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Average Male

The average male is: 5’ 9” tall and 173 pounds. Is married, 1.8 years older than his wife and would marry her again. Has not completed college. Earns $28,605 per year. Prefers showering to taking a bath. Sends about 7.2 hours a week eating. Does not know his cholesterol count, but it’s 211. Watches 26 hours and 44 minutes of TV a week. Takes out the garbage in his household. Prefers white underwear to colored. Cries about once a month--one fourth as much as Jane Doe. Falls in love an average of six times during his life. Eats his corn on the cob in circles, not straight across, and prefers his steak medium. Can’t whistle by inserting his fingers in his mouth. Prefers that his toilet tissue unwind over, rather than under, the spool. Has sex 2.55 times a week. Daydreams mostly about sex. Thinks he looks okay in the nude. Will not stop to ask for directions when he’s in the car.

From Men’s Health, quoted in Parade Magazine, 12-29-91, p. 5