The Spanish have a story about a father and son who had become estranged. The son left home and the father set out to find him. He searched for many months with no success. Finally, in desperation, the father took out a newspaper ad that read, “Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your father.” On Saturday, 800 men named Paco showed up looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers.

In a fallen world, forgiveness is essential to maintain close relationships. We all need forgiveness and we all need to grant forgiveness, because we all sin and we all have been sinned against.

But asking for and granting forgiveness are not easy tasks! It’s not an easy subject to understand, as seen by the fact that different writers say conflicting things about forgiveness. It’s not an easy subject to practice, especially on the emotional level. The deeper you have been hurt, the more difficult it is truly to forgive. Some of you were abused emotionally, physically, or sexually as children by your parents or by trusted family members. Some of you have children who were abused by your mate or by a family member. Some have been betrayed by an unfaithful spouse whom you loved and cared for deeply. These kinds of wrongs are not easy to forgive.

But if you’re a Christian, seeking and granting forgiveness are not optional. Jesus said that if you do not forgive others, the heavenly Father will not forgive you (Matt. 6:15; Mark 11:25). Scholars are divided over whether that refers to being under God’s eternal judgment or to your relationship with the Father as His child. I favor the second option. But either way, you don’t want to miss out on the Father’s forgiveness! Jesus said that forgiving others is so important that if you are worshiping God when you remember that your brother has something against you, you should first go be reconciled to your brother and then come back to worship God (Matt. 5:23-24). So it is vital for you as a Christian to grapple with understanding and practicing forgiveness. Since many books have been written on this topic, I can only touch on some of the issues.

In the context, Paul is showing specific ways that we are to put on the new man, “which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth” (4:24). In our last study, we saw how we are to put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander (4:31). We are to replace these sins with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you (4:32). Now we want to focus on what it means to forgive and how we can practically apply it.

To forgive others, we must understand the nature of forgiveness and the perspective needed for it, and we must take action to demonstrate forgiveness.

1. To forgive others, we must understand the nature of forgiveness.

What does it mean to ask forgiveness or to forgive someone? There is a lot of misunderstanding here. Jay Adams (From Forgiven to Forgiving [Calvary Press], pp. 58-60) argues that apologizing is the world’s substitute for forgiving. He points out that there is not a single reference in the Bible to apologizing. It is an unbiblical concept. It allows the wrongdoer to tell you how he feels (“I’m sorry”) without acknowledging his sin and it does not ask the one sinned against to grant forgiveness.

Adams also points out (pp. 112, 135) that biblical forgiveness does not mean accepting the other person in his sin, which often amounts to condoning sin. Again, this is often the world’s way. The world brushes aside the concept of sin by saying, “Hey, no problem! Don’t worry about it, we all make mistakes!” But there is no acknowledgement or confession of sin.

In biblical forgiveness, the wrongdoer admits, “I sinned against you,” and asks, “Will you forgive me?” The one wronged must respond by promising, “I forgive you.” This is very different than just saying you’re sorry or saying to the one who wronged you, “Hey, don’t worry about it!”

Paul says that we are to forgive each other “just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” God didn’t say, “Hey, don’t worry about it, we all make mistakes!” He didn’t just brush our sin aside. Rather, our sin renders us truly guilty before God’s holy justice. We have violated His holy law. He requires that the penalty be paid. But in love, He sent His own Son to bear the penalty that we deserved. When the guilty sinner repents of his sin and lays hold of Christ by faith, God graciously and totally forgives the debt of sin. He releases the sinner from the guilt of his sin. He promises not to remember those sins against him, in the sense of not bringing them up again for judgment. And, He is reconciled to the sinner through the blood of Christ. Extrapolating from God’s forgiveness of us, we can say the following about our forgiveness of others:

A. Biblical forgiveness is the decision…

Before I tell you what this decision involves, let me underscore that it is a deliberate decision you must make. A friend of Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross, once reminded her of an especially cruel thing that someone had done to her years before. But Miss Barton did not seem to recall it. “Don’t you remember it?” her friend asked. “No,” said Miss Barton, “I distinctly remember forgetting it.” Forgiveness is the decision to drop the offense, to let it go. It involves at least five aspects:

         To release the offender from the guilt of his sin.

When God forgives us, He brings down the gavel in His courtroom and declares, “Not guilty! Case dismissed.” And the guilty sinner bears his guilt no longer! When you choose to forgive someone, you let the matter drop, releasing him from his guilt.

         To refuse to bring up the offense to use against the offender.

When God says that He will not remember our sins any more (Heb. 8:12; 10:17), He does not forget them in the sense of amnesia. Rather, He means that He will not bring up any of our offenses against us in the future. We do not have to fear standing before Him someday, because there is now no condemnation for us in Christ (Rom. 8:1). To forgive someone is to promise not to bring the matter up again to use against him. Sometimes it is necessary to bring up a forgiven sin for the purpose of teaching or restoration. Sometimes it is proper to impose consequences to teach the seriousness of sin, as God did with David after his sin with Bathsheba (2 Sam. 12:9-14). It may be proper for a forgiven offender to be required to make restitution. If he committed a crime, he may need to be prosecuted and spend time in prison. But when we forgive him, we should not bring up his sin to accuse or condemn him or to win an argument.

         To refuse to think about the offense.

Thankfully, God is not in heaven rehearsing our forgiven sins every day! For us, this is one of the most difficult aspects of forgiveness, especially when the wrong was serious. But, like Clara Barton, we must distinctly remember to forget past wrongs that we have chosen to forgive. You must deliberately direct your thoughts to other things, such as how much God has forgiven you. To dwell on an offense that you have forgiven is to break your promise to forgive.

         To refuse to talk to others about the offense.

If you say that you forgive someone and then tell others about the offense, you are trying to make the offender pay, which is not forgiveness. Or, you’re trying to evoke sympathy or admiration from others at the offender’s expense. When you forgive, you choose to drop the matter. The only exception would be if you fear that the offender may be trying to repeat his sin toward another person, who needs to be warned of the danger. For example, if someone has molested your child and you see him hanging out with another family with young children, it is appropriate to warn them to be on guard.

         To be reconciled with the offender as far as is biblically possible.

God forgives us so that we may be reconciled to Him and enjoy a close relationship with Him. When we forgive others, we should also seek to restore the broken relationship. This does not always mean becoming best of friends, but it should at least mean that we are cordial and friendly towards the person. To say, “I forgive you, but I never want to see your ugly face again,” is not to forgive as God forgives! Of course, if the offender does not truly repent of his sin, we cannot be truly reconciled or in a close relationship. But even then, we are still commanded to love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us, and pray for those who mistreat us (Luke 6:27-28).

So, biblical forgiveness is a decision to release the offender from the guilt of his sin, to refuse to bring up the offense to use against him, to refuse to think about the offense, to refuse to talk to others about the offense, and to be reconciled to the offender if possible. Also, to understand forgiveness we must realize that…

B. Biblical forgiveness is costly.

It cost God the death of His beloved Son. It will not usually cost us that much, but it still may be very costly. I have read stories of parents who have forgiven the murderer or molester of their child. That is costly! At the very least, it costs us the time and effort to go to the offender and try to work on reconciliation. It does not happen automatically or when you are passive.

C. Biblical forgiveness is undeserved.

God forgives us by grace alone, which is undeserved favor. If someone has to earn it, it’s not forgiveness. If you make him pay or do penance, it’s not forgiveness.

D. Biblical forgiveness is total.

God doesn’t forgive just some of our sins, saving some others to bring up later when He needs some leverage against us! He forgives them all (1 John 1:9). So we can’t say, “I forgive you for this, but I’m not going to forgive you for that!” It must be total.

E. Biblical forgiveness is final.

God doesn’t say, “If you do that again, I’m revoking your previous forgiveness!” He says (Heb. 10:17), “Their sins and lawless deeds I will remember no more.” To forgive someone is to dismiss the case against him. You can’t bring it up again.

Much more could be said, but that gives us some understanding of the nature of biblical forgiveness. But, how do we put it into practice? We need the right perspective or mindset:

2. To forgive others, we must understand the perspective needed for forgiveness.

Many Christian authors emphasize the benefits that forgiving others will bring to you. It’s true, you will benefit by forgiving others. You will get rid of your bitterness, which eats at your soul. You will enjoy restored relationships with others, along with many other blessings. But, the benefits for you are really the by-products of forgiveness. Your focus should not be on what’s in it for you, but rather on glorifying God and loving others.

A. The motive in forgiving others should be to glorify God, who has forgiven you.

As we saw in Ephesians 1:7, the forgiveness of our sins is according to the riches of His grace, so that we will be to the praise of His glory (1:12). If someone sees how much you have forgiven someone else and praises you for it, be quick to divert the praise to God, who has forgiven you so much.

B. Remember how and how much God has forgiven you in Christ.

As we have seen, He forgave you by grace alone. You didn’t deserve anything but His judgment, but He still forgave you out of His great love. And He has forgiven you far more than you can ever forgive anyone else. Jay Adams (pp. 5-6) illustrates how much God has forgiven us by imagining sitting in a movie theater. The theater is packed and the show is about to begin. Then you discover that this movie is the unedited, undeleted story of your entire life! The sound track will contain everything that you have ever said. In fact, the movie will project everything you have ever thought, including all of the things you would have liked to have done if you thought you could have gotten away with it.

Every one of us is relieved that such a movie of us does not exist! But, God has that movie! His forgiveness means that He tosses it in the depths of the sea. Having been forgiven that much, He commands us to forgive others for their lesser sins against us (Matt. 18:21-35).

C. Remember that God is the sovereign over all that happens and He is the righteous Judge of all.

When someone wrongs you, it helps to control your anger, root out bitterness, and make you ready to forgive if you remember that God has allowed this to happen for His purpose and your ultimate good (Rom. 8:28). When Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, he could have become a very bitter young man. Instead, he chose to forgive his brothers. After their father died, they feared that now he would use his position of power to get revenge. But Joseph acknowledged God’s sovereignty and goodness when he said to them (Gen. 50:19-20), “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” By the way, it is blasphemous to say that we must sometimes forgive God. We only must forgive those who wrong us, and the Judge of the earth always does what is right!

Also, while we should not wish for or pray for God to judge our enemies, but rather to save them, we can take comfort in the fact that if they do not repent, they will face God’s justice someday (1 Pet. 4:17-19; Rev. 18:20; 19:1-3). Vengeance belongs to the Lord and He will repay; so we are free to forgive (Rom. 12:19).

D. Have compassion on the other person as a fellow sinner needing God’s grace.

Paul tells us to be kind and tenderhearted toward those who wrong us, rather than bitter and angry. One way to do that is to realize that you don’t know all that the other person has gone through in his life. Perhaps his parents abused him. That isn’t an excuse for his sin, but realizing that he may have had a difficult life may mitigate your anger and put you in the frame of mind to forgive. Also, it helps to realize that if I had been born in the ghetto to a drug-using mother who didn’t even know who my father was, I could be committing horrible sins today. In other words, the person who has wronged me is just like me, a sinner in need of God’s grace. So I need to be kind and forgiving towards him. That leads to the final step towards implementing forgiveness:

3. To forgive others, we must take action to demonstrate forgiveness.

Before I discuss this point, I need to make two distinctions, which are vital for understanding and implementing biblical forgiveness. Then I need to give a brief warning before we look at the action of forgiveness.

A. First distinction: There is a difference between granting forgiveness and re-establishing trust.

When someone sins against you, he destroys trust in the relationship. Forgiveness is granted freely and graciously, but trust is earned over time. If a husband is unfaithful to his wife, she may forgive him freely, but she doesn’t trust him. That is not a contradiction! He must demonstrate repentance and integrity to earn back her trust and it will take time.

B. Second distinction: There is a difference between forgiving someone in your heart and extending that forgiveness to him verbally.

We are to forgive others as God has forgiven us. Question: Does God forgive sinners apart from their repentance and confession of sin? Answer: No. God is ready to forgive sinners the instant they repent. He has made provision so that any sinner that repents is promised mercy and abundant forgiveness (Isa. 55:6-7). He shows kindness towards sinners to lead them to repentance. But God does not forgive sinners unless they repent.

Thus I conclude that as imitators of God (Eph. 5:1), we must forgive in our hearts those who have wronged us. We must be praying for their repentance and be ready to forgive the instant that they do repent. Like the father of the prodigal son, we should be looking for their repentant return and when we see them on the horizon, we run joyously to welcome them back. But, we should not extend forgiveness verbally until they actually do repent.

C. Warning: Be careful not to reflect pride in showing forgiveness.

If someone has wronged you but has not yet come and asked forgiveness and you go to him and say, “I forgive you for what you did to me,” it may come across as pride. It puts you in the high place of saying, “I am such a kindhearted, benevolent soul that I’m going to forgive you, you undeserving wretch!”

I have heard amazing stories of those who have gone to a killer in prison and forgiven him for murdering their loved one. In some cases, it has led to his repentance and conversion. But in those cases, there wasn’t any doubt about the man’s guilt and so it didn’t come across as self-righteous pride on the part of the ones extending forgiveness. So be careful in how you go about extending forgiveness to the offender, that you don’t reflect pride.

D. Action: Be kind, tenderhearted, and ready joyously to extend forgiveness the instant the offender repents.

If you’re thinking, “I hope that dirty rat gets what he has coming to him and that his life is ruined,” you haven’t forgiven him in your heart. If you’re seething with anger, you haven’t forgiven him. You have forgiven him when you pray for his repentance, when you cheerfully do kind deeds for  him, and when you well up with joy at the thought of his repentance and the restoration of the relationship.

You may be thinking, “But I don’t feel like doing something kind for him. Wouldn’t I be a hypocrite to act against my feelings?” The answer is, no, you would be obeying God! Often we must act in obedience and pray for God to change our feelings. If you can’t treat the other person with kindness out of a desire to please him, then do it out of a desire to please God. If you wait for good feelings towards the offender, you may never show him kindness. Remember, it is God’s kindness towards evil and ungrateful men that leads them to repentance (Luke 6:35; Rom. 2:4). Your kindness toward the offender for Christ’s sake may be what God uses to bring him to repentance.

Josephine Ligon (“Your Daffodils are Pretty,” Christianity Today [3/2/1979], p. 18) related an incident from her childhood that she never forgot. There was a family named Parsons in her hometown that preached and practiced forgiveness. On one occasion, Josephine and some of her third-grade friends put a handful of pencil shavings into the Parsons girl’s sandwich, just to be mean and to make her mad. But she didn’t get mad. Instead, the next day, without any sign of repentance from her persecutors, the Parsons girl brought everyone in the class a large, beautiful, hand-decorated cookie that said, “Jesus loves you.” That little girl demonstrated the action of forgiveness and those third graders remembered it for the rest of their lives!

Conclusion

If God has used this message to put on your heart relationships where you need to ask forgiveness or grant forgiveness, I urge you not to procrastinate. Maybe you cannot grant forgiveness because the other person has not repented, but you can pray for his repentance. You can ask God for ways to show kindness to the offender. You can be ready to forgive and restore the relationship.

General Oglethorpe once said to John Wesley, “I never forgive and I never forget,” to which Wesley replied, “Then, sir, I hope you never sin.” Because we all sin, we all need forgiveness and we all need to forgive, just as God in Christ has forgiven us.

Application Questions

1. Some argue that forgiveness should be unconditional. Do you agree? Give biblical support for your answer.
2. If a family member molests your child, does forgiveness require seeking a reconciled relationship with him? Can trust ever be totally restored in such cases?
3. Do you agree that apologizing is the world’s substitute for forgiveness? How does an apology differ from seeking forgiveness? How should we ask for forgiveness when we’ve sinned?
4. Do you agree with the distinction between forgiving someone in your heart before he repents, but not extending forgiveness to him until after he repents? Give biblical support.

Copyright, Steven J. Cole, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture Quotations are from the New American Standard Bible, Updated Edition © The Lockman Foundation

The way that God designed our five senses so that they adjust to minimize harsh stimuli is amazing! Your eyes adjust to bright sunlight so that it doesn’t seem so bright or to a dark room so that it isn’t so dark. Your ears filter out certain noises so that you don’t even think about them. In Dallas, our apartment was on a busy freeway. We got so used to the noise that it seemed weird to wake up in the middle of the night when it was quiet. Then a car would go by and we’d realize that the usual freeway noise was missing.

Your sense of smell works the same way. When I used to paint houses, the customers would come home and complain about the terrible smell of the paint. I honestly couldn’t smell anything, because I had grown used to the smell. The same thing happens with your sense of taste. Not many people like the taste of coffee at first. It’s too bitter. But after you develop a taste for it, the bitter tastes good. And, your sense of touch develops calluses so that what at first felt rough no longer bothers you.

Our spiritual senses also work like our physical senses, but with a crucial difference. While it is to our advantage in most cases to adjust to harsh physical stimuli, it is to our disadvantage spiritually. When we first hear of some terrible sin, we shrink back in horror and disgust. But if we are exposed to this sin repeatedly, so that it becomes commonplace, we tend to accept it or at least shrug it off. Alexander Pope (1688-1744) saw this when he wrote (“Essay on Man,” in Familiar Quotations, by John Bartlett [Little, Brown, and Company], 13th ed., p. 317),

Vice is a monster of so frightful mien [appearance]
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.

I fear that the American church is in grave danger of pitying or embracing the sexual immorality that has engulfed our nation. (From here on, this message is probably rated PG-13, although I’ll try to keep it to a PG rating!) Twenty years ago, Leadership journal did a survey on sex and the American clergy. Of the pastors responding to the survey, 20 percent said that they looked at sexually oriented media (print, video, or movies) at least once a month (Winter, 1988, p. 24). This was before the Internet made such material easily available in your own home or on your laptop computer when you travel! And 38 percent of these pastors said they find themselves fantasizing about sex with someone other than their spouse at least once a month.

The same survey asked these pastors, “Since you’ve been in local church ministry, have you ever done anything with someone (not your spouse) that you feel was sexually inappropriate?” Twenty-three percent answered yes. The inappropriate behavior was left undefined and could have ranged from unguarded words to flirtation to adultery. When asked specifically about adultery, 12 percent of pastors answered yes (since entering local church ministry)! Leadership asked the same questions of readers of Christianity Today magazine who were not pastors. The incidences of immorality were nearly double, with 45 percent indicating that they had done something inappropriate, and 23 percent admitting to extramarital sex (p. 12)!

Again, this survey is now 20 years old. I’m sure that the increases in the availability of pornography, along with the increasingly degrading content of movies and television, have not improved those statistics! Several years ago, Al Mohler wrote (cited without reference by Ligon Duncan, June 4, 2006, accessed at: http://www.fpcjackson.org/resources/sermons/Ephesians/20b% proved those statistics! Several years ago, Al Mohler wrote (cited without reference by Ligon Duncan, June 4, 2006, accessed at: http://www.fpcjackson.org/resources/sermons/Ephesians/20b% 20ephesians_5.3_4.htm):

The statistics are truly frightening. According to industry studies, 70% percent of 18-24 year old men visit pornographic sites in a typical month. These young men represent something like one-fourth of all visitors to pornographic sites on the internet. The next largest group of users are young men in their 20’s and 30’s, 66% of whom report being regular users of pornography….

Today the average teenage boy is likely to have seen thousands of explicit sexual images, ranging across the spectrum of sexualities and perversions. Many of these boys and young men are driven by sexual fantasies that previous generations of young men would not have even known existed…. Today Americans rent more than 800 million pornographic videos and DVD’s every year. About 20% of all video rentals are pornographic. At least 11,000 pornographic videos are produced annually, amounting to revenue for the adult film industry estimated at between 5 and 10 billion dollars a year….

Mohler also cites a November, 2003, “60 Minutes” report that many of the largest hotel chains, including Hilton, Marriott, Hyatt, Sheraton, and Holiday Inn, make most of their in-room profits from the sale of pay-per-view porn—with half of all guests purchasing erotic video products (http://www.albertmohler.com/ chasing erotic video products (http://www.albertmohler.com/ commentary_read.php?cdate=2003-12-02).

Since we’re all swimming in this filthy cesspool, the apostle Paul’s commands in our text become even more urgent, that as God’s saints, we eliminate sexual impurity from our thoughts, words, and deeds. The reasons that he gives for his commands are not so that you will have a happy marriage (although eliminating this filth is an essential part of a happy marriage). Rather, he tells us that those who practice such things will not be in heaven, but will come under God’s wrath! Thus is it to your eternal advantage to understand and apply Paul’s words here. He is saying that…

The saints must not be immoral or greedy, but rather thankful, because the immoral and greedy will incur God’s wrath.

Verse 3 begins with “but,” drawing a contrast with the command to walk in love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us. He wants to make it clear that the love to which Christ calls us stands in stark contrast with the lust of the pagan world. The Greco-Roman world of that day, including the city of Ephesus, was noted for moral corruption. The temple of Artemis offered ritual prostitution as part of its “worship.” Sexual promiscuity was commonplace. The Emperor Nero was openly homosexual and was known to have been sexually involved with his own mother. So it was imperative for the church to be distinct from this immoral culture that was facing God’s judgment.

So that we all are perfectly clear, let me point out that being a moral person will not get you into heaven. Of course, none of us has been perfectly moral, because Jesus raised the standard to mental purity when He said that if we even look on a woman to lust, we have committed adultery with her in our hearts (Matt. 5:27-28). But even if you can claim always to have been faithful to your spouse or to be chaste as a single person, it will not qualify you for heaven. As we saw (Eph. 2:8-9), “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” So the task for the church is not to crusade to make our culture more moral, but rather to get people saved. God’s transforming our hearts is the basis for pleasing Him by a holy life. Paul makes three points:

1. The saints must not be immoral or greedy (5:3-4a).

Paul writes (5:3), “But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” Saints is Paul’s common word for believers and means, holy ones. The Bible never uses the word to refer to a special class of believers who are a notch above the rest. It refers to the fact that as a believer, you are sanctified or set apart as holy unto the Lord. Now you are to live as a saint.

A. God’s standard for moral purity is absolute, not relative, and thus is not debatable.

We live in a day when even most professing Christians deny that God’s moral standards are absolutely true and binding on all people in all cultures. As far back as 1991 (and I’m sure the percentages have not improved since then!), only 23 percent of “born again” or “evangelical” Christians expressed a strong belief in absolute truth (from George Barna’s What Americans Believe, cited by James Dobson in a newsletter, Dec., 1991). In our culture at large, 47 percent now approve of homosexuality, although that breaks down into 83 percent of liberals versus 23 percent of conservatives. Among liberals, 89 percent approve of sex between an unmarried man and woman; 33 percent of conservatives agree. Having a baby out of wedlock is acceptable to 83 percent of liberals and 33 percent of conservatives (The Washington Times [6/5/2007], p. A6).

But God’s standards for moral purity are not up for popular vote! He designed the sexual relationship for a man and a woman in a lifelong committed marriage. When practiced within these boundaries, it is a good gift from God, not something dirty. He gave us His commandments for our good. When we violate His standards, it results in short term pleasure (that’s why we’re tempted to do it), but long term pain and problems. Keeping God’s commandments is often difficult in the short term, but deeply fulfilling in the long term.

B. God’s standard includes moral purity in thought, speech, and behavior.

Jesus said that immoral behavior comes out of the heart (Mark 7:21-23), and so we must deal with it on the heart level. Paul uses six terms here to refer to sins that the saints must not practice:

(1). Immorality

This is the Greek word porneia, which refers to any type of sexual immorality. It includes premarital sex, extramarital sex, incest, homosexuality, bestiality, and the use of pornography. Any sex outside of the lifelong commitment of marriage is not rooted in love (as I defined it in our last study, “a self-sacrificing, caring commitment that shows itself in seeking the highest good of the one loved”), but in lust. Outside of marriage, sex devolves into using the other person for your own gratification.

(2). Impurity

This word means “dirty” or “impure,” and was used to refer to the pus around an infected wound. In the moral realm, it refers to that which contaminates others and is repulsive and disgusting. Paul used it in 4:19 to refer to the ungodly behavior of the Gentiles, who had “given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness.”

(3). Greed

As in 4:19, Paul lists greed right beside sexual sins and in 5:5 he equates it with idolatry (cf. Col. 3:5). The greedy man has a lust for more, whether it is money, material possession, or sexual conquests. Greed is motivated by selfish pleasure apart from God. It is idolatry because it seeks to find pleasure in something other than God, while rejecting God’s commandments. Sex outside of marriage is always based on greed, because its goal is to exploit the other person for your advantage, not to enrich her.

Paul says (5:3) that these three sins are “not even [to] be named among you, as is proper among saints.” He obviously does not mean that they should not be discussed, because he is discussing them here. The Bible also contains stories of sexual immorality, as well as a vivid fictional depiction of it (Proverbs 7). Rather, he means that these sins should be unknown among Christians. We should not be feeding our minds on these sins by watching movies or TV programs that depict them. We should not read juicy accounts of sexual sin in the press. Certainly, we should not view pornography in any form. As Paul says (Rom. 16:19b), “but I want you to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil.”

(4). Filthiness

This refers to any indecency, obscenity, or shameful thing. It comes from the same word root as “disgraceful” (5:12).

(5). Silly talk

This word comes from two words that mean, “foolish speech.” We get our word moron from the word root. In the Bible, the fool is not someone who is mentally deficient, but rather someone who is morally deficient because he ignores God’s Word. In this context, Paul is referring to speech that disregards or makes light of God’s moral commandments.

(6). Coarse jesting

The word literally means, “to turn easily.” It has the idea of someone who can make a quick comeback, using clever words with a double meaning. So he can turn something into a dirty joke or ribald humor, as many stand-up comedians and TV sitcoms do. Christians should not joke about sex for the same reason that we should not joke about God—it is a sacred subject. The sexual relationship should be reverenced among God’s people, not degraded or made light of.

Thus God’s standard is absolute and it includes moral purity in thought, speech, and behavior.

C. God’s standard must be your standard as a saint.

Sexual purity is not an infrequent theme in Paul’s letters. He mentions purity or warns about immorality in Romans (1, 13); 1 Corinthians (5, 6, 7, 10); 2 Corinthians (6, 7, 12); Galatians (5); Ephesians (4, 5); Colossians (3); 1 Thessalonians (4); 1 Timothy (1, 3, 4, 5), 2 Timothy (3); and Titus (1, 2, 3). Since all of these letters are addressed to professing Christians in the church, God intends that you as a Christian be reminded of and be on guard against the sexual temptation that tempts us all.

To be morally pure, you’ve got to commit yourself to God’s standard and fight to maintain it. To fight for purity, you must guard your thought life and restrict the kinds of media that you expose yourself to. You must be accountable in your use of the computer. Guys, you must make a covenant with your eyes (Job 31:1), so that you stop checking out every attractive girl who walks by. It is a battle and it won’t happen automatically. You must actively fight against it. Cut off your hand! Pluck out your eye if you need to (Matt. 5:27-30)!

D. We must model and teach God’s standard to our children.

A 1996 survey revealed that 46 percent of Michigan fifth-graders and 55 percent of eighth-graders had engaged in sex! The study showed that sex is far more common among both age groups than alcohol or drug use. The leader of the study speculated that the high rates of intercourse could likely be attributed to television exposure (in World [6/8-15, 1996], p. 10). As far back as 1988, Josh McDowell did a survey that showed that 43 percent of 18-year-old church-attending youths had had sexual intercourse. When you broaden it to “acts of sexual intimacy,” the number went up to 65 percent among church high school seniors.

If these statistics alarm you (and they should, especially if you’re rearing children), you must model and teach your children the ways of the Lord. Don’t assume that the church will do the job, although we want to back you up. It’s your job, not just to tell your kids that sex outside of marriage is wrong, but also to explain the wholesomeness of sex as God designed it. You must have an open relationship where your kids can share their own struggles and temptations without fear of an angry tirade. You also must protect your family from harmful influences. Don’t watch R-rated (or most PG-13) movies. Don’t watch filthy TV shows. Don’t have trashy magazines that tell about all of the movie stars’ latest sexual escapades lying around the house.

Also, teach (and set the example for) your daughters to dress modestly (1 Tim. 2:9), as young women who want to please the Lord. To speak directly to you young women, you are not helping your brothers to moral purity when you dress seductively. Tight fitting, low-cut tops or low-riding pants that show off your mid-section are designed by the world to turn guys on. Scripture is clear that you are not to set a stumbling-block before your brothers. Please, ignore the world’s sensuous fashions and dress in a manner that pleases the Lord. Paul’s first point is clear: Christians must not be immoral or greedy.

2. The alternative to immorality and greed is to give thanks (5:4a).

You would think that Paul would say that we are to replace sexual impurity with purity. That is true, of course, and he will state that (5:9-11). But here, he says that the alternative to sexual immorality and greed is to give thanks. Why does he say that? What does thankfulness have to do with moral purity? A lot!

To be thankful, you must be in submission to God’s sovereignty over every detail of your life. If you’re grumbling or complaining, you’re really saying that you know what’s best for you better than God does. If you’re grumbling about being single or about being married to the “wrong” person, you are not just complaining about your circumstances, but really about God’s goodness and wisdom in these aspects of your life. The same goes for discontent in the financial area.

Satan tempted Eve by getting her to doubt God’s goodness in withholding the forbidden fruit from her. When she bit into Satan’s lure that the fruit would really be good for her (contrary to what God had said), she yielded to sin. Satan will use the same ploy to tempt you to fulfill your sexual desires in disobedience to God. If you read Paul’s account of the degradation of the human race in Romans 1:18-32, at the root of it was (1:21), “they did not honor Him as God or give thanks.” So by faith, you must bow before God’s sovereignty over your circumstances and give Him thanks.

If you’re single and burning with sexual desire, pray for a mate (1 Cor. 7:1-9). If you’re married, thank God for the mate that He has given you and work on your relationship. By the way, sexual satisfaction in marriage is very closely tied with relational intimacy. God designed it that way. So to guard yourself against the temptation of adultery, guard your relationship with your mate. Work at it constantly. Develop a thankful heart for all of God’s blessings, including the sexual relationship in marriage.

3. The immoral and greedy will not be in God’s kingdom, but will incur His wrath (5:5-6).

Paul makes two points here:

A. You know for certain that no immoral or greedy person will have an inheritance in God’s kingdom (5:5).

It only makes sense: there will not be immoral or greedy people (who are idolaters) in heaven. It wouldn’t be heaven if they were there! While genuine Christians may fall into these sins, no genuine Christian can continue in such sins. As John states plainly (1 John 3:7-8), “Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil.”

B. Don’t let anyone deceive you about such things, because the end result is God’s wrath (5:6).

Paul knew that many, including many Christian leaders, would say, “You’re under grace. God is a God of love who won’t condemn you. He understands your weaknesses.” By such enticing words, they lure unsuspecting people to eternal ruin (2 Pet. 2:13-22). The phrase, “sons of disobedience,” refers to those whose lives are characterized by disobedience, not to those who have fallen, but repented. If someone professes to be a Christian, but he lives in habitual disobedience to God’s moral standards, it is evidence that he has not been born again (1 John 3:9). Unless he truly repents, he faces God’s eternal wrath and judgment. Don’t be deceived by anyone who says anything else (Gal. 5:19-21)!

Conclusion

In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Paul makes a similar point: “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.” But, don’t stop reading there, or you might despair if you have committed any of those sins! He continues (6:11), “And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

Praise God! There is hope for every sinner at the cross! Don’t let your moral senses be dulled, so that you go along with our cultural drift into increasing immorality and greed. Let your senses be trained by God’s Word that shows us His paths of righteousness, which are for our eternal joy and good. Trust in Christ and repent of your sin and He will wash you from all your sins.

Application Questions

1. There are professing Christians that argue that the Bible permits committed, loving homosexual relationships. How would you counter this with Scripture?
2. Some Christians justify going to R-rated movies by saying, “I need to understand where our culture is at. Your response?
3. Where is the balance between being in the world, but not of the world (John 17:15-16)? How can we keep a check on ourselves so that we don’t cross the line?
4. Some argue that genuine Christians may fall into habitual immorality or greed and that the consequence is, they lose their rewards, not eternal life. How would you interact with this?

Copyright, Steven J. Cole, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture Quotations are from the New American Standard Bible, Updated Edition © The Lockman Foundation

If you’ve ever done any boating, you know that it is essential to have a means of steering and a source of power. You need both. If you are cruising off the coast and lose your ability to steer, all the power in the world won’t do you any good. You’re at the mercy of the wind and the currents. Or, if you can steer, but you have no power, again you’re in big trouble. You may drift into rocks or hidden reefs.

These two necessities become even more essential if you are navigating through dangerous seas. You would also need an accurate navigational chart and a means of determining your own location, so that you know exactly where the obstacles are and can avoid them. Without these, disaster is almost certain.

The Christian life is much the same. The enemy has planted traps and mines to wipe you out. There are dangerous rocks and reefs that can cause you to shipwreck your faith. To navigate safely through, you must be very careful. You must have a means of direction, a source of power, and pay close attention to the chart.

That is Paul’s subject in our text: walking carefully as children of light in an evil day. “Therefore” points back to the preceding context, where we saw that as Christians, we are now children of light (5:8). Yet we are walking in a world that is morally and spiritually dark. We are not to cover our light and blend in with the darkness. Rather are to expose the unfruitful deeds of darkness as sin and dispel the darkness by leading sinners to Christ.

Therefore, because of these dangerous waters through which we are navigating, Paul now says, “Look carefully how you walk!” Look carefully means to consider with exactness and precision. It was an accounting term. If you’re keeping the books for an organization or just balancing your checkbook, it is vital to be exact. You can’t say, “Is that a 10 or 100? Oh, well, it doesn’t matter. Let’s call it 100.” You must be precise.

Or, if you’re a soldier on patrol in a minefield, you must know where the mines are placed and be careful to avoid them. Paul is saying that we must walk that way as believers. We must choose our steps carefully, because the enemy has strewn the path with dangerous obstacles that will cause us serious harm if we are careless. The days are evil!

And yet, many Christians just saunter through the minefield with no awareness of the grave danger that they face. They are flirting with serious danger, and yet they aren’t paying attention. Paul gives us three essentials if we want to walk carefully in this evil day, to avoid spiritual disaster. Today I am giving an overview of these verses, which open a section that runs through 6:9. Then in five subsequent messages, I plan to go back through them in more detail. If there is any repetition, hopefully it will serve to cement these vital truths in your thinking. Paul is saying,

To walk carefully in this evil day, you must use your time wisely, understand the will of the Lord, and be filled with the Holy Spirit.

1. To walk carefully in this evil day, you must use your time wisely (5:15-16).

Paul writes (5:15-16, literal translation), “Therefore, look carefully how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil.” Note three things:

A. To walk carefully, you must think carefully about how you will spend your life in this evil day.

This is Paul’s final use of the word “walk” in Ephesians (cf. 2:2, 10; 4:1, 17; 5:1, 8). “Walk” pictures our way of life, worked out in a daily, step-by-step process. In Paul’s day, people didn’t just walk for exercise. They walked to get to a destination. So to walk spiritually pictures steady progress toward a definite goal.

“Look carefully” implies that if you are careless about how you walk, how you spend your time each day, you will not get through life without serious mishap. You will step on a mine or be attacked by the enemy or wander around hopelessly lost. The Gentiles walk in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, giving themselves over to sensuality and greed (4:17-19). But Christians are not to walk in that manner. We must walk carefully, because the days are evil. Without deliberate carefulness, the evil that surrounds us will overwhelm us.

This is one reason that I urge you prayerfully to write out a one-sentence purpose statement for your life. It should describe what you think God wants you to be if you live to be 80. You should base it on biblically determined criteria. Then, underneath that purpose statement, write out some short-term goals that will move you toward your life purpose in each area (spiritual, relational, intellectual, moral, physical, financial, and vocational). Look at it often and readjust as necessary. If you just drift through life without thinking carefully about how to spend your time, you will not end up where God wants you to be.

B. To walk wisely, you must skillfully apply God’s Word to your life.

Paul draws the first of several contrasts, “not as unwise men, but as wise.” Wisdom is a huge theme in the Bible, especially in the Old Testament, where Job, many of the Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes are called, “wisdom literature.” The basic meaning of the Hebrew word for “wisdom” was “skill.” The wise man had the skill to live properly. At the root of wise living is the fear of the Lord: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Prov. 9:10).

Thus the wise person lives in a godly, skillful manner, thus producing a beautiful finished product that brings glory to the Lord. The only way to accomplish this is to follow the divine plan, given to us in Scripture. Just as God gave Moses the plan for the tabernacle, and skillful men crafted the beautiful final product, so we must follow God’s directions if we want our lives to be beautiful for Him. The Bible tells us the godly character qualities that we need to develop. It warns us about the many temptations to sin that will harm or destroy us. It tells us how to determine our life-priorities so that we will make the best use of the years the Lord gives us. As Moses prayed (Ps. 90:12), “So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.”

C. To use your time wisely, you must use every opportunity for the will of God.

“Making the most of your time” (5:16a) is literally, “redeeming the time.” To redeem means to buy back. The implication is that time is in bondage and that a price must be paid to buy it back. The Greek word here for “time” does not view time as extended, but rather time as opportunities. The idea is that God gives us choice moments to seize for His purposes. We must be alert to His purposes and ready to grab those opportunities, like a shrewd merchant sees an opportunity for a profit and grabs it. Redeeming the time has special reference (both here and in Col. 4:5) to Christian witness in the world (F. F. Bruce, The Epistles to the Colossians, to Philemon, and to the Ephesians [Eerdmans], pp. 378-379).

For the unbeliever, life is in bondage to futility and meaninglessness (4:17-19). He goes through school, gets a job, starts a family, raises the family, retires from his job, and hopes that his health lasts long enough to cruise through all the national parks and take videos, or to catch a lot of fish. Then he dies. Throughout the process, he spends ten years of his life watching mindless TV shows. What’s the point? His time was in bondage to futility.

But the Christian can buy back those otherwise wasted hours and use the opportunities for eternal significance. He grabs every opportunity to grow to know Christ and be conformed to His image. He rears his children to know and follow Christ. He works to bring others to know Christ and grow in Him. He is a steward of his resources for God’s kingdom purposes, investing wisely in opportunities to further the gospel around the globe. By walking carefully in this evil world, he buys back opportunities for God’s kingdom purposes.

But, the word “redeem” implies that there is a cost. You must say no to certain secondary things in order to say yes to the crucial. You must say no to hours of TV or computer games in order to say yes to reading and studying God’s Word. You must say no to selfish activities that pull you away from God’s kingdom purposes. You must say no to certain ways of squandering your money on worldly pursuits in order to say yes to eternal riches. To walk carefully, you must use your time wisely.

2. To walk carefully, you must understand the will of the Lord (5:17).

Paul continues with another contrast, “So then [because the days are evil] do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” The will of the Lord is the navigation chart that tells us where we’re going and how to get there. Just as it would be foolish beyond imagination to put out to sea with no idea of where you’re going or how to get there, the same is true in life. When I was in the Coast Guard, there was one crucial question you asked when you took over the helm: “What course are you steering?” The captain determined the course. If he said, “Steer at 280, I wasn’t free to steer at 180!” My job was to keep the boat headed at 280, against the wind and currents that would have pulled us off course.

The Lord wants you to understand His will so that you can keep your life on course. Verse 17 isn’t talking primarily about whether you go to this or that school or take this or that job. Rather, in the context of Ephesians the will of the Lord refers to something much bigger.

A. You must understand the will of the Lord, which involves His ultimate purpose for creation.

To understand means to grasp with the mind, which implies some effort on your part. The Lord’s will is revealed in His Word and Paul has mentioned it several times in Ephesians. He began the book (1:1) by referring to himself as “an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God.” He goes on to say (1:5) that God “predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will.” He said (1:9) that God “made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him.” And, he said (1:11) that “we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will.”

In short, God’s will relates to His eternal purpose to be glorified by summing up all things in Christ. He does this by saving His elect (Jews and Gentiles) and bringing both groups together as one in His dwelling place, the church, which manifests His wisdom to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places (3:10). You must work to grasp that purpose with your mind so that you can live your life in line with it.

B. You must apply the will of the Lord to your life.

In other words, you must live daily in light of God’s purpose to be glorified in Christ through His church as that church grows in holiness to become His pure and spotless bride (5:27). This entails several things:

*You must submit to the lordship of Jesus Christ over all your life. You will not glorify Him if you reserve certain areas of your life to do as you please. Rather, you must learn what is pleasing to Him (5:10) and live accordingly, seeking to glorify Him in every thought, attitude, word, and deed.

*You must be committed to Christ’s church. If God is working out His eternal purpose through the church, then His people must be committed to the church. To be casual in your connection to the church is not to be committed to what God is committed to.

*You must be committed to harmony with other believers in the church and in your home. God’s will involves bringing these two formerly diverse, hostile groups, Jew and Gentile, together as one in the church under Christ’s headship (2:11-22). Through this means, He displays His glory to the angelic hosts (3:10). Therefore, we must labor to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (4:3). And, we must live in harmony as husbands and wives, because marriage ultimately concerns Christ and the church (5:32).

*You must be committed to God’s glory in the world. The will of the Lord through His church includes bringing the gospel to the lost so that they may be saved and incorporated into the church. In that way, His glory is manifested all over the earth, as former rebels are reconciled to God and to one another through the cross.

If you’re just living to get a good job, pay the bills, and enjoy selfish pursuits, with an occasional trip to church when it doesn’t interfere with your entertainment program, Paul calls you foolish. To walk carefully in this evil world, you must not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is and apply it to how you live each day.

Thus, to walk carefully in this evil day, you must use your time wisely and understand the will of the Lord. Thirdly,

3. To walk carefully, you must be filled with the Holy Spirit (5:18-21).

Paul gives another contrast (5:18), “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.” Grammatically, this is followed by five participles that show the results of being filled with the Spirit: speaking, singing, making melody, giving thanks, and being subject to one another. The first and the last relate to our behavior towards one another. The second, third, and fourth relate to our behavior towards the Lord. The last participle also serves to introduce and govern the section on relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, and slaves and masters (5:22-6:9). I will go into more detail in future messages, but for now I can only skim over things.

A. To be filled with the Spirit means to be controlled by the Spirit (5:18).

Why does Paul somewhat abruptly interject the subject of drunkenness at this point? There are probably two main reasons (Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit [Baker], p. 12): First, drunkenness and debauchery were characteristic of the futile, sensual lives from which the Ephesians had been saved and in which their contemporaries still lived. Paul is drawing a marked contrast between the old way of life and the new.

Second, he uses the analogy of wine and drunkenness to show that while there is a great contrast between being drunk with wine and being filled with the Spirit, there are also many similarities. Even as one filled with wine is under its influence, so the Christian should be under the control or influence of the Holy Spirit. Briefly, note two things about being filled with the Spirit:

(1). Being filled with the Spirit is ongoing and repeated.

The verb tense indicates, “Be continually filled.” As you study the examples in the New Testament, you learn that godly men were filled on more than one occasion (Acts 2:4; 4:8, 31; 9:17; 13:9, 52). The filling of the Spirit must be distinguished from the baptism of the Spirit. After the Day of Pentecost, the baptism of the Spirit is a one-time action that takes place at the moment you are saved, when you receive the Holy Spirit and are placed into the body of Christ (Rom. 8:9; 1 Cor. 12:13; Gal. 3:2, 5). Contrary to what many say, the baptism of the Spirit is not an experience subsequent to salvation that you are to seek. It is not an experience; it is a fact.

But the filling of the Spirit is a repeated experience that empowers us for godliness and service. It is essentially the same thing as walking by means of the Spirit (Gal. 5:16), which gives us victory over the flesh and produces the fruit of the Spirit in us. It should be the normative daily experience of every Christian.

(2). Being filled with the Spirit is commanded.

We are never commanded to be baptized with the Spirit, but we are commanded to be filled. We should take the positive command to be filled with the Spirit just as seriously as we take the negative command not to be drunk. If you are not being filled with the Spirit as an ongoing experience, you are disobeying God!

You ask, “How do I get filled with the Spirit?” To be filled with wine, you give yourself over to the wine and keep drinking. To be filled with the Spirit, yield yourself completely to Him and keep doing it! If being filled means being controlled, you must continually yield the control of your life to the Holy Spirit. When you realize that you’ve taken control again, confess that sin to God and yield again to the Spirit. If the Spirit reveals an area where you’re not yielding to Him, yield it instantly and ask Him to fill you. And, keep walking that way.

You may wonder, “How do you know if you’re filled with the Spirit?” Are you aware of some sin that you’re harboring in your heart? No. Are you consciously yielding control of your life to the Holy Spirit? Yes. Are you seeking His fullness by drinking in His Word and asking Him to conform you to the image of Christ? Yes. Then you must trust that He is filling you. But, don’t be complacent about it. Keep seeking Him for a greater manifestation of His fullness in your life. Paul here gives three results of being filled:

B. To be filled with the Spirit results in singing, thankfulness, and proper submission in our relationships (5:19-21).

I only have time to list these now, so we will come back to them in future messages. The participles here indicate the results of being filled by the Spirit (O’Brien, pp. 387-388). These may not be what we would have expected. We might have expected bold witness or speaking in tongues or miracles or something more dramatic. But Paul lists singing, thankfulness, and mutual submission.

The singing is two-dimensional: we instruct one another (Col. 3:16) and we make melody in our hearts to the Lord. The three different terms for songs indicate variety. Singing with our hearts to the Lord infers at least a measure of exuberance and joy.

Thankfulness is the opposite of grumbling and complaining. A thankful heart bows before God’s sovereign goodness in all things, even when we may not be able to understand His immediate purpose (Rom. 8:28; Gen. 50:20).

“Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ” raises all sorts of issues in this day of “evangelical feminism,” which maintains that this does away with all gender distinctions in the church and home. You’ll have to wait a few weeks until I can explain this in more detail. But for now I will say that it clearly does not mean that, since verse 24 instructs wives to be subject to their husbands, just as the church is to Christ (and Heb. 13:17 tells the church to obey its leaders and submit to them).

Rather, while not doing away with proper spheres of authority, “being subject to one another in the fear of Christ” means that we all must set aside our rights and serve one another in love. Christ had a right to remain in glory in heaven, but He willingly laid aside that right, took on the form of a servant, and was obedient even to death on the cross (Phil. 2:5-8). Even so, out of reverence for Him, we should have that same attitude, submitting ourselves to one another as we outdo one another in love.

Conclusion

Are you walking carefully in this evil world by using your time wisely for eternity, by understanding God’s will for the ages, and by being filled with the Holy Spirit? Do you see the results of the Spirit’s filling in joyous singing, a thankful heart, and in submitting yourself to serve others in love?

If you’re not walking carefully, you’re living dangerously! You’re adrift without rudder or power in dangerous waters! You’re wandering aimlessly in a minefield! Confess to the Lord your carelessness and coldness of heart. Ask Him to fill you with His Spirit. Commit to get into His Word regularly. Otherwise, you risk spiritual shipwreck!

Application Questions

1. Does “redeeming the time” imply that every Christian must devote every spare minute to serving the Lord? How do we determine the balance between leisure and service?
2. How can we learn to be alert for the opportunities that God brings our way?
3. Practically, why is it important for every believer (not just theologians) to understand the big picture of God’s will for the ages?
4. Some claim that the main sign of being filled with the Spirit is speaking in tongues. How would you respond to this biblically?

Copyright, Steven J. Cole, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture Quotations are from the New American Standard Bible, Updated Edition © The Lockman Foundation

We live in a day of increasing energy shortages. The world has ever-increasing energy demands in the face of ever-decreasing energy supplies. Power outages are becoming more frequent. The cost of heating or cooling our homes and driving our cars continues to escalate. And with all of the global warming talk, the search is on for some kind of clean, renewable energy source. Under these conditions, it would be utterly inconceivable if a great number of people had access to a free and readily available source of energy, but failed to use it.

And yet, many Christians seemingly do this very thing with regard to the Christian life. God has provided us an inexhaustible, free, readily available source of power to live the Christian life. And yet many Christians do not use the power that God has given to overcome temptation and sin. Christian families fall apart because the family members manifest the deeds of the flesh, instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to produce His fruit in their daily relationships. Many Christian workers burn out serving the Lord because they do not avail themselves of the power that God offers through His indwelling Holy Spirit.

And so the subject of our text, the Spirit-filled life, is vital for every Christian to understand and practice. As often has been said, the Christian life is not difficult; it is absolutely impossible, apart from the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said (John 15:5b), “apart from Me you can do nothing.” But in the same context, He repeatedly promised to send the Holy Spirit to live in us as the divine Helper (John 14:16-17, 26; 15:26; 16:13). So the Christian life must be the Spirit-filled life. To walk wisely, to redeem the time in these evil days, to understand the will of the Lord and live in light of it, we must be filled with the Spirit.

To live wisely in evil days, you must live continually under the control of the Holy Spirit.

Paul draws a rather startling contrast, which also has some points of comparison (Eph. 5:18): “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.” Some have argued that since the Greek text did not utilize capital letters, Paul meant, “be filled in [your human] spirit.” But, the same Greek phrase “in [or with] the Spirit,” occurs four other times in Ephesians, and each time it refers clearly to the Holy Spirit (2:18, 22; 3:5; 6:18). Paul was probably thinking of the accusation leveled against the believers who were filled with the Spirit on the Day of Pentecost, that they were drunk with wine (Acts 2:13). So Paul means that rather than be filled with wine, so as to be under its influence, Christians should be filled with the Holy Spirit, so as to be under His influence. The Spirit is the One who empowers and works in and through us, but we have to trust Him to work (Phil. 2:12-13).

Before we examine what it means to be filled with the Spirit, we should take a moment to note…

1. It is sin to deal with evil days by living under the influence of alcohol.

“Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation….” The Bible does not forbid all use of alcoholic beverages, but it does strongly warn about the dangers of alcohol (Prov. 20:1; 23:29-35) and it always condemns drunkenness. “Dissipation,” in modern slang, is to be wasted. It points to the wastefulness and destruction of property, relationships, and life that often go along with drunkenness. The adverb is used (Luke 15:13) of way that the prodigal son wastefully spent his inheritance on loose living. It means to be out of control, because alcohol now controls the person.

As you know, alcohol may become physically addictive and some are more prone to this addiction than others are. The Bible would not call this “addiction,” but rather, “being enslaved to sin.” To label alcoholism as only a disease is not scriptural. The Bible calls it “drunkenness,” a deed of the flesh (Gal. 5:21). Some will say that it’s cruel to label alcoholism as sin, but actually, it’s merciful. If it’s a disease, you may be without hope. But, if it is sin for which you are responsible, the Bible offers a remedy for sin, which includes being born again and being filled with the Holy Spirit.

In the context, where Paul has been talking about the need to walk wisely in this evil day, he is surely making the point that it is foolish to cope with this evil day by turning to alcohol. Christians are not immune from this temptation. It is easy to fall into the trap of dealing with stress by having a drink. Pretty soon, it becomes your comforting routine. You get home from a stressful day and you have a drink to calm your nerves. Or, there is tension in your home, so you have a few beers and forget about the problems. Before you know it, you’re dependent on the alcohol for your inner peace. But, as believers in the living God, He is to be our peace in times of trouble (Ps. 94:19; John 16:33; 1 Pet. 5:7). To turn to alcohol, instead of Jesus Christ, for peace is to fall into sin.

2. The wise way to deal with evil days is to live continually under the control of the Holy Spirit.

I want to deal with the last half of verse 18 by answering three questions: (1) What is the filling of the Holy Spirit? (2) How can I experience the Spirit-filled life? (3) How can I know that I am filled with the Spirit?

Question 1: what is the filling of the Holy Spirit?

Because of much confusion in our day, I must first spell out what it is and then clarify what it is not:

A. What it is:

(1). To be filled with the Spirit is to live with every conscious area of your life yielded to the Spirit’s control.

Just as the person filled with wine is under the influence or control of the wine, so the person filled with the Spirit is under the Spirit’s control. Furthermore, Paul is talking here primarily about a condition of increasing spiritual maturity, not about a momentary experience. Martyn Lloyd-Jones states (Life in the Spirit [Baker], p. 49), “This is not a critical experience, this is a state or a condition in which we are to live always, permanently.” He goes on to point out that because Paul commands it, we are not to be passive as we wait for some experience. Rather, it is something that we must obey. The present tense of the verb indicates an ongoing condition, so that the person may be characterized as “full of the Holy Spirit.”

For example, Luke 4:1 describes Jesus as “full of the Holy Spirit.” In Acts 6:3, the apostles direct the early church to select “seven men of good reputation, full of the Spirit and of wisdom,” to help with the need of serving the widows. One of the men, Stephen, is described (6:5) as “a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit.” Later (Acts 11:24), Barnabas is described as “a good man, and full of the Holy Spirit and of faith.”

So the phrase, “full of the Holy Spirit,” describes a person who habitually lives with every area of his life under the control of the Spirit. He is not a self-willed man, but a Spirit-controlled man. The fullness of the Spirit does not mean that he once had a dramatic experience, but rather that he has consistently walked with his life yielded to the Holy Spirit, so that the fruit of the Spirit characterizes his life.

(2). To be filled with the Spirit is to live with the Word of God permeating every area of your life.

Ephesians 5:18 is obviously parallel with Colossians 3:16. Both texts are followed by joyful singing, thankfulness to God, and instructions about wives and husbands, children and parents, and slaves and masters. But in Colossians 3:16, rather than saying, “be filled with the Spirit,” Paul says, “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you.” H. A. Ironside observes (In the Heavenlies [Loizeaux Brothers], p. 269),

There is an old rule in mathematics that “things equal to the same thing are equal to one another.” If to be filled with the Word is equal in result to being filled with the Spirit, then it should be clear that the Word-filled Christian is the Spirit-filled Christian. As the Word of Christ dwells in us richly, controls all our ways, as we walk in obedience to the Word, the Spirit of God fills, dominates, and controls us to the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ.

So to be a Spirit-filled Christian, you must be growing in your understanding and application of God’s Word.

(3). To be filled with the Spirit involves an ever-deepening relationship with God through the Spirit.

We need to remember that the Holy Spirit is a Person, not a force. To be filled with the Spirit is not a mechanical formula that you go through, where you “pull the Holy Spirit lever” and all the goodies come pouring out. Rather, it is a relationship with the Triune God through His indwelling Spirit.

This relationship is ever-deepening, which means that there is a difference between a newer Spirit-filled believer and a more mature Spirit-filled believer. Both are filled, but the mature saint is more filled than the young believer is. There are degrees of filling that correspond with degrees of spiritual understanding and surrender. As you grow in the Word, the Spirit reveals new areas that you need to surrender to His control. So your capacity for being filled with the Spirit expands over time.

(4). To be filled with the Spirit includes special times of God granting extraordinary power for service.

In Acts 2:4, we read that all that were gathered in the upper room on the Day of Pentecost were filled with the Spirit. Peter went on to preach to the crowd, resulting in over 3,000 conversions. But then Acts 4:8, without any indication that Peter has lost his previous filling with the Spirit, we read that he was filled again just before he spoke to another crowd. It was a special anointing for a special task. Later, when Peter and John gathered with the church to report about their arrest, after they all had prayed, they all were filled with the Spirit, so that they began to speak the word of God with boldness (4:31). You see the same thing with Paul: he was filled with the Spirit just after his conversion when Ananias spoke with him (Acts 9:17). Some years later, on the first missionary journey when he had to confront Elymas the magician, he was filled with the Holy Spirit for that event (13:9).

Andrew Murray (The Spirit of Christ [Nisbet & Co. Ltd.], pp. 303-305) has a helpful analogy. In the drought-stricken South Africa, where he lived, farmers built two types of reservoirs for catching water. Some were spring fed, so that a gentle, slow inflow of water filled the reservoir. But other farms lacked such a spring and built the reservoirs to catch the rainwater, often in a matter of a few hours when there was a downpour. The spring-fed reservoir was the more certain, because it ran steadily. Although it was not especially powerful, it supplied the need. The rain-fed reservoir was more impressive when it rained, with a powerful rush of water, but it could stand empty for months if there was no rain. The ideal reservoir included both: it was fed from a steady spring to keep it supplied for daily needs, but it also had a capacity to take in a gush of water when a thunderstorm hit.

Murray then applies this to these two aspects of the filling of the Holy Spirit. We need that steady, quiet flow of His power for our daily needs, to overcome sin and to live in a godly manner. But there are special occasions where we need the downpour, the gush of the Spirit’s power to enable us to preach or witness or counsel or whatever the need. The special filling only supplements the normal, habitual filling. It would be rare for a person who is not walking daily in the fullness of the Spirit to receive a special filling for some sudden need. The normal experience of the Spirit’s filling is to live with every conscious area of your life yielded to the Spirit’s control. Then He may grant the special filling to meet a special need.

Because there is a lot of confusion about the filling of the Spirit in Christian circles, I must say a brief word about…

B. What it is not:

(1). The filling of the Spirit is not the same as the baptism or sealing of the Spirit.

Often you will hear that you must receive the baptism of the Spirit subsequent to your salvation. This is supposedly based on certain passages in Acts, where the baptism of the Spirit and the filling of the Spirit are equated. Also, some argue that the sealing of the Spirit is an experience to be sought subsequent to salvation. Martyn Lloyd-Jones equated the baptism and the sealing as experiences to be sought.

My understanding is that while the initial outpouring or giving of the Holy Spirit in Acts is identified both as the baptism of the Spirit and the filling of the Spirit (Acts 1:5; 2:4; 11:15-16), after that transitional period, all believers are baptized by the Spirit into the body of Christ (1 Cor. 10:13). All believers are indwelled by the Holy Spirit from the moment of conversion (Rom. 8:9; Gal. 3:1-5). And, all believers are sealed with the Spirit the moment they are saved (Eph. 1:13; 4:30; 2 Cor. 1:22). We are never commanded to be baptized in the Spirit or to be sealed with the Spirit, but we are commanded to be filled with the Spirit. The baptism and sealing of the Spirit are facts to be believed. The filling of the Spirit is a habitual condition that we must seek.

(2). The filling of the Spirit is not a once and for all experience that elevates you to a higher plane.

Sometimes, in charismatic circles and in devotional literature, being filled with the Spirit is promoted as a one-time, dramatic experience that will transport you to a higher spiritual plane. Sometimes this is presented as arriving at a place where all temptation barely touches you for the rest of your life. Or, those who have this life-transforming experience see amazing results in their ministries from this point forward, while at the same time they exert less effort. I have read accounts of this in the lives of D. L. Moody, R. A. Torrey, and Hudson Taylor, among others.

But I find this kind of teaching to be detrimental. I want to experience all of the Spirit’s fullness and power that He is pleased to give me. But it is not helpful or biblically sound to think that I should seek a dramatic experience that removes me from the daily battles against sin or the difficulties, setbacks, and frustrations that inevitably go along with ministry in a fallen world. Paul had these difficulties right up to his death. Being filled with the Spirit does not shortcut the need to discipline myself for the purpose of godliness. It will not advance me to instant maturity or deliver me from difficult situations that require steadfast perseverance.

(3). The filling of the Spirit is not an irrational, emotional experience.

Some of the claims to revival include accounts of people barking like dogs, laughing uncontrollably, or lying in a catatonic state for hours or days. Or, sometimes it is said that if you have not spoken in tongues or been slain in the Spirit, where you pass out and fall over backwards, you have not been filled with the Spirit.

But even if the gift of tongues is valid for today, Paul is clear that not all speak in tongues (1 Cor. 12:30), but all are to be filled with the Spirit. As for being slain in the Spirit or the other weird manifestations, there are no valid biblical examples or exhortations to these things. They do not lead to growth in godliness.

Question 2: How can I experience the Spirit-filled life?

I have already covered a lot of this in explaining what the filling of the Spirit is and is not. I must be very brief:

A. You need to understand certain facts.

As we’ve seen, if you have believed in Christ as your Savior and Lord, God has given you the Holy Spirit to indwell you. He commands you to be filled with the Spirit, which primarily means living with every conscious area of your life yielded moment-by-moment to the indwelling Holy Spirit.

B. You must recognize and acknowledge that you are empty.

You will not seek the Spirit’s control and power unless you recognize your own inadequacy and need. Often, it is a major failure or sin that drives you to your knees to cry out for the Spirit’s filling and power, so that you will not fall the next time.

C. You must confess and forsake all known sin and yield every area of your life to God.

The Holy Spirit will not fill a dirty vessel. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We must present ourselves to God as those alive from the dead and yield our minds and bodies to Him as instruments of righteousness (Rom. 6:13).

D. You must walk by faith, not feelings.

Walking implies repeated, moment-by-moment reliance on the Spirit of God (Gal. 5:16). There will be battles between the flesh and the Spirit, even in a believer who is fully yielded to Him (Gal. 5:17-18). The Spirit-filled believer will still have strong desires of the flesh. Our enemy will entice us and wage war against us. In all of these situations, acknowledge your own weakness and cry out to God by faith, that He would control you and give you His strength. Faith is also coupled with obedience, so that you avoid and flee from tempting situations.

E. You must dwell in God’s Word.

We have already seen this, but especially it is important to saturate your mind with the Word, memorizing it or being so familiar with it that God can use it when you don’t have a Bible or concordance ready at hand (which is most of the time!).

As you walk this way, confessing and turning from sin, relying on the indwelling Spirit for His power, being obedient to His Word, you will develop a habit of holiness. At first, like a toddler learning to walk, you will fall a lot. Get up and keep walking. Pretty soon, walking becomes the norm. You’ll experience the Spirit’s fullness in an ever-expanding capacity. He will control or influence your thoughts, your emotions, your words, your attitudes, your schedule, your relationships, your finances, and all of life. He does not do this as a master controls a robot, but rather, using your unique personality and gifts, He fills you as the wind fills the sails of a ship, directing you in His paths of righteousness and joy.

Question 3: How can I know that I am filled with the Holy Spirit?

I can only mention two things in passing.

A. The Spirit-filled life produces ever-deepening Christlikeness.

You and those who know you best will be able to see steady, progressive growth. Like a child’s growth, it isn’t always discernible day by day, but as you look back, you should see definite change toward godliness. This includes Christlike character. The fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—will be growing in your life.

You will also be growing in Christlike conduct. You will experience consistent victory over the deeds of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21). These sins will be replaced by good deeds of Christlike service and love to others for Christ’s sake.

B. The Spirit-filled life results in heartfelt worship and thankfulness to God, along with godly relationships.

These are the results that Paul enumerates from Ephesians 5:19-6:9. We will look at them in detail in future messages.

Conclusion

I conclude by asking, Are you filled with the Holy Spirit? Would those closest to you agree? If the Holy Spirit pulled out of your life for a week, would you miss Him? Or, would life go on pretty much as usual? God has called us to a supernatural life of daily dependence on His Holy Spirit. You can begin right now!

Application Questions

1. Some equate the baptism and the filling of the Spirit and say that once you receive it, you will be transported to a higher spiritual plane. How would you refute this biblically?
2. If the Holy Spirit were controlling us, wouldn’t we be perfect, just like He is? How would you refute this biblically?
3. A charismatic brother claims that if you’ve been filled with the Spirit, you will speak in tongues. What Scriptures would you use to reply?
4. If the filling of the Spirit is not an emotional experience, how can you know that you are filled?

Copyright, Steven J. Cole, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture Quotations are from the New American Standard Bible, Updated Edition © The Lockman Foundation