9. Marriage Maintenance Check - Four Points Of Daily Connection
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“Marriage Maintenance Check – Four Points Of Daily Connection”. www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Four crucial times for daily connection in marriage
Visit any dealership and within minutes you’ll be faced with the temptation to run your hand along the body of the brand new sports car parked prominently in the center of the sales floor. It's sleek, shiny, and undeniably attractive; but any true auto aficionado will tell you it’s what’s under the hood that matters. Those fancy foreign models are fun to drive, but they need extra attention; and if the engine isn’t firing on all cylinders, you’ll soon find yourself just spinning your wheels.
A great marriage is far more precious than a sports car; and it shouldn’t be just a fantasy. But daily maintenance is a necessity. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg discuss four points of daily connection that will keep the relationship between you and your spouse running smoothly – and in the same direction!
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: We have learned that there are four times each day that connection can happen.
Barb Rosberg: Absolutely! When you are building that connection within your marriage, do you realize that you are building a resiliency for times of conflict or when marriage is really hard? And it will be from one time to another. Those four times of connection that Gary is referring to – these are times when we can have touch points during the day that can add up to be life changing.
The first time is before you even get out of bed in the morning. What does it look like? It’s before you’re really even out of the sheets. Perhaps one of you awakens and thinks about the other person, and then says it out loud – “Lord, thank you for my spouse. They are amazing, and I thank you and I pray that they have a great day. In your Name, Lord – Amen.”
A second point of contact is when you leave for work in the morning. Recently, Gary and I said goodbye and he kissed me and I was going to meet him at work later. But I heard the door open. He came back into the house where I was, and he said, “Can I pray for you?” I said, “What?” He said, “Can I pray for you?” And you took my hands, you prayed for me, and I stood there and thought, “This is a man who’s thinking of me before eight o’clock in the morning and going to the God of the universe on my behalf. You connected to me, and you connected me with God our Father. It was a wow.
Do you want to know the third time that you have connection during the day with your spouse? Well, every woman can tell you, it’s between four and seven p.m. It’s when we’re coming home from work, or maybe you’ve worked in the home all day long. But we call it the Valley of the Shadow of Death around our house because it is that time period for every woman under the sun when we are getting our list accomplished. It’s when you’re finishing your list outside the home, you’re running errands, so that by the time you get home you can build that base to have a strong home, a great meal, and also a great marriage. When your man walks in that back door, maybe he gives you a kiss that means, aha – he’s got something else on his mind. Unfortunately, if you’ve got a list of twelve things, he’s just become number thirteen on that list. Why? He’s entered The Take Zone. And for every woman who is the hub of the home and is a great wife to her husband, he needs to realize that if you’re going to connect, it’s a time when you need to give. And when you give, it might mean you give that sense of, “I’m here for you. Can I take something off that list and do it?” And when my husband has taken the vacuum, plugged it into the wall, and done a little vacuuming for me? Oh! I’m telling you – it hits the mark!
GR: Be still my heart!
BR: That is a part of connection – anything practical during the hours of the Valley of the Shadow of Death, four and seven p.m. daily, is a wow for a woman. And Gary, I know that for a man, too – or a woman – coming home, who’s got a lot of business on their mind, you’ve done something for years that has changed our marriage.
GR: A very specific way of explaining this is what a gentleman told me years ago. He identified a telephone pole about halfway between his home and his business. So he would leave his business at the end of the day, and he would be thinking about and reflecting on his business for the first ten miles until he got to the telephone pole. Then he would flip an imaginary switch and begin to anticipate engaging his wife and his family. So when he came in the back door, he wasn’t preoccupied. He wasn’t on automatic pilot, and he would be able to connect to them. Because the first ninety seconds that a man and a woman connect at the end of the work day is the most significant part of the day and it will set the pace for the rest of the evening. Then he explained to me that the next morning when he headed out, he’d spend the first ten miles on his way to his telephone pole praying and considering and just thinking about his family. He’d get to the telephone pole, flip the switch, put on the armor, and get ready to engage the workday. So when you come home at the end of the day, guys, you need to be anticipatory of engaging. You need to turn off the Blackberry. You need to shut off the cell phone. And when you connect to your wife, and then someday to your kids if you don’t have kids yet, you will find that you will be better prepared in order to engage them to set the pace for the rest of the evening.
BR: What a great way to have a great marriage.
BR: Point number four – that fourth time of connection – is right before you go to bed at night. What woman doesn’t want to be kissed before she goes to bed? Kiss your wife. Go to bed at the same time. Pray out loud – and it doesn’t matter who starts the prayer. On some nights, I start praying out loud; other nights, Gary does. But when we hold hands and we discover that oneness together…When I think about those four times of connection and add them all up – by the end of the day, you’re growing deeper, more intimate, and more emotionally connected in your marriage.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series