Theresa had a wonderful job. She worked behind the scenes in a television studio and spent her days hobnobbing with celebrities, producers, and writers. Theresa was an extrovert and an exceptionally pretty redhead. She absolutely relished the thought of going to work every day—except for two problems. For one thing, she wasn't making as much money as she deserved. For another, and far worse, her boss was always trying to get her into bed with him.

Before she became a Christian believer, Theresa and her boss had been involved in an affair. He was handsome, witty, sophisticated—and married. Once she trusted Christ, Theresa made up her mind that she wanted to live a pure life. The only problem was that her boss wouldn't leave her alone. Hardly a day passed without some innuendo, some inappropriate gesture, some flirtatious come-on.

Since Scripture tells us to "flee from sexual immorality,"⁴ I suggested that Theresa quit her job and find another. She was terrified! The thought of cutting off her income without anything lined up in advance seemed foolhardy to her, and she choked on the idea of "stepping out in faith." She was equally frightened by the prospect of ending up in some boring desk job, light-years away from the exciting world of television.

Theresa decided to tough out the situation with her boss. She simply avoided him as much as possible. But his persistent appeals made her feel compromised and impure. For a few more weeks, fear immobilized her. Every time she thought about walking into his office and saying, "I quit!" she felt sick to her stomach. Her heart pounded, and her palms got sweaty when she tried to imagine getting up one morning without a job.

But after many weeks of struggle, Theresa finally decided to quit. She called me, and with her voice shaking with apprehension, she confided, "I'll just do it. I'll trust God to give me another job. Please pray for me!"

Within two weeks of resigning, Theresa had a new job. Not only was it every bit as exciting as her original position, but it paid her nearly a thousand dollars more per month. By choosing to face her fear and overcome it, she ended up in a far better situation than the one she left.

The Nature of Fear

Theresa's situation reminds me of a famous quote by an even more famous man. In 1933, the country was in a severe depression. The stock market had crashed four years before. People had lost their jobs and their homes. Savings were gone. There was no social security. People stood in bread lines for food. The threat of starvation and homelessness was constant. Fear pervaded the very atmosphere.

A new president was about to take office. After Franklin D. Roosevelt was sworn in, he gave his inaugural address. One of the things he said as he tried to bolster the morale of his disheartened countrymen has become immortal. He said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself!"

What a profound statement! Roosevelt knew what fear can do. Fear paralyzes us. It causes ambition and courage to leak out and leaves us without resources to face even the simplest situations. Fear is defined as "an emotion aroused by threatening evil or impending pain, accompanied by a desire to avoid or escape it; apprehension or dread."

There are different kinds of fear. Some fear is caused by experiences from the past. For example, there are people whose self-confidence was so injured by an insensitive, unkind teacher that they fear drawing any kind of attention to themselves. This fear affects their relationships, their jobs, everything in their lives.

Others have been wounded by parents and their habitual violent responses.

And, of course, there are wives who cower in fear every time a drunken husband lurches through the door—a travesty on marriage.

Then there are the irrational fears—phobias, which no amount of reasoning seems to help. Fear of flying, fear of crowds, fear of heights, fear of germs, fear of hospitals. All of these fears can be serious obstacles to our growth into spiritual maturity. We won't be spiritually mature if we aren't emotionally mature. However, all fear is not bad. There is a kind of fear that is for our benefit.

God Gave Us the Capacity for Fear

God built into us the emotional response of fear just as He did the ability to love.

Not long ago, my husband and I were on the tollway. I was driving when my husband suddenly shouted, "Watch out!"

A truck on my right was merging into our lane because the right lane was ending. He was almost on top of us. I immediately swerved to avoid him. Then I felt a tingling all through my body. Adrenaline had rushed in to help me respond to danger. Normal, healthy fear had served me well.

When we warn our children not to talk to strangers, not to go with strangers anywhere, not to let anyone touch their private parts, that comes from an honest fear that they may be molested or killed. When we lock our doors and install security systems in our homes, it is a wise reaction to the escalating crime in our communities.

These kinds of fears are realistic responses to the fact that we live in a fallen world. We can't control evil people or the ravages of nature. That kind of fear is a gift; God instilled it into us for our benefit.

God Wants Fear to Protect, Not Imprison, Us

Fear is part of our Creator's loving provision for us. Properly controlled, fear protects us from harm and motivates us toward positive action. If you were to see a bear in the woods, you wouldn't go up and pet it—you'd flee as fast as you could. Your sensible fear protects you. Uncontrolled fear, however, can lock us into an emotional prison and stunt our personal and spiritual growth. Unrestrained fear darkens our lives; it colors everything we do. It is a great obstacle to our spiritual growth.

God's Word gives us His perspective about fear: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear" (2 Tim. 1:7 KJV), and "Perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4:18).

If God doesn't give us a spirit of fear and we know that He loves us perfectly, why are we still afraid? How can we be freed from the paralysis this kind of fear generates? We must learn to fight fear with fear—another kind of fear that is the antidote for our uncontrolled fears. It's called the fear of the Lord.

When we have the fear of the Lord, it means we look upon God with awe or reverence, an attitude accompanied by obedience, knowing, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 9:10).

Fear of God Will Change Your Perspective

All our lives, we seem to alternate between the fear of people and circumstances, and the fear of the Lord. But the more we fear the Lord and trust His sovereignty, the less we will be at the mercy of our fears. It took the patriarch Jacob a lifetime to learn this lesson. I hope we can learn to adopt an attitude of fearlessness a little more quickly than he did!

Genesis 27 reveals the flawed relationships in Jacob's family—the family that God chose to be His instrument to bring salvation to the world. Take a few minutes to read the story. You'll see that Isaac, the father, was determined to give God's Abrahamic blessing to his favorite son, Esau.

Meanwhile, Isaac's wife Rebekah knew before her twins were born that God had chosen the younger son, Jacob, to receive the blessing. Rebekah instructed and conspired with Jacob, who was her favorite, to steal the blessing by disguise and lying. When Esau found out that his mother and brother had plotted against him and robbed him of his birthright, he "held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, 'The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob" (Gen. 27:14).

Jacob—A Man Who Lived in Fear. Following the deception, Jacob ran away from home because of a very real fear that Esau would kill him. From Esau's perspective, such a violent reaction would have been justified, and Jacob's guilty conscience confirmed it. But during Jacob's first night on the road, when he lay down on some stones to sleep, an amazing thing happened (see Gen. 28:10-15).

Scripture tells us Jacob had a dream in which he saw a ladder, or a stairway, leading from earth to heaven, with angels moving up and down it. Above the stairway stood the Lord. And the promises He made to Jacob were astonishing:

"I am the LORD, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

God confirmed to Jacob that the covenant He had made with his grandfather Abraham would be fulfilled through Jacob's descendants. Jacob hadn't needed to lie and deceive to get the blessing. God had always intended to give it to him. In order for this promise to come true, he couldn't be killed by Esau. God also promised that He would be with Jacob wherever he went, and He would bring Jacob back to his homeland.

When he awoke from his dream, Jacob realized that God's presence had been there. He said, "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven" (Gen. 28:17).

Jacob responded with reverence and a genuine fear of God. The next morning he built an altar and made a vow: "If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father's house, then the LORD will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth" (Gen. 28:20-22).

Notice the "if" and "then." This was a conditional vow. But hadn't God just made unconditional promises to Jacob? Yes, but Jacob had a long way to go before he would trust Him completely. This was the beginning of his personal walk with God. He was a baby in his faith.

This kind of "bargaining" is so familiar to us today. We tell the Lord, "If You get me out of this situation, I'll trust You." Or, "If You heal my child, I'll serve You." Or, "If You'll give me a good job, I'll give You 10 percent of my income." It's as if we are trying to bribe God to save us from the ups and downs of life.

God's Promise of Unfailing Love

I remember my first and only experience on a roller coaster. I was about twenty years old when I rode the Cyclone at Coney Island. When we reached the top and started down that track at what seemed like two hundred miles an hour, I was terrified. I promised the Lord, "If You get me out of this alive, I will never get on a roller coaster again." Believe me, that's been an easy promise to keep!

Did God bring me safely through just because I made that promise, or was He going to do it anyway? Of course He would have protected me, promise or no promise. All the time we are setting up our conditions, God says, "I love you unconditionally. I will never leave you. I'm in control of the universe. Don't you know I want to take care of you? You don't have to bribe Me with promises."

After the revelation of God's presence along the way, Jacob reached his mother's family and fell into the clutches of his Uncle Laban. Laban was an even bigger liar and cheat than Jacob. After spending twenty years there, Jacob had married Laban's two daughters and had twelve children. Then God spoke to him again: "Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you" (Gen. 31:3).

It was clearly God's time for him to go back home, but Jacob was afraid. This time, Jacob was afraid that Laban would try to hinder him from leaving. So he took his family, his flocks, and all his possessions and ran away. He didn't even say good-bye.

Do you see Jacob's problem? Fear of man overpowered his fear and reverence for God. God had promised to take him safely home, and he was obeying God by going back. But he couldn't trust God to handle the Laban situation! Therefore, instead of leaving behind a pleasant ending to their relationship, Laban and Jacob parted on a hostile, suspicious note, promising retaliation if either one harmed the other. Why does God let things like this happen to His people? The answer is another spiritual principle that we must learn to accept and live with, trusting that God knows what He's doing:

God permits fearful circumstances even when we are doing His will.

Many Christians have the misconception that if we are living to please God, nothing will touch our lives to make us feel afraid. They say, "Doesn't God want us to be happy?"

The answer to that question is "No!"

Personal happiness is not what God has promised; He gives us His joy, which has its source in our relationship with Him. He never guarantees that our circumstances and relationships will not cause us stress, pain, and fear. In fact, difficult situations are the very things that force us to rely on His presence and to substitute fear of God for our fear of man.

Awareness of God's Presence Calms Fears

There's a direct connection between God's presence and the absence of fear. When we put the things we fear under His authority, those things lose their power to terrorize us. We have to remind ourselves that everything touching us is filtered through God's wisdom and love. We can trust Him for the strength and protection we need.

As for Jacob, he successfully got away from Laban, but another threat loomed in the distance. What about Esau? Did Esau still want to kill Jacob? How should he approach his estranged brother? God wanted Jacob's faith in Him to grow, so He did something very special for him. The book of Genesis continues the story:

"Jacob also went on his way, and the angels of God met him. When Jacob saw them, he said, 'This is the camp of God!" (Gen. 32:1-2).

Angels were traveling with him, protecting him and his family. Wasn't God good to let him actually see these supernatural beings sent to quiet his fears and encourage his faith? This time there was to be no running away.

Jacob sent word to his brother Esau that he was returning from his years with Laban, bringing with him cattle and donkeys, sheep and goats, and many servants. He said, "I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes."

When the messengers returned from delivering Jacob's message they said, "We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him" (Gen. 32:5-6).

Four hundred men? That amounted to a small army! Poor Jacob was terrified all over again. First, he made plans to protect at least half of his possessions. Jacob always had a Plan B; trusting God still came very hard for him. But he did remember to pray, and his prayer alternated between reminding God of His promises and expressing his own real fears (see Gen. 32:9-12). Jacob's prayer gives us a practical pattern to follow when we are afraid:

Focus on God's promises, not on your fears.

Most of us aren't all that different from Jacob, and when we focus on our circumstances, we are often overwhelmed with fear. Instead, we should remember God's promises and pray them back to Him. We can tell Him our fears, ask for His help, and tell Him that we trust Him.

Let's look at a real-life possibility. Suppose your mammogram has revealed a lump. You must have a biopsy. The possibility of cancer fills you with the fear of death. How can God's Word help you? Hebrews 2:14-15 gives us hope: "Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death."

Fear of death—and the process that leads to it—is slavery to Satan. And Jesus Christ has made Satan powerless over the ones He has redeemed. As King David said, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you" (Ps. 56:3). Notice David didn't say if I am afraid, but when. God knows we will be afraid. That's why He gives us a choice:

Fear is an emotion. Trust is an act of the will.

Fear cancels out trust, and vice versa. So your prayer might sound something like this: "Lord, I'm praying that this lump is benign. I'm afraid of dying from cancer. But Hebrews 2:14 tells me that Jesus died to free me from slavery to the fear of death. So whatever the results are, I'm going to trust You and enjoy the peace and freedom You have given me. I will not let fear of sickness and death erode my trust in You."

Like Jacob, we are able to choose with our will to believe God and not be afraid. As it is for us, it was very hard for Jacob to just trust the Lord and not make plans of his own just in case God didn't come through.

Part of Jacob's Plan B was bribing Esau with gifts, hoping to "pacify him." Hadn't he just asked God to save him? Yes. But Jacob was a born manipulator. He just had to keep his finger on all the buttons. Even though he had called on God for help, he still depended on his own schemes. That night he had a climactic struggle with God—an event that marked him for the rest of his life.

While Jacob was alone, Scripture says a "man" wrestled with him all night. When the man saw that he could not overpower Jacob, he "touched the socket of Jacob's hip" and crippled him. Then he said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."

But Jacob, apparently aware that he was wrestling with God Himself, replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

Then the man asked Jacob his name, and when Jacob told him, the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

Then Jacob asked the man his name.

But the man replied, "Why do you ask my name?" And instead of telling Jacob his name, Genesis 32:29 says, "Then he blessed him there."

Jacob decided to call the place "Peniel, saying, 'It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared" (Gen. 32:28-30).

Surely now, after this amazing encounter, Jacob's dependence on himself and his own devices would end. But old habits are hard to break. Instead of simply trusting in the Lord who had blessed him, Jacob divided his family in order of preference—just in case. Then he humbly approached the brother he had wronged and feared so terribly. And what did Esau do? "Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept" (Gen. 33:4).

A warm embrace and a kiss instead of a sword! It seems that God had also worked on Esau's heart during their twenty-year separation. Jacob had never needed to be afraid throughout that long journey. It hadn't been necessary for him to devise all those schemes to appease Esau. Esau was no longer his enemy. But although Esau invited Jacob to come to his home and even offered to escort him there, Jacob still couldn't trust him. He again resorted to subterfuge and continued his journey home without visiting Esau.

A Last Word of Promise

God's final assurance to Jacob comes almost forty years later, in Genesis 46. The domestic tragedy of jealousy, betrayal, and deceit that involved Jacob's son Joseph and his brothers had kept Jacob grieving for twenty-two years. Now Joseph was reunited with his brothers, and he ordered them to bring their father, Jacob (renamed Israel after he wrestled with God), and all their families to Egypt so he could feed them during the remaining five years of famine. His old father was overjoyed to know that Joseph was alive. "So Israel set out with all that was his, and when he reached Beersheba, he offered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac.

"And God spoke to Israel in a vision at night and said, 'Jacob! Jacob!'

"'Here I am,' he replied.

"'I am God, the God of your father,' he said. 'Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there. I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again. And Joseph's own hand will close your eyes" (Gen. 46:1-3).

God knew his fearful old friend Jacob so well, and He loved him so much. His first words to him were, "Don't be afraid." This time, Jacob had no Plan B. He didn't worry that Pharaoh might kill him. He just trusted the Lord. Seventeen years later, as he blessed his sons on his deathbed, Jacob gave this testimony: "May the God . . . who has been my shepherd all my life to this day, the Angel who has delivered me from all harm—may he bless these boys."

God Monitors Fearful Circumstances

When my daughter Helene was in labor, she was hooked up to monitors that gave a continual record of her heart rate, her blood pressure, and her contractions. There was also a monitor on the baby, recording her heart rate as well. The minute anything looked a little irregular, a doctor was there, prescribing what was needed to correct it.

In much the same way, God monitors our circumstances and our reactions to them. He hears every little beep and sees every point of stress on our faith.

The words, "Fear not" appear one hundred times in the Bible. This doesn't mean there are no real and present dangers in our lives—things that are sensible to fear. What it does mean is that God does not want us to be immobilized by fear. Instead, He wants us to trust His presence, His love, His protection, and His sovereignty over our fearful circumstances. He wants us to focus on His promises rather than on the circumstances that terrify us. He knows just what we can bear. He also knows how much each difficult situation will stretch us and deepen our faith in Him.

God Delivers Us from our Fears

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears. . . . The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. . . . Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing" (Ps. 34:4, 7, 9).

What fears have kept you imprisoned? Don't allow uncontrolled fear to keep you from growing to maturity in your relationship with God. Christ died to set you free from the worst fear—fear of death. And He lives to deliver you, to comfort you, to help you through all the fearful circumstances of life. You have a choice to trust God and not be afraid or to be afraid and not trust God. Which will it be?

Thou art my Lord Who slept upon a pillow.
Thou art my Lord Who calmed the furious sea.
What matter beating wind and tossing billow
If only we are in the boat with Thee?

Hold us in quiet through the age-long minute
While Thou art silent and the wind is shrill.
What boat can sink when Thou, dear Lord, art in it?
What heart can faint that resteth on thy will?

Amy Carmichael⁵

⁴ 1 Cor. 6:18.

⁵ Amy Carmichael, "Thou Art My Lord Who Slept Upon a Pillow," from Edges of His Ways, copyright 1955, Dohnavur Fellowship, London. Used by permission of the Dohnavur Fellowship, England, and the Christian Literature Crusade, Fort Washington, Pennsylvania.

When I asked Christine how she felt about her parents, her attractive face seemed to lose all expression. She reflected for a moment, then matter-of-factly stated, "I get along fine with my parents. I just haven't seen them in a while. Why?"

I studied her, noticing that her large, blue eyes weren't looking into mine. They were fixed, instead, upon her slender fingers.

Christine had already told me that her father and mother had been rather cruel to her during her childhood. They had locked her in a closet when she didn't please them and had slapped her across the face repeatedly if she questioned their authority. Unfortunately, they were very active in their church and felt that they were disciplining her in a godly way. "If I break your will," her father had once told her, "then God won't have to."

Christine had moved out of the house at sixteen and had quickly created a life of her own. For many years, she'd wanted nothing to do with her father, mother, or their religion. More recently, however, her personal failures had reminded her that she needed a Savior. Grateful to learn that He wasn't the terrible God of her childhood, she had trusted Christ.

In response to her "Why?" question, I explained, "Well, you say you've got a short fuse and that you lose your temper more often than you'd like to. I was just wondering if you're still angry with your parents."

"My parents did the best they could," she answered coolly. "They thought strictness was the biblical way to bring me up. They never meant to hurt me."

"I don't agree," I explained. "I don't think they did the best they could do. Child abuse is sin, and they sinned against you."

"Well, I'm supposed to forgive them, right? So that's my way of forgiving them—I'm willing to say they did the best they could. And I just avoid seeing them as much as possible."

"That's not forgiveness, Christine. Forgiveness is acknowledging everything they did to you. You need to face the fact that they treated you very, very badly. Then, with God's help, you can forgive them for the worst things they ever did. Watering it all down and then walking away from it is not forgiveness."

Christine and I discussed at length the cold, hard facts about her childhood. She prayed that God would forgive her parents for several specific incidents when they deeply wounded her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In the months to come, Christine found that her unwelcome rage and short temper were diminishing. Through improved communication and honesty, she was eventually able to establish a comfortable adult relationship with both her father and her mother.

Forgiveness—A Challenging Requirement

"To err is human, to forgive, divine." When Alexander Pope wrote those immortal words, he stated a truth that still resonates in our own hearts. Forgiving others seems to be one of the hardest things some of us ever have to do. Why?

At times it is difficult to face the wrongs that have been done to us. Like Christine, we deny, even to ourselves, the severity of our wounds.

In other cases, we are well aware of the hurts we've experienced, and we believe the offender should suffer some consequences for what he or she did. If we forgive, it seems we're letting the culprit off too easily. We don't want to encourage repeated offenses.

Then there's the element of trust. Our trust is eroded with each hurtful incident. Isn't it wise simply to write the person off or to avoid him or her as much as possible? That way we can protect ourselves from the possibility of further pain.

Like Christine, you may carry the memory of offenses that date all the way back to your childhood years. Your parents may have rejected you or abused you. Perhaps your mother preferred your sister because she was attractive and you were not. Or maybe your father made it his habit to hit you first and ask questions later.

You might be in a marriage that requires you to forgive almost daily, even though all feelings of love and warmth have disappeared.

And let's not forget the injustices you may have experienced in the workplace—passed over for a position just because you are a woman or because you wouldn't go to bed with the boss.

Life offers us plenty of opportunities to feel unforgiving. The trouble is, lack of forgiveness does more damage to us than to the offender. When we don't forgive, we grow hardened, untrusting, sour, and bitter. We become vengeful. We want the person who wronged us to suffer. Those negative feelings war against the love and compassion that should characterize us as Christians, and we hinder our own spiritual growth.

God knows how difficult forgiving is for us to do. And His Word records—in great detail—the life of a man who had more to forgive than almost anyone. We learn valuable lessons about forgiveness from Joseph, whose story is told in the book of Genesis.

Israel's Favorite Son

Joseph was not to blame for his misfortunes. Jacob, his father, provoked Joseph's abuse through his open favoritism. Joseph was Jacob's favorite child because he was the son of Rachel, the wife Jacob loved the most dearly. And Joseph's ten half-brothers were well aware of it. You'd think Jacob would have remembered all the problems that transpired in his own family due to favoritism. But he was like many parents today: Tragically, we are prone to repeat the sins of our parents rather than to learn from them.

"Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him" (Gen. 37:3-4).

Joseph's brothers already hated him. It just made matters worse when he dreamed two strange dreams, both predicting his rise to prominence and authority, indicating that he would rule over his family. That was more than his brothers could take. We read, "They hated him all the more because of his dream" (Gen. 37:8).

More than once, the ten half-brothers must have discussed how great it would be to get rid of Joseph. Finally, one day he walked into their clutches, and they had their opportunity. They threw him into a pit and tried to figure out how to snuff out his life. Just then a caravan of merchants passed by. Instead of murdering him, they decided to sell Joseph to the slave traders, who took him to Egypt.

Painful Circumstances, Painful Memories

We can only imagine Joseph's thoughts as he trudged through the desert on his way to Egypt. As he slept every night in the slave quarters. As he was ordered to do menial tasks day after day—tasks his father's servants did at home. Poor Joseph must have been devastated by the rejection and hatred of his brothers. He surely longed for his father's embrace. He could never have dreamed that his brothers' animosity would lead to this.

What kind of person would Joseph have become if he had nurtured an unforgiving spirit? We have to imagine such a thing, because Scripture gives us every evidence that he didn't let injustice erode his character or his trust in God. It didn't matter where he was, whether in the house of Potiphar, the captain of Pharaoh's guard, or chained in a prison cell on a false charge of rape, or sitting on a throne in Egypt—we read of God's favor upon Joseph: "The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered. . . . The LORD gave him success in everything he did. . . . The LORD was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor" (Gen. 39:2-3, 21).

Joseph was a slave. He was owned as property in an idolatrous, pagan country. Yet he never lost his awareness of the presence of the living God and his accountability to Him. Again and again, he spoke fearlessly of his God to Egyptians of every rank, always sprinkling his answers to their various questions and charges with references to his heavenly Father:

• "How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" (39:9).
• "Do not interpretations belong to God?" (40:8).
• "I cannot do it, but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires" (41:16).
• "God has revealed to Pharaoh what he is about to do" (41:25).
• "The matter has been firmly decided by God and God will do it soon" (41:32).

The Right Man to Know in Egypt

Joseph did not wallow in self-pity or allow himself to be eaten alive by bitterness. He never planned ways to avenge himself against his wicked brothers. If he had done so, he could never have retained such a close relationship with God. Instead, Joseph accepted what had happened to him, and in doing so, he was able to mature in his faith. At last the day came when he had his chance—he could choose to exact revenge or he could decide to demonstrate forgiveness.

God had revealed, through Pharaoh's dreams, that seven years of abundant harvests in Egypt would be followed by seven years of drought and famine. When Joseph interpreted the dreams, Pharaoh placed him, a thirty-year-old, in charge of all the food in Egypt. Joseph built storehouses for grain throughout the land during the years of plenty. Then, when the years of famine ravaged Egypt and the surrounding countries, he was also in charge of selling grain.

One day, his heart leaped within him. Tb his amazement, he recognized the men bowing before him, in search of food, as his own brothers! Joseph had forgiven these men long before, but he had some questions that needed answers before he let them know who he was.

Were they still the same vicious thugs who had treated him so heartlessly?

Did they feel any remorse for what they had done? Had they done anything to harm his only full brother, Benjamin?

Was his father alive or had grief killed him?

Joseph tested them in various ingenious ways to find the answers. He listened as they expressed their guilt to each other in their own language. He ordered them to bring Benjamin to Egypt so he could see for himself that he was alive and well. He verified for himself that they weren't jealous of Benjamin as they had been of him—one brother, Judah, even offered himself as a hostage in Benjamin's place rather than bringing further grief to their father by taking Benjamin away from home.

'Twenty-two years earlier, these same men hadn't even considered their father's feelings when they brought Joseph's torn and bloody coat and threw it at Jacob's feet. Yes, they had changed. Joseph was convinced he could trust them.

Learning from Joseph's Example

Take a few moments and read Genesis 45. Here Joseph reveals his true identity to his family, and they respond. As he did so, Joseph demonstrated for us some important principles about forgiveness:

Give Up the Need for Revenge

A craving for revenge is very normal. However, it is a negative emotion that doesn't hurt the other person unless we actually carry it out. Meanwhile, it can control and corrupt us.

While we spend time fantasizing about ways to strike back, we remain in emotional turmoil, frustrated and unhappy. It's a healthy and necessary step to give up the need for retaliation. We who know the Lord have a Defender. We can commit our cause into His hands and let Him be the One who does what is just. As the psalmist wrote, "But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you" (Ps. 10:14-15).

Jesus set our example for forgiveness when He hung on the cross. "When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly" (1 Pet. 2:23).

We can give up the need to retaliate because we can commit our cause to our heavenly Father. He is a Judge who will not let the guilty go free. Joseph would not have become the man he was if he had spent thirteen years of hardship in Egypt plotting revenge . . . and that brings us to the next aspect of forgiveness.

Don't Absolve the Guilty Party of Responsibility

We shouldn't try to pretend that nothing hurtful has happened when it has. As Joseph's brothers stood before him, begging for his help, he told them, "I am your brother whom you sold into Egypt." You shouldn't simply forget that your father or stepfather raped you as a child. You shouldn't disregard the fact that your mother neglected or abandoned you. You shouldn't pretend that your husband didn't have several affairs.

The trouble with forgetting is that it grants absolution. It is also a form of denial: "If I forgive you, we can pretend that what happened wasn't so terrible."

This kind of forgetting keeps you from expressing your emotions. So how can you acknowledge your anger against a person you have already forgiven? As Susan Forward suggests, "Responsibility can only go to one of two places: outward, onto the people who have hurt you, or inward, into yourself. So you may forgive the other person but end up hating yourself all the more in exchange."⁸

We need to admit feeling the emotions that painful events have aroused. If we don't acknowledge them, we will never deal with them, and they will control our lives. Instead, we need to place the responsibility on the individuals who deserve it. And even though we forgive, we also have a right to determine if they have changed before we trust them in the future.

Sometimes a woman tells me her husband has been physically abusive in the past. Each time he says he's sorry and won't do it again, so she forgives him. Then he does it again. Each time she finds it harder to forgive because she trusts him less. But then she feels guilty for not forgiving and forgetting.

In fact, he is the one who has violated her trust and not earned it back, because he hasn't changed. He is the one who must be held responsible for his behavior. There are consequences for our sins. God forgives our sins but we usually suffer the temporal consequences. An abused wife's lack of trust is a consequence for her husband's sins. Joseph was very careful to determine what his brothers were like before he decided to trust them.

Sometimes we don't have the opportunity to regain trust. One woman told me that her father had molested her when she was a teenager. By the time she and I had our conversation, she was in her forties, and she still had not forgiven him. The thing that infuriated her was that she could never confront him and get an apology—because he had been dead for several years! In this woman's case, she had to forgive her father, apology or no apology, because the bitterness that was consuming her was corrosive to her own spirit. We must forgive, if only for the sake of our own spiritual health.

One Goal of Forgiveness Is Reconciliation

When Joseph finally revealed his identity to his brothers, they wept together, embraced, and kissed. Then he told them to bring their father and all their families to Egypt, where he could provide for them during the years of famine. Thus Joseph was reunited with his family after twenty-two years of separation.

Can you imagine what that meant to all of them, especially to Jacob? Reconciliation is one of the primary purposes for forgiving. It doesn't always happen, of course, depending on the circumstances, but it should be an ultimate goal.

Jesus stressed the importance of reconciliation when He taught, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses" (Matt. 18:15-17).

Don't hold a grudge. Instead, approach the one who has hurt you so that you may be reconciled. If he refuses, it's a matter for church discipline—something we don't practice very much today.

The reason for this policy is that when family members are estranged it affects the whole family. Likewise, when members of God's family are estranged, it affects the local church. It hinders the work of the Holy Spirit who wants the whole body to grow to maturity in Christ.

Another time Jesus urged His followers to be ready to forgive each other over and over again, if necessary. When Peter asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matt. 18:21-22).

Peter had some trouble understanding how many times he should forgive. Jewish tradition said three times, so Peter thought he was being really generous when he picked the perfect number, seven. What a shock Jesus' answer was! The King James Version says, "seventy times seven"—in other words, a number without limit!

Forgiveness Is Free to the Offender But  Costly to the Forgiver

Jesus used a parable to give us God's perspective about forgiveness. He described a king who forgave his servant's massive debt—it amounted to what would be millions of dollars today. But the servant turned right around and refused to forgive a fellow servant's debt of around ten dollars. When the king heard about it, he was enraged. He sent the servant he had forgiven to the torturers in the prison. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you," Jesus explained, "unless you forgive your brother from your heart" (Matt. 18:35).

In Jesus' story, the king freely forgave his servant, but he absorbed the cost. In the same way, God forgave us, but He absorbed the debt of our sin when Christ died on the cross in our place. Like Him, we are to give forgiveness freely to the sinner, even though it is costly to us.

We Must Forgive Because God Forgave Us

If we have trusted Christ, we have been freely forgiven for every sin we have ever committed or ever will commit. For this reason we are to freely forgive others. The king forgave the servant's debt of millions of dollars, yet the forgiven servant would not forgive a debt of ten dollars. God views our lack of forgiveness for one another from the same perspective. His Word urges us to "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph. 4:31-32).

It takes a major effort of the will to "forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" because most of the time, we don't feel like forgiving. The first step we have to take to do this is to tell the Lord that even though we don't want to do it, even though we aren't willing to do it, we are willing for Him to make us willing. When we choose with our will to obey God, He will give us the power to do what is necessary.

Believe That God Will Use Your Pain to Accomplish His Purpose for Your Life

Years after their father, Jacob, had died, the brothers still could not believe Joseph had really forgiven them, because they had never forgiven themselves. "When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, 'What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?" (Gen. 50:15).

Joseph's answer gives us the right perspective: "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Gen. 50:19-21).

Joseph still placed the responsibility for their actions on them, but he had no desire to avenge himself. He knew what we should remember: God is the only righteous Judge.

God is Sovereign. He doesn't abdicate His Sovereignty when someone treats us unjustly. Instead, He weaves the dark threads of pain into the tapestry of our lives to deepen our character and accomplish his purpose. As Philip Yancey has said, "Faith believes ahead of time what can only be seen by looking back."

Can you look back on your life and see now how God has used painful experiences to shape your character? How He has provided opportunities and understanding you never would have had without your suffering? If there's someone you have difficulty forgiving, you can safely believe that God will use the experience to accomplish His purpose in your life. Commit your cause to Him, and let Him do what is right. Justice may not happen here on earth, but it will happen someday.

Forgiveness Is Something Good You Do for Yourself

God, in His grace, has forgiven us a debt we can never repay. His generosity to us is the basis for our forgiveness of others. We're told, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Heb. 12:15).

If we won't forgive, bitterness will become firmly entrenched in our characters. It will make us cynical, unable to trust, and unable to maintain close relationships. Just as in Jesus' parable of the unforgiving servant who was sent to the torturers, our own bitterness will torture us for a lifetime. On the other hand, forgiveness will free us to go on in peace, unhindered in our enjoyment of the Lord. Let's forgive. Let's let go of the past and leave all the paying back to Him.

⁸ Susan Forward, Toxic Parents (New York: Bantam, 1989), 189.

Holly was a bright, pretty child. But she had a peculiar habit—she always wanted her friends' toys. She cried when her best friend got a beautiful doll for her birthday. She whined when the neighbor girls appeared at church in matching Laura Ashley Easter dresses. She pouted when her sister was taken to Disney World as a reward for straight A's throughout high school.

When Holly became a teenager, she turned her attention toward boys. She quickly mastered the use of makeup, lightened her hair dramatically, and learned to dress with a slightly sexy flair. Her competitive drive always drew her toward her friends' boyfriends, and she made it her habit to call them, ask them for advice, and sow seeds of criticism about the girls in their lives. Then, at eighteen, she met Jack and Tammy Jensen, a couple in their thirties who were youth leaders at her church.

At first Holly innocently joined the other kids at the Jensens' home. They gathered as a group, watched videos, and just hung out. But before long, Holly was spending a lot of time talking to Jack—alone. Like any married couple, Jack and Tammy had their small differences from time to time, and Holly instinctively homed in on them. While flattering Jack on one hand, on the other she gently questioned his reactions to Tammy's quick temper, her same old hairstyle, or her not-quite-perfect housekeeping.

Holly's divisive arts were astonishing, as were her manipulative capabilities. She called the Jensen home in tears one night from a pay phone, hysterically claiming to have been kicked out of the house by her parents. She asked Jack if he could pick her up. She knew the family well enough to calculate that Tammy would be getting dinner on the table for the children and that Jack would arrive alone. He did.

Jack listened to her story patiently, and by now he felt close enough to Holly to put his arms around her in comfort. The truth was, he'd been wanting to hold her in his arms for weeks. Before the night was over, the two of them had made love. Before the year was over, Jack and Tammy had filed for divorce, Jack had left the church, and he and Holly were living together.

The tragedy didn't end with the breakup of Jack and Holly's marriage. In fact it continues. Holly has become disillusioned with Jack—she complains that he's too old for her. She constantly compares him to younger men, humiliating him with caustic jokes about his weight, his thinning hair, and his middle-aged attitudes. Holly wants a house at the beach, like the Fosters'. She needs a new Chevy Suburban, like the Jarvises'. She and Jack fight constantly and bitterly over her insatiable desires for more things, better things, things her friends have that she'll never get because Jack is "such a boring old man."

Jealousy and Envy—Good News, Bad News

Jealousy and envy are emotions we all feel from time to time. But if they are allowed to become dominant in our lives, they warp our perspectives, keep us from realizing our personal potential, and in cases like Holly's, lead us into destructive behavior. Without question, jealousy and envy impede our growth to spiritual maturity.

Although we sometimes use the words jealousy and envy interchangeably, there is a difference. Jealousy can be used in a good sense. Its root is zelos, the same word from which we also get zeal, or zealous. When the word is applied to God, saying He is a jealous God means He demands that we worship and love Him exclusively.

In a bad sense, jealousy is a fear of being displaced by a rival in affection or favor. To be jealous is to be anxiously suspicious or vigilant. Proverb 27:4 says, "Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?" The implication of this Scripture is that jealousy is hidden. It corrupts our motives, thoughts, and actions. 'lb make matters worse, the object of that jealousy may be unaware of it and therefore be unable to deal with it.

While jealousy can be positive, envy, on the other hand, always has a bad meaning. Envy is defined as "a feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by another's desirable possessions or qualities, accompanied by a strong desire to have them for oneself."¹³

Scripture reminds us, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones" (Prov. 14:30).

The Story of Rachel and Leah

In the Old Testament, we have classic examples of jealousy and envy in the lives of two women who were victims of their culture. Leah and Rachel were sisters, and they were married to the same man, Jacob. Have you noticed how many of our lessons have been centered on Jacob and his family? Talk about being dysfunctional!

In Genesis 5, Jacob was fleeing the wrath of his brother, Esau. When he reached Paddan-Aram, where his mother's family lived, his cousin Rachel was the first person he met. For him, their meeting was love at first sight. He was warmly welcomed into his Uncle Laban's home and began helping him shepherd his flocks.

Jacob asked Laban for Rachel's hand in marriage and volunteered to work seven years in return for her. Laban agreed, but then he deceived Jacob by secretly marrying him to his older, less attractive daughter, Leah. Laban agreed to give Rachel to Jacob, too, but he would have to work seven more years. The biblical account concludes, "Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years" (Gen. 29:30).

One wouldn't have to be a psychologist to predict the problems that were about to arise in that household. Can you imagine the conflicting emotions Laban's cruel deception produced? Jacob, the deceiver who had cheated his brother of their father's blessing, was outdone in deception by Laban! He ended up doing seven more years of hard labor without pay for a woman he didn't want in the first place. This was not exactly a great start for a marriage—especially one with two wives.

There was a physical difference between Leah and Rachel. Leah was older, had weak or delicate eyes, and apparently was not attractive. Rachel was younger and had a beautiful face and figure. Scripture simply states the sad truth: "And Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah."

An Unloved Wife

We can't blame Jacob. He'd made his choice almost from the moment he saw Rachel, and it's impossible to drum up romantic love on demand. Can you imagine how difficult it was for Leah to see Jacob's passionate love for Rachel, knowing that he didn't feel the same way about her at all? This was living in daily pain. She must have experienced both jealousy and envy. But God has a way of evening things out:

"When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, 'It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now' . . .

"When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, 'Give me children, or I'll die!'

"Jacob became angry with her and said, 'Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?" (Gen. 29:31-32; 30:1-2).

Rachel had what Leah wanted—Jacob's love. But now she was jealous of Leah because she wanted what Leah had—children. In that day, it was a great reproach upon a woman if she did not give her husband sons. Jacob put the blame where it belonged, on God.

The rivalry between these two sisters increased as they tried to build their families with strategies that were normal for that culture. Sometimes a wife gave her maid to her husband sexually, and the maid became pregnant. When the child was born, the wife would catch the child on her knees and thus claim him as her own. Rachel did it first, then Leah followed suit. Both of them were in this battle to the bitter end. But the difference in the characters of the two women is revealed in Genesis 30:14-16: "During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, 'Please give me some of your son's mandrakes.'

"But she said to her, 'Wasn't it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son's mandrakes too?'

"'Very well,' Rachel said, 'he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son's mandrakes."

Forever Dissatisfied

Apparently, Rachel even used her power over Jacob to orchestrate his sex life and keep him from sleeping with Leah so she wouldn't have any more children! In essence, Leah had to "hire" Jacob from Rachel for a night. She did so in exchange for some mandrake roots that Rachel supposed would make her fertile. But God continued to give children only to Leah. She had six sons and one daughter of her own before Rachel had her first son.

"Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, 'God has taken away my disgrace' She named him Joseph, and said, 'May the LORD add to me another son" (Gen. 30:22-24).

Nothing was ever enough for Rachel. Instead of thanking God for her one son, she had to have more. She had to catch up with her sister. That's a classic symptom of envy—it is insatiable.

Rachel's Immature Spirit

We see further evidence of Rachel's lack of maturity when God told Jacob to go back to his homeland. He told his wives his plans, and Rachel and Leah replied, "Do we still have any share in the inheritance of our father's estate? Does he not regard us as foreigners? Not only has he sold us, but he has used up what was paid for us. Surely all the wealth that God took away from our father belongs to us and our children. So do whatever God has told you" (Gen. 31:14-16).

After thirteen years, the two women were still bitter toward their father for the way he had exploited them and the misery his actions had caused. But there was a difference in the spiritual quality of the two women. One particular thing Rachel did demonstrates, after twenty years of knowing and living with Jacob, that his faith in God had made little impact on her spiritual understanding. We know this because we're told, "When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father's household gods" (Gen. 31:19).

Laban was a man who worshiped many gods. The fact that Rachel stole them tells us several things about her. First of all, she still had pagan tendencies if she thought these little figurines would bring blessings. She also may have thought that they gave her a right to claim her father's inheritance. Whatever the reason, she deceived both her father and her husband. When Laban accused Jacob of stealing the idols, Jacob, in righteous indignation, unknowingly condemned his beloved wife to death. He raged, "But if you find anyone who has your gods, he shall not live" (Gen. 31:32).

Rachel was saved from discovery only because she hid the idols in her camel saddle and sat on it, then lied and claimed she couldn't get up because she was having her period. No one would search her saddle, because anything a woman sat on during her menses was made unclean.

Rachel was both a liar and a thief; she deceived her father and her husband. Rachel was lovely on the outside, but her character wasn't very beautiful. External beauty can be a hindrance to character development, and Rachel was envious, jealous, selfish, manipulative, greedy, and unsatisfied. Still, her husband's passion and preference for her lasted all her life.

Notice also how Jacob arranged his family in order of preference when he thought Esau still wanted revenge: "Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two maidservants. He put the maidservants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear" (Gen 33:1-2).

How do you think Leah felt? No matter how many children she had, Jacob would never love her as much as he loved Rachel. Meanwhile, Rachel could have been gracious and generous to her unloved older sister, but she wasn't. We don't read of her doing a single kind, unselfish act. Finally she became pregnant with the second son she wanted, but this time it cost her her life to bear him: "And as she was having great difficulty in childbirth, the mid-wife said to her, 'Don't be afraid, for you have another son.' As she breathed her last—for she was dying—she named her son Ben-Oni. But his father named him Benjamin" (Gen. 35:17-18).

Jacob's favorite wife was buried by the wayside. Leah was eventually buried by Jacob's side in the cave at Machpelah with Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah. What havoc jealousy and envy wrought upon this family!

Are those same destructive emotions doing a number on you? In case you aren't aware of the symptoms of jealousy and envy, give yourself this test taken from material developed by Les Carter in his book Mind Over Emotions:¹⁴

• Do you work extremely hard to come out looking good?
• Do you examine others with a critical eye?
• Do you have hidden feelings of inferiority?
• Do you complain about not getting fair treatment?
• Do you have an insatiable desire for success?
• Do you need a lot of recognition for your achievements?
• Do you tend to be status conscious?
• Do you find it hard to pay compliments to others?
• Do you keep score of your own good deeds and those of others?
• Are you willing to pass along negative rumors about a successful person?
• Do you put on a false front in order to appear impressive?
• Do you base your self-image on your performance?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, you may be having trouble with envy, even though you haven't recognized it.

Causes of Envy

Like many other emotions, envy is a symptom of other, underlying issues that need to be resolved. Les Carter includes these examples as sources of envy: being overly concerned with personal rights, taking other people's success personally, desiring selfish gain, yearning for status and achievement, and an inability to share.¹⁵ Let's take a closer look at each of these sources.

Being Overly Concerned with Personal Rights

We hear a lot about rights today. It appears that individual rights are increasing at the same time personal responsibility is decreasing. We are moving rapidly toward the idea that government is supposed to meet every need of the citizen and society is to blame for every crime.

Individuals blame their difficulties on their parents, their poverty, their lack of education, a past traumatic experience, or any number of other culprits. At the same time, they never seem to take the responsibility for their own actions.

Personal rights must be balanced with personal responsibility. There's a difference between the "right to life, liberty, and happiness" and the right to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. Pursuit involves effort on the part of the pursuer. Everyone does not have an inalienable right to wealth, a new car, and a college education. We are responsible to pursue these goals, but they are not rights.

Taking Other People's Success Personally

Suppose someone you know is good at doing something, and it's something at which you aren't very gifted. When that happens, watch out. Envy can rear its ugly head, and you'll find yourself resenting every success the other person has.

I would love to be able to arrange flowers the way my friend Sarah Mitchell does. I've even tried to have her teach me. But I will never be able to arrange flowers with the creativity and ease she demonstrates. So I have a choice: I can resent Sarah's success when I compare it with my failure, or I can acknowledge her skill and be thankful that she will arrange flowers for me!

Desiring Selfish Gain

Envy starts with desire. We all want things we don't have: money, a nice figure, a better home, or more clothes. We long for a happy marriage, successful children, a secure, pleasurable job. There's nothing wrong with these desires as long as we are realistic, recognizing that they do not bestow value on our lives.

However, if and when these things become essential to us, we will look with the green eyes of envy at everyone who has what we want. We'll keep working harder and more desperately to reach our goals without ever being content. Eventually, we will be under the full-time control of envy, a brutal taskmaster. We should never forget what John D. Rockefeller said when he was asked how much money is enough. "Just one more dollar," was his sage reply.

Yearning for States and Achievement

There's nothing wrong with wanting recognition for our achievements. But at times that craving can become a competitive spirit that has to outdo everyone else. When that happens, you can be sure envy is at the root.

Today's society values people for their appearance or their achievements. It is very difficult not to be envious of the woman with a beautiful figure when you struggle daily to not gain a pound. It's hard to feel good about ourselves when we've been driving the same car for ten years while others are enjoying this year's luxury models. We don't accept ourselves as we are; we are unable to recognize our own strengths. Instead, we compare our weaknesses with others' strengths, and consequently we feel envious.

An Inability to share

It's difficult for the envious person to share in the joys of other people, especially when someone else is getting what the envious one wants and doesn't have. I admire women who are struggling with infertility when I see them attending baby showers for others and sharing their joy. They may go home and weep afterward, but they are genuinely happy for their friends.

Overcoming Jealousy and Envy

Perhaps as you've read this chapter, you've seen indications that jealousy or envy is an unwelcome aspect of your character. Of course it is God's will for you to overcome that negative emotion, and there are some concrete steps you can take to do so.

Recognize That You Are Envious or Jealous

Acknowledging your envy means looking at yourself honestly. Galatians 5:19-21 tells us that envy is a product of our sinful human nature. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you whether your ulterior motives are for selfish gain or to achieve status in other people's eyes. Name envy for what it is. Blow away the cover-up.

Choose with Your Will to Get Rid of It

Harboring envy keeps us from hungering for God's Word, and God's Word is vital for us to continue to grow spiritually. "Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good" (1 Pet. 2:1-2).

Galatians 5:26 says envy will also keep us from living the Spirit-controlled life God wants for His children. It's a deadly deterrent to spiritual growth. By making a choice of the will then asking God to empower us, we can decide to overcome envy or jealousy. With His help, we will do so.

Confess It As Sin and Accept Forgiveness

We've already learned the value of 1 John 1:9. God promises to forgive and cleanse us from all sin if we agree with Him that what we are doing is sin. Once we've accepted His forgiveness, we are able to start on a new path.

Accept Yourself As You Are with gratitude

Develop a thankful heart. Thank God every day that you are just the person He created you to be. Thank Him that He chose you to be His own. Thank Him for your face and figure, your health, your abilities, your family, your job, your bank account, your friends. Thank Him for the spiritual gifts that make you necessary to the body of believers. Make sure, while you're thanking Him, that you don't compare yourself with others.

Learn the Joy of Giving to Others

Envy is rooted in selfishness. It's only concerned with satisfying the cravings of the envious person. There's a way to show that we are changing on the inside. When we share our material possessions, praise the success of others, and encourage others in reaching their goals, we will begin to experience the joy that comes from giving. By doing the opposite of our sinful nature, we change our habit patterns and demonstrate to God that we are working with Him in renewing our minds.

Keep Earthly Achievements in Eternal Perspective

When our lives are over, we're going to leave everything behind. The body we spend so much money on will return to dust. The wardrobe, the beautiful home, the bank account, the advanced degree, the recognition—all those things that we give our lives to are going to remain on Planet Earth long after we've departed.

There are no pockets in a shroud. That's why it's essential to remember that only two things on earth will enter eternity—people and God's Word. If we give priority to giving God's word to people and living it, we'll have something that will last forever.

Set Your Heart on Heavenly Things

When we trusted Jesus Christ, we received a new nature. And we became citizens of a new homeland—heaven. "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things" (Col. 3:1-2).

It's God's intention that our hearts and minds ought to be focused on new goals, and that our conduct should be controlled by new standards. As we deliberately turn away from the old and embrace the new, we are not going to keep looking over our shoulder to see who's catching up with us. Instead, we'll follow the Spirit's leading for our own lives and choose to be grateful for everything God does for us. This will ultimately be the way envy is routed out of our hearts.

Once it is removed, we will begin to experience joy and contentment and the sense of personal significance that Jesus brings will blossom beautifully and fragrantly in our lives.

¹³ The American Heritage Dictionary (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1991).

¹⁴ Les Carter, Mind Over Emotions (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker, 1985), 52ff.

¹⁵ Ibid.

Lynne Blake was a successful female executive who had been very fortunate in the real estate business. By the time she was thirty-five years old, she was ready to open her own office. And she was determined to make it the most high-tech, state-of-the-art real estate office in town.

Three weeks before the "Lynne Blake Real Estate" sign lit up and the office officially opened, Lynne ordered four expensive computers complete with printers, modems, CDROMs, and sound cards. "Why do we need four computers?" her assistant Brenda asked. "There are only two of us."

"We'll be expanding soon," Lynne smiled. "And until we do, I want people to know we're on the cutting edge of this business!"

The next day, four top-of-the-line office chairs were delivered. An account executive from a voice mail system signed Lynne up for his most complete setup. In the days to come, a stream of deliveries brought gourmet coffee service, customized paper stock, exotic plants, and every other imaginable office accessory.

Meanwhile, Lynne was dressing in the finest executive wardrobe she could assemble. She never showed up at work wearing less than five hundred dollars' worth of clothing. "It's part of the package," she winked at Brenda after she had complimented her on yet another new suit.

Lynne's parents were extremely wealthy and had agreed to underwrite her new business, so the sky was the limit as far as finances were concerned. Once Lynne and Brenda settled into a routine, rather than hire two new employees, Lynne simply doubled Brenda's workload. This, of course, saved her another salary.

Exactly one year after the new business opened its doors under Lynne's ownership, to Brenda's horror all the computers were removed—donated to a local charity. In their place, four newer, faster models were installed, promising more speed, memory, and complicated software.

Brenda rushed into Lynne's office, visibly upset. "Lynne, I'm just learning this system, and now I have to learn a whole new one! We don't need more memory or more speed on our computers. We just need another person to help input the information!"

Lynne was annoyed with Brenda's objection. "It's none of your business, Brenda. You have nothing to complain about."

"Well, if you aren't going to hire someone else, it wouldn't hurt you to invest a little money in me—why don't you give me a raise? Why are you spending every dime on stuff we don't even need when I'm breaking my neck for you?"

Lynne snapped, "I'll spend my money any way I want! This equipment makes your work a piece of cake. Why should I give you a raise? You're lucky to have a job at all. You can quit if you're unhappy."

Would You Call Yourself a Materialistic Person?

Most of us aren't hooked on equipping suburban real estate offices with high-tech equipment. But we all face the temptation to spend more than we should on things we don't really need. For example . . .

• How many catalogs have you received in the mail recently?
• How many things in those catalogs would you like to have?
• How many items do you usually buy when you're "window shopping" at the mall?
• Do you need what you buy, or do you simply want it?
• Do you have more "stuff' than you have space in which to store it?
• Does buying new clothes make you feel better? For how long?
• Do you use cash or a credit card? Are your credit cards maxed out?

Will we ever be satisfied with what we have? The answer is no if we are gripped in the vise of greed and its twin sister, materialism. lb be materialistic is to take interest exclusively, chiefly, or excessively in the material or bodily necessities and comforts of life. lb be greedy is to never have enough.

Is it possible to be a believer and a materialist at the same time? Yes, most definitely. But it's not possible to be a committed, growing believer with divided priorities: Money is God's great rival for our hearts. Jesus said, "No man can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money" (Luke 16:13).

The love of money and the things it can buy makes us greedy for more, no matter how much we have. As Scripture teaches us, "Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income" (Eccles. 5:10).

Have you noticed that we're talking about a love affair with money? Love of money will impede our growth to maturity because it keeps us from loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Greed results in displacing the One who has the right to be King on the throne of our lives. That's why greed is called "idolatry" in Colossians 3:5.

A King Who Wanted More

We have a perfect example of what greed can lead to in Ahab, king of Israel. Ahab had just about everything but character, and he was married to a woman who was even worse than he was, Jezebel. He was very wealthy. He had one entire palace inlaid with ivory. And he had another palace in Jezreel. One day as he looked out the window of his Jezreel palace he saw a vineyard that he thought would make a nice vegetable garden for himself. The only problem was it belonged to someone else, a man named Naboth. Here's what happened:

"Ahab said to Naboth, 'Let me have your vineyard to use for a vegetable garden, since it is close to my palace. In exchange I will give you a better vineyard or, if you prefer, I will pay you whatever it is worth" (1 Kings 21:2-3).

Naboth refused to sell because he was obedient to God's instructions about the land. When Israel first took possession of the land, every family received their plot of ground. The land could never be permanently sold and was to remain in that family's possession forever. But instead of respecting Naboth's reasons for not selling, look what Ahab did:

"Ahab went home, sullen and angry because Naboth the Jezreelite had said, 'I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers' He lay on his bed sulking and refused to eat" (1 Kings 21:4).

Real mature, wasn't he? But he demonstrates something we all do. He focused on what he didn't have. Ahab expressed no gratitude for all his wealth, his power, or his palaces. Instead, he lay on his bed sulking and fasting in protest for not getting his way.

How do you react when you don't get what you want? Maybe you want to redecorate the bedroom, order new carpet or furniture, but your husband isn't ready for that. Maybe he's saying no because you're over the limit on all your credit cards. Or it may be that he just doesn't agree with you about the need for such things. Maybe he's tight with money. Whatever the reason, your reaction is your responsibility.

Do you shop around and find the best prices and show him how much you'll save by doing some things yourself? Do you pray and tell the Lord you are willing to wait for His timing? Or do you nag, sulk, and give your husband the silent treatment? Ahab sulked and fasted long enough to irritate Jezebel, who is a perfect example of what a wife shouldn't be. When she found out about Naboth's refusal to give up his vineyard, she came up with a plot to get Naboth murdered. And because she was queen, her plan worked perfectly.

"When Ahab heard that Naboth was dead, he got up and went down to take possession of Naboth's vineyard" (1 Kings 21:16).

Rampant greed led to the murder of an innocent man and the confiscation of his property. But God had seen it all. Elijah the prophet met Ahab when he went to take possession of Naboth's vineyard, and he pronounced God's punishment upon Ahab for what he and Jezebel had done. His grim prophecy predicted that dogs would lick up the couple's blood and that God would wipe out their descendants from the face of the earth—the worst imaginable curse for an Israelite. God already had a great deal against Ahab and Jezebel, but their greed-inspired brutality against Naboth was the last straw.

Greed—God's Rival for Our Hearts

Greed is diametrically opposed to all that Scripture has to say about the place money and things should have in our lives. One out of every seven verses in the book of Luke is on the subject of money. In Luke 12, Jesus was approached by a man who wanted more of his inheritance than he was entitled to. In that culture, the older brother received twice what the other brothers received because of the responsibilities involved in being the head of the family. Instead of arbitrating this man's grievance, Jesus addressed the heart of the issue.

"Someone in the crowd said to him, 'Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me'

"Jesus replied, 'Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?' Then he said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:13-15).

How do you measure the quality of your life? What makes it valuable? Perhaps you think in terms of what you have accomplished—your education, your job, your home, your summer house, your clothes, your portfolio, your cars, your art. Jesus said that our lives do not consist of the abundance of our possessions. Real life is the life of the mind and the spirit. Real life is freedom from the greed that enslaves us, a freedom that reveals a right relationship with our Maker.

Next Jesus told a parable about a greedy man: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops'

"Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, 'You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.'

"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?" (Luke 12:16-21).

What could this man have done with all the wealth God had allowed him to accumulate? He could have used it unselfishly to help those in need. Instead, he decided that he would indulge himself in a hedonistic lifestyle. Unfortunately for him, that life was only one day long. God called him a fool because he was rich only in material things, and he used them for totally selfish pursuits—things that excluded God. He was rich, but not rich toward God.

How does one become rich toward God? Jesus explained to His disciples what that means: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes" (Luke 12:22-23).

Principles for Greed-Free Living

To say we don't need to worry about how we will feed, clothe, and shelter ourselves doesn't mean we don't have to work to earn a living. It means we have a good reason not to be filled with anxiety about it. We have a Father in heaven who knows all about our needs. And, as we learned already, instead of worrying, our heavenly Father wants us to trust Him to supply these basic needs. God clothes and feeds birds and flowers, and we are much more valuable to Him than they are. God is the Creator of all things, but He is the heavenly Father of His children. And He is a good, wise, and loving Father. Here are some principles He offers to help us overcome our love of money and the things money buys.

Make It Your Goal to Please God

One day Jesus Christ will be the ruler over the whole earth. But for now He must be the ruler on the throne of our hearts. He does not want us to be ruled by ourselves or our idols, whatever they may be. He said, "Seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well" (Luke 12:31). A kingdom is a place where a king is sovereign. We seek God's kingdom when we live in obedience to Him and are involved in His interests.

If the Lord Jesus Christ is on our heart's throne, then we will accept the things He gives us as gifts from His hand. We will be grateful for whatever He chooses to give us. Jesus wants us to believe—and to live as if we believed—that the life of the spirit is more important than the life of the body. He told His disciples—and us: "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Luke 12:32-34).

Use Money to Build a Treasure in Heaven

The accumulation of money to be spent on things and pleasure should not be our goal. Scripture tells us, "Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle" (Prov. 23:4-5). The contrast here is between the pursuit of earthly riches that can be lost and a heavenly treasure that is secure for eternity.

God gives us money to share with those who don't have it. He allows us to give so others will hear the gospel message and support the work of God's kingdom.

Where is your treasure? In a bank vault or in heaven? Do you give God His portion of your income? When we give to the Lord, we acknowledge that He is the Giver and Owner of all that we have and that we are only stewards of our possessions. God holds us responsible for the way we spend the money He supplies. Giving back to the Lord is also a way of saying thank you to Him for His love and care.

It demonstrates where our hearts are. These are ways of being rich toward God.

Contentment Is a Care for Greed

Are you content? Or is there always a gnawing dissatisfaction with something about your life? We come naked into the world, and we leave it naked. That puts money and possessions in proper perspective, doesn't it?

Consider Paul's advice to Timothy: "Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction" (1 Tim. 6:6-9).

The desire for money and possessions leads to all kinds of sin. Men and women sacrifice their morality on the altar of greed. Husbands and wives neglect their families for the sake of a double income, a fact that has contributed to today's tragic disintegration of the family.

For the love of power and money, people compromise their ethical standards. There have been countless scandals in which men and women in public office have prostituted their positions for money. And church leaders haven't been far behind, making money their goal and fleecing the gullible to get it. This has caused the name of Christ to be blasphemed. The apostle Paul would not be surprised at such modern tragedies. As he wrote nearly two thousand years ago, "The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs" (1 Tim. 6:10).

Love of Money Leads to Faithlessness and Sorrow

Notice God's Word doesn't say that money itself causes problems but rather it's the "love of money" that gets us into trouble. That's been the emphasis in all the passages we've studied. Money is neutral. However, when we make it our goal in life, it becomes the root of all kinds of evil.

Why does the love of money shipwreck our faith? Because the more secure we are financially, the less we depend on God to provide for us. We become independent; we think we don't need God. Instead of seeing God as the source of His bountiful provision and thanking Him, we take the credit for ourselves and fall into the trap of wanting more and more.

And many times when greed sets in, we are willing to bend all the rules to get more. We begin to look down on people who are not as successful as we are, so love and compassion for others is only a memory. A person can meet all kinds of grief on the road to riches.

The love of money has caused many mothers to hand their precious children over to paid workers to rear, not because they have to work, but because they choose to. They work either because they find their identity in a career rather than mothering, or because they want more things that money can buy and they won't discipline themselves to live within the means of one salary.

Of course I'm not referring to single mothers or to women who have to work because of financial adversity. But the grief that often comes through the neglect of children can't be consoled by a bank balance. For the believer, broken relationships, disappointments, and sorrows are self-inflicted wounds. They are the consequences of dethroning the Lord and enthroning money. That's why the apostle Paul again advised, "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment" (1 Tim. 6:17).

God Gives Us Material Blessings to Enjoy

God isn't concerned about our possessions. It's our attitude He cares about. Are we arrogant because we think we are better than someone who is poorer? Do we put our hope in wealth that can be lost, or on God who is eternal? Do we enjoy our possessions as gifts from a loving heavenly Father?

Do you enjoy your home, your china and silver, your window treatments, your furniture, your interior decorating, your patio, your yard, your clothes, and your car? Or do you look on them with a jaundiced eye, especially if you've just come from visiting someone with a much nicer home, wardrobe, or vehicle? When we keep the right perspective, God can trust us with more if He wants to. If we don't have the right perspective, we need to make a few attitude adjustments.

Change Your Perspective and Pursuits

God's Word exhorts us to run as fast as we can from the goal of acquiring material possessions. Recognize it, confess it as sin, and pursue instead righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness: "But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses" (1 Tim. 6:11-12).

Instead of grasping this temporal life, take a firm grasp on the eternal life we received when we trusted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. If we look at our short lives on earth through the grid of eternity, everything will be in focus and we will have the right priorities and accumulate treasures in heaven. We will follow Scripture's directive "to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life" (1 Tim. 6:18-19).

Give It Away Here to Store It in Heaven

Instead of defining our worth by our bank accounts, God wants us to be rich in good deeds, to be generous with our money, and to share with those who need it. "He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done" (Prov. 19:17). God gives us money to use in His name, to do His work on earth. And God keeps very good records. He will reward us in His way—if not in our time here on earth, then definitely in eternity.

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. . . . You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God" (2 Cor. 9:6-8, 11).

Giving Helps Us Mature Spiritually

Giving to the Lord for the expansion of His kingdom breaks the iron grip money can have on our hearts. When we give, it increases our faith because we experience the effect our generosity has on others. They thank God for what He has used us to do. This stimulates us to more generosity and helps make us good role models for other believers. It's always faith-building to see the many ways God has of replenishing our supply.

Remember to keep this issue balanced: Money isn't bad. Possessions are not bad. They only become evil for us when they become our idols—the gods we give our lives to. Money is God's great rival.