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How You Can Tell When It’s Going to Be a Rotten Day

  • You wake up face down on the pavement.
  • You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
  • You see a “60 Minutes” news team waiting in your office.
  • Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
  • You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
  • Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
  • Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
  • Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
  • The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
  • You wake up and your braces are locked together.
  • You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.
  • Your income tax check bounces.
  • You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
  • Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill,” and your name is George.

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