Mom’s Survival Tips
To my kids who have left home and are on their own, I pass on a list of life lessons:
1. Dont sweat your every mistake or faux pas. They make up for the things you got away with that nobody knows about.
2. Avoid marrying anyone who deliberately flushes the toilet when youre taking a shower.
3. When someone tells you that what hes about to say is “for your own good,” expect the worst.
4. The value of a dog is its constant reminder of how much fun it is to be idiotic.
5. If you are lavishly praised, enjoy the taste but dont swallow it whole.
6. When a politician says, “Let me make something perfectly clear,” remember that he usually wont.
7. Your children may leave home, but their stuff will be in your attic and basement forever.
8. If someone says, “I know what I mean, but I just cant put it into words,” he doesnt know what he means.
9. Two people cannot operate a TV remote control in the same room at the same time.
10. Dont waste time trying to be your own best friend. You cant pat yourself on the back, and its unsatisfying to cry on your own shoulder. Find a real friend instead.