When people pray, often they hope that God will answer their prayer requests fully. It is of interest, then, to see that Psalm 65 is a Davidic psalm of answered prayer and praise to the Lord. The psalmist’s praise is especially felt in verses 9-13. This section begins with the reasons for the psalmist’s praise:

You care for the land and water it;
you enrich it abundantly.

The streams of God are filled with water
to provide the people with grain,
for so you have ordained it.

You drench its furrows
and level its ridges;

You soften it with showers
and bless its crops. (vv. 9-10)¹

As Futato observes, “Psalm 65:9-10 describes the coming of the fall rains that soften the hard soil, allowing for plowing and planting, and that provides sufficient water for abundant new crops and other vegetation to sprout.”² Van Gemeren points out that the psalmist’s praise for the water is one of David’s blessings and benefits so that “when after the gentle rains, vegetation grows”.³ Too often people ignore this aspect of God’s goodness to the earth and its people – especially those who are part of his salvation provision.

As David points out further, God was the provider for ancient Israel:

You gave abundant showers, O God;
You refreshed your weary inheritance.

Your people settled in it,
And from your bounty, O God, you provided for the poor.
(Ps. 68:9-10)

A later psalmist points to the fact that God himself is He who provides such things as food: “He provides food for those who fear him” (Ps. 111:5a; cf. Ps. 132:15). Not only that, but God is “gracious and compassionate” (Ps. 111:5b). Moreover, it was He who “provided redemption for His people” (Ps. 111:9). Accordingly,

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise. (Ps. 111:10)

Therefore, believers may “sing to the Lord with thanksgiving” (Ps. 147:7), because

He covers the sky with clouds;
he supplies the earth with rain
and makes grass grow on the hills.

He provides food for the cattle
and for the young ravens when they call. (Ps. 147:8-9, 11)

As Van Gemeren remarks, the psalmist observes that God is to be praised not only because he is the good king over his creation but, “because he justifies those who look to him in faith.”⁴

All of this reminds us that not only was the Lord gracious to the ancient Israelites despite their faults and shortcomings, but to all believers everywhere. Christian friends, may we happily sing Lela Long’s hymn “Jesus is the Sweetest Name I Know”.

Jesus is the sweetest name I know,
And He’s just the same as his lovely name.
And that’s the reason why I love him so.
Oh, Jesus is the sweetest name I know.⁵

¹ All scripture references are from the NIV.

² Mark D. Futato, “The Book of Psalms”, in Cornerstone Biblical Commentary, ed.  Philip W. Comfort (Carol Stream, Il.: Tyndale House,2009), VII:219.

³ Willem A, Van Gemeren, “Psalms”, in The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, eds. Tremper Longman III and David E, Garland, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2008), V:200.

⁴ Ibid, 999.

⁵ Lela Long, “Jesus is the Sweetest Name I Know”.

In the last chapter of the book we saw how strong the opposition to Jesus had grown, and how Jesus warned the people of the danger they were in if they rejected Him, their Messiah. Now that their rejection has been officially recorded, Jesus began to teach the people with parables. We shall have to learn why this different style of teaching was now used by Jesus, as well as how such parables should be studied. This is a large subject, as you could probably guess (some seminaries have courses on the parables), but we shall work with the basic principles to follow.

Reading the Text

On the same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the sea. ² And great multitudes were gathered to Him, so that He got into a boat and sat down; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.

³ Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a sower went out to sow. ⁴ And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. ⁵ Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. ⁶ But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. ⁷ And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. ⁸ But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. ⁹ He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

¹⁰ And the disciples came and said to Him, “Why do you speak to them in parables?” ¹¹ He answered and said to them, “Because it has been given to you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. ¹² For whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him. ¹³ Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. ¹⁴ And in them the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled, which says:

‘Hearing you will hear and shall not understand,

and seeing you will see and not perceive; ¹⁵
for the hearts of this people have grown dull.
Their ears are hard of hearing,
and their eyes they have closed,
lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears,
lest they should understand with their hearts and turn,
so that I should heal them.’

¹⁶ But blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear; ¹⁷
or assuredly, I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

¹⁸ Therefore, hear the parable of the sower: ¹⁹ When anyone hears the word of the kingdom, and does not understand it, then the wicked one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is he who received seed by the wayside. ²⁰ But he who received the seed on stony places, this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; ²¹ yet he has no root in himself, but endures only for a while. For when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles. ²² Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful, ²³ But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.”

Observations on the Text

Matthew 13 is filled with teachings about the progress of the kingdom of heaven in this age. The chapter is a set discourse of Jesus, and not a collection of truths taken from the Lord’s ministry at different times and set out by Matthew as a sequence of teachings. Verse 53 of the chapter makes it clear that these seven parables were delivered on one and the same occasion by Jesus. Accordingly, they develop a unified theme.

Jesus, the King, was approaching a crisis in His presentation of Himself when it would be necessary to challenge peoples’ faith concerning His mission and indeed His identity. In view of this He chose to use parables to begin to uncover the faith of true disciples, and to demonstrate judgment on those who refused to see and hear..

In verses 1-3a we find they when the multitudes gathered around Him, He spoke to them in parables. In verses 10-16, after the first parable, Jesus explained to His disciples why He spoke in parables to the people. In verses 34 and 35, after the parables, Matthew explained why Jesus spoke in parables. Then in verse 53 we have the summation of the discourse.

So why does Jesus turn now to use parables? He had used some parables in His teaching so far, but now it becomes the supreme method used. The disciples noticed the changed and asked the reason. To answer it we have to note the circumstances of the chapter.

We are not left to speculate about these things, for the text records Jesus’ answer. But first, what exactly is a parable? The Greek word literally means a throwing or placing things along side of each other, for the purpose of comparison. The technical definition of a parable is that it is an extended simile. The comparison is expressed clearly (“the kingdom of heaven is like . . .”), but the comparison is a story or a prolonged comparison, not a simple simile. Some times it might be an extended metaphor, or, an allegory, since it might not use “like” or “as.” The Hebrew word for it is masal [mah-shal]), which means “to be like.”

The parable is a story or an illustration placed along side of a truth with the intention of explaining the one by the other. An old definition says a parable is an earthly story with a heavenly meaning--some familiar thing of life on earth is placed alongside of some mystery of heaven, that our understanding of the one may help us understand the other. Jesus drew from the common life of the people to explain some principle or teaching about the kingdom of heaven. In following this method a point of similarity is communicated, as well as a disparity between this life and the life in the kingdom.

If Jesus were here teaching with parables today, they would all be different because the culture is different. So to understand parables the student of the Bible has to get into the ancient culture a good deal. A good reference work, or a book on the culture, or on customs and manners would be most helpful.

The purpose of using a parable is revelation by illustration. Parables are designed to communicate truth in every day terms. But the text says that they also conceal the truth from those who refuse to believe. So how do we explain these things?

There is one common view that has trouble with the idea that Jesus did something so that people could not understand the truth. After all, He came to reveal the truth. And so they emphasize that the parable was a clear attempt by Jesus to reach those who did not believe or understand. To them, parables are aids to understanding truth, not hindrances. They reason that Jesus explained in this passage, “To you it has been given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given.” Then He went on to say that “whoever has, to him shall be given.” The disciples had something, and because they possessed it, the knowledge of the mysteries of the kingdom was given to them. But then He added, “whosoever has not, from him shall be taken away even that which he has.” It was not given to the people to know the mysteries of the kingdom because they did not possess something, there was something they lacked. They lacked what the disciples possessed, the possession of which created within them the capacity for receiving the mysteries of the kingdom. So what was it that the disciples possessed and the others did not? It was their faith in Christ. The disciples had received Jesus as the Messiah, and because of their faith in Him as their King they were able to receive and understand the mysteries of the kingdom. They may not have understood everything Jesus did, but they trusted Him as their King.

The people up to this point had by and large rejected Jesus as the Messiah, and so he could not give to them the mysteries of the kingdom — they would not have understood. They were unable to see, or enter into the kingdom. And because they did not receive Christ, they were in danger of losing all that they did possess, their religious heritage and preparation.

So, as the argument continues, with these people who were incapable of grasping the secrets of the kingdom, Jesus adopted a new approach. He would give them pictures to draw them to the kingdom. So in a sense the parable would provide an even wider door for people to enter if they had any faith at all. Using parables, then, reveals the patience and pity of the Lord on a deeper level. They had rejected Him out of hand, and He tried to reach them a different way, through parables. Even for a while Jesus had to use parables for His disciples, and explain them to them, for they had not quite developed in their faith and understanding of the message of the kingdom.

That is one view of parables. But there are two difficulties with it. First, it does not do justice to what the text says, especially the citation from Isaiah; and second, if people failed to believe when Jesus said things plainly, it would be hard to see how they would suddenly understand when He spoke in parables.

So the second view is that the parables had as part of their purpose concealing the truth from unbelievers, as Isaiah’s message had in its day. And this view does justice to the text.

Jesus delivered this discourse to the crowds, not the disciples, but He explained things to the disciples. The crowds are “this generation” that Jesus has already denounced; here they are not given the secrets of the kingdom.

Matthew records two rationales for parables, one for outsiders and one for disciples. Jesus explains the parable to the disciples because revelation is given to some and not to others. Jesus’ explanation of the reason for parables cannot be softened, because part of His answer to the disciples is that one of the functions of parables is to conceal the truth, or at least present it in a veiled way. In biblical usage the “mysteries” to which Jesus refers are plans or decrees often presented in veiled language and made known to the elect. They usually refer to eschatological events. What is being revealed to the disciples is not the person of Jesus or the nature of God, but the coming of the kingdom into history in advance of its glorious manifestation (Ladd, Presence, pp. 218-242). It was commonly known that God was going to bring in His glorious kingdom by supernatural manifestations and judgments. But the mystery of the kingdom is what no one was expecting, that the kingdom which is ultimately to come in great power has already begun to enter the world in advance in a hidden form to work secretly within people. All of the parables deal with this present form of the kingdom, which Jesus explained to the disciples, but did not explain to the crowds expecting some dramatic deliverance. Even the parables that are teaching some ethical truth have to be understood in the light of the present form of the kingdom.

Matthew is showing that what is taking place on the one hand is the fulfillment of prophecy and the decreed will of God, and on the other hand a gross rebellion of unbelief and spiritual ignorance by the crowds. The responsibility for their unbelief is their own entirely, because mortals always do as they choose. And the fact that God foreknew they would do this does not in any way diminish their culpability.

So the use of parables fits into the midst of this issue. It would be too easy to say that the only reason Jesus used parables was to conceal the truth, for parables are a means of communication. If that were His sole desire, all He had to do was stop teaching entirely. But He came with a mission to call people into the kingdom. So using parables is a way of teaching the truth or preaching about the kingdom without casting His pearls before swine. The parables will harden those who are already hardened against Him, and enlightened His disciples about the kingdom. Parables challenge the hearers in matters of the faith. The parables do not contain esoteric truths that only the initiated or enlightened could understand--they seem pretty clear. No, the parables present the claims of the present form of the kingdom in such a way that only those who trust Jesus will understand the new direction in the plan of God. After all, He was announcing a different form of the kingdom than they had expected. The parables challenge the hearers to respond with faith. The parable of the sower would require the hearers to see the truth that the kingdom is slowly progressing, and if that be so, to determine what kind of soil they were. For those who are hardened like the rocky soil, the parable is a message of judgment; for those who are open to the words of Jesus, their “soil” will respond to the “seed” or message of the kingdom. Like Isaiah before Him, Jesus’ proclamation of the word will succeed in dulling the spiritual sense of those who are already self-righteous or calloused to the word, because they do not want to repent or change--they want the reward of a glorious kingdom, but it will also succeed in “producing fruit” among those submissive to the will of God.

Jesus does not explain why the kingdom is not now coming in power and glory, only that there are certain characteristics of the kingdom that need to be accepted. There are several things to keep in mind when reading and interpreting a parable.

1. Preference should be given for the simplicity of interpretation. To discover the intent of the parable the simple, straightforward meaning is most likely to be the correct one. There is a tendency to study these parables in order to find hidden meanings that have never been seen before. There is no doubt that this can be done, for anything Jesus said would have eternal truth behind it and in it. But these were meant to illustrate truth, to reveal truth to the multitudes. A meaning that no one ever would have gotten is out of the question.

2. One should restrict the application of these pictures to the limits set out by Christ in the narrative. A parable is designed to focus on one aspect of the kingdom, in one period of the development of the kingdom. To press every detail of the story into service for all the incidentals about the kingdom is going to far.

3. One should have a consistent use of the figures employed, both within the context and the general use of Scripture, except where specifically otherwise stated. Figures that Jesus used in the parables are used consistently. They all work together to capture the reader and draw him into the story as a participant.

4. There will be a primary point and often secondary points made in a parable. To say a parable is a simple allegory that only makes on point does not do justice to the literary type. Jesus on occasion made more than one point out of parables. But having said that, it is not always easy to determine in a proverb what is a point being made and what is merely part of the story structure.

5. Not all the parables in the Bible work the same way. There is diversity in the parables, and so each one has to be studied as a literary unit in its context.

6. Parables are designed to call the listener into participation, to identify with someone or something in the story. They divide the audience into the believer and the self-righteous unbeliever. They call for a commitment of faith and obedience that will indicate whether one is in the kingdom or not.

The passage, then, provides us with an introduction (1-3a), then the parable itself (3b-9). This is followed by the explanation of the reason for using parables by Jesus (10-17). Finally, Jesus explained the meaning of the first of His parables, the sower and the seed (18-23). The passage is almost entirely the teaching Jesus, except for the introduction to the passage, the question by the disciples, and the citation from Isaiah.

Analysis of the Passage

I. The Setting of the Discourse (13:1-3a). Matthew begins the section with “That same day,” clearly linking these parables with the events covered in chapter 12, the opposition arguments. The reference to the house connects the material to the event at the end of the chapter. So, in view of the conflicts, Jesus now begins to use parables more fully. This is one of the few discourses that is addressed to the crowds in general, and not specifically to the disciples (and by disciples we would mean the people who believed in Jesus and followed Him, numbering far more than the twelve).

The posture of Jesus sitting, first by the lake, and then in the boat because of the crowds, is one of a teacher. He was a teacher, here teaching people about the kingdom. The usual posture of a teacher was to sit, while the people stood and listened, or sat all around and listened. Matthew tells us that Jesus taught them many things in parables.

II. The Parable of the Soils (13:3b-9). This is one of the most familiar parables in the Bible, and probably will not need so much explanation, especially since it is one that Jesus interprets clearly for His disciples. This section is most helpful then, because not only does it explain why parables were being used, but gives the meaning of the parable itself.

The parable is about the ground more than the sower. A sower goes out to the field to sow seed, and he finds that as he scatters the seed it falls on different kinds of ground. There were paths that ran through the unfenced field, and in those places the ground was beaten down so that it was too hard to receive seed, and the birds ate it. There were rocky places where the limestone bedrock was just beneath the topsoil, or where the rocks had worked through, and the seed could not take root because of the rocks. Any seed that started to grow in the shallow soil soon withered in the intense heat and died because it could not sink roots. Other seed fell under the thorns of hedgerows which took the moisture and grew up, choking the seed that had fallen among the thorns. Anyone who has visited the holy land can appreciate the rocky soil, the beaten paths, the thorn bushes—the fields are in this condition and the farmers must sow in spite of it.

And a good bit of seed falls on good soil and eventually produces crops of various yields. So the same seed produces no crop, or some crop, or a great crop. And so Jesus warns his listeners that the parable needs careful interpretation — “He who has ears, let him hear.” Of course, everyone has ears. But Jesus is indicating this will take more than ordinary listening to understand.

A good number of commentators will try to interpret this parable without reference to the next section, Jesus’ explanation as to why He used parables (largely because they think verses 18-23 are not authentic, that they were added later). But the text has recorded Jesus’ explanation, both of parables and of this one, and the meaning Jesus gives is far more compelling than what some of these commentators settle for in their discussion.

III. The Explanation of Parables (13:10-17). We have already discussed a good deal of this material in the introduction. But a few things need to be clarified now in the verses in context. The situation is the question that the disciples ask, to which Jesus gives this full answer. Matthew’s account is longer than Marks (4:10-12) and Luke’s (8:9-10; 10:23-24) and preserves more of the use of Isaiah than they do. Jesus first gives a basic answer (13) which is then applied to “them” (14, 15) and then to the disciples (16,17).

K. Bailey (Poet and Peasant, pp. 61f.) has observed the pattern in this answer is easily laid out in a chiasm, a typical Hebrew way of ordering stories and materials. It is named after the Greek letter chi, which is “X” shaped. In other words, motifs and expressions in the first half have a corresponding motif or expression in the second half, and at the center of the story is a turning point. It shows the balance of the story, but also the heart of it.

Therefore I speak to them in parables,

1 Because seeing they see not and hearing they hear not, nor understand

2 And it is fulfilled to them the prophecy of Isaiah which says

3 Hearing you shall hear and shall not understand

4 And seeing you shall see and not perceive.

5 For this people’s heart has become dull

6 and the ears are dull of hearing

7 and their eyes they have closed

7’ lest they should perceive with their eyes

6’ and hear with the ear

5’ and understand with the heart, and should turn again and I should heal them.

4’ But blessed are your eyes, for they see

3’ and your ears, for they hear

2’ For truly I say to you that many prophets and righteous men

1’ desired to see what you see, and did not see, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear.

This ordered arrangement of Jesus’ answer emphasizes the judgment aspect of the parable at the center, but also the mercy aspect of the climax of the explanation with the disciples.

Jesus makes a distinction between the crowds and the disciples. The emphasis is not so much on the disciples’ ability to understand, which they have in part but not completely, but on the fact that revelation has been given to them.

This is the way that judicial hardening works. The disciples followed Jesus by faith. They did not understand everything, but asked. The crowds did not, on the whole, follow by faith, but demanded a compelling sign. Further revelation was not given to them. They are like the crowd that Isaiah dealt with.

Isaiah lived about 700 years earlier than this. He announced the judgment of God on the nation for its unbelief. That judgment would take the form of judicial hardening--they would hear but not understand, the preaching would make their spirits dull. In other words, the message would only harden their resistance to God. This judgment may seem harsh, until one realizes that the nation of Israel in 700 B.C. had had the sanctuary, the priesthood, the prophets, the scriptures for centuries. And yet in their sin and rebellion they had moved farther away from God than the people of the earlier centuries. Finally God gave them up, meaning He ceased to work in their hearts by His Spirit to reveal His truth to them. Rather, He let them alone to have their own way. And their natural way was to reject the words of the prophet. This gives us a good idea of what the psalmists and prophets meant when they said to seek the Lord while He may be found. While the prophet will be there proclaiming the message, if God is not causing it to take seed in their hearts, there will be no response of faith. And God will stop doing that if people persist in rebelling against Him.

In the days of Jesus this prophetic message of Isaiah found its fullest meaning. The people had been listening to Jesus preach and teach, had seen the authenticating miracles, and yet accused Him of Satanic works and rejected His word. Some of those people would be hardened in their unbelief; and the simple theological truth is that the revelation of the mystery of the kingdom was not given to them. They might intellectually hear the parable and make something of it — but it would not make sense to them because of their hardened unbelief, rejection of Jesus, and pre-conceived idea of what the kingdom should be. The Savior was still among them, and they could still follow Him and trust Him. But God knew the hearts of the people, and if they did not believe the words and the works of Jesus in their midst, no further revelation would be given to them.

But the disciples believed in the person and the work of Jesus, and so further revelation came to them, not just in the immediate explanation of the parable, or in the constant teaching of Jesus, but in the fact that the Spirit open their “eyes” and their “hearts” to understand. He had already said that revelation was necessary for people to know Him and to know the Father (Matt. 11:25-27) and He would say to Peter later, “Flesh and blood have not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven” (Matt. 16:17).

How long would the hardening continue? Isaiah said in his day “until the cities lie in ruins.” This means, until God judged the nation for unbelief and scattered them abroad. That happened in Isaiah’s case with the exile. In Jesus’ day the pattern would be repeated: they were looking for Messiah to build them a glorious kingdom, but the city would be ruined and they would be scattered. The failure of most of the Jews to discern the spiritual things would lead to judgment. And part of the judgment was their being hardened in unbelief. This hardening was a subject Paul picked up in Romans 11, a hardening which God used to turn to the Gentiles with the Gospel and raise up a people who would make Israel jealous.

The disciples were blessed above any others who had come before, both prophets and righteous men. They looked forward to the coming of the Messiah, but the disciples received Him, walked with Him, witnessed His mighty works, and were shown things that the prophets never knew.

What the passage is saying is that the crowds stand in the tradition of the “wilfully blind” of the Old Testament, and the disciples stand in the tradition of the prophets and the righteous people of the Old Testament. The disciples truly believed in Jesus, and so accepted what He was saying, namely, that the message of the kingdom was at a critical turning point.

IV. The Interpretation of the Parable (13:18-23). Jesus now lays out the parallel ideas to explain the meaning. He does not explain every detail — no explanation is given for the sower, or the path, or the rocky ground, or the diverse yield. The general point is that the seed is the message of the kingdom. It receives varied responses from the people; and it will take time to develop because of the difficult times and difficult people. But in time the message will produce a harvest.

The Israelites understood farming because it was their culture, so they could appreciate what Jesus was saying, whether they got the intended analogy or not. They should have gotten it, because it was used in the Old Testament already. Psalm 126 spoke of the perseverance of the sower with tears and trouble, indicating that eventually he would bring in his sheaves. That psalm was written at the restoration of Israel from the captivity. It was not about farming, but about proclaiming the message of the kingdom at that stage in God’s program — convincing Jewish people to leave the east and return to the land to help build the program of God in the land of promise. It was difficult, because they were now settled in their homes and businesses in Babylonia-Persia. But the principle was that if they continue to sow, if they continued to expend any effort for the greater cause, there would be a result, there would be people coming down the road from the east to return to the land.

The seed that is sown is the message of the kingdom. The soils are the people, the human hearts, who make the decision about the message. They can be compared to the different kinds of soils who receive the seed (which does not mean they became Christians, but heard and considered the message). So the parable is probably about the ground, which would mean the people who heard Christ’s message. The good ground received the seed, the word, it took root and grew, meaning it was believed and it produced the fruit of righteousness and obedience.

Some hear the truth, but like hardened paths they do not let it penetrate, and before long Satan takes the truth away. If people do not receive and respond to the word with faith, their opportunity will be stolen by the evil one.

Some hear the message with great joy, but like the rocky soil he does not let it take root. It is a superficial response like the people who followed Jesus all over. But because it was not received with genuine thoughtfulness and faith, under external pressures, it quickly fell away. They were outwardly enthusiastic about Jesus, but inwardly they did not take it to heart. There are a lot of these folks in churches.

Some hear the message, not with joy now because they are as the ground under the thorns. Life has too many other troubles and commitments for them to take the message to heart. Worries about worldly things and devotion to wealth choke out the message of the kingdom. They would have to give up too much to make a commitment to Christ. No fruit results, and that shows that there was no life. The person remains in the thicket of the problems and cares of life.

But some hear and believe. These are the disciples, of course. They are only marginally better than the other people in their understanding, but they are on the right way. Their hearts receive the message with faith, and the seed will take root. The message of the kingdom will gradually grow and produce results in them, in varying quantities, and then not instantly. But they are the good ground. Even the soil that produces a small crop is “good.” It will take a good deal more of Jesus’ teaching, not to mention the resurrection and the giving of the Spirit, before they really understand the mysteries of the kingdom.

Conclusion and Application

There is much more that can be said about the parable and about parables, but this will be enough for now. There are two lessons in one here: (1) the meaning and use of parables in general and God’s dealing with unbelievers, and (2) the meaning and application of the parable of the sower and the seed.

The main point of the passage is the meaning of this parable. The explanation of parables is explanatory for it and the others to come. The parables will teach people the form that the kingdom will take before the great coming in glory of the king. It is a mystery form of the kingdom.

In this parable the sower sows the seed. God prepares the ground that will receive the message by faith. But the ground, the human heart, might be hardened in unbelief, only superficially happy about the message, or too entangled with the cares of this world. There are many reasons that people do not respond by faith to the word. But those who do will produce “fruit.” The faith that they have will be developed by revelation being given to them. To those who have, more will be given.

To put the lessons simply:

1. We like the Sower (Christ at first) have the responsibility to proclaim the message of the kingdom, the gospel, to the world. It is the Word of God that will produce results.

2. We will be aware that not everyone will receive it by faith. That is not our business; our business is to continue to proclaim the good news.

3. The evidence of those who receive it by faith and act on it is that their lives will change and they will produce righteousness. The evidence of saving faith is a growing spiritual life.

4. The advance of the kingdom, the spiritual life, does not occur instantly, but over time. But it makes continual progress. Those who believe, like the disciples, do not instantly understand it all. But the Spirit of God, using the Word of God, illumines their understanding daily. Eventually, stumbling disciples will become bold apostles.

5. It is our task to know and understand the message well, so that we can present it as clearly and meaningful as possible. The rest is not up to us. And if we do that, we know that only some will receive it. We dare not consider some who share God’s word and see only a small response to be less spiritual or talented than those who share God’s word and see great responses. God gives the increase.

Because salvation is by faith alone in Christ alone and we are not saved by our works good or bad, yes, a homosexual person can go to heaven. Having said this, however, there is always the question of whether such a person has faced their sin and truly put their trust in Christ. If they have, then to continue with a homosexual lifestyle is living in rebellion and a believer will eventually experience misery and divine discipline.

The Scripture, which is God-breathed and accurate, gives us God’s declaration concerning this issue. It clearly states that it is sinful and contrary to man’s basic nature and the way God created us. Scripture gives us God’s revelation on this, not to keep us from having fun or from enjoying life, but to protect us from ourselves and the depravity to which we can all go when we seek to live our lives apart from a relationship with Him in the light of the Bible as His index and authority for both belief (doctrine) and practice (behavior).

The Scripture also gives us some strong warnings about having sin (any sin) as the practice, characterization, habit of our lives.

1 John 3:4-9 Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; indeed, sin is lawlessness. And you know that Jesus was revealed to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. Everyone who resides in him does not sin; everyone who sins has neither seen him nor known him. Little children, let no one deceive you: The one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as Jesus is righteous. The one who practices sin is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was revealed: to destroy the works of the devil. Everyone who has been fathered by God does not practice sin, because God's seed resides in him, and thus he is not able to sin, because he has been fathered by God.

(We know he is not simply talking about a one time sin, but something that characterizes a life by John's reference to "practice" in the context, the tense of the Greek verb used here, and the previous discussion of sin in relation to the Christian in 1 John 1:9-2:2.)

If that behavior of sin is the pattern of our lives we have no foundational reason to believe we have truly trusted in Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins. In that case the warning of 2 Corinthians 13:5 to test ourselves to see if we are indeed in the faith is especially important to heed.

So while anyone may be saved from their sin (regardless of what sin or to what extent it has been practiced) by faith in Jesus Christ and His work on their behalf in His death, burial, and resurrection, there are indeed warnings in Scripture that those who have truly been saved do not stay the same. God begins changing our lives as we surrender to His lordship and sanctifying work. We are saved as we are, but we do not stay that way. Remember Jesus' words to the woman caught in adultery after He showed her compassion and forgiveness: "Go and sin no more." (John 8:11) How is that possible? In the power of Christ alone through a surrendered life to Him and His work in one's life.

So then, one would no longer be identified by one's previous identity or slavery to any particular past sin—whether as a drunkard, adulterer, homosexual, thief, covetor, idolator, fornicator, extortioner, etc. Instead we would be now identified as the children of God, Christians, disciples of Jesus Christ. As having been freed from sin, we are a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17), and He will walk with us day by day to transform our lives as we walk in submission to Him.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! The sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, passive homosexual partners, practicing homosexuals, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, the verbally abusive, and swindlers will not inherit the kingdom of God. Some of you once lived this way. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Thanks be to God for providing a way for rescue from sin and providing for us to be able to walk in newness of life!

John 3:16-18 For this is the way God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world should be saved through him. The one who believes in him is not condemned. The one who does not believe has been condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the one and only Son of God.

For other resources on this issue see this article on Homosexuality: The Biblical Christian View, and other articles on Homosexuality.

Sam Storms has also done a very good job over here (http://www.samstorms.com/enjoying-god-blog/post/the-unrighteous-will-not-inherit-the-kingdom-of-god) pointing out how these same truths equally apply to adultery, and heterosexual sin. He also helpfully clarifies that having ever committed a homosexual act or a heterosexual sin does not forever exclude one from the kingdom of God. Rather it is the person who has an unrepentant and relishing mindset on immorality, drunkenness, idolatry, etc. that is in view. This passage likewise is not excluding people from the kingdom of God who struggle with these sins. Attraction to sin and action upon it are different matters-- as are reveling in something versus stumbling back into something. May we all depend on God's grace daily so that we gain victory over our temptations. We would recommend you see his article for further thoughtful consideration of these topics and this Scripture.

Sue Bohlin (Probe Ministries, Bible.org Women's Leadership Team) also serves on the Board of Directors for Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered discipleship ministry that helps people deal with unwanted homosexuality. The LHM Board consists of ministry professionals who together have over 50 years of experience in helping strugglers find freedom through Christ. This is a tool they wrote to help growing numbers of sexually confused youth (and older strugglers) from a compassionate, redemptive perspective.

For more direction on how to help strugglers in your congregation, please see the Bible.org articles When Someone In Your Congregation Says I'm Gay and Keys to Recovery From Same-Sex Attractions.

1. Where does homosexuality come from?

People end up with SSA (same sex attraction) because of a number of contributing factors:

• parental relationships
• gender identity confusion
• sexual and/or emotional abuse
• peer rejection

God intends for us to go through a series of stages in our emotional development, and those who experience same-sex attractions are stuck at an earlier stage. First, we are supposed to have a close bond with our mothers, then our fathers, then our same-sex peers, then finally opposite-sex peers. Those who are romantically or erotically drawn to their same sex need to grow and mature emotionally.

How do people get derailed from God's intended plan?

We live in a fallen world (as the result of sin), with every person born into a fallen family with fallen parents. God's plan is for every child to be celebrated and cherished by both a loving, affectionate mom and a dad who continually communicates and demonstrates unconditional love and acceptance. Sometimes, however, parents do not love their children wisely or well. Sometimes children do not make a good connection with their parents and are unable to receive the love parents are giving. Sometimes children are wounded by what their parents or other adults in authority do to them; sometimes they sustain a deficit from what their parents or their peers didn't do for them. These factors can compromise a child's "emotional immune system," making him or her more vulnerable to the consequences of living in a fallen world.

There are patterns for guys and for girls who experience same-sex attraction. With guys, there is a family dynamic that occurs so often it has become a stereotype:  a distant father who is absent physically and/or emotionally, leaving what some people have called "a father-shaped hole in one's heart," and an overbearing mother or one who has an unhealthy and extremely close relationship with her son. This results in a boy identifying with the feminine instead of the masculine of his father.

Many guys who feel they are gay report having experienced some kind of sexual abuse, usually at the hand of a man. Abuse warps a child's sense of self, his personal sense of value and worth, his sense of personal boundaries and his understanding of how one connects to another person relationally. Many (if not most) guys who are attracted to other men also experience rejection from other boys when they are young. When peers call you gay, fag, queer, homo, etc., it is easy to believe that you are who they say you are. However, God doesn't make anybody gay, fag, queer, etc. They're not telling the truth. Guys experiencing same-sex attration (SSA) feel like they don't belong in the world of men, and are far more comfortable in the world of females.

With girls, there is often a significant disconnect with their mothers. It could be because their moms actually neglected, abandoned, or abused them, or it could be simply because a girl perceived that her mother didn't love her or connect with her. Another huge element in a later development of same-sex attraction is a history of sexual abuse. Studies say it's between 66-90% of girls who experience SSA.

Girls who are uncomfortable with their femininity usually reject it out of the mistaken belief that femininity is weak, vulnerable, used, and contemptuous. Many girls who hate their femininity do so because this was modeled by their mothers. Additionally, if a girl does not receive affirmation of her femininity from her father, she will not believe she is beautiful or feminine. A girl usually believes she is whoever her father says she is.

Girls experiencing SSA often feel fearful of masculine strength and power as the result of an important man either violating her or not being there for her. Some can over-identify with the feminine, going overboard on the frilly feminine end of the spectrum but still not having healthy relationships with guys; some create a "false masculine" butch image to protect themselves from being hurt. Some girls and women who fear and hate men are the most masculine looking and acting, but it is not because they ARE masculine; it is because they reject the feminine and want to be asexual as a way of protecting themselves.

Homosexuality is not really about sex at all. A better name for it might be "gender identity confusion."

Our culture has an inadequate understanding of gender that results in a lot of guys and girls not accepting God's creation of male and female. Since God made humans "male and female," we are different from each other. There is a "spectrum of masculinity" that is far broader than our culture seems to think. On one end is the macho guy, the typical "man's man" who likes sports, aggression, being tough, and killing things. On the other end of the spectrum is the gentle, sensitive, artistic, creative kind of male. He often lacks the eye-hand coordination that would make him good at sports, but he has strong relational abilities and is highly creative. Both ends of the spectrum, and everything in between, are legitimate; God created the spectrum of masculinity and all expressions of it should be celebrated.

The guys on the creative/sensitive end of the spectrum, if supported in their type of masculinity, can become the best husbands, pastors, counselors, teachers, musicians—and the list goes on. Jesus had the full spectrum of masculinity: He was both a man's man, tough and unafraid, and He was unbelievably sensitive and relational at the same time. He had the physical strength of a carpenter and the artistic mindset of a craftsman. All kinds of people were drawn to Him. Jesus demonstrated the fullness of the true masculine.

There is a corresponding "spectrum of femininity" for girls. On one end are the frilly, girly-girl type who are born loving pink and anxious to play house. (This, of course, is what our narrow-minded culture defines as feminine.) On the other end of the spectrum are the "jockettes," the girls who are naturally physical, tend to be more aggressive and competitive, and hate dresses, doodling their hair, and anything "ladylike." And, of course there are those in between as well. The tomboy end of the spectrum is just as God-created as the girly-girl end. When the jockettes are supported in their femininity, they can learn how to act like a lady without resenting it, and often are natural leaders and the best kind of mothers and teachers of boys.

If someone labels you with something ugly like lez, dyke, queer, fag, or homo, don't accept it as true. Think of these hurtful labels as nametags with the wrong name on them. Take off the label and speak the truth: "This isn't me." If you're an artistic or musical guy, and someone labels you as gay, do not believe it. They do not know that your place on the gender spectrum is perfectly good and perfectly God-created. They simply do not understand that a different kind of masculinity does not equal an inferior kind of masculinity. The same goes for athletic girls without much patience for a traditional understanding of femininity.

In some strugglers, there seems to be some degree of predisposition that "sets them up," so to speak, for gender identity issues. For example, poor eye-hand coordination in boys that makes sports difficult, and higher testosterone levels in some girls that give them more masculine characteristics such as athleticism and aggressiveness. But predispositions do not determine choices or behavior. People may have predispositions to many things that society would not accept as normative or good (i.e. violence, alcoholism or depression). Gender identity problems are no different.

2. Why did God do this to me?

It may feel like God did it, but let us suggest a different framework.

We are born into a fallen world, each of us is born broken; brokenness is manifested in various ways in various people. Everybody experiences a different aspect of our fallen world, and this is your aspect.

We experience two kinds of pressure that can end up as SSA: the external pressures of being sinned against by fallen people (such as neglect, abuse, or a disconnect), and the internal pressures that come from responding in the flesh to anything apart from God to fix ourselves and make us feel better.

Flesh is the part of us that operates apart from God's empowering: self-oriented, self-gratifying, self-determining. All of us are born with nothing but flesh; at the moment you trust Christ, your spirit comes alive and you suddenly have a new source of power and transformation available only by yielding to God on a moment-by-moment basis. It is like being an appliance that gets plugged into a working power outlet at conversion. Operating in the Spirit (instead of the flesh) means you turn the power switch to "on." The moment you rely on yourself instead of God, you flip the switch off. The power is still available, but you are not using it. On a spiritual level, homosexuality is a result of responding to circumstances and pressures in your life in the flesh instead of turning to God in yieldedness and submission in the spirit.

3. What did I do to deserve this punishment?

Your struggle is not punishment; it is the result of sin, and you did not do anything to deserve this. You are part of humanity, and humanity sins. God grieves that these things happened to you, that things have happened for you to draw faulty conclusions and develop misconceptions about Him and yourself.

4. Do any other Christians struggle with this issue?

Yes, many.

Unfortunately, the atmosphere in most churches does not encourage openness and truthfulness in being able to talk about this issue.

Many Christians struggle with sexual brokenness of all kinds. Your struggle just happens to be same-gender brokenness.

5. Is there really hope for healing?

YES! Those pursuing healing from homosexuality have a higher success rate than those in recovery groups dealing with alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. Historically, there were even former homosexuals in the church at Corinth (1 Cor. 6:11). For modern-day stories of hope and healing, see:

Portraits of Freedom by Bob Davies
Living Hope Ministries www.livehope.org ( resources >> testimonies)
Portland Fellowship www.portlandfellowship.com (testimonies)

6. What does healing look like?

Let's define the term "healing." You can't equate healing with never again struggling. That would be the perfection of heaven, and no one on earth is there yet. No one still on earth experiences perfect healing.

Healing is not the absence of temptation. It is better defined as moving to the place where your struggle no longer a life-controlling issue.

We like to use the word "manage." You know where your SSA comes from, you know who you are, so you learn to manage your feelings and temptations. When you manage it long enough, it becomes second nature to you. It's getting in the habit of using your will to choose what is right and good instead of what appeals to your broken flesh. It means we choose to live by our morals and values rather than be driven by our feelings. When the lure of that sin is no stronger than the lure of any other thing that tempts you, you are experiencing healing.

Healing does not mean that you are not tempted, or that you are beyond giving into temptations, but that you now have the freedom to choose to stand and resist them successfully. It also means that the temptations grow less intense and powerful.

The ultimate goal is holy heterosexuality. That means understanding God's design for man and woman as complementary to each other, cooperating with God in emotional and spiritual healing, so that He can uncover your God-created heterosexuality. This may or may not include marriage. Jesus specifically mentioned that some are called to celibacy. (Matt 19:10-12; see also 1 Cor 7:7-9)

An important part of healing is embracing an accurate identity: knowing who you are in relationship to a holy God and His people. Learning who we are in Christ happens in the context of a personal relationship with God and in community. Learning that we are created to be heterosexual is a part of that identity. We choose to see ourselves and live according to how Christ defines us, not according to how we view ourselves or our temptations.

7. Why does it take so long to heal?

First, it took you a long time to get to the point you are. It takes a long time to deal with the things that happened.

Second, we live in a culture of instant, "take a pill and fix it now" mentality. We can get unnecessarily frustrated because of unrealistic expectations.

Deliverance ministries can encourage the unrealistic hope that we can experience instant healing without crucifying the flesh. (We aren't saying instantaneous healing never happens, but it's not the way God usually brings it.) Or that there is demon of homosexuality that can be cast out and POOF! your troubles are over. It doesn't work that way.

We are dealing with strongholds, areas where we have given the enemy a legitimate place in our lives. Total surrender and renouncing those strongholds is a hard blow to our flesh, and it's usually not instantaneous.

8. So do I focus on being "straight?"

No, you focus on Jesus and your relationship with Him, and who you are in Him. Then He will take care of your sexual orientation.

You can't talk yourself into being straight. You don't have that kind of power. Only Jesus does.

9. What does a healthy same sex relationship look like?

• Mutual respect, not seeking to complete oneself or consume another.
• Not putting another person in a position to meet needs that only God can fill; not idolatrous. (Relational idolatry is elevating self or others to a position above God)
• No erotic component
• The element of desperation is not there
• Healthy, godly emotional intimacy and friendship (see David and Jonathan)
• Intimacy: the sharing of one's feelings, heart and passions with another
• Physical touch is respectful of the other person's boundaries; non-erotic; not initiated out of neediness but out of strength and confidence in who you are. Not given to draw something from the other but to affirm and bless the other.
• Does not seek exclusivity with the other person but opens up the friendship to allows others in.
• Look at the description of love in 1 Cor. 13 to see a description of healthy relationships.
• Complementarity of masculinity and femininity balancing each other
• Men using their strength to lead and protect and serve
• Women using their beauty, nurturing capacity and intuition to support others

10. How do I deal with jokes/comments from friends about homosexuality?

You can point out that saying those things can be hurtful to those who struggle with that issue, because you never know when someone in their family has this issue and it really hurts when people make fun. (The person in the family might be you, but you don't have to say so.)

By making those kinds of comments, it often prevents people from being open with their personal struggles with homosexuality. They can feel locked up and unsafe to share. Realize that many times, when people make jokes or comments, it's not a reflection of their real thoughts and feelings but a social construct and/or a way to make them feel like they fit in. Or it could be a reflection of their own discomfort with this issue.

11. Why should I trust you?

You shouldn't. No one should give trust right off the bat. For the wise person, trust is not given, it's earned. Hopefully, in the process of our building a relationship together, you'll be able to.

12. Am I a freak?

If by freak you mean you are unique and different, yes. You are unique and different. We are all unique because we are fashioned by God's hand to be uniquely you.

If by freak you mean you're some kind of mistake or aberration that God created, then no, you're not. He didn't make you a freak.

13. If God has set me free, why do I still struggle?

Because you still live in the flesh. The flesh will always war against the spirit, and the spirit wars against the flesh. The flesh was disabled at the Cross, but we are free to live according to its habits and patterns. At the Cross, Christ dealt with the penalty and the power of sin, but it's up to us to crucify the flesh by saying no to sin and yes to godliness. God does not take away our choice to sin, but He has given us the power to resist that sin, should we choose to. Things are further complicated by the fact that we live in a culture surrounded by temptations and struggles on three fronts: the world, the flesh and the devil.

14. Do you have any idea what it is like to be me?

No, not exactly. However, many of us who are in this ministry have struggled with these same issues, or have spent enormous amounts of time with people who have struggled with these issues. We ALL know what it's like to be lonely, to lust, to feel rejected, to feel longings for intimacy. We all know what it's like to struggle with sin.

15. But I really am gay, right?

No, you're not! God made you male or female, period. However, you may have been deceived into adopting a gay identity. You may have believed that you were gay/lesbian/bi/transgender, but that's not who you really are. You didn't choose to feel the way you do; however, the circumstances and experiences of your life may have caused you to believe that you were something other than male or female. Scripture says, "As a man (or woman) thinks within his heart, so is he" (Prov. 23:7). As you begin to embrace the truth of who God says you are, you will begin to live out your true identity as created by God.

16. Why is this sin so bad in the eyes of God and the church?

Let's distinguish between the eyes of God and the eyes of the church.

To God, all sin separates us from Him. This is sin is not worse than heterosexual promiscuity. But because it is relational in nature, its consequences are often more severe in our personal lives and hearts. Because sin separates us from God, we all need forgiveness and repentance, and it is for that very cause that Christ died.

Most of us find it easy to be repulsed by things which don't tempt us. (For example, how do you feel about eating worms?) Another reason is the unnaturalness of homosexual acts (Rom. 1). It may feel natural to you, but God says that longings for same-sex sexual intimacy are alien to God's intent.

One reason many in the church react so strongly is that they are unconsciously reacting to gay activists. They assume the radical activists speak for all who experience SSA and they react in anger to them.

In the eyes of the church, unfortunately, this sin has often been viewed like some sins of the past (i.e., divorce)—that people who commit these sins are somehow unredeemable or unforgivable. The church has been wrong in that view, and we now see the beginnings of a wave of repentance on the part of the church and its leaders for the alienation they have caused in the lives of many who struggle with homosexuality.

17. Why am I so deeply ashamed and dirty?

The reason you feel shame is because you already know conviction of the Holy Spirit in your life, and you have resisted true repentance, and the devil has come in and made you feel bad about who are you are. You may be experiencing guilt as well as shame. Guilt is feeling bad for what we've done. Shame is feeling bad who for we are. Guilt says, "I acted out with a person of the same sex." Shame says, "I'm a miserable loser and unworthy of love because of what I did."

Satan is a liar. First he entices us by convincing us that something sinful will be so good and fulfilling, and then when we give into temptation, he beats us up with shame and guilt messages.

Secrecy is a part of experiencing same-sex attractions. We don't keep secrets—secrets keep us. As we bring things into the light, we acknowledge what they are (confession), and God is able to bring healing.

The core of your shame is an awareness that something isn't right within. The innate awareness of one's same-sex feelings being so unnatural and out of place is a sense of shame and conviction meant to drive us to God to make things right.

If you feel dirty, it may come from not repenting. Repentance means turning a full 180 degrees away from our sin and to God. Also, 1 John 1:9 tells us that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just not only to forgive us our sins, but to CLEANSE us from all unrighteousness. If you are feeling dirty, it may be because God is shining His light on you and making you aware of your sinfulness and brokenness. Part of truly confessing our sin means releasing it into God's hands and allowing Him to cleanse us of our unrighteousness.

If you have fully repented and fully confessed and fully released your sin to God, and you're still feeling dirty, Satan may be lying to you about God's goodness, and telling you you're still dirty because God doesn't fulfill His promises about cleansing you.

An appropriate response to God's conviction is seen is Isaiah 6, where Isaiah became aware of his own sinfulness, confessed it, received cleansing, and then went out to serve God.

18. Why is the GLBT community so loving and accepting and the church so judgmental?

GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and Transgender) is a community of people with similar wounds who know what it is to feel marginalized and ostracized, and out of that sensitivity they reach out in acceptance and warmth. However, it's not unconditional acceptance. Start talking about change and ex-gay, and see how accepting they are.

When it comes to the church, we must remember that it is composed of sinful people who many times continue to act in their fallenness even though they're in church. However, there are churches that model grace and acceptance because they have a good grasp of their own weaknesses and fallenness, and are quick to extend the same kind of love and acceptance that we all long for. These churches will often point you in hopeful ways toward redemption but not require or coerce you into the unrealistic demand of "instant sanctification."

The answers to these questions are written by the Living Hope board members, and on behalf of the rest of the church of Jesus Christ, please allow us to acknowledge that the church has sinned against homosexual strugglers, and we ask your forgiveness. (Pastor Bob Stith has written an open letter of apology you might want to read: www.justice-respect.org/essays/repentance.html) If a root of bitterness and unforgiveness still has a place in your heart over the way you were treated, this would be a good time to confess it and let it go.

19. Will I ever want a woman/man the same way I want a man/woman now?

No. The reason is because your driving passions now are expressions of your brokenness and woundedness and are attempts to fill something you lacked or missed in your development. Genuine other-gender attraction is the embracing of the complementarity of the opposite sex. Healthy heterosexual relationships are comprised of two people giving the best of themselves to each other rather than sucking the life energies out of each other. Healthy relationships are an expression of a full heart seeking to give and serve the other, rather than a mutual yawning desire to fill an empty place in one's heart or to consume the best of the other person in an attempt to find wholeness.

We will not deny that there is an intensity to same-sex relationships (especially in the beginning) that is almost intoxicating. This also extends to illicit sexual heterosexual relationships as well. However, we would point out that intoxication is another word for poison. The intensity of same-sex relationships is not a healthy intensity and cannot realistically be maintained over a long period of time. Furthermore, while the infatuation stage also happens with heterosexual relationships, they have the created capacity and ability to mature into long-term healthy committed monogamous love and complementarity that same-sex relationships never can because they are intrinsically broken. Same sex relationships can never be right and never be whole because they are broken from the beginning without any hope of developing into whole and healthy relationships.

20. Will a woman/man ever really love (or marry) me if they know about my stuff?

If you're marrying the kind of person you ought to be marrying, they should. People with a good grasp of their own sinfulness are able to extend grace and understanding to other sinners. You are not defined by your past sin. You ARE defined by who you are in Christ. For example, you are a forgiven, beloved child of God. Anyone who can't see you that way isn't seeing you as you really are.

Everyone has something for which they need forgiveness. As we come together in relationships, we learn from our pasts in order to build more secure and stable futures. Through honest and open communication we insure that the sins of the past are not repeated.

Not everyone in your life needs to know your stuff, but anyone you would marry needs to know. It's an important part of the shaping process of how you became who you are today.

21. Why is it so wrong to love someone of the same sex if it feels so right?

If you're asking about the emotional aspect of love, it's not wrong to love someone of the same sex as long as it is contained within the boundaries of healthy same-gender friendships. The problem comes in when our definitions of love get twisted to mean things like "getting my needs met," manipulation, and emotional dependency.

Consider the phrase, "feels so right." We have heard many stories of people who were sexually molested in their childhood; many of them report feeling pleasure when it happened. However, the fact that they felt pleasure didn't make the experience(s) right. In much the same way, same sex relationships "feel" right because in those moments they are meeting genuine emotional needs in your life. But they are meeting those needs in illegitimate, inappropriate ways.

Flesh has no moral standard; it just wants to feel good. Skin against skin feels good. Nerve cells being stimulated feel good. Sometimes "feeling good" is confused with "feeling right."

The Bible says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof is death" (Prov. 14:12). Many things FEEL right, but they result in destructive outcomes which leave us further wounded, and further alienated from God and others.

The bottom line is, if God says something is wrong, it doesn't matter how "right" it feels to us. Our feelings can lie.

22. I've prayed and prayed; why doesn't God take it away?

The problem isn't your feelings; the real root problem is that you have some messed-up views about your sexual identity, which affect your feelings. Most of the time it goes back to your relationships with your mom and dad, and it helps to look at those for greater self-understanding. You also need to pursue a deeper understanding of the big picture of who God created you to be so you can align your thinking with what God says is true. You need to allow Him to correct a distorted view of your heavenly Father (which is why this whole recovery thing is about discipleship). You also need to allow Him to correct your distorted view of prayer. Many people expect God to take care of the problem instead of showing us the answer to the problem. We get stuck by being passive, when He wants us to work through the problem with Him. We also need to address unrealistic expectations. God never promises a timetable for answering our prayers. And He doesn't wave a magic wand over us and make our problems disappear.

Not to get too theological, but it already has been taken away. (Your same-sex feelings are part of your flesh, and your flesh was disabled at the moment you trusted Christ, although you can continue to live as if that were not true.) It's your responsibility to learn to walk in the truth of your identity as a redeemed heterosexual man or woman. And that's hard work, but you have God's assistance in the journey.

God will do what only God can do, when we have done all that He asks us to do. God invites us to be part of the transformation process. Consider Lazarus' friends and family (rolling the stone out of the way, unwrapping Lazarus), Moses (stretched out his hands during the parting of the Red Sea), and the woman with the hemorrhage (reached out to touch Jesus). Jesus wants us to participate in the miraculous, but He will not do for us that which we need to do for ourselves. God's goal for us is that we be "mature and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:4). But we can't get there without struggle and the hard work of crucifying the flesh and casting down strongholds of lies and misconceptions. It's like working out at a gym to develop muscles and strength. There is no shortcut—but there is a Living Hope for change.

Copyright 2005 Living Hope Ministries, Arlington, Texas www.livehope.org