to be their friends, we can teach other wives to do the same.

We can also help women to be "children lovers." This is a hostile world for children. If they are not murdered in the womb, they risk neglect, abuse, molestation, and incest. It is important for us to try to encourage young mothers to stay home whenever possible and to take care of their own small children. Young mothers need older "veterans" to give them perspective and hope. Sometimes just saying, "This too will pass!" can help a mom get through another exhausting day.

Paul also pointed out that older women need to teach younger women to have self-control. That word doesn't mean just abstaining from impulses. It means to make someone sane! It also means to be discreet. To be sensible. To be unafraid of the future. It means to yield to the Holy Spirit's control.

How on earth are we going to teach those lessons? By example. By transparency. By humbly sharing how we've had to learn some tough lessons ourselves. This means that we have to be open, honest, and vulnerable. The women we share our lives with have to see that we understand because we've "been there."

Prayer, Purity, and Wise Words

I think it's wonderful for women to take the opportunity to pray together. I don't know how many times I have been in my kitchen making a meal while talking on the telephone to a friend about a personal problem.

One of us will say, "Let's pray right now."

Without taking any time away from our responsibilities, we've prayed together right then and there. Within a matter of days, my friends and I have recounted to each other how God mightily used that one quick moment of prayer to change the course of circumstances. And it's just that much better to actually sit together and pray at length about mutual needs, dreams, and difficulties.

Women are best equipped to teach other women about sexual purity—chastity before marriage and fidelity after. Purity implies being a "one-man woman." We need biblical truths to counteract our contemporary culture. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment without alternative. And in this day, when even Christians are engaging in immorality and are embroiled in divorces, we especially need to deal with this very essential and sensitive subject.

And isn't it delightful that we have the opportunity to share with other women helpful suggestions about home management? One of my favorite verses is 1 Timothy 5:14. It says that the woman is to be the manager of the home. (The Greek word literally means "house despot"!) Unfortunately, there is such an overemphasis on marital submission in some circles that many women feel more like a servant than a queen. In the home, a woman is not only responsible, but she is also authoritative. She manages the house (not her husband), and expresses her creativity and skills while providing a safe haven for her family. These accomplishments are bound to give her a great sense of satisfaction.

Paul also advises us to teach each other to be subject to our own husbands. This has been mistaught, overtaught, and often taught in such an unbalanced way that most women flinch inwardly when they hear it. I believe we are going to make some surprising discoveries when we come to that chapter. (See chapter 5, The Truth About Submission.)

For example, did you know that biblical submission is voluntary submission to the leadership of your husband? You submit because you are obedient to Jesus Christ, not because God or your husband compels you to. By His design, you and your husband are a leadership team of equals, and he simply has the final word. This is not just his privilege—it is his responsibility. Furthermore, it doesn't imply submission to all men by all women. And it most certainly does not mean, in any sense, that women are inferior.

Why is the role of women so important to God? What is the purpose of our teaching and caring for each other? Paul explained it by saying: "So that no one will malign the word of God." The Phillips paraphrase of the New Testament puts it this way, "So that we will be a good advertisement for the Christian faith."

In the first century a Roman writer enviously commented, "What women these Christians have!" It was obvious they were different. Proverbs 31 describes a godly woman who was honored by her husband, by her children, and by the community. When you and I live the kind of life God intended for us, it's going to make an impact on others. Each of us has a circle of influence that we can powerfully impact when we are the kind of women God wants us to be.

It all sounds great, doesn't it? Women helping women; women understanding women; women having a great deal of influence in the lives of others. But how can we apply all this to our daily lives? First of all, we must be available to each other. Let's try not to get our schedules so full or so inflexible that there is no time for people. I get really concerned when someone says, "I wanted to call you all week but I didn't. I know how busy you are!" I hope I'm never too busy to care.

Ruth and Naomi—A Life-Changing Love

Additionally, once we've decided to get involved with others, we must seek God's counsel and direction. There is a story in the Bible that will demonstrate how beautifully one woman can make a transformative difference in the life of another. The Old Testament book of Ruth is an exciting, wonderful narrative with special meaning to women helping women. We can particularly apply it to relationships between older and younger women, but it speaks encouragement to us all.

Naomi and Ruth shared what we call a symbiotic relationship. A parasitic relationship occurs when one person does all the giving and the other does all the taking. A symbiotic relationship is one that is mutually beneficial.

The story of Ruth, in its historical setting, is a diamond sparkling on black velvet. It was written when the Hebrews were ruled by judges, and there was no king. Judges 21:25 comments that in those days "everyone did as he saw fit." We have a society much like that today. Unfortunately, when people do what is right in their own eyes, it often turns out to be wrong.

So it's no surprise that we read in verse 1 of Ruth, "In the days when the judges ruled, there was famine in the land." In the Old Testament famines were usually intended to bring people back to God. We read:

There was a famine in the land, and a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab. The man's name was Elimelech, his wife's name Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to Moab and lived there.

Ruth 1:1-2

After ten years, Elimelech, Naomi's husband, and her two sons died. Naomi had lost everything—except for the two Moabite women her sons had married. In all the darkness, Naomi and her daughters-in-law finally saw a little spark of hope. They heard that the Lord had come to the aid of His people, and the famine was over in Israel. Upon hearing this news, Naomi made the decision to go back to Bethlehem. Orpah and Ruth decided to join her.

Naomi must have been a wonderful mother-in-law, considering that those two women wanted to leave their own society, their own home, their own background—everything they knew that was familiar—and were willing to go with her.

It was the custom regarding widows in that day that their deceased husband's brothers or other near-relatives in the family were responsible for them. Naomi said to her daughters-in-law, "I don't have any more sons, girls, so you'd better not come back with me."

Making the Right Choices

In so many words, she released them. She was willing to give up their companionship rather than deprive them of the opportunity to find other husbands. She was unselfishly concerned about them. She knew she would be abandoned and lonely, but she put their interests first.

I think this is an important principle. When we are ministering to other people, we must not be self-seeking. We should always consider the other person's interests and needs rather than our own. Older women whose kids have left the nest often yearn to feel they are needed. Sometimes they inadvertently become demanding and possessive of their young friends.

Naomi was not only unselfish, she was also encouraging when she said, "May the Lord show kindness to you, as you have shown to your dead and to me" (Ruth 1:8). She was saying they had been good wives. Women who reach out to others must be upbeat, encouraging, and supportive. They should help their friends find their strengths, while not obligating them.

After Naomi released the girls, "They wept again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye, but Ruth clung to her."

Orpah made a logical decision. She decided to go back home to Moab to look for a new husband there. This is the last we hear of Orpah—she walks off the pages of history.

But Ruth made a different choice. "Look," said Naomi, "your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her."

Ruth replied,

Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.

Ruth 1:16-17

In these beautiful words Ruth convinced Naomi of her love and commitment. Naomi's people and God would be hers, too. She even took an oath. Ruth was determined to stay under a godly influence, with no material benefits, rather than go back to Moab and its false gods.

Just as Naomi respected Ruth's decision, we shouldn't impose our opinions upon our younger friends. It's our role to explain the possible consequences of their actions, then to allow them to make choices. We are not to take authority over others, but rather to serve as advisers. This is very important, especially in older/younger relationships. The elder is not the boss. She has not acquired a new child. She is a guide, a mentor, an adult advising an adult.

Each One Helping the Other

When they finally arrived back in Bethlehem, the women there were shocked by Naomi's changed appearance and lamentable circumstances. "Can this be Naomi?" they said.

"Don't call me Naomi," she told them. "Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty." God did bring Naomi back empty, but we are about to see Him fill her again—because of her relationship with Ruth.

Naomi returned from Moab with Ruth just as the barley harvest was beginning, a time of hope and anticipation. But that's not what Naomi was feeling. She said, "The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me." She was depressed and in despair.

And Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, "Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor."

Ruth 2:2

Now we begin to see the mutual benefits of this relationship.

Naomi said to her "Go ahead, my daughter." Ruth is strong and young and Naomi has been weakened by passing years and a heavy heart. Ruth sees that it will be her responsibility to provide for them both. And she does so without any hesitation. She loves Naomi and she wants to do her part in providing for their livelihood. So she says, "I will glean."

As it turned out, she found herself gleaning on a property belonging to Boaz, a man who was from the clan of Naomi's husband Elimelech. Naturally, for people of faith, "As it turned out . . ." never describes coincidence. It indicates God's leading.

When Boaz arrived from Bethlehem he asked the foreman of his harvesters, "Whose young woman is that?"

The foreman replied, "She is the Moabitess who came back from Moab with Naomi. . . . She went into the field and has worked steadily from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter."

So Boaz said to Ruth,

My daughter, listen to me. Don't go and glean in another field and don't go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.

Ruth 2:8-9

At this, Ruth bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, "Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner ?"

Boaz replied,

I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.

Ruth 2:11-12

So Ruth worked in the field until evening. Then she threshed her barley and carried it back to Naomi, who was amazed when she saw how much Ruth had gathered. Ruth also brought Naomi her leftovers from lunch. Do you see what their relationship was like? Even while she was enjoying a meal, Ruth kept Naomi in mind.

"Where did you work? Blessed be the man who took notice of you!" Naomi was understandably impressed.

Ruth told her, "The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz."

"The Lord bless him!" Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. "[The Lord] has not stopped showing his kindness to the living and the dead." Then she added, almost as an afterthought, "That man is our close relative; he is one of our kinsman-redeemers."

God's Unexpected Blessing

See what happened? Because Ruth worked hard all day, made contact with Boaz, and brought home such a generous amount, Naomi's faith was renewed. The ministry of one faithful woman helped renew the faith of the other one who was despairing. Naomi had to admit that maybe God hadn't forgotten them after all. He certainly put Ruth in the right field.

The kinsman-redeemer was the closest male relative to a widow's late husband. And as she thought about Boaz's relationship to her family, I think the wheels in Naomi's mind suddenly started to turn. She told Ruth to stick with Boaz and not to switch to another field.

Do you notice the open communication between the two women? Naomi asked questions, Ruth answered, and there was honest dialogue between them. When we go to each other for help, or for advice, we need to tell each other everything we can think of about our circumstances. We should have open communication, with no hidden factors. Otherwise the advice and counsel we are giving may not be correct.

Of course the story of Ruth and Naomi had a happy ending. Not only did Ruth marry Boaz and provide a home for Naomi for the rest of her life, but they had a son. Generations later, a direct descendent of Ruth and Boaz was also born in Bethlehem—His name was Jesus. How much more could God bless the friendship of two women who cared for each other so sacrificially?

I have outlined ten principles demonstrated by Naomi and Ruth which give us a model for older/younger relationships.

1. The older woman must be a good role model.

Her life must attract the younger woman.

2. The older woman must have the right motives.

She should not be seeking to meet her own needs, but trying to meet the needs of the younger woman.

3. The older woman must be an encourager.

She should support, praise, and admonish without obligating the younger woman to herself.

4. The older woman must be an adviser, not an authority.

She mustn't impose her will, but should respect the right of the younger woman to make decisions and to accept responsibility for the consequences.

5. The relationship should be a mutual ministry.

The younger woman has much to offer the older woman and must contribute what she can to the relationship. It should not be a one-way street.

6. Communication is vital.

There ought to be open, honest, and mutual communication at regular intervals for the relationship to flourish.

7. Both parties have responsibilities.

The older is responsible to counsel, train, and protect. The younger is responsible to be teachable, to accept counsel, and to respect the wisdom of the older.

8. God's Word must be our authority.

The older must instruct and advise according to God's Word and should encourage the younger to claim her blessings.

9. Both parties can experience blessing.

10. Such relationships will be influential in the future.

Investing in One Another

My life has been deeply touched by an older woman who reached out to me. I received Christ into my life when I was about seven years old. Like a lot of Christians, I was up and down spiritually. I would go to Sunday services or to a church camp and come back full of godly determination. Then, in no time, I'd be down in the valley again. Finally, when I was twenty-eight years old, married and with one little boy, I came to the end of my rope. I told the Lord that if He could not make a stable, consistent Christian out of me, I simply did not want to live any longer. Have you ever felt that way?

At the time I was attending a small, ladies' Bible class in Long Island, New York. The teacher was a slender, silver-haired woman with the most radiant smile I've ever seen. She was single and had endured a great deal of physical suffering, including a mastectomy. I'm sure that's why she was able to express God's Word with such compassion and love. Dorothy Stromberg was about fifteen years older than I, and for some reason she took an interest in me.

One day, unexpectedly, Dorothy asked me if I would be willing to teach a weekly Bible study for a handful of women. I wasn't at all sure I was the right person for the job, but agreed to try. That little class never amounted to more than about a dozen ladies, but I continued to teach it for five years. And Dorothy was always there—the class was held in her home. I know she could have taken over a hundred times and done a better job, but instead she quietly listened. She prayed. She encouraged me. I can still hear her deep, hearty chuckle. And out of her own rich spiritual insights, she shared truths with me that I have seldom learned from anyone else.

Dorothy was delighted with my children—she genuinely loved them. And she was interested in my husband and me as a couple in ways that seemed remarkable for a maiden lady nearing fifty.

As I focused my attention on God's Word and on the needs of others, my spiritual instability became less and less a problem. Meanwhile, more opportunities came along for me to teach and speak. Today, more than two decades later, the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to speak to thousands of women every year.

Now in her seventies, Dorothy Stromberg still writes to me. That dear woman has had more influence on my life than any other person outside my family. She was there to inspire me and correct me. She loved me deeply, although we really had nothing in common except a devotion to God's Word and the desire to share it with others.

Whatever benefits you may receive from this book or from my teaching must also be credited to the account of one precious woman, Dorothy Stromberg. She invested her life in mine.

Now it's your turn! Isn't it time you invested in someone, too?

Susan smiled as she brushed a damp strand of hair behind her ear and sank wearily into a chair. She had completely rearranged the living room furniture and had bought some new accent pillows and plants. The task completed, she was delighted with the results.

It looks like a different house! she thought to herself as she proudly surveyed the results. I just hope Jack likes it . . . he'll be home any minute. At the thought of Jack's possible reaction, fear rippled inside her. It just depends on his mood . . . The sound of the front door latch interrupted her thoughts.

"What on earth?" Susan's husband Jack stood in the doorway with a deep scowl on his face. "What do you think you're doing?"

Susan was immediately apologetic. "I'm sorry Jack . . . I wanted to surprise you. I thought a change would be good . . .") Her voice was a little shaky, and her words faded into silence.

Jack looked at her coldly. "You know better than that. Haven't we been through this before? I'm the head of this house, and you are supposed to ask my permission before you make any decisions!"

Summoning her courage, Susan murmured, "But it's my house, too, Jack!"

"Look, Susan. This is a Christian home, and I'm the head of the house. You can check your Bible if you want. But you're rebelling against God's plan for marriage when you don't ask me before you make decisions."

"My other Christian friends have more freedom than I do." By now Susan was almost pleading. Enraged, Jack took several steps over to her, grabbed her upper arms and shook her firmly.

"Look, Susan, you're a woman. The Bible says that your husband is supposed to rule over you!" He abruptly released her from his grasp, and she fell back into the chair, trembling and terrified.

Jack folded his arms and glared down at her. "I want this furniture put back the way it was, and I want everything you bought returned to the store. Maybe you've learned a lesson and maybe you haven't, Susan. But I'm the head of the house and you're going to obey me. Whether you like it or not, that's the way it's supposed to be!"

The Devil's Plan

God created a wonderful world—beautiful, harmonious, and perfect. And he designed relationships between men and women to be completely fulfilling and satisfying. But when we look around, instead of friendship we see misunderstanding and resentment. Instead of cooperation, we see conflict. Instead of compassion, we see abuse—both physical and emotional. Why isn't the world the way God wanted it to be? What went wrong?

In the third chapter of Genesis we encounter a sinister being whose actions and intentions dramatically disagree with those of the Creator God. Satan's first appearance in Scripture is most instructive for us. You have to remember that although Satan is much more intelligent than we are, he is not omniscient, omnipresent, or omnipotent. However, he has had a long time to polish his strategies. And, believe me, what he did in the Garden of Eden he is still doing today. In fact, he's not even original—he keeps repeating the same deceits he's always practiced.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die."

"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Genesis 3:1-7

Masks and Masquerades

From the beginning, Satan's entire purpose has been to deceive and destroy. That was his intention then, and it's his intention now. It didn't matter whether he approached Adam or Eve—either one would do because they were one flesh and they were joint rulers of the earth. Sometimes we hear statements like, "He came to the woman because he knew she was weaker. She was more emotional and a little less balanced." I don't believe that's the case at all. I think Satan approached Eve because she was so influential with her husband.

The first thing we notice is that Satan appeared in disguise. The serpent was an animal, and one with high intelligence. He is described as "crafty," which means he was clever and smart. It was through the body and the mouth of this animal that Satan spoke.

Satan usually comes to us incognito, and it's no wonder. If we saw him as the Prince of Darkness we wouldn't want anything to do with him. So he comes to us in various forms, and often as an angel of light. "I come to you with knowledge; I come to you with enlightenment. What I have to offer is really good for you." That's what he says, and that's why people fall for it.

How subtly Satan posed his question: "Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?" He emphasized God's prohibition and not His lavish provision. Isn't that the way we often view life? We look at the flaws instead of all the good things about our circumstances, our husbands, our children, our parents.

I think it's important for us to observe that Eve was not yet created when God gave the rules about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to Adam. What she knew she had heard second-hand. So she explained to Satan that they couldn't eat from the tree or even touch it, because they would die if they did.

Satan immediately retorted, "You will not surely die."

An Evil Pair of Lies

There are two basic tactics that Satan still uses against men and women. The first is to make us doubt God's Word. In this case, he boldly declared that nothing would happen if Adam and Eve disobeyed God. He contradicted the spoken word of God, and asserted that they could defy His rules without consequences.

Satan's second tactic was to tempt Eve to distrust God's character. What Satan implied was, "God doesn't really love you, and He isn't doing what is best for you. He's keeping something from you that you really ought to have. And He's doing it with dishonorable motives—He doesn't want you to be like Him." What foolishness! Adam and Eve were already like Him. They were made in His image.

Jesus says in John 8:44, "he [Satan] is a liar and the father of lies." And his two big lies are right here: God's Word is not true, and God is not good.

I think that most of our spiritual problems come from these two basic untruths. We don't believe His Word, so we disobey what He's told us. We doubt His goodness and question His love for us, so we try to take care of ourselves in our own way. Sometimes we feel that if we say, "God, I just want Your will," He's sure to bring the worst thing in the world upon us. We assume God imposes His sovereignty on us by forcing us to do what we most hate. We don't really believe He is a good God.

As for Eve, what was her response? Notice that her attention was now focused on the forbidden tree.

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

Genesis 3:6

Satan plays a successful game, and he has an impressive record of wins. We see his three best weapons in 1 John 2:16: "The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life" (KJV). Satan always approaches us through these same channels.

Satan's purpose was to cause Adam and Eve to act independently of God. "Listen," he warned them, "God is not taking care of you the way He should. You have to take care of yourselves!"

One of today's psychological gurus, Abraham Maslow, says, "Fulfillment and growth come from close attention to the needs of the Self." Self becomes sovereign instead of the true God. That is exactly what Eve chose to do—she looked at the tree and its fruit and said, "That's good! I should eat it." She discarded revelation from God and replaced it with human reasoning. She chose instant pleasure over obedience to God's instruction. "I really need to become wise," she said.

How often does our own intelligence stand between us and simple, childlike faith?

Deceived or Disobedient?

Eve saw the fruit, concluded that she needed it, and then gave it to her husband who was with her. I wonder why Adam didn't interrupt the process. He was with her! Why didn't he say, "No, we shouldn't do this"? The Scripture is careful not to put the blame on Eve. It says, instead, that she was thoroughly deceived (1 Tim. 2:14). More responsibility was placed on Adam, who completely understood what he was doing.

In Romans 5:12 and 17, we read that through one man sin entered into the world. Adam is given responsibility for the fall. This tells me something—that we women have a great influence, so great that it must always be godly. Adam had to choose whether to follow a fallen mate or to obey God. He chose Eve.

You will notice how God deals with the two of them.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?"

He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

The man said, "The woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it."

Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?"

The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

Genesis 3:8-13

Lost Innocence, Lost Intimacy

The first evident consequence of Adam and Eve's disobedience was its toll on their marital relationship. They noticed that they were naked and they covered themselves with fig leaves. From whom were they hiding themselves? From each other. There was nobody else there. Immediately, guilt and shame entered into their open, vulnerable love. The intimacy of the marriage was gravely damaged. There was no longer complete trust. Instead there was fear of exploitation and, with it, insecurity. And, of course, there was blame.

Karen sat down across from Phil as he read the newspaper. She put her hand on his arm, gently stroking it. I hate to interrupt him, she thought, but we've got to communicate.

She spoke softly. "How was your day, Honey?"

He paused a moment, making quite an effort to lift his eyes from the sports page. "Fine." He smiled, nodded, and resumed his reading.

"Anything exciting happen?"

Again, a pause. And this time, when Phil answered there was an ever-so-slight edge to his voice. "Nope. Nothing exciting." He smiled politely again, turned a page, and continued to read.

"Honey, I need to talk to you about something I've been thinking about. Something is really troubling me, and I need you to help me understand."

"Hmmmm?" Phil didn't look up, and Karen wasn't sure if he was listening.

"I need to talk to you." When she repeated the words a little more loudly, Phil folded the paper and laid it down. He sighed in resignation, crossed his arms, and said, "Okay, so what's the problem?"

"Oh, it's not really a problem, Phil. It's just that I've been feeling a little bad about myself, and I wanted to talk to you about it."

"There's nothing wrong with you. You're fine."

"But I'm just not myself at the moment. I don't look as good as I used to, and . . .

"You look fine to me, Baby." Phil raised his eyebrows and smiled flirtatiously. "In fact, I think you look terrific. You want to go talk about it in the bedroom?"

Tears stung Karen's eyes. Why is it always like this? she asked herself. "No, that's not what I mean, Phil. Can't we talk about it here? I'm just kind of depressed, and . . ."

"I know what you need." He reached for her, and she pulled away instinctively.

"That's not what I need!"

"Oh, Honey, of course it is. You just need a little lovin', that's all."

"Phil," Karen snapped at him. "It's your fault we can't communicate with each other. I hope you realize that."

Insulted, Phil picked up the paper again. "Hey, look. If you want to buy some new clothes or something, just go ahead. Anyway, you're the one with the problem. Not me. I'm perfectly happy with you."

Karen jumped up, her face flushed with anger and frustration. "What I need is for you to listen to me for once instead of always trying to get me into bed. All you're interested in is satisfying your stupid sex drive. You couldn't care less about who I am or what I want!" With that, she stormed out of the room.

Phil stared sadly at the doorway for a moment. "Women!" he muttered. "I'll never understand them. Aren't they ever happy?"

The loss of intimacy between men and women first occurred in the Garden of Eden. And it continues today, along with its accompanying maladies—mistrust, misunderstanding; and manipulation.

When God confronted Adam with his disobedience, Adam's answer was to blame his wife, then to blame God because He put Eve there with him.

Our sinful nature drives us to protect ourselves. We blame others in order to shed responsibility from ourselves. The first step toward getting ourselves straightened out is to admit our responsibility and to humbly take the consequences for our own actions.

Someday you may counsel with a woman who shares with you the fact that she has committed a terrible sin. Perhaps she's beginning to feel the consequences of it. Explain how she can find forgiveness through the Lord Jesus Christ and encourage her to accept God's forgiveness. Then you'll want to help her understand that while the consequences are always part of the package, God is still there to give us strength to bear them.

If you can encourage her to admit that she's responsible for her wrongdoing, she'll be able to move forward, taking some essential steps toward recovery.

Learning to Be Afraid

The first relationship visibly affected by sin was the one between husband and wife. But Adam and Eve's relationship with God was also broken. He came to them. He initiated contact. He made the move for reconciliation. He said to Adam, "Where are you?" Of course, He already knew.

Adam said, "I was afraid, so I hid."

Fear is the first emotion named in the Bible. It came as a result of sin. What was Adam afraid of? Punishment? Exposure? He and Eve first hid from each other; then they hid from God. In both cases they acted to protect themselves. God had said, "For when you eat of it you will surely die." We know that Adam did not physically die until he was 930 years old. So wonderful was the first created body that it took nine centuries for it to expire. The physical consequences of disobedience didn't happen immediately.

But something else did. Spiritual death transpires when man's spirit is separated from God. And that is what happened instantly. We know it happened because instead of walking with God in love and in communion, Adam and Eve were afraid and hid from Him. Spiritual death occurred, even though Satan said it wouldn't happen.

Curses and More Curses

God's next move was to give Adam, Eve, and Satan a preview of coming attractions. He told them, "This is the way the world is going to work as a result of your sin." Then He cursed Satan, who spoke through the serpent.

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.

Genesis 3:15

There is something wonderful here. At the same time that sin and its consequences fell upon the whole world, God gave the first promise of the Savior. He said to the serpent, "I will put enmity between you and the woman and between your seed and hers" (KJV).

"Seed" always refers to a man's offspring in the Scriptures. This is the only place where it refers to a woman's seed. Of course it is looking ahead to the virgin birth, where Christ is born of a woman without a man's involvement. Right here at the dawn of creation, just as sin appeared, God was promising to send a Savior. The promise was made to Satan. The promise was kept through a woman.

Pain, Longing, and Humiliation

When God spoke to the woman with regard to her consequences, he didn't say "because." God knew that she had been deceived. But He did say,

I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

Genesis 3:16

For woman, what was meant to be pleasurable became painful. There would be misery both in childbearing and child rearing. Eve experienced this poignantly when her second child was murdered by her first.

The expression, "Your desire will be for your husband" has had many interpretations. I think it predicts a wife's yearning for intimacy that is not reciprocated by her husband. I believe every woman, at one time or another, has felt this longing for intimacy with her mate—a longing that he just would not or could not meet. Someone has put it this way, "Woman wants a mate but she gets a master. She wants a lover but she gets a lord."

For Eve, the first result of sin was distress in mothering. The second was domination, a complete mastery by the man. This was never God's original intention, and it most certainly was never His command. "And he will rule over you" was, however, a prediction—and how true it has been throughout history.

Instead of being one of the two original rulers, woman is now one of the ones ruled. Since God first spoke those prophetic words, the heartless domination and exploitation of women has occurred worldwide. This is especially true in non-Christian cultures where women are often viewed as nothing more than property.

History speaks for itself: Jesus Christ is the only true liberator of women. Unfortunately, even where Christ is known, I do not believe that the full extent of the scriptural liberation of women has been clarified. The domination of man over woman is an ongoing reality within many of our churches, despite the fact that it is certainly not taught in Ephesians 5. There the husband lovingly lays down his life for his wife, sacrificially and in selfless love. In response to his devotion and commitment, she voluntarily submits to him.

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

As God continued to spell out the aftermath of the sinful episode in Eden, the man was affected both in his person and in his function. God said,

"Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."

Genesis 3:17-19

The death sentence fell upon Adam. Furthermore, he was thrown out of the garden into a world where the soil resisted cultivation, where thorns and thistles grew, where he would experience a lifetime of struggle and toil. Now there would be physical death as well as spiritual. Instead of perfect fellowship there would be alienation and conflict.

But here, in the midst of sin and death, God made wonderful provision for His fallen creatures.

The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. And the Lord God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken.

Genesis 3:21-23

A Portrait of Redemption

In all their shame, Adam and Eve had covered themselves with fig leaves. But God covered them with skins. And in doing so, He taught them a glorious lesson. He had already alluded to a Savior. Now He gave them a picture of what the Savior would do.

God killed two lambs and made coverings for Adam and Eve from their skins. And what did the man and woman learn? For one thing, they witnessed the fact that sin caused death, and that without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. They also learned that God was the only one who could provide a substitute suitable to take their penalty. What a superb picture of Jesus!

Sin entered the picture, and Paradise was shattered. God's exquisite creation was perverted by evil. And that evil is still with us today.

So—what has changed and what remains the same?

Humankind—Scarred and Crippled by Sin

Are we still created in God's image? Yes, although the image is marred and flawed.

Are we still persons? Yes, and as persons we still have a thirst for relationship and for impact. But now those needs often go unmet, and we are inclined to use wrong strategies to satisfy them.

Self-protection has now become our major goal. Why? Because at the core of every one of us is fear. Down deep inside me is the fear that if you really knew me you would not like me. So I put on a superficial layer of something I hope gives me acceptability. You are the same, and you have a layer of acceptability, too. When we meet, we bump into each other's layers, but we seldom really get to know one another. Fear of exposure, fear of wrong motives, fear of exploitation, fear of rejection—these keep us from being real with each other.

Are we still rational beings? Yes, but now our minds are darkened and we quickly believe a lie. We can reason, but we can't really know how the universe fits together. We don't know how to make our world work without a knowledge of God. That is why human philosophy is so irrelevant. When there is no acknowledgment of God, society's "great minds" substitute all kinds of logical-sounding concepts. But there is nothing of substance, only empty jargon and disappointing results. Apart from God there is no truth.

We are still emotional beings, but now our emotions can be destructive, leading us away from God instead of toward Him. We are still volitional beings, but now we choose unrighteousness. Even righteous things are sometimes done for the wrong reasons.

We are still in dominion over the earth, but now we exploit the earth to satisfy our greed. Meanwhile, we live in a hostile world rather than the perfect environment of Eden's garden.

Marriage—A House Divided

But of all the consequences sin brought upon humanity, the wonderful relationship of marriage has been the most tragically affected. Instead of intimacy, there is intimidation. Instead of equals, man and woman have become enemies. Instead of completing one another, there is now competition. And instead of having dominion, woman is now dominated.

Sexuality remains an integral part of our lives. Sex was originally intended for unity and oneness, for parenthood, for pleasure and for the prevention of immorality (1 Corinthians 7). Now it has become an appetite. Like hunger or thirst, it is viewed as something that must be satisfied at any cost. Sex has been removed from the protection of marriage, and the results are self-evident. Multiple partners. Serial marriages. Group sex. Homosexuality. Abortion. Venereal diseases. AIDS.

Reclaiming God's Perfect Plan

It was mankind's disobedience that brought the curse and its devastation upon Paradise. But Christ came to redeem us from that curse. If you have not trusted Jesus Christ as your Savior, there is no hope of reconciliation between God and you. There are no fig leaves that God will accept—no membership in the church, no good works, no being a nice wife and a good mother—none of this will do. You must recognize that you are a sinner by nature. That the punishment for sin is death. That Jesus Christ died in your place on the cross. That He rose from the dead. That He is the only substitute God will accept.

What is redemption? Redemption means that God has bought you back for Himself through the blood of His Son. It means that He has made a way for you to walk with Him and talk with Him, just as Adam and Eve once did. It means that sin no longer separates you from Him.

Once you have received God's redemption, some profound changes will occur. Some of the effects of the curse will be removed from your life! When we trust Christ, salvation changes the way we live. It also transforms the way we view life. We can go back to Genesis 1 and 2 in order to understand what God had in mind for us in the first place. And then we can begin, by faith, to live that way—right now.

Christ's redemptive power at work in us will enable us to reclaim our proper role as women—the women God intended us to be. Our integrity as persons can be restored. Our functions can be realigned with His will. And our God-given authority can be reinstated.

His redemption should put us on guard to protect our marriages. Once we realize how much God believes in marriage and how much Satan is against it, we will be on the alert. In the Garden of Eden, Satan didn't attack the man until he was married. I believe Satan's purpose today is to break up Christian homes, and he is having a heyday. We should unite with our husbands against the real enemy.

Through redemption, those who are single and redeemed can be brought to perfect completion in Christ. Whether His ultimate will for us is marriage or not, He has promised to complete the good work He has begun in us through Christ Jesus our Lord.

Are you redeemed? Yes, you are if you have trusted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Once you've received God's redemption, you can be restored, to some degree, to His original design for you. God's Spirit will transform your mind. He will bring health to your emotions. He will redirect your will. He will breathe new life into your spirit. He will define and develop your own special role as a woman.

Redemption means that you can stop believing the lies of the enemy.

Redemption assures you that God is a good God.

Redemption frees you from the powerful control of sin.

Redemption establishes your value before a Holy God.

Redemption proves that God loves you and that God's Word really does come true.