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A woman in Lake City, Florida, probably holds the record for the world’s shortest career in crime. She recently tried to rob the Howard Johnson’s motel there, armed only with an electric chainsaw that was not plugged in.

In Ypsilanti, Michigan, a man walked into a Burger King restaurant early one morning and pulled a gun on the clerk. When he demanded the cash register be emptied, the clerk replied he couldn’t without a food order punched into the computer first. The man ordered onion rings, but the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. In frustration, the robber turned round and walked out.

A man on trial for drug possession in Pontiac, Michigan, insisted he had been searched without a warrant. The arresting officer testified the bulge in the man’s jacket could have been a gun and that justified his apprehension. The defendant stated this was ridiculous, and to prove it, said he happened to be wearing the very same jacket in court that day. He willingly handed it over to the judge for examination. When the judge found a packet of cocaine in the front pocket, he had to call a five-minute recess so he could stop laughing.

We suggest a new pair of glasses for a robber in Providence, Rhode Island, who subdued an armored car driver and helped himself to bags of money in the vehicle. However, he was in such a hurry he neglected to check out the bags too closely. As a result, he grabbed four 330-pound bags of pennies, each of which contained about $800 worth of coins. Police had no trouble grabbing the thief during his slow-motion getaway.

A woman in San Antonio, Texas, apparently not known for brilliance, was recently arrested when a mechanic found 18 packages of marijuana secured in the engine compartment of her car. She later told police she didn’t realize the mechanic would have to raise the hood in order to change the oil.

Tidbits, Spokane, WA, May 9, 1997, Issue 131

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