The book of Philemon is Paul’s letter to Philemon, a wealthy believer, seeking to reconcile him with Onesimus, his runaway slave. Onesimus previously was useless and most likely a thief; however, after hearing the gospel, he became tremendously useful, including becoming Paul’s assistant in Rome (Phm 1:11-13). Since Onesimus broke the law by running away from his master and could legally receive the death sentence, Paul wrote this touching letter to appeal to Philemon to take Onesimus back, not only as a slave but as a dear brother in the faith (Phm 1:16). The book ends with a cliff-hanger, since it doesn’t say how Philemon responded. However, the Bishop of Ephesus, some fifty years later, was also named Onesimus. If this was the same person as many believe, this means that Philemon did in fact take Onesimus back and eventually released him to continue to serve Paul and the greater kingdom. Even if the bishop was not the same Onesimus, this little book teaches us much about reconciling relationships, broken marriages, friendships, work relationships, communities, local churches, and even nations, which is so needed today. As we study this book, we learn much about pursuing reconciliation. Let’s study it together with The Bible Teacher’s Guide.
“The Bible Teacher’s Guide … will help any teacher study and get a better background for his/her Bible lessons. In addition, it will give direction and scope to teaching of the Word of God. Praise God for this contemporary introduction to the Word of God.”
—Dr. Elmer Towns, Co-founder of Liberty University
This book is also available for purchase here on Amazon.
And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.
2 Timothy 2:2 (NET)
Paul’s words to Timothy still apply to us today. The church needs teachers who clearly and fearlessly teach the Word of God. With this in mind, The Bible Teacher’s Guide (BTG) series was created. This series includes both expositional and topical studies, with resources to help teachers lead small groups, pastors prepare sermons, and individuals increase their knowledge of God’s Word.
Each lesson is based around the hermeneutical principle that the original authors wrote in a similar manner as we do today—with the intention of being understood. Each paragraph and chapter of Scripture centers around one main thought, often called the Big Idea. After finding the Big Idea for each passage studied, students will discuss the Big Question, which will lead the small group (if applicable) through the entire text. Alongside the Big Question, note the added Observation, Interpretation, and Application Questions. The Observation Questions point out pivotal aspects of the text. The Interpretation Questions facilitate understanding through use of the context and other Scripture. The Application Questions lead to life principles coming out of the text. Not all questions will be used, but they have been given to help guide the teacher in preparing the lesson.
As the purpose of this guide is to make preparation easier for the teacher and study easier for the individual, many commentaries and sermons have been accessed in the development of each lesson. After meditating on the Scripture text and the lesson, the small group leader may wish to follow the suggested teaching outline:
On the other hand, the leader may prefer to teach the lesson in part or in whole, and then give the Application Questions. He may also choose to use a “study group” method, where each member prepares beforehand and shares teaching responsibility (see Appendices 1 and 2). Some leaders may find it most effective to first read the main section of the lesson corporately, then to follow with a brief discussion of the topic and an Application Question.
Again, The Bible Teacher’s Guide can be used as a manual to follow in teaching, a resource to use in preparation for teaching or preaching, or simply as an expositional devotional to enrich your own study. I pray that the Lord may bless your study, preparation, and teaching, and that in all of it you will find the fruit of the Holy Spirit abounding in your own life and in the lives of those you instruct.
Copyright © 2023 Gregory Brown
Unless otherwise noted, the primary Scriptures used are taken from the NET Bible ® copyright © 1996-2016 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
BTG Publishing all rights reserved.
Paul is the author of Philemon. He claims authorship in the first verse. “From Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon, our dear friend and colaborer” (v. 1). Timothy was with Paul when he wrote the letter, but Timothy was not a co-author. Throughout the epistle, Paul used the word, “I,” which further establishes him as the sole author. For example, Philemon 1:4-5 says, “I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints.” Further evidence for Pauline authorship is that he is also mentioned as the author in verses 9 and 19.
Philemon is actually Paul’s shortest letter. It is one of the prison epistles, along with Philippians, Ephesians, and Colossians. Of them, it is the only one addressed to an individual. Paul wrote these during his first Roman imprisonment around AD 60-62.1
Paul wrote this letter to Philemon, who was a wealthy slave owner in Colosse. Philemon 1:1-2 says,
From Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon, our dear friend and colaborer, to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church that meets in your house.
The letter was also addressed to Apphia, Archippus, and the church that met in Philemon’s house. Since the letter concerns a domestic issue about a runaway slave, many believe that Apphia and Archippus were part of Philemon’s family—his wife and son. They would have had a say in whether to accept Onesimus back as well. Otherwise, there doesn’t seem to be a clear reason to address Apphia and Archippus separately from the church. Archippus was also probably an elder in the Colossian church. At the end of the Colossian epistle, Paul said this to him: “See to it that you complete the ministry you received in the Lord” (4:17). If Archippus was not Philemon’s son and just a pastor at his church, then him being mentioned would have been an extra form of accountability for Philemon. Though the letter addresses multiple recipients, it is clear that Philemon was the primary one. The pattern of ancient letters was to address the primary recipient first, which was Philemon.2 In addition, throughout the letter, Paul uses singular pronouns to address him (v. 4–22a, 23–24).3 Philemon was obviously a very godly servant in the Colossian church. He had opened his house weekly (or even daily) so the church could meet there, and the witness of his hospitality in caring for saints had gotten back to Paul. In Philemon 1:7, Paul said this about him: “I have had great joy and encouragement because of your love, for the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.”
Even though Philemon was a very godly saint, apparently, there was conflict between him and his slave, Onesimus. Onesimus, whose name means “helpful, “useful,” or “profitable,” ran away from Philemon. Ancient Rome’s workforce was primarily slaves. There were around sixty million slaves in the Roman Empire.4 In fact, one commentator said Italy’s inhabitants consisted of eighty-five to ninety percent slaves.5 Because of how great their population was and how needed they were for the workforce, the empire had strict rules to punish runaway slaves. At the discretion of the landowner, they could be crucified for running away or branded with an “F” for fugitive, among other punishments. When Onesimus ran away, it is likely that he also stole money from Philemon to fund his trip to Rome. Paul hints at this possibly by telling Philemon that if Onesimus stole something, to charge it to Paul’s account. He would pay it in full (v. 18-19). While Onesimus was in Rome, somehow, he ran into Paul, heard the gospel, and became a follower of Christ and a faithful ministry assistant to Paul. At this time, Paul was under house arrest in Rome for two years awaiting sentencing. Apparently, he wrote the letter towards the end of his imprisonment because he tells Philemon to prepare a room for him since he hoped to be released soon in answer to Philemon’s prayers (v. 22). Most likely, Paul’s companion, Tychicus, delivered this epistle to Philemon while also delivering the Colossian letter to the church. Colossians 4:7-9 says,
Tychicus, a dear brother, faithful minister, and fellow slave in the Lord, will tell you all the news about me. I sent him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are doing and that he may encourage your hearts. I sent him with Onesimus, the faithful and dear brother, who is one of you. They will tell you about everything here.
This short letter has three primary themes. (1) It demonstrates the transforming power of the gospel on a sinner’s life. Onesimus, who was not useful and possibly even dishonest as a slave, became tremendously useful after his conversion. He became useful to Paul as a gospel partner in Rome. Also, the transforming power of the gospel is seen in how Onesimus was willing to return to his master to reconcile and potentially face punishment, including the possibility of death. Honoring Christ was more important than his life. To add to this magnificent conversion story, some speculate that after Onesimus returned, Philemon at some point released him from slavery, and eventually, Onesimus became the bishop in Ephesus some fifty years later, as the bishop there bore the same name.6 We can’t be certain that the Onesimus in Ephesus is the same person; however, the slave was Paul’s close ministry associate (cf. v. 11-13), and as such, they were commonly left to oversee various churches, even as Timothy and Titus were (cf. 1 Tim 1:3, Tit 1:5). If it is the same Onesimus, it would give credence (at least humanly speaking) to why this small personal letter was included in the Canon. It would have been a powerful testimony to the early church who knew Paul, Philemon, and Onesimus who eventually became a well-known bishop over the important church in Ephesus. (2) The removal of social barriers because of the gospel is also a major theme. In the ancient world, there was a tremendous social distance between a slave and a free person. However, because of the gospel, Philemon was encouraged to accept Onesimus back as more than a slave, but as a dear brother instead (v. 15-16). The gospel made people from different socio-economic backgrounds family. Though slavery is a tremendous travesty against humanity, Christianity never tried to overthrow social institutions. If it did try to with slavery, it would have ended in a bloody mess. However, Christianity taught the principles that eventually led to the overthrow of slavery in every nation the gospel has reached. It taught slaves to obey their masters as unto the Lord (Col 3:22-24). It taught masters to treat their slaves “with justice and fairness” since they also had a Master in heaven (Col 4:1). It also teaches, as mentioned, that all people, including slaves and free persons, are equal in Christ. Galatians 3:28 says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female—for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” Therefore, Christianity does not seek to change institutions; it seeks to change the hearts of individuals in those institutions. As a consequence, the corrupt institutions often eventually dissolve. Philemon demonstrates the removal of social barriers as a slave master is urged to receive his runaway slave as a Christian brother—as family (cf. Mk 3:35). (3) The final theme of the letter is reconciliation. Paul writes the letter to reconcile a runaway slave with his master. He asked Philemon to refresh him by accepting Onesimus back (v. 20). He also commits to pay any losses that Onesimus caused (v. 18-19). Certainly, when considering Paul’s efforts to reconcile Philemon and Onesimus, it’s hard not to see how it reflects Christ and how he reconciled us to God by paying the debt for our sins on the cross. Martin Luther said this, “We are all His Onesimi, to my thinking.”7 As we study this letter, may God reconcile our relationships and equip us to help others reconcile. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Copyright © 2023 Gregory Brown
Unless otherwise noted, the primary Scriptures used are taken from the NET Bible ® copyright © 1996-2016 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
BTG Publishing all rights reserved.
1 Paul D. Weaver, ed., Surveying the Pauline Epistles, Second Edition., Surveying the New Testament (Learn the Word Publishing, 2019), Phm.
2 Douglas J. Moo, The Letters to the Colossians and to Philemon, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Pub. Co., 2008), 362.
3 Douglas J. Moo, The Letters to the Colossians and to Philemon, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Pub. Co., 2008), 362.
4 William Barclay, The Letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, 3rd ed. fully rev. and updated., The New Daily Study Bible (Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press, 2003), 304.
5 Bruce Barton, Philip Comfort, et al., Life Application New Testament Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 2001), 996.
6 William Barclay, The Letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, 3rd ed. fully rev. and updated., The New Daily Study Bible (Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press, 2003), 310.
7 William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2147.
From Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon, our dear friend and colaborer, to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church that meets in your house. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ! I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. I pray that the faith you share with us may deepen your understanding of every blessing that belongs to you in Christ. I have had great joy and encouragement because of your love, for the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.
Philemon 1:1-7 (NET)
What are marks of effective ministers? In Philemon 1:1-7, we see the introduction of Paul’s letter to Philemon. Word of Philemon’s faith in Christ and love for all saints had reached Paul’s prison cell in Rome; therefore, Paul thanked God for him all the time (v. 4). Philemon was a wealthy landowner in the Colossian church. In fact, his house was so big one of the Colossian churches met there (v. 2). Because of Philemon’s generosity and ministry to others, Paul said this in verse 7: “I have had great joy and encouragement because of your love, for the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.” Obviously, Philemon’s home was like an oasis in the desert where people came to be refreshed. Philemon was a faithful and effective minister of Christ. From Paul’s words about Philemon, we can discern characteristics of an effective minister. However, they are discerned not only from Philemon but also from Paul who was at this time imprisoned in Rome for his witness for Christ.
What is the letter of Philemon about? The letter to Philemon is very unique amongst Paul’s letters to churches and individuals. Paul wrote thirteen of the twenty-seven New Testament epistles, and in all but four of them, Paul begins those letters declaring his apostleship (Philippians, 1 and 2 Thessalonians, and Philemon).1 This was a means of establishing his authority to say what he was about to say in those letters. However, with Philemon, Paul does not do that. This was a very personal letter between two friends. Paul calls Philemon his “dear friend and colaborer” (v. 1). Paul had never been to the church in Colosse (cf. Col 2:1); however, he had met many of its members during his missionary journeys. In fact, it is believed that people who accepted Christ during those journeys, and maybe specifically at Ephesus, founded the church (cf. Acts 19:10, 20, 26, Col 1:6-8). More than likely, Philemon was a convert from Paul’s ministry at Ephesus as well. Maybe referring to this, in Philemon 1:19, Paul said that Philemon owed him his very life. Probably soon after his conversion, Philemon returned to Colosse and helped establish and minister to the church, along with Epaphras, one of the main pastors there (Col 1:7, 4:12, Phile 1:23). Paul’s purpose in writing this letter was to petition on behalf of a runaway slave named Onesimus. Onesimus means “useful” or “profitable.” He at some point ran away from his master Philemon. We don’t know why he ran, but maybe there was some type of conflict between them. Onesimus ran to Rome, probably to disappear in the great crowds there, and he might have stolen some of Philemon’s money to do so (cf. v. 18). While in Rome, he somehow, in God’s providence, ran into Paul. Maybe, he heard about the great crowds that were gathering to hear the apostle preach from his rented house while he was under house arrest. He had heard of Paul through his master and decided to visit. While hearing the gospel, he was convicted, repented of his sins, and became a follower of Christ. He then became indispensable to Paul by serving him and meeting his needs (v. 11-13). Though Onesimus was a tremendous help to Paul, Paul knew that Onesimus had committed a crime by running away from his master. Paul wrote the letter to Philemon to ask him to take Onesimus back but not only as a servant but a Christian brother in the faith (v. 16). Paul asked Philemon to receive Onesimus as if he were Paul and if he had stolen anything to charge it to Paul’s account (v. 17-18). Paul was confident, because of Philemon’s character, that he would fulfill his request and even more so (v. 20). Some speculate that after Onesimus returned, he was eventually set free from being a slave and many years later became the bishop of the Church of Ephesus, as the bishop there shared the same name.2
As a note on slavery, though slavery is an injustice against humanity and is often based on prejudice and racial discrimination, that was not necessarily true of slavery in the Roman world. There were slaves of every race. Because of the tremendous differences in wealth between the rich and the poor, slavery was at times preferred over being a free person. Slaves typically were more comfortable than day workers who lived off what they earned in a day. Slaves had housing and food provided. Often, they were educated to make them better workers, and some even received wages. Certainly, they were commonly mistreated and abused by their masters, but many had good relationships with them and preferred to stay with them. With that said, one of the radical changes that came with Christianity in the ancient world was the teaching that all people were equal, including slaves and masters. Galatians 3:28 says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female—for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” Because of this teaching, people might visit churches and find that a slave was the primary teaching elder there and that slaves, masters, and other free persons intermingled as family. Therefore, though Christianity never tried to overthrow slavery as an institution, it taught principles that eventually led to its demise. All people are equal before God, and we should treat people the way we want to be treated (Matt 7:12). It also regulated the institution by teaching that masters were accountable before God for how they treated their slaves, that slaves should honor their masters, and that they should work heartily as unto the Lord who would reward them (Col 3:22-4:1). Because of these teachings, Christian slaves began to go for higher prices on the slave market because of their submission to masters as a way to honor God.3 Their witness demonstrated the beauty of the Christian message and helped spread the gospel throughout the empire (Tit 2:9-10).
As mentioned, as we consider Philemon 1:1-7, we can discern marks of effective ministers not only from Philemon, whom Paul praises in the introduction for his character and good works, but also from the apostle Paul himself. We must give deep thought to them and implement them in our lives, so we can be more effective in our ministry to Christ and others.
Big Question: What marks of effective ministers can be discerned from considering Philemon 1:1-7?
From Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon, our dear friend and colaborer,
Philemon 1:1
In verse 1, Paul calls himself a prisoner of Christ Jesus. He was at this time imprisoned in Rome because of his ministry to Gentiles. Though imprisoned because of the Jews’ anger at his message, Paul did not see himself as their prisoner or the Roman Emperor’s. He was Christ’s prisoner. In fact, Paul suffered throughout his ministry for Christ. When Christ originally appeared to Paul in a vision to call him to apostleship, he specifically showed Paul how much he would suffer for his name. Christ said this to Ananias about Paul in Acts 9:15-16:
But the Lord said to him, “Go, because this man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before Gentiles and kings and the people of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.
Likewise, in 2 Corinthians 11:23-28, Paul described much of the sufferings he experienced throughout his ministry. He said,
Are they servants of Christ? (I am talking like I am out of my mind!) I am even more so: with much greater labors, with far more imprisonments, with more severe beatings, facing death many times. Five times I received from the Jews forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with a rod. Once I received a stoning. Three times I suffered shipwreck. A night and a day I spent adrift in the open sea. I have been on journeys many times, in dangers from rivers, in dangers from robbers, in dangers from my own countrymen, in dangers from Gentiles, in dangers in the city, in dangers in the wilderness, in dangers at sea, in dangers from false brothers, in hard work and toil, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, many times without food, in cold and without enough clothing. Apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxious concern for all the churches.
This is the reality of following Christ. In following him, there will always be a cost. In Luke 14:26-27, Christ said:
If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother, and wife and children, and brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
There will always be difficulties in following Christ, and we must bear them willingly. It’s a characteristic of an effective minister. Faithfulness has a cost, and every true servant bears it. Sometimes it means being considered weird or different because of our beliefs in an antagonistic society. Sometimes it even results in physical suffering. First Peter 4:3-4 says,
For the time that has passed was sufficient for you to do what the non-Christians desire. You lived then in debauchery, evil desires, drunkenness, carousing, drinking bouts, and wanton idolatries. So they are astonished when you do not rush with them into the same flood of wickedness, and they vilify you.
Effective ministers will experience some form of suffering—some form of our Lord’s cross—and Jesus promises blessings to those who do. He says,
Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil things about you falsely on account of me. Rejoice and be glad because your reward is great in heaven, for they persecuted the prophets before you in the same way.
Matthew 5:11-12
Effective ministers willingly suffer for Christ and others. Practically, that may mean staying up late to care for someone hurting, getting up early to serve those in need, or simply bearing the emotional pain of caring for somebody who is hurting or making bad decisions. It may mean being away from family and comfort and serving the Lord in a foreign culture. There is a cost to ministry. Paul’s cost meant being in jail for four years, two in Caesarea and two in Rome. Are we willing to bear the cost of ministering to others? Effective ministers bear the cross willingly.
Application Question: Would you say that persecution towards Christians is growing or lessening? In what ways have you experienced suffering for your faith or in caring for others? How does God use Christian suffering for the good?
From Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon, our dear friend and colaborer,
Philemon 1:1
As mentioned, Paul calls himself a prisoner of Christ, not the Jews or the Romans. He was in prison because Christ allowed it—Christ was his captor. Paul saw Christ as in total control of his circumstances and persecutors.
We see this attitude in many of God’s faithful servants. When Job’s flocks and camels were kidnapped by raiders, he didn’t blame them. He saw God as in control. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will return there. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. May the name of the Lord be blessed!”(Job 1:21). When Joseph’s brothers begged for mercy for selling him into slavery, he said, “What you meant for bad, God meant for good” (Gen 50:20, paraphrase).
These servants saw God as sovereign over everything, even the workings of evil men and Satan himself. This is important because if God’s servants don’t see him as sovereign, they often become bitter when bad things happen. They focus on their own failures, the evil works of men, or the evil works of the enemy, and lose focus on God.
Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no one be like a bitter root springing up and causing trouble, and through him many become defiled.” Bitterness in the heart causes people to miss God’s grace in their circumstances, and it also causes trouble and defiles many. Instead of being bitter, faithful servants see God’s sovereignty over everything and can even rejoice in their trials. In Philippians 4:4, Paul called the suffering saints in Philippi to, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice!” And in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Paul said, “in everything give thanks. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Do we see God as in control of all things? Our God holds the king’s heart in his hand like a watercourse (Prov 21:1). Even the roll of the dice is of him (Prov 16:33). Our God is sovereign, and he works all things for the good of those who love him and according to the counsel of his will (Rom 8:28, Eph 1:11). Apart from seeing God as in control of our trials and submitting to him, trials will typically cause bitterness in our hearts towards God or others and hinder our ministry. Effective ministers submit to God’s sovereignty in all situations, including trials, because they see him in control of all things, and they trust him. Again, Paul saw Christ, not the Romans or the Jews, as his captor because Paul believed God was in control of them.
Application Questions: How can God be in control of all things including evil and yet creatures make free choices (cf. Eph 1:11, Is 45:7)? Do you find God’s sovereignty over all things, including evil comforting or disturbing (cf. Rom 8:28-29)? Why or why not?
From Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon, our dear friend and colaborer, to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church that meets in your house.
Philemon 1:1-2
One of the things that is clear about Paul’s ministry is that he was no lone ranger. Though extremely gifted, he partnered with others to complete the tasks God called him to. At the beginning and end of his letters, he commonly greeted friends in the cities he wrote to and mentioned those with him. In fact, at the end of Romans, he mentioned thirty-three people by name.4 Likewise, here at the beginning of Philemon, he mentions some of his partners: Timothy was with Paul in Rome. Though mentioned in the introduction, Timothy was not in prison, nor did he write the letter. Throughout the letter, Paul writes in the first person, as the sole author. Timothy was with Paul in Rome, encouraging him and supporting him in ministry. Paul calls Timothy “our brother” because Philemon and the others at Colosse knew him. Timothy was with Paul in Ephesus when they probably all met.5 Philemon was a colaborer with Paul, serving the churches in Colosse. His name means “affectionate,” and apparently that was an appropriate name for him since he was such a caring servant.6 Apphia was probably Philemon’s wife, and Archippus was a fellow soldier in building God’s kingdom. Some believe that Archippus was Philemon’s son; however, though possible, we can’t be certain about it. He was most likely one of the elders in Colosse. While Epaphras was visiting Paul in prison to get counsel about how to respond to the false teaching and teachers in the Colossian churches (Col 1:7), Archippus may have been the primary elder in the church in his absence. Maybe, because of these circumstances, Paul said this about Archippus at the end of Colossians: “And tell Archippus, ‘See to it that you complete the ministry you received in the Lord’” (Col 4:17). These were some of Paul’s ministry partners.
Likewise, to perform effective ministry, we must realize our weaknesses and partner with fellow believers to do God’s work. Even Christ chose not to do ministry alone; he raised up many disciples, including the Twelve (Lk 9) and the Seventy-two (Lk 10) to partner with.
Because of the importance of Christian partnerships in ministry, we must be careful of negative tendencies that might hinder these relationships and the abundant fruit that comes from them. For example:
1. We must avoid the temptation of attempting to do things alone apart from Christ’s body.
Doing things by ourselves will at times be easier, but for most ministries, it’s not a sustainable model. We’ll eventually burn out, and it leaves other church members unequipped because they’re never trained and entrusted to perform ministry. As mentioned, as gifted as Paul was, he didn’t try to do things alone, and neither did Christ. We must learn to rely on others in the body of Christ, especially those with gifts and experiences we don’t have. Solomon, one of the wisest people to ever live, said this:
Two people are better than one, because they can reap more benefit from their labor. For if they fall, one will help his companion up, but pity the person who falls down and has no one to help him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Good friends and ministry partners are necessary to have an effective ministry. There is more productivity from the labor of a few than one. Also, good friends are necessary for protection. If one falls by himself, the other can help him up. Ministry, and life in general, are fraught with discouragements and difficulties. We need people to help us get through them. Therefore, we must avoid the temptation of trying to navigate life and ministry alone. God never meant us to do so. In fact, like Paul, we must not only seek to have a multitude of good friends and ministry partners, but we must also invest in others to raise them up for future ministry. In 2 Timothy 2:2, Paul said this to Timothy: “And entrust what you heard me say in the presence of many others as witnesses to faithful people who will be competent to teach others as well.”
2. We must avoid the temptation of becoming discouraged because we look down on our gifts and role in Christ’s body.
In 1 Corinthians 12:15, Paul rebuked some members who were doing this. He said, “If the foot says, ‘Since I am not a hand, I am not part of the body,’ it does not lose its membership in the body because of that.” God has made all believers different with different roles in the body. First Corinthians 12:18 says, “… God has placed each of the members in the body just as he decided.” God has ordered the body perfectly, including our role in it. Therefore, we should be careful of overly exalting others and looking down on ourselves. God has only called us to be faithful with our gifts and the ministry he has given us. If we are discouraged, we will fail at what God has called us to, including partnering with others. We’ll often not volunteer or get involved in ministries because of our insecurities.
3. We must avoid the temptation of pride where we exalt ourselves and look down on others in Christ’s body.
In 1 Corinthians 12:21-22, Paul said, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I do not need you,’ nor in turn can the head say to the foot, ‘I do not need you.’ On the contrary, those members that seem to be weaker are essential.” This person was prideful of how God was using him and therefore despised others. Maybe, like the Pharisees, he took every opportunity to use his gifts in public so others would admire him. And like them, he despised others, maybe because of their lack of education, giftedness, work ethic, or commitment. Like the older brother in the story of the Prodigal Son, he despised those God had accepted because he saw himself as better. We must be careful of this judgmental attitude as it will hinder working with other believers.
4. We must avoid the temptation of unforgiveness.
Certainly, it must be known that our Christian friends and church members will fail us. They are not perfect, and Satan always seeks to use these imperfections to cause division and hinder God’s work. Paul and Barnabas argued over Mark’s inclusion on a missionary journey and went different ways (Acts 15). Though they split, they still forgave each other and partnered in other situations. However, that argument could have hindered their spiritual growth and God’s ministry in general if they weren’t careful. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger. Do not give the devil an opportunity.” Also, Psalm 133:1-3 says,
Look! How good and how pleasant it is when brothers live together! It is like fine oil poured on the head which flows down the beard—Aaron’s beard, and then flows down his garments. It is like the dew of Hermon, which flows down upon the hills of Zion. Indeed that is where the Lord has decreed a blessing will be available—eternal life.
Dwelling in unity brings God’s blessing, and walking in discord and unforgiveness opens a door for Satan to attack us and others. Therefore, we must avoid this negative tendency in ministry relationships and Christian friendships in general. It’s not uncommon to find worship teams, children’s ministers, youth workers, and elders fighting amongst themselves in a church. Satan is always looking to cause discord to open a door for himself in the church and hinder its ministry. Therefore, we must be quick to forgive and seek reconciliation to close the door to Satan’s work.
No doubt, Paul avoided all of these negative tendencies as best as possible. He didn’t try to work alone. He recognized his role in the body and didn’t look down on it. He also didn’t exalt himself and look down on others but instead tried to build others up and equip them for greater service. He also strove, as much as depended on him, to walk in unity with others by forgiving quickly and seeking reconciliation (Rom 12:18). We must do the same. Effective ministers develop strategic relationships and Christian friendships to do ministry and receive it.
Application Question: Which potential hindrances to Christian relationships stood out most and why? Why are Christian relationships so important for our spiritual life and ministry in general? How have you benefited from them? What steps do we need to take to better foster them?
to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church that meets in your house.
Philemon 1:2
As previously said, when Paul mentioned Apphia and Archippus along with Philemon, many believe they were Philemon’s family. Apphia was his wife, and Archippus may have been his son who had become one of the pastors in Colosse. What makes Bible students come to this conclusion? Primarily, because the focus of the letter is domestic—Philemon receiving his slave back as a Christian brother. In those days, the wives often oversaw the slaves in the house. That’s clear even from the description of the Proverbs 31 woman. Proverbs 31:15 says, “She also gets up while it is still night, and provides food for her household and a portion to her female servants.” Therefore, Paul addressed Apphia since the decision of receiving Onesimus back would have been her decision as well. The same reasoning is used for assuming Archippus is part of Philemon’s family. If they were not part of the family, then there doesn’t seem to be much reasoning for mentioning them along with Philemon in a domestic matter, when they were already included in the church that was separately mentioned (v. 2). With that said, if Archippus was an elder in the church (and not also his son), then maybe mentioning him was an extra form of accountability.
Either way, it seems clear that Philemon made his family his first ministry. He led his family in opening their home to the church weekly (and maybe daily). This was certainly more than simply having people over. Hosting means cleaning and probably preparing food, such as with the Lord’s Supper, which was a fellowship meal back then. They might have eaten it every time they met. If Archippus was indeed Philemon’s son, when Archippus felt a call to ministry, Philemon didn’t squash his dreams and tell him to pursue something that would better pay the bills. He encouraged and supported him. Philemon built his family up spiritually, which allowed them to serve the church as a family.
The need to put our family first in ministry is taught throughout the New Testament. In 1 Timothy 3:4-5, Paul taught this as a requirement for anybody being considered for the position of elder. He said,
He must manage his own household well and keep his children in control without losing his dignity. But if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for the church of God?
A person who neglects their family is disqualified from serving in other ministries. Also, in 1 Timothy 5:4 and 8 (NIV), Paul said this to people about caring for their mothers and grandmothers when their husbands died:
But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God… Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Our religion should start first with caring for our families. As Ephesians 5:25-27 says, husbands must wash their wives with the Word even as Christ does the church. They do this by involving their family in a Bible-preaching church, so they can hear God’s Word faithfully explained. They also do this by having regular times of reading and praying God’s Word together at home. Ephesians 6:4 says “fathers,” which can also be translated as “parents,” should raise their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This no doubt includes reading Scripture with them, helping them memorize it, understand it, and apply it to their lives. Discipling children also includes praying with them and teaching them to pray. Parents are the first disciplers of their children before children’s workers and youth pastors. And by doing this, like Philemon, they can partner with their spouses and children in serving the Lord. Otherwise, the family will all be going in different directions, which hinders their unity and God’s blessing.
Are we making our family our first ministry? Sadly, many neglect and destroy their family by putting the church or work first. If our family members don’t know the Lord, we should pray for them diligently and ask others to do the same. We must show them by our lifestyle that God changed us, which beautifies the gospel before them (cf. Tit 2:5, 10). We must patiently and wisely look for opportunities to share the gospel with them, trusting that only God can open eyes and bring the new birth in their lives. We plant seeds and water them, but God makes them grow (1 Cor 3:6-7). Therefore, we must rely on God and trust his timing as he transforms our family members in his time.
Is our family our first ministry? Effective ministers focus on their families before others. Ministers who don’t lose their right to minister (cf. 1 Tim 3:4-5). In Joshua 24:15, Joshua declared this to Israel:
If you have no desire to worship the Lord, choose today whom you will worship, whether it be the gods whom your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. But I and my family will worship the Lord!
Let us make sure that our families are worshiping the Lord and not the gods of this world as well. Amen!
Application Question: What are some ways to prioritize our families as our first ministry? How have you seen or experienced families who did this well and those who didn’t? What was the difference? How is God calling you to better prioritize ministering to your family?
I pray that the faith you share with us may deepen your understanding of every blessing that belongs to you in Christ.
Philemon 1:6
In verse 6, when Paul says, “I pray that the faith you share with us may deepen your understanding of every blessing that belongs to you in Christ,” this is the most difficult verse in Philemon to translate and interpret. Much of the controversy is over the word “share.” It is the Greek word koinonia, which means “to have in common with.” It is often translated “fellowship.” However, in an active sense, it means “participating in or share in.”7 Because of this, the verse has been interpreted in several senses, as referring to (1) the fellowship of believers with each other as far as having a common faith, (2) the sharing of the gospel with unbelievers, or (3) the sharing of good things with others.8 Consider different translations that represent these interpretations:
Philemon 1:6 (NET) I pray that the faith you share with us may deepen your understanding of every blessing that belongs to you in Christ. [fellowship]
Philemon 1:6 (ESV) and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. [evangelism]
Philemon 1:6 (NLT) And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ. [hospitality]
Because in verse 5, Paul talks about how he heard of Philemon’s “love for all the saints,” and in verse 7, he says, “the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother,” I believe Paul is referring to Philemon’s generous ministry to other believers in verse 6, including his excelling in hospitality. He had opened his home for the church to gather and was generous in other ways as he cared for the saints (v. 2). The word “refreshed” in verse 7 is a military term. It was used of an army taking a rest after a long march.9 As is clear from the Colossian letter, there were false teachers causing discord in the church (Col 2:8, 16-23), some members had fallen victim to this cult, and no doubt, many were experiencing the regular problems of life like sickness and financial and family struggles. However, in the midst of this, Philemon encouraged those who were hurting, built them up through prayer and the Word, and opened his home to refresh people physically. He was an effective minister, and because of that reality, God was going to bless him. Paul prayed that his sharing of his faith may “deepen” his “understanding of every blessing” that belonged to him “in Christ.”
This is a reality for all maturing believers. One of the greatest ways we grow in the knowledge of God and his calling on our lives is simply through serving others and receiving reciprocal grace. Certainly, we must read Scripture and learn doctrine; however, doctrine without practice is of little benefit. They must both be happening in our lives. When we are learning God’s Word and living it out by loving the saints, sharing the gospel, and serving others, we grow in our knowledge of God and his blessings. Consider how Christ taught this in Mark 4:24-25:
And he said to them, “Take care about what you hear. The measure you use will be the measure you receive, and more will be added to you. For whoever has will be given more, but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.”
If we obey God’s Word, he gives us more—including a deeper knowledge of God and his Word and favor over our ministry. And if we hear God’s Word and do nothing, there will be a taking away, a hardening of our hearts. We will find ourselves more spiritually dull and apathetic to the things of God and ministry.
This is the reality of every local church—some are putting their faith into practice and therefore growing quickly as God reveals more of himself to them, while others in the church aren’t putting their faith into practice and therefore are becoming more spiritually dull and inclined to sin and its consequences. We must ask ourselves which one are we?
William Barclay explained this great principle of ministry this way:
There is a great thought here ... It means that we learn about Christ by giving to others. It means that by emptying ourselves we are filled with Christ. It means that to be open-handed and generous-hearted is the surest way to learn more and more of the wealth of Christ. The one who knows most of Christ is not the intellectual scholar, not even the saint who spends all day in prayer, but the one who moves among others in loving generosity.10
Are we putting our faith into action by generously serving God, his church, and others in need? If so, we’ll experience God’s tremendous blessing. Effective ministers generously serve God, and God generously blesses them and deepens their faith. Proverbs 11:25 (NIV) says, “whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given to you: A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be poured into your lap. For the measure you use will be the measure you receive.” In 2 Corinthians 9:8, Paul said this as a promise to those who were generous in their giving to God and others: “And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work.”
Are we generously serving others? Galatians 6:10 says, “So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who belong to the family of faith.” First Corinthians 15:58 (ESV) says, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” A deeper knowledge of God and his blessings await those who abound in serving God and others.
For many effective ministers, this is the fuel of their ministry. Serving others is primarily a chase after a deeper knowledge of God and his blessings. Let us chase a deeper knowledge of God by serving others and building God’s kingdom on this earth! In Jesus’ Name, we pray. Amen!
Application Question: How have you experienced this reciprocal blessing of experiencing and knowing God more as you serve others generously? In addition, how have you experienced spiritual dullness and apathy when neglecting serving God and others?
From Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon, our dear friend and colaborer, to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church that meets in your house. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ! I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. I pray that the faith you share with us may deepen your understanding of every blessing that belongs to you in Christ. I have had great joy and encouragement because of your love, for the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.
Philemon 1:1-7
Observation Question: In Philemon 1:1-7, in what ways does Paul encourage Philemon?
Finally, as we consider Paul’s introduction to Philemon in totality, we must recognize how great of an encourager Paul was. Effective ministers are great encouragers. They do this in many ways: (1) They encourage people simply by greeting them at church or work by remembering and saying their names instead of ignoring them and being self or task-focused. Paul greeted Philemon and other believers in Colosse in the introduction of the letter. (2) They check in on how people’s families are doing and greet them as well. They not only care about individuals but also groups of people. Paul not only mentioned Philemon but also the members of his family and the church as a whole. (3) They give thanks to people privately, and at times publicly, for their good works. Paul gave thanks to Philemon for his acts of service and his thanksgiving would have been read before his family and the church. (4) They spend time in prayer for others and also humbly share their prayer requests for mutual encouragement. Paul shared about how he was praying for Philemon’s acts of service to lead to a greater knowledge of God and his blessings. In this letter, Paul doesn’t specifically share his prayer requests as in other letters (cf. Eph 6:19-20, Col 4:3-4), but he does ask for a room and say that he believes he will be restored to them because of their prayers in verse 22. Therefore, it’s clear that Philemon and the Colossians knew Paul’s prayer requests and were faithfully bringing them before the Father.
Paul, as an effective minister, was a great encourager. He knew that because of people’s sins and living in a sinful, cursed world, people are prone to get depressed and discouraged, so he sought to lift them up.
As we consider all the ways Paul encouraged Philemon, we must ask ourselves: Who is God calling us to remember by name and greet as a way of encouragement? Who is God calling us to check in on and see how they and their family are doing? Who is God calling us to thank both privately and publicly? Who is God calling us to pray for and maybe share our prayer requests with?
Effective ministers are encouragers. May God help us encourage and refresh others every day. Lord, help us! In Jesus’ Name, we pray. Amen!
Application Question: What are some of the primary ways that you experience and appreciate encouragement from others? How is God calling you to grow in encouraging others? Is there a specific person God is calling you to encourage and how?
What are marks of effective ministers?
Application Question: What stood out most in the study and why? What questions or applications did you take from it?
Copyright © 2023 Gregory Brown
Unless otherwise noted, the primary Scriptures used are taken from the NET Bible ® copyright © 1996-2016 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
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1 David Guzik, Philemon, David Guzik’s Commentaries on the Bible (Santa Barbara, CA: David Guzik, 2013), Phm 1.
2 William Barclay, The Letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, 3rd ed. fully rev. and updated., The New Daily Study Bible (Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press, 2003), 310.
3 William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2141
4 R. K. Hughes, Colossians and Philemon: The Supremacy of Christ. (Westchester, IL: Crossway Books, 1989), 294-295.
5 John F. MacArthur Jr., Philemon, MacArthur New Testament Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1992), 210.
6 William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2148.
7 Douglas J. Moo, The Letters to the Colossians and to Philemon, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Pub. Co., 2008), 390.
8 Robert James Utley, Paul Bound, the Gospel Unbound: Letters from Prison (Colossians, Ephesians and Philemon, Then Later, Philippians), vol. Volume 8, Study Guide Commentary Series (Marshall, TX: Bible Lessons International, 1997), 149.
9 N. T. Wright, Colossians and Philemon: An Introduction and Commentary, vol. 12, Tyndale New Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1986), 183–184.
10 William Barclay, The Letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, 3rd ed. fully rev. and updated., The New Daily Study Bible (Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press, 2003), 315.
So, although I have quite a lot of confidence in Christ and could command you to do what is proper, I would rather appeal to you on the basis of love—I, Paul, an old man and even now a prisoner for the sake of Christ Jesus—I am appealing to you concerning my child, whose spiritual father I have become during my imprisonment, that is, Onesimus, who was formerly useless to you, but is now useful to you and me. I have sent him (who is my very heart) back to you. I wanted to keep him so that he could serve me in your place during my imprisonment for the sake of the gospel. However, without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your good deed would not be out of compulsion, but from your own willingness. For perhaps it was for this reason that he was separated from you for a little while, so that you would have him back eternally, no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, as a dear brother. He is especially so to me, and even more so to you now, both humanly speaking and in the Lord. Therefore if you regard me as a partner, accept him as you would me. Now if he has defrauded you of anything or owes you anything, charge what he owes to me. I, Paul, have written this letter with my own hand: I will repay it. I could also mention that you owe me your very self. Yes, brother, let me have some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Since I was confident that you would obey, I wrote to you, because I knew that you would do even more than what I am asking you to do. At the same time also, prepare a place for me to stay, for I hope that through your prayers I will be given back to you. Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, greets you. Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my colaborers, greet you too. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Philemon 1:8-25 (NET)
How can we perform the ministry of reconciliation? Since the fall, relationships have been broken. Because of sin, God said that wives would seek to control their husbands and husbands would seek to dominate them (Gen 3:16). After the fall, the battle of the sexes began. However, the problems within the first marriage extended to all people. Adam and Eve’s oldest son, Cain, killed his brother, Abel (Gen 4). And since then, we have had constant discord in family, school, and work relationships, between races, genders, and even nations. The world has known no time without war.
In Philemon, Paul wrote to his friend in ministry who was a wealthy slave owner. Slaves were the backbone of Roman society. It’s been said that there were around sixty million slaves in the Roman Empire.1 One commentator said that Italy itself consisted of eighty-five to ninety percent slaves.2 When Christianity entered the world in the first century, it did not teach slaves to rebel against their masters or the Roman Empire. If it did, it would have led to bloody wars. However, it taught principles that led to the overthrow of slavery in societies throughout history. Slaves were called to obey their masters and submit to them as their duty to Christ (Col 3:22-23). By their obedience, they were to make the gospel attractive (Tit 2:9-10). Masters were called to love and care for their slaves, because they had a Master in heaven who was watching them (Col 4:1). Christianity also taught the equality of all people (Gal 3:28). When people would visit churches, they would see masters and slaves worshipping together as equals, and sometimes a slave would even be his master’s pastor. The master and slave relationship was dynamically changed. Christianity helped get rid of abuses in the work relationship and eventually led to the dissolving of the system altogether in nations the gospel reached.
With that said, Paul wrote to Philemon about his runaway slave, Onesimus. There was probably some discord in the relationship between the two—leading Onesimus to run to Rome and probably steal from Philemon to fund his trip there. However, while there, he somehow ran into Paul, heard the gospel from him, and became a believer (v. 10). While staying in Rome, he became Paul’s disciple and assistant. He was tremendously useful to Paul, and therefore, Paul hoped to keep him. But he knew that Onesimus had committed a crime and needed to be returned to Philemon. Consequently, Paul wrote this friendly letter to Philemon, asking him to forgive Onesimus and receive him as a brother in Christ. Paul also hoped that Philemon might allow Onesimus to return and support his ministry (v. 13-14).
In this letter, we learn principles about the ministry of reconciliation. As we study it, it will help us reconcile our troubled or broken relationships and enable us to help others experience reconciliation.
Big Question: In Philemon 1:8-25, what principles can be learned about performing the ministry of reconciliation—reconciling strained or broken relationships?
So, although I have quite a lot of confidence in Christ and could command you to do what is proper,
Philemon 1:8
In Philemon 1:8, Paul was about to ask Philemon for a favor. He mentioned how he could command Philemon to do what was “proper” or what he “ought to do” (NIV). Why was forgiveness and reconciliation proper and what Philemon ought to do, and why could Paul command it? Simply because reconciliation would be in line with God’s will for Philemon according to Scripture.
This is the very reason many people struggle with forgiving someone who hurt them. They don’t have a strong theology of forgiveness, and therefore, don’t feel that God is commanding them to forgive and reconcile with someone who hurt them. They only have a sense of God’s justice, which Scripture also teaches, but not God’s command to be merciful. Certainly, these seem like conflicting truths, but they can both exist. There can be forgiveness and yet still be justice at times. David was forgiven for his adultery and murder (which deserved the death penalty) and yet still experienced just consequences, as God said the sword would never depart his house. However, often when forgiving others, God also wants us to remove all the consequences, even as God commonly does with us. Certainly, we need wisdom in both being merciful and just, as God is. Either way, it is God’s will for us to forgive those who hurt us.
Interpretation Question: Why does God command forgiveness and reconciliation in Scripture?
Here are a few biblical reasons God tells us to forgive others:
1. We should forgive and reconcile with others to be like Christ.
Colossians 3:13 says, “bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others.” As followers of Christ, we should seek to be like him in every way. On the cross while his enemies were crucifying him, he cried out to God, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34). Likewise, while Stephen was being stoned, he petitioned for God to forgive them just like Christ previously did (Acts 7:60). In addition, God sent his Son to die for the sins of the world while we were still enemies of God—still sinning against him (Rom 5:8, 10). When we forgive, we are being just like our Savior and God. Therefore, we forgive to be like him. Ephesians 5:1 says, “Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children.”
2. We should forgive to protect our intimacy with God and worship of him.
In Matthew 6:14-15, Christ said this, “For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins.” How is it possible for God to not forgive us if we don’t forgive others? Didn’t he forgive all our sins on the cross? It’s easier to understand what Christ taught if we think of forgiveness in two ways. There is judicial forgiveness. We deserve eternal damnation for only one sin, and yet on the cross, Christ paid the penalty for every one of our sins, so we can be adopted as God’s children and become part of his family forever. However, when we choose to not forgive others as Christians, we still need relational forgiveness from God. For example, if I sin against my wife, it doesn’t change our judicial position. She is still my wife. We married before God and according to the judicial system. However, if I sin against her, it disrupts our intimacy, and I need to repent and ask for forgiveness to restore it. Likewise, all sin, and unforgiveness specifically, hinders our relationship with God. Psalm 66:18 says, “If I had harbored sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” If we are harboring unforgiveness towards a friend, co-worker, or relative, then we will find our devotions and prayer life dry. We will find sermons and worship unedifying, and part of the reason will be because we have allowed a wedge to separate us from God, and that is unforgiveness.
Christ also taught this in Matthew 5:23-24. He said if you go to the altar with a gift for God and realize somebody has something against you, leave the gift, go reconcile with the person, and then return to the altar to offer the gift to God. Again, we must forgive others to protect our intimacy with and worship of God. Otherwise, we’ll experience dryness in our spiritual life and consequences that come from it.
3. We should forgive others simply because Christ commanded it.
In Luke 17:3-4, Christ said to his disciples: “Watch yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” When he said seven times in a day, he was simply using an exaggeration to say we should always forgive others, no matter how many times they fail us. In Matthew 18:21-22, he says we should forgive even as many as seventy-seven times. We practice forgiveness because Christ commands it.
4. We should forgive others to protect ourselves from God’s discipline.
In Matthew 18, Christ gave the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. In the parable, a master forgave a servant a debt he could never repay. But then that servant imprisoned a fellow servant for a much smaller debt. When the master heard about this, he imprisoned the servant and had him tortured until he paid all the debt he owed (which was impossible). At the end of the parable, Christ said this to his disciples in verse 35: “So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.” Being handed over to torturers, probably refers to being attacked by Satan and demons as a discipline from God—potentially bringing sickness, discord, depression, anxiety, habitual sins, and/or other negative consequences (cf. 1 Sam 16:14, 1 Cor 5:5)
If we hold grudges towards others and don’t forgive them from the heart (no matter how bad the crime), it could lead to God’s discipline in our lives. Certainly, as mentioned, both justice and forgiveness can exist at the same time. A person can forgive a criminal in their heart and at the same time tell the authorities about their wrongs, so there can be justice for the criminal’s benefit (as he learns good conduct), to protect ourselves and others, and to honor God.
5. We should forgive others to protect ourselves and others from Satan’s attacks.
This goes along with the last point. In Ephesians 4:26-27, Paul said: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger. Do not give the devil an opportunity.” When we harbor grudges, it opens a door for Satan to attack us and others. Satan is always looking for doors into families, churches, communities, and nations. He ardently seeks to cause conflict and then try to destroy people from that stronghold.
6. We should forgive others to not hinder evangelism.
In John 17:23, Christ prayed, “that they may be completely one, so that the world will know that you sent me, and you have loved them just as you have loved me.” Therefore, when believers and churches are in conflict, it hinders people from accepting Christ (and pushes believers away from God). We must keep this in mind since people are always watching us and judging our Savior based on our lives and interactions with one another.
7. We should forgive others because it’s the loving thing to do.
The greatest commands in Scripture are to love God and love one another (Matt 22:36-40). One of the characteristics of loving someone is forgiving them. First Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) says this about love: “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” After we experience God’s forgiveness, he doesn’t keep bringing up our failures and holding them against us. In Isaiah 43:25, God says this about Israel, “I am the one who blots out your rebellious deeds for my sake; your sins I do not remember.” God does not remember our sins in the sense that he doesn’t allow our past failures to hinder our relationship with him or affect our intimacy. He doesn’t keep a record and keep throwing it in our face and condemning us every time we slip up. Likewise, we are called to love others in the same way. When we forgive others, we are loving them—seeking their best interest instead of ours.
Paul could have commanded Philemon to do what was “proper” or what he “ought to do” (NIV) because that was in line with the New Testament’s teaching. Likewise, if we don’t know what Scripture teaches about forgiveness, we will hold grudges and therefore disobey God’s commands and receive a myriad of consequences for doing so.
Application Question: What biblical reason for forgiving others stood out most to you and why?
I would rather appeal to you on the basis of love—I, Paul, an old man and even now a prisoner for the sake of Christ Jesus—I am appealing to you concerning my child, whose spiritual father I have become during my imprisonment, that is, Onesimus,
Philemon 1:9-10
Instead of using his authority as an apostle, Paul appeals to Philemon to reconcile with Onesimus based on their relationship. They were obviously good friends and fellow partners in kingdom work. Paul mentions that he is now an old man and a prisoner for the sake of Christ (v. 9). Paul was probably close to sixty years old, which may not seem old to us but back then people had shorter life spans. He was also probably physically older than his age because of all his suffering (cf. 2 Cor 11:16-33). In addition, Paul was under house arrest in Rome, awaiting a potential death sentence. He seems to share these things to move Philemon’s heart to seriously consider the coming request. Onesimus had come to Christ through Paul’s ministry, and he considered him his child in the faith and partner in ministry (v. 10-13). He shared these things to help Philemon reconcile with Onesimus. He was willing to be a mediator, including being willing to pay any debts that Onesimus owed from him possibly stealing from Philemon or causing a loss in business (v. 18-19). The entire letter of Philemon is Paul being a mediator in their dispute.
Similarly, we see Paul being a mediator in his letter to Philippians, though he only clearly addresses the situation in a few verses. In that church, there were two prominent women having conflict. It was not a doctrinal dispute because if it was, Paul would have simply said who was right. It was some type of personal dispute that was probably causing the church to divide into rival groups. Therefore, Paul addresses the dispute at the end of the letter and asks for a person in the congregation to help them reconcile. In Philippians 4:2-3, Paul said:
I appeal to Euodia and to Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I say also to you, true companion, help them. They have struggled together in the gospel ministry along with me and Clement and my other coworkers, whose names are in the book of life.
Likewise, we will at times need to be mediators in disputes within our family, at church, or work. Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Sometimes, we may even need to ask others to intervene in our conflicts.
Application Question: What are some wise principles for mediating conflicts between others?
Certainly, throughout the rest of our study of Philemon, we will learn principles to help us with reconciliation, but here are some practical ones we must do in addition to those.
1. As mediators, we must carefully listen to each side of the story—seeking to understand each person and the root of the conflict. We should withhold judgments until we’ve heard each side and asked questions to get the clearest picture. Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to state his case seems right, until his opponent begins to cross-examine him.” Someone said there are always three sides to every story. There is what he said, she said, and then there is the truth. Wise mediators withhold judgment and any emotions until hearing all sides of the story. Unfortunately, because of bias, our best friends or parents may not always be the best mediators.
2. As mediators, we should emphasize what the people have in common instead of their differences. Often when husbands and wives or co-workers have conflict, they want the same thing—to help people or do things more efficiently—but are coming at the same goals from different angles. Reminding them of their shared goal or interests and not just the differences they are focusing on can help cool tempers. In Philippians 2:1-2, Paul sought to do this when seeking unity in the Philippian church. He said,
Therefore, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort provided by love, any fellowship in the Spirit, any affection or mercy, complete my joy and be of the same mind, by having the same love, being united in spirit, and having one purpose.
Because of all they had in common in Christ, they should work for unity. We should help others see their commonality as well so they can pursue reconciliation.
3. As mediators, we must constantly pray for those in conflict and for God to give us wisdom on how to help them reconcile. James 1:5 says, “But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him.” We may also need to ask wise people for counsel on how to minister to those in conflict. Proverbs 11:18 says, “there is success in the abundance of counselors.”
4. As mediators, we must continually emphasize biblical truths related to forgiveness and reconciliation, as mentioned in the first point of this study. Unforgiveness hinders our relationship with God. If we don’t forgive others, he will not forgive us (Matt 6:15). In fact, God promises to hand us over to demonic torturers if we don’t forgive (Matt 18:34, cf. Eph 4:26-27, 1 Cor 5:5). Unforgiveness and conflict between fellow believers also pushes people away from Christ (cf. John 17:21, 23). These truths must be taught to emphasize the importance of reconciliation. Often, people will feel no need to reconcile or forgive apart from these biblical realities being reemphasized.
5. As mediators, we must offer wise solutions, including the possibility of providing a forum for the two to share separately and then together with the mediator to present grievances and consider solutions. While meeting together with the mediator, it’s often good to set ground rules, like not raising one’s voice or interrupting while the other is speaking, listening to one another, recognizing there will be differences in one’s stories which is natural, being willing to listen to the mediator, and giving a good faith effort to work things out including sacrificing and humbling oneself. To start, it’s often good for the two in conflict to first focus on sharing positives about the other person—what they do well and not just what they don’t like. This may in part be what Paul did in Philemon 1:1-7 as he heaped praises on Philemon before challenging him to reconcile with Onesimus. Next, have each person share their problem and a potential solution and allow the other to respond. Then, begin to graciously and prayerfully work from there, including addressing discrepancies, potential solutions, and applying Scripture to the circumstance.
6. As mediators, we must recognize that there might be times when separation is best. Certainly, this should be the last option. However, it is possible to have true forgiveness and yet a recognition that it might be best to go different paths or work separately at least for a season. With Paul and Barnabas, when they couldn’t come to an agreement over Mark accompanying them on their missionary journey, they decided to part ways. Paul went with Silas on missions and Mark went with Barnabas (Acts 15:37-39). God could still use that, as apparently, the separation was done without unforgiveness and bitterness. Eventually, they all worked together again. Right before Paul died, in 2 Timothy 4:11, he even asked for Mark to be brought to him because he was a “great help” to him in ministry. Sometimes, separation can be good for a season to cool tempers, provide a better perspective, or simply protect one another in love.
7. As mediators, we must recognize our inability and depend on God to do the work of reconciliation at his own pace. We plant seeds and water them, but only God can make them grow (1 Cor 3:6-7). Understanding our role in reconciliation (and ministry in general) and God’s role is freeing. It allows us to serve others in hope and, at the same time, not be overburdened as though the responsibility to change hearts is ours. Changing hearts is God’s job. However, he often graciously uses us as part of that work. We must trust God with the outcome of our ministry, especially when seeking to do the ministry of reconciliation.
Are we willing to get involved with others to help them reconcile? Are we willing to allow, and potentially invite, someone to help us reconcile? Christ was willing to come between God and people to seek reconciliation. He paid the penalty we owed and changed our hearts so we would turn back to God. In a sense, we are all Onesimuses—sinners who have been forgiven and reconciled. Likewise, we must be willing to get involved in restoring people with God and with others. We must be willing to be mediators like Paul was with Philemon and Onesimus and the two women in Philippi and like Christ was with us and God.
Application Question: Which principle about mediation stood out most and why? How have you been involved with seeking reconciliation between two people or a group in conflict? How did it turn out? What are some other wise principles for mediating conflicts between others?
I am appealing to you concerning my child, whose spiritual father I have become during my imprisonment, that is, Onesimus, who was formerly useless to you, but is now useful to you and me. I have sent him (who is my very heart) back to you. I wanted to keep him so that he could serve me in your place during my imprisonment for the sake of the gospel.
Philemon 1:10-13
When two people are angry at each other, often more important than a change of circumstance, behavior, or location, a heart change is needed. For many who’ve been hurt, they want nothing to do with the other person. When Paul wrote Philemon, he let him know that Onesimus was not the same person—he had become born-again, and consequently, his behavior changed. Since Onesimus had a heart change, whatever happened that caused him to run away was no longer an issue. Therefore, he willingly returned to his master and was even willing to pay the penalty for his wrong if necessary. Under Roman law, the penalty for a runaway slave could be crucifixion or being branded on the forehead with an “F” for fugitive, among other things.3 Since the empire had something like sixty million slaves, they needed strict laws to stop them from rebelling. Even while considering the potential consequences for his sin, Onesimus returned because obeying Christ was more important than any potential penalty, including his previously hurt feelings.
Likewise, believers should constantly forgive others because God has forgiven us and transformed our hearts. In Ephesians 4:32, Paul said, “Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.” We must forgive even as God forgave us. If we don’t, Scripture says there is a possibility that we might not even be saved. In 1 John 3:14-15, John says:
We know that we have crossed over from death to life because we love our fellow Christians. The one who does not love remains in death. Everyone who hates his fellow Christian is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
To continue to hate others and withhold forgiveness, especially with another believer, might prove that we remain in death. To God, hating is equivalent to murder because it’s the seed of murder (cf. Matt 5:21-23). John matter-of-factly says this, “you know that no murderer (or someone who hates another) has eternal life residing in him.” He doesn’t deal with the particulars of Christians slowly growing in maturity—falling and making mistakes. He spoke a general statement, that a continual withholding of forgiveness and hating others may demonstrate that we’ve never been born again—never experienced a change of heart, never experienced what Onesimus had.
According to 1 Corinthians 13:6 (NIV), as mentioned previously, a characteristic of true love which believers should demonstrate is that “it keeps no record of wrongs” by forgiving others. This is only possible because we’ve been born again and have new hearts—hearts enabled by God to love others, especially believers. Romans 5:5 says that for believers the “love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” At salvation, God gives us the ability to love others, including our enemies, which is why he commands us to love and pray for them (Matt 5:44). Again, this means that if we habitually withhold forgiveness from others and are vengeful, we may have never been saved. By our inability to love and forgive, we might prove that we have never been forgiven by God and therefore never experienced the change of heart that comes from salvation. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, Paul teaches that “… if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away—look, what is new has come!” This doesn’t mean it’s not hard to forgive. It often is. And, after we have forgiven, unforgiveness rushes back when we see the one who hurt us, or he fails us again. But, in obedience to God and love for others, we forgive again in faith. This is possible because, like Onesimus, we received new hearts at our salvation. Ezekiel 36:26-27 says this about our salvation in the New Covenant:
I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you. I will remove the heart of stone from your body and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my Spirit within you; I will take the initiative and you will obey my statutes and carefully observe my regulations.
This is what happened with Onesimus. He was willing to return to his slave master, who he had possibly robbed, and seek reconciliation because God had saved him and changed his heart. Has God given us a new heart? Are we willing to seek reconciliation—forgiving others and seeking forgiveness for wrongs done?
Further proof that Onesimus had a new heart was the fact that previously he was “useless” (v. 11). The name Onesimus was a common slave name. It meant useful or profitable. Slave masters would give their slaves that name in hopes that they would live up to it. However, previously, Onesimus was useless. Maybe, he habitually had a bad attitude, didn’t work hard, and couldn’t be trusted. But, after being saved, he changed. He had a new work ethic because he was now working for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He was now supremely useful to Paul as he probably served as his assistant (v. 11-13). In Colossians 4:9, Paul called Onesimus a “faithful and dear brother.” Following Christ can make a person who is useless, supremely useful. Following Christ should change us in many ways and not just in our relationships with others. It affects everything we do. First Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people, because you know that you will receive your inheritance from the Lord as the reward. Serve the Lord Christ.”
To forgive others, we must have a heart change. As mentioned, even after experiencing God’s forgiveness in salvation and being made new in Christ, it can still be difficult to forgive. Therefore, when we struggle with forgiving others, sometimes the best thing we can do is pray for them and, if possible, serve them, which blesses them and changes us. Consider the following verses:
You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor’ and ‘hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be like your Father in heaven, since he causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Matthew 5:43-45
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people. Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Rather, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing this you will be heaping burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:18-21
If we know that we have been saved and yet still struggle with forgiveness, we must, in obedience to God, bless our enemy more. Pray for them to grow in the Lord and bear fruit in all that they do. If they are in sin, pray that God would rebuke them and set them free. As we pray for others and as God gives opportunity to serve them, we overcome the evil in our hearts by doing good, and often the good we do will change their hearts as well. To forgive others, we must have changed hearts.
Are we submitting our hearts to God so we can be reconciled with others, or are we withholding love and forgiveness from others in disobedience to God?
Application Question: Why should salvation change our hearts in regard to being willing to forgive others? What should we do if we struggle with forgiving others who have hurt us? How have you overcome unforgiveness in your heart at times? Why is praying for those who hurt us and serving them so effective at changing our hearts and often theirs as well?
I wanted to keep him so that he could serve me in your place during my imprisonment for the sake of the gospel. However, without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your good deed would not be out of compulsion, but from your own willingness. For perhaps it was for this reason that he was separated from you for a little while, so that you would have him back eternally, no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, as a dear brother. He is especially so to me, and even more so to you now, both humanly speaking and in the Lord.
Philemon 1:13-16
When convincing Philemon to reconcile with Onesimus, Paul says this in verse 15, “For perhaps it was for this reason that he was separated from you for a little while, so that you would have him back eternally.” It would be easy to look at the situation as only a loss. There was a financial loss for Philemon from losing a slave and possibly having money stolen. There was a loss for Onesimus in that he was a fugitive and could potentially receive the death penalty. There was a loss for Paul in having two dear friends in conflict. There was nothing good in this situation. However, Paul saw the possibility that God was using this situation for the good. The separation for a short time was possibly allowed so that Philemon could have Onesimus back eternally as a fellow believer and also, humanly speaking, as a profitable servant (v. 15-16).
It is a mark of spiritual maturity to be able to see God as sovereignly controlling all circumstances, including bad ones, for the good. For some, trials make them angry at God and others, but for the more mature, they see trials, including difficult relationships, as opportunities for God to do something special. This doesn’t mean the trial or difficult relationship doesn’t hurt. It does. However, seeing God as sovereign over a situation gives us hope, helps us persevere, and also enables us to forgive when necessary.
Certainly, we saw this with Joseph and his brothers who had sold him into slavery. When they approached him asking for forgiveness, he responded this way in Genesis 50:20, “As for you, you meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good purpose, so he could preserve the lives of many people, as you can see this day.” Joseph could see God’s sovereign hand over the situation, including his brothers selling him into slavery. Since he was forced to live in Egypt, he learned the Egyptian language and excelled as a trustworthy slave. When in prison because of being falsely accused, God used that opportunity for Joseph to meet the king’s cupbearer, which opened the door for Joseph to eventually be released and serve as Egypt’s governor—saving many people during a worldwide famine. God used the conflict between Joseph and his brothers and specifically their hate and greed for the good.
Indeed, we have many promises in Scripture that teach God uses all trials, including conflicts, for our good. Romans 8:28-29 says,
And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose, because those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.
God is using all things, including trials and conflicts, to make us into the image of his Son. God wants to develop our character through difficult situations. He wants to make us more patient, loving, and wise. As we go through conflicts and respond biblically, God makes us wise so we can help others navigate other conflicts and difficult situations in the future. He also stretches our love. It's totally normal to love those who are lovable, but God loves even his enemies. Therefore, through conflict, God stretches us to love like him, including loving, forgiving, and even serving our enemies.
Likewise, James 1:2-5 says,
My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him.
This is hard to do when dealing with conflict, but God calls us to rejoice in faith during them because we trust his sovereignty. He is using conflict to test our faith in the sense of making it stronger by getting rid of weaknesses—things that displease him like impatience, anger, and unforgiveness. He uses it to make us perfect and complete—meaning spiritually mature. In the process of dealing with conflict, he promises to help us. He commands us to ask him for wisdom, and he’ll give it—wisdom to persevere, wisdom to grow through it instead of becoming bitter and unforgiving, and oftentimes wisdom on how to reconcile. What is true of trials in general is true of how God uses conflict. God used the conflict between Philemon and Onesimus, and Onesimus’ crime, as a runaway slave and possibly a thief, for the good. It led to Onesimus becoming a follower of Christ and assistant for the apostle Paul. If the speculation is correct, fifty years later, Onesimus may have become the pastor of the Ephesian church after Timothy and later John left. God certainly used it for the good, and in some way, is using our conflict for the good, as we submit to him in it.
Are we willing to trust God while in conflict? One of the ways we do this is by not seeking revenge or trying to get even with those who hurt us. It’s also by seeking to do them good as the Lord allows. Romans 12:19-21 says if our enemy is thirsty, we should give him a drink. If he is hungry, we should give him food, and by doing this, we place fiery coals on their heads and overcome evil with good.
If we are going to reconcile with others or help others reconcile, we must believe in God’s sovereignty over the situation. When Pharaoh would not let Israel go, Moses interpreted the event in two ways. He said Pharaoh hardened his heart by disobeying God (Ex 8:32), but he also said God hardened Pharaoh’s heart (Ex 9:12). He saw God as in control of that conflict, using it for the good. In Romans 9, Paul interpreted the event as God allowing it to show his power and glory to the world. Romans 9:17 says, “For the scripture says to Pharaoh: ‘For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I may demonstrate my power in you, and that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth.’” We see that when Israel entered the promised land of Canaan, the people in Jericho were scared because they heard about what God had done to Egypt to set them free. God’s judgment on Pharaoh and the Egyptians essentially led to evangelism—people hearing about God and some becoming saved like Rahab. Not only was God changing Israelites and Egyptians through the conflict between Pharaoh and Moses, but he also was changing the nations around them as well. Certainly, we must remember that people are watching how we handle conflict, and how we respond may be the witness that leads them to Christ or to reconcile with others. God’s plans are bigger than our plans. And we must trust that his ways to handle conflict with a spouse, child, church member, or co-worker are best, even over the negative feelings and thoughts in our hearts and minds. God is in control and using it for the good, especially as we submit to him and trust him in the process.
Are we willing to trust God’s sovereignty over difficult relationships, which will help us reconcile with them or help others reconcile?
Application Question: How have you seen God work out a personal conflict for good? Why is it difficult to trust God’s ways during a personal conflict? How can we learn to trust God more during a personal conflict?
Therefore if you regard me as a partner, accept him as you would me. Now if he has defrauded you of anything or owes you anything, charge what he owes to me. I, Paul, have written this letter with my own hand: I will repay it. I could also mention that you owe me your very self.
Philemon 1:17-19
Paul was aware that restitution was needed to truly reconcile the relationship between Philemon and Onesimus. This was a principle outlined in the Old Testament law, and it’s foundational to any just law system even today. In Numbers 5:6-7, God said this to Moses:
Tell the Israelites, ‘When a man or a woman commits any sin that people commit, thereby breaking faith with the Lord, and that person is found guilty, then he must confess his sin that he has committed and must make full reparation, add one fifth to it, and give it to whomever he wronged.
A person who committed a sin needed to make full restitution, including adding a fifth to it. When it came to livestock, sometimes restitution would be as high as four or five times what was taken. Exodus 22:1 says, “If a man steals an ox or a sheep and kills it or sells it, he must pay back five head of cattle for the ox, and four sheep for the one sheep.” The logic behind this is if a person stole a donkey, he shouldn’t just return it, he should pay extra to cover the lost work and profit. Therefore, in seeking to reconcile Philemon with Onesimus, Paul promises to make restitution. Partially, he does this by returning Onesimus since, according to Roman law, Onesimus was property. But he also requests that if Onesimus stole something, to charge him for it. He promised to repay it (v. 18-19). In fact, to further confirm his commitment to repaying the debt owed, Paul, who typically had someone write his letters while he dictated them, declared in verse 19, “I, Paul, have written this letter with my own hand: I will repay it.” Instead of just writing the conclusion which was customary for him (cf. Col 4:18, 2 Thess 3:17), Paul said he wrote the entire letter (or at least that portion of it). By saying this, he essentially wrote an I.O.U.—a promise to repay Philemon any debt incurred by Onesimus.
Likewise, if we are going to reconcile with someone or help others reconcile, it is often not enough to simply say, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” We need to wisely make restitution. If we stole, we must return what we took. If we gossiped, we need to apologize to the person we gossiped about and to those we shared the negative information with and correct it if we were wrong. A great picture of how God changes a heart and leads them to make restitution with those wronged is the story of Zacchaeus. In Luke 19:8, when he gets saved, he says this to Christ, “Look, Lord, half of my possessions I now give to the poor, and if I have cheated anyone of anything, I am paying back four times as much!” This was in keeping with the restitution required by the law. We must do the same with others when reconciling with them or helping others reconcile. We should ask, “Is there any restitution that needs to be made?” Sometimes, it may be wise to get counsel on this. In 1 Corinthians 6:1-8, when there were disputes within the Corinthian church, Paul encouraged them to select a few wise people in the church to arbitrate between them instead of taking their situation to court before unbelievers.
Therefore, in seeking to reconcile with others or help others reconcile, we may need to make restitution or encourage others to. If restitution is not made, then the repentance often appears cheap to the wronged party and may hinder true reconciliation.
Application Question: Why is restitution important when reconciling people? In what types of situations might restitution be needed?
I, Paul, have written this letter with my own hand: I will repay it. I could also mention that you owe me your very self.
Philemon 1:19
After committing to repay Philemon for Onesimus’ debt, Paul reminded Philemon that he owed Paul his life. This probably referred to how Paul led Philemon to Christ. In a sense, Philemon owed Paul a spiritual debt for his contribution to his life. Likewise, this principle is important for us to remember as well when people owe us a debt by hurting us. We must remember that we have hurt others as well and therefore owe them a debt. We owe debts not only from failing others but also from receiving blessings from others. Our parents birthed and raised us and invested in our lives in countless ways which we cannot fully repay. Teachers, coaches, and mentors have invested in us, and we owe them a debt. Most of all, we owe Christ a debt for all he has done for us in saving us. If we owe debts that we can never pay back, how can we withhold forgiveness for those who owe us?
This was the same principle that Christ taught in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:23-35. Again, in the parable, a master, representing God, forgave a servant an unpayable debt. But then the servant was unwilling to forgive or show leniency to a fellow-servant with a lesser debt and therefore threw the servant into jail. When the master heard about this, he imprisoned the unforgiving servant until he could pay all his debt. The unforgiving servant didn’t forgive because he forgot (or didn’t truly consider) all that he owed and was forgiven. Because he forgot about his debt, he pridefully and mercilessly punished others.
Therefore, if we are going to reconcile with others, no matter how much they have hurt us, we must remember that we owe many debts that we’ll never be able to fully pay back. There are friends, parents, teachers, coaches, co-workers, etc., who have invested in our lives and never even asked for a return. Even though they haven’t asked for repayment, we still owe them a debt. Most of all, we owe God an unpayable debt; because of Christ, God forgave our sins, delivered us from judgment, gave us eternal life, and adopted us into his family. If we owe so much and have been forgiven so much, how can we hold back forgiveness from others? Remembering our debts, should, in fact, make us quick to forgive others when they fail and encourage us to generously help people in need.
Application Question: Why is remembering our debts so important for helping us forgive and serve others? Who are those that you owe a tremendous debt and why? How is God calling you to show grace and mercy to others even as you have received?
Yes, brother, let me have some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Since I was confident that you would obey, I wrote to you, because I knew that you would do even more than what I am asking you to do.
Philemon 1:20-21
Paul loved both Philemon and Onesimus, and therefore, it, no doubt, hurt him to have them at odds with one another. He pleaded with Philemon to let him have “some benefit” (v. 20). “Benefit” in Greek is the root word for Onesimus’ name, which means useful or profitable. Paul essentially says, “Let me have some profit from you by your reconciliation with my son, Profit.” Though Philemon was probably still hurting from the financial loss, emotional pain, and shame from Onesimus running away, Paul asked him to not think about the loss but to instead think about blessing Paul. The reason we withhold forgiveness is for our self-benefit. Sometimes, it is to punish the other person or to further protect ourselves. We withhold forgiveness because of selfishness or self-preservation. However, to reconcile, we have to think selflessly by considering the benefit of others more than our own. In an estranged marriage, forgiveness leads to the benefit of the repentant spouse, the children, family members, and the couple’s shared friends. In a church, forgiveness leads to the profit of not only the offender but also all the friends who were hurt by their discord. Likewise, Paul asked Philemon to give him some benefit and refreshment by reconciling with Onesimus. To reconcile, we often have to think more about others and their benefit than our own. In Philippians 2:3-4, Paul said this to a congregation with discord in it to help them become unified:
Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself. Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but about the interests of others as well.
By considering others’ profit more than our own, we’ll be moved to forgive and seek reconciliation. Are we considering the benefit of others as more important than our own? Pride and selfishness typically are the roots of discord, even as humility and selflessness are the foundation of reconciliation.
Application Question: In what ways are pride and selfishness common roots of discord? In what ways are humility and selflessness the foundation of reconciliation? Why is it so hard to think of others’ benefit as more important than our own (cf. Phil 2:3, Phm 1:20)? What is the proper balance between thinking about others’ benefit and our own, especially in the context of reconciliation?
At the same time also, prepare a place for me to stay, for I hope that through your prayers I will be given back to you. Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, greets you. Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my colaborers, greet you too. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Philemon 1:22-25
At the end of the letter, Paul asked for Philemon to prepare a place for him to stay. Because of Philemon’s prayers and others’, Paul trusted that God would deliver him from his imprisonment in Rome (v. 22). The fact that Paul would visit Philemon soon in Colosse provided strong accountability for Philemon’s response to Onesimus. In addition to that, Paul mentioned greetings from five men who knew both Philemon and Onesimus. If Philemon did not reconcile, it would have grieved them as they loved both men as well.
Epaphras is called Paul’s “fellow prisoner in Christ” (v. 23). It’s not clear if he was imprisoned in Rome with Paul or just supporting him and bearing his burdens while visiting him. Epaphras was probably the founder of the Colossian church (Col 1:7-8), and therefore one of its pastors and probably a good friend of Philemon. Certainly, as one of Philemon’s pastors, Philemon was accountable to him, as all believers are to their spiritual leaders. Hebrews 13:17 says this, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls and will give an account for their work.” Mark is the author of the Gospel named after him (v. 24). He was Barnabas’ cousin and a disciple of Peter (Col 4:10, 1 Pet. 5:13). Aristarchus was a Jew from Thessalonica (Acts 20:4, 27:2), and one of Paul’s travel companions. He was with Paul at the riot in Ephesus (Acts 19:29) and was on the ship with Paul to Rome that was shipwrecked (Acts 27:4). Tradition says, like Paul, he was martyred in Rome.4 Demas, likewise, was one of Paul’s travel companions and coworkers; however, eventually, he deserted Paul, probably apostatizing from the faith. Second Timothy 4:10 says, “For Demas deserted me, since he loved the present age, and he went to Thessalonica.” Luke is the author of the books Luke and Acts and was also a common travel companion of Paul. Throughout the book of Acts, he often uses the pronoun “we” which demonstrates how he was with Paul on many missionary journeys (cf. Acts 16:10-13). He was a doctor by trade (2 Tim 4:11) and probably ministered to Paul when he was dealing with physical ailments, including potentially his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor 12:7; cf. Gal 4:15). He also was with Paul during his second imprisonment before he died (2 Tim 4:11).
All these men were with Paul in Rome and were friends of Philemon and Onesimus. By mentioning them and asking for a room for a near visit, Paul provided accountability for Philemon and his relationship with Onesimus. It’s been said people do 100% of what you check. Often, we need accountability in our lives, including in our friendships, families, and work relationships. We need people asking us, “How are things going at home and work?” We need people committed to praying for us and holding us accountable when we are harboring wrong attitudes or practicing actions not in line with our faith. Though Paul had great confidence in Philemon’s commitment to Christ and therefore willingness to forgive (v. 21), accountability only helped ensure Philemon’s faithfulness.
We must ask ourselves, “Who holds us accountable? Who do we confess our sins and struggles with? Who is praying for us and challenging us when we’re in conflict with others?” We all need godly mentors and friends in our lives who hold us accountable. This is especially true when it comes to maintaining peaceful relationships and dealing with conflict. Satan is always seeking to sow seeds of discord to get a stronghold in our lives, families, and churches (Eph 4:26-27). Godly accountability helps keep him out and protects us from our flesh which is so prone to discord (Gal 5:19-21).
Application Question: Why are accountability relationships so important to our Christian faith in general and especially when it comes to dealing with conflict? Who are your accountability partners and how do you hold one another accountable?
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Philemon 1:25
When Paul ends his letter with “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit,” this was really a prayer for Philemon, his family, and the church, as the “your” is plural.5 No doubt, by the end of this letter, Philemon felt convicted of his need to forgive Onesimus; however, he might have felt weak in his flesh to do so. Paul’s benediction would have reminded him (and others) of the grace—the unmerited favor of God—that was available in Christ. The flesh seeks vengeance and self-preservation; however, God’s Spirit enables us to love God and others selflessly, even at great cost to ourselves (v. 18-19). Therefore, as we struggle with a desire to reconcile with others, we must remember our need for God’s empowerment—“grace” from the Lord Jesus (v. 25). In John 15:4-5, Christ said this:
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me—and I in him—bears much fruit, because apart from me you can accomplish nothing.
Apart from abiding in Christ, we can do no spiritual good. However, by abiding in Christ through deep prayer, time in the Word, fellowship with the saints, and service, God produces abundant fruit in us. These fruits include peace, patience, self-control, gentleness, endurance, and other fruits of the Spirit needed for peaceful relationships (Gal 5:22-23). However, apart from a thriving relationship with God, we will find ourselves acting in the flesh. Galatians 5:19 reminds us that the acts of the flesh are: “hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish rivalries, dissensions, factions, envying, murder…” Therefore, our natural default apart from a thriving relationship with God is conflict, even with those who love us most. Apart from abiding in Christ, we’ll often find no desire to forgive others and only a desire to self-preserve or harm others. We’ll have no fruits of the Spirit, such as patience with others, self-control over thoughts, gentleness towards those who fail us, and peace of mind. These fruits only come from abiding in Christ; otherwise, conflict and its fruits will be our lot. Philemon, his family, and the church needed to be reminded of their divine enablement. Grace was available to them through their relationship with Christ as they took advantage of it—God’s grace to love, forgive, and serve those who hurt us. God will also give us grace to help others reconcile around us. Matthew 5:9 says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.” God blesses those who labor for peace. May that be us, in Jesus’ name. Amen!
Application Question: Why is it so important to rely on God’s grace to reconcile relationships? How should we rely more on God’s grace to reconcile broken or strained relationships? How have you experienced God’s supernatural grace in helping you reconcile with others?
The book of Philemon does not end here. As mentioned previously, fifty years later in AD 110, the bishop of Ephesus was named Onesimus.6 Many speculate that this was the same Onesimus. This would give credence to why this small personal letter to Philemon was included in the Canon. It truly is a miraculous story. If this is true, it means that Philemon did forgive Onesimus, accepted him as a brother, and eventually allowed him to return to Paul to serve as a missionary and eventually a pastor. God truly used this difficult circumstance and the heart pain that came with it for the good. Philemon did not just get a slave back but more than a slave, a true brother in Christ committed to building God’s kingdom with him. Lord, may you use all our difficult relationships for such an end!
How can we perform the ministry of reconciliation—seeking to reconcile strained or broken relationships?
Application Question: What stood out most in the study and why, and what applications or questions did you take from it?
Copyright © 2023 Gregory Brown
Unless otherwise noted, the primary Scriptures used are taken from the NET Bible ® copyright © 1996-2016 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
Holy Bible, New International Version ®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, and 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are from the King James Version of the Bible.
All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added.
BTG Publishing all rights reserved.
1 David Guzik, Philemon, David Guzik’s Commentaries on the Bible (Santa Barbara, CA: David Guzik, 2013), Phm 12–14.
2 Bruce Barton et al., Life Application New Testament Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 2001), 996.
3 David Guzik, Philemon, David Guzik’s Commentaries on the Bible (Santa Barbara, CA: David Guzik, 2013), Phm 12–14.
4 John F. MacArthur Jr., Philemon, MacArthur New Testament Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1992), 230.
Leading a small group using the Bible Teacher’s Guide can be done in various ways. One format is the “study group” model, where each member prepares and shares in the teaching. This appendix will cover tips for facilitating a weekly study group.
The strength of the study group is that the members are required to prepare their responses before the meeting, allowing for easier discussion. Another is that each member has the opportunity to further develop his ministry skills through teaching. These are distinct advantages.
Copyright © 2023 Gregory Brown
BTG Publishing all rights reserved.
Writing is one of the best ways to learn. In class, we take notes and write papers, and all these methods are used to help us learn and retain the material. The same is true with the Word of God. Obviously, all of the authors of Scripture were writers. This helped them better learn the Scriptures and also enabled them to more effectively teach it. In studying God’s Word with the Bible Teacher’s Guide, take time to write so you can similarly grow both in your learning and teaching.
Copyright © 2023 Gregory Brown
BTG Publishing all rights reserved.
How can a person be saved? From what is he saved? How can someone have eternal life? Scripture teaches that after death each person will spend eternity either in heaven or hell. How can a person go to heaven?
Paul said this to Timothy:
You, however, must continue in the things you have learned and are confident about. You know who taught you and how from infancy you have known the holy writings, which are able to give you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
2 Timothy 3:14-15
One of the reasons God gave us Scripture is to make us wise for salvation. This means that without it nobody can know how to be saved.
Well then, how can a people be saved and what are they being saved from? A common method of sharing the good news of salvation is through the Romans Road. One of the great themes, not only of the Bible, but specifically of the book of Romans is salvation. In Romans, the author, Paul, clearly details the steps we must take in order to be saved.
How can we be saved? What steps must we take?
Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” What does it mean to sin? The word sin means “to miss the mark.” The mark we missed is looking like God. When God created mankind in the Genesis narrative, he created man in the “image of God” (1:27). The “image of God” means many things, but probably, most importantly it means we were made to be holy just as he is holy. Man was made moral. We were meant to reflect God’s holiness in every way: the way we think, the way we talk, and the way we act. And any time we miss the mark in these areas, we commit sin.
Furthermore, we do not only sin when we commit a sinful act such as: lying, stealing, or cheating. Again, we sin anytime we have a wrong heart motive. The greatest commandments in Scripture are to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 22:36-40, paraphrase). Whenever we don’t love God supremely and love others as ourselves, we sin and fall short of the glory of God. For this reason, man is always in a state of sinning. Sadly, even if our actions are good, our heart is bad. I have never loved God with my whole heart, mind, and soul and neither has anybody else. Therefore, we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). We have all missed the mark of God’s holiness and we must accept this.
What’s the next step?
Why are we under the judgment of God? It is because of our sins. Scripture teaches God is not only a loving God, but he is a just God. And his justice requires judgment for each of our sins. Romans 6:23 says, “For the payoff of sin is death.”
A wage is something we earn. Every time we sin, we earn the wage of death. What is death? Death really means separation. In physical death, the body is separated from the spirit, but in spiritual death, man is separated from God. Man currently lives in a state of spiritual death (cf. Eph 2:1-3). We do not love God, obey him, or know him as we should. Therefore, man is in a state of death.
Moreover, one day at our physical death, if we have not been saved, we will spend eternity separated from God in a very real hell. In hell, we will pay the wage for each of our sins. Therefore, in hell people will experience various degrees of punishment (cf. Lk 12:47-48). This places man in a very dangerous predicament—unholy and therefore under the judgment of God.
How should we respond to this? This leads us to our third step.
Romans 6:23 does not stop at the wages of sin being death. It says, “For the payoff of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Because God loved everybody on the earth, he offered the free gift of eternal life, which anyone can receive through Jesus Christ.
Because it is a gift, it cannot be earned. We cannot work for it. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so that no one can boast.”
Going to church, being baptized, giving to the poor, or doing any other righteous work does not save. Salvation is a gift that must be received from God. It is a gift that has been prepared by his effort alone.
How do we receive this free gift?
If we are going to receive this free gift, we must believe in God’s Son, Jesus Christ. Because God loved us, cared for us, and didn’t want us to be separated from him eternally, he sent his Son to die for our sins. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Similarly, John 3:16 says, “For this is the way God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” God so loved us that he gave his only Son for our sins.
Jesus Christ was a real, historical person who lived 2,000 years ago. He was born of a virgin. He lived a perfect life. He was put to death by the Romans and the Jews. And he rose again on the third day. In his death, he took our sins and God’s wrath for them and gave us his perfect righteousness so we could be accepted by God. Second Corinthians 5:21 says, “God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we would become the righteousness of God.” God did all this so we could be saved from his wrath.
Christ’s death satisfied the just anger of God over our sins. When God saw Jesus on the cross, he saw us and our sins and therefore judged Jesus. And now, when God sees those who are saved, he sees his righteous Son and accepts us. In salvation, we have become the righteousness of God.
If we are going to be saved, if we are going to receive this free gift of salvation, we must believe in Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection for our sins (cf. 1 Cor 15:3-5, Rom 10:9-10). Do you believe?
Romans 10:9-10 says,
Because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and thus has righteousness and with the mouth one confesses and thus has salvation.
Not only must we believe, but we must confess Christ as Lord of our lives. It is one thing to believe in Christ but another to follow Christ. Simple belief does not save. Christ must be our Lord. James said this: “…Even the demons believe that – and tremble with fear” (James 2:19), but the demons are not saved—Christ is not their Lord.
Another aspect of making Christ Lord is repentance. Repentance really means a change of mind that leads to a change of direction. Before we met Christ, we were living our own life and following our own sinful desires. But when we get saved, our mind and direction change. We start to follow Christ as Lord.
How do we make this commitment to the lordship of Christ so we can be saved? Paul said we must confess with our mouth “Jesus is Lord” as we believe in him. Romans 10:13 says, “For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
If you admit that you are a sinner and understand you are under God’s wrath because of them; if you believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that he died on the cross for your sins, and rose from the dead for your salvation; if you are ready to turn from your sin and cling to Christ as Lord, you can be saved.
If this is your heart, then you can pray this prayer and commit to following Christ as your Lord.
Dear heavenly Father, I confess I am a sinner and have fallen short of your glory, what you made me for. I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins and rose from the dead so I can have eternal life. I am turning away from my sin and accepting you as my Lord and Savior. Come into my life and change me. Thank you for your gift of salvation.
Scripture teaches that if you truly accepted Christ as your Lord, then you are a new creation. Second Corinthians 5:17 says, “So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away – look, what is new has come!” God has forgiven your sins (1 John 1:9), he has given you his Holy Spirit (Rom 8:15), and he is going to disciple you and make you into the image of his Son (cf. Rom 8:29). He will never leave you nor forsake you (Heb 13:5), and he will complete the work he has begun in your life (Phil 1:6). In heaven, angels and saints are rejoicing because of your commitment to Christ (Lk 15:7).
Praise God for his great salvation! May God keep you in his hand, empower you through the Holy Spirit, train you through mature believers, and use you to build his kingdom! “He who calls you is trustworthy, and he will in fact do this” (1 Thess 5:24). God bless you!
Copyright © 2023 Gregory Brown
Unless otherwise noted, the primary Scriptures used are taken from the NET Bible ® copyright © 1996-2016 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
Holy Bible, New International Version ®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, and 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are from the King James Version of the Bible.
All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added.
BTG Publishing all rights reserved.