10. R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To...Men
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"R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To…Men”. www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Forging marital connection with husbands through respect
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Those seven letters catapulted a preacher’s daughter from Detroit to the top of the Billboard charts; and decades later, when the Queen of Soul belts out her signature anthem, everyone knows exactly what she needs.
But what does respect look like for the average husband? The answer might surprise his wife. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg take a biblical and practical look at respect from a male viewpoint – and discuss the emotional benefit for wives who offer that gift to their husbands.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: One of the things we know is that women and men do, indeed, communicate differently. Now I’m going to give you a take away to coach the wives on how to connect to your husband. You need to realize something; if you want to connect emotionally to him, you’re going to need to show him respect. A buddy of ours did some research on this area of respect and love, and he cited a research study that said a man will choose respect every time over love. And you know what? The Bible talks about that. Paul knew that when he wrote to the Ephesians. A man needs to love his wife; but if you look at the last part of Ephesians 5:33, it says,
“And the wife must respect her husband.”
Now wives, let me tell you about your husband. He gets beaten up all day long in the workplace. He is a tremendous man. He is a man of God; and he needs to be esteemed and encouraged and affirmed and blessed by you. But I’m going to guarantee you that when you sit down to communicate with him at the end of the day and you want to connect, if you start by trying to engage his feelings and unpack what he’s experiencing in his heart, you’re never going to get anywhere because a lot of guys don’t know where to go to begin to unpack that. A man is wired to focus on his thoughts, his ideas, his visions, and what is going on cognitively. So when you encourage him in that, you affirm him in that, and esteem him in that and he feels connected to you, he will then have more of a willingness to take a risk to go down to the heart area of his life. He’ll begin to talk about some of those emotions.
Now you may find that he only knows a couple of emotions – I’m mad, or I’m sad, or I’m glad – that’s kind of how we’re wired as men. Yet, you as his wife - when you’re completing him, when you are loving him unconditionally – I want to encourage you to help him explore. “Honey, are you frustrated? Are you insecure about something? Are you anxious? Are you apprehensive?” Because when you help your husband identify those needs, he will feel safe to move toward you.
So you’ve connected to his thoughts, you’ve connected to his feelings, and then you’re ready wives – and we know that you love this – because it’s connecting to his needs. Just as a husband can learn more about a wife’s needs, when you ask a husband what he needs, be ready to hear something that may be different than you would say. Maybe he needs some space. Maybe he needs a hug. Maybe he needs you to defend him. Maybe he needs you to just say, “You know what? I’m here for you. We will figure it out together and we’ll get to the other side.”
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series