Reflections for Mothers

Reflections for Dad

Ephesians 5:23-29 is the classic passage on headship. This passage clearly gives us God's perspective of the husband as the head of the wife, not as a dictator but with a loving servant-like responsibility to their wife. When we neglect the admonitions and example of this passage, we sin in several ways:

• We sin against God by disobedience and by destroying the picture that marriage provides of Christ and the church.
• We sin against our wives by failing to care for their needs properly.
• We sin against our children since they pick up our attitudes and actions.

As husbands we are told to care for our wives in two ways:

(1) As Christ is the Savior of the church, so husbands are to provide for their wives, not simply by putting food on the table, but by emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental support. Our wives have all kinds of needs, but many men are like bulls in a china shop--totally oblivious to the makeup, the value, needs, and sensitivities of their wives (cf. 1 Pet. 3:7).

Some men are concerned solely with what they can get from their wives, but are deaf, blind and dumb to the needs of their spouse. She can change her hair, make a new dress, but does he notice? Does he say, "Hey, sweetheart, I love your hair, or you really look great." Does he sit down to just spend time talking with her about what's on her heart and on his? Too often, the answer to this question is--rarely! Men take care of their hunting rifles and shotguns, their gardens, their car, their boat, and their business, but do they notice the strain, the tension, and the desire of their wife to be loved and cared for as a person?

(2) Two examples are given to show men how to love their wives. We are to love them as Christ loved the church and as we love our very own bodies. Ask yourself these questions. Do I want for my wife what I want for myself? Do I want to avoid for her the unpleasant things I want to avoid for myself? Life and the home are filled with opportunities for husbands to show their love and concern for their wives.

Reflections for Sons and Daughters

From Proverbs 31:28 we read, "Her children rise up and bless her." Mom is far too often taken for granted. She provides the ride to little league, to ballet, or to piano lessons. Or she provides good meals for seemingly never ending empty stomachs, or provides a shoulder to cry on when in trouble. Far too often, mom is the blunt end of cutting remarks or of unspoken angry looks and attitudes, of disrespect, rebellion, and neglect because she didn't give in to some whim because she loves you.

Too often she fails to see or hear what her heart longs for in your attitudes and words like, "thanks mom, I really appreciate that." Or "thanks mom, I really appreciate you."

In Ephesians Paul mentions two commands with a promise.

Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

God is very serious about children obeying and honoring their parents; so serious that he gave this vital command in the Old Testament with a special promise. In the context of the Old Testament in which this promise was given, the promise was first of all national and applied to God's blessing on the nation so they could remain in the land under the care of God. It illustrates the fact that when there is breakdown in the home, there is also breakdown in the society as a whole. For Israel, this would result in disobedience to the Word of God and, ultimately, if there was not repentance, the nation would come under the curses of Deuteronomy 28-30 and dispersion.

The promise for those who obey their parents is that they enjoy a prosperous and long life on the earth. This states a general principle that obedience fosters self-discipline, which in turn brings stability and longevity in one’s life. (Stated conversely, it is improbable that an undisciplined person will live a long life. An Israelite who persistently disobeyed his parents was not privileged to enjoy a long, stable life in the land of Israel. A clear example of this was Eli’s sons Hophni and Phinehas [1 Sam. 4:11].) Though that promise was given to Israel in the Old Testament, the principle still holds true today. (Walvoord, John F., and Zuck, Roy B., The Bible Knowledge Commentary, (Wheaton, Illinois: Scripture Press Publications, Inc.) 1983, 1985.

How serious is God about obedience? So serious that in 1 Samuel 15:23 He likens rebellion and insubordination (disobedience and dishonor) to divination (demonic activity) and idolatry.

To honor your parents means you respect, esteem, or value their opinions and listen to their instruction. You may think mom and dad are out to lunch and do not understand you, but they do and they are there for your protection.

Reflections for Mom

The Demands of Motherhood

The demands on mothers are awesome, as we see from Proverbs 31. Some of these demands include planning meals, grocery shopping, meal preparation (often for finicky kids and husbands), shopping for clothes for the family, mending, washing, and ironing; housecleaning, caring for the many other needs of the family from the broken arm to the runny nose, from the fight with the kid next door to the quarrel with the boyfriend. Then there is home work (and for some even home schooling), and last but not least--mom's taxi service--little league, dance class, the dentist, band practice . . . you name it.

How can mom handle all of this and not only remain sane and strong but joyful?

The Needs of Motherhood

In addition to the need of a loving and caring family, Luke 10:38f shows us another tremendous need and priority. This is a passage of contrasts--contrasts between a woman (Martha) who was distracted over her responsibilities in the home, and a woman (Mary) who found time to sit at the feet of the Savior to take in His Word. (This is the same Mary who anointed the Lord’s feet in preparation for His burial.) She had penetrated into the mystery and truth of His life and death. How had she come to grasp these things when even the disciples were too spiritually sluggish to do so? She had grasped these truths because she had seen the need to sit at the Savior’s feet that she might carefully hear His word.

Only those mothers who make Mary's priority their own priority will be able to enter into the secret of Christ's death so they can live in the supernatural power and quality of His life. This does not imply ignoring the responsibilities of motherhood, but developing priorities with the Lord that allow for the exchange of Christ’s life in hers.

The Dangers of Motherhood

The danger is to become like Martha, so cumbered about with carrying for the family and the details of life that sitting at the feet of the Savior takes a back seat. Yes, ministering to the Lord and his friends was needful for Martha, but not by comparison.

"Cumbered" (KJV) or "distracted" (NASB) in verse 40 is the Greek, perispaw, "to be pulled, drawn away, detached, distracted, overburdened." What was the result? Martha's request in the second part of verse 40 shows us she was not only full of care and anxiety, but she was also full of resentment, self-pity, and tension. There was little or no joy in her ministry to the Savior and to others.

As an illustration compare our Savior’s advice to his disciples after an extremely busy time of ministry in Mark 6:31. Here is a piece of advice that is very applicable not only to moms but to all of us. We all need quality time alone with the Lord in His word, for the tendency is to get so busy that we meet ourselves coming and going. The Lord Himself was the perfect example for finding time alone with God for personal fortification and recuperation (see Mk. 1:35f).

An important question for moms is: Are you so busy coming and going that you do not take time to sit at the feet of the Lord to listen to His Word and take your burdens to the Him?

It is significant that among the epistles of Paul there are two extended passages that deal with the family or the Christian home, Ephesians 5:22-6:4 and Colossians 3:18-21. But vital to the directives of each of these passages is the context--just as the root is vital to fruit. For Ephesians, the context is the Spirit-filled (controlled) walk in the wisdom of Christ (Eph. 5:15-18), and in Colossians the context is the Word-filled (directed) life that does all in the name and power of the Lord Jesus (Col. 3:16-17). No wife or husband or mom or dad can be the kind of spouse or parent God has called them to be, nor can they meet the demands of family life, without this supernatural fortification.

Isn't it interesting that before the Lord told the Israelites to teach their children diligently in Deuteronomy 6:6-7, He first told them, "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart." (Emphasis mine). See also the same thrust in Deuteronomy 4:9.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 "And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; 7 and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

Deuteronomy 4:9 "Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things which your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons.

1 Some of the ideas given in this introduction were taken from Preparation for Parenting, A Biblical Perspective, by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, p. 11f.