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Timber

Quality

  • Presidential Timber - Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
  • Vice-President Timber - Must take running start to leap over tall buildings.
  • Timber - Can leap only over short buildings or medium buildings with no spires.
  • Deadwood - Crashes into building when attempting to jump over them.
  • Toothpick - Cannot recognize buildings at all, much less jump.

Initiative:

  • Presidential Timber - Is stronger than a locomotive.
  • Vice-President Timber - Is stronger than a bull elephant.
  • Timber - Is stronger than a bull.
  • Deadwood - Shoots the bull.
  • Toothpick - Smells like a bull.

Use of Time:

  • Presidential Timber - Is faster than a speeding bullet.
  • Vice-President Timber - Is as fast as a speeding bullet.
  • Timber - Not quite so fast as a speeding bullet.
  • Deadwood - Would you believe a slow bullet.
  • Toothpick - Wounds self with bullets attempting to shoot gun.

Communication:

  • Presidential Timber - Talks with God.
  • Vice-President Timber - Talks with angels.
  • Timber - Talks to himself.
  • Deadwood - Argues with himself.
  • Toothpick - Loses those arguments.

Source unknown