16. Built To Last - The Secrets To Lasting Love
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"Built To Last - The Secrets To A Lasting Love" www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Ways to strengthen your marriage every day
Few architectural elements are as impressive as an ancient stone fireplace. River rocks of every shape and size, polished smooth by years in the current, fit snugly together with a solidity that seems to defy the laws of physics. Look closer, and you’ll spot the secret. The strength is in the mortar spread between each one; holding them all together and creating a safe space for the flames that will light and warm an entire home.
In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg reveal some of the secrets to lasting love. From the boulders of forgiveness to the pebbles of daily acts of service, they offer a do-it-yourself guide to building a beautiful marriage, strengthened by the mortar of the Holy Spirit.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Gary Rosberg: Let’s talk about some of the differences in marriage, Barb, and zero in on how we can encourage great couples.
Barb Rosberg: Well, it’s in understanding our differences that you really cover one another’s weaknesses. It’s in our differences that we can honor one another’s strengths. We’ve learned that there are secrets to a lasting love, and we’re going to show you great takeaways that you can learn in order to strengthen your marriage.
GR: The first one is the issue of forgiving love. That means that we take care of issues on a daily basis. Paul said, in Romans 12:18 –
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
The number one predictor of divorce in America today is the inability to resolve conflict and experience forgiveness. And you know what: The punch line is that a lot of us grew up in homes where we didn’t see the resolution of conflict. We don’t know how to do it. And yet, if you can learn how to do it, you can really strengthen your relationship. During my years of doing pre-marital counseling, I would often tell couples during the last session to take away three different bullets.
Number one is to always guard your heart. If you step into an area of temptation, or even moral failure, allow the Holy Spirit to restore you and to redeem that with which you’ve hit the wall. Number two is to be the first person to issue and to initiate forgiveness in your relationship. Learn how to resolve conflict. And number three is to develop friendships in marriage. They may be different friends at different stages because of the transitory aspect of our culture and moving from one community to another, but identify couples to go through relationships with. And when you team up with people, we want to really encourage you to be with people - to walk through life with people - that forgive one another, that will bear one another’s burdens, that will show up and exercise grace with one another.
BR: Well, all of this falls under one takeaway, and that is the power of forgiveness. The second takeaway is that of out serving your mate. You need to really seek to serve in the littlest of things – Gary, it’s that small cup of coffee that you bring me in the morning before I get out of bed that so encourages me! It’s also in the large things, when you’re struggling in your marriage and you seek to honor one another, no matter what. In Romans 12:10, it says this:
Honor one another above yourselves.
We call this serving love. You see, serving love causes us not to be selfish. It causes us to really put the other person’s needs before meeting our own needs. When you serve your spouse, you are purposing to affirm them and also to lighten their load. This is at times when it is not natural in any of us. I like it my way. I like to be self-centered. When I wake up in the morning, I’m quiet. You’re very communicative.
GR: I’m happy!
BR: So what I have to do from the time I wake up in the morning is to allow the Holy Spirit to just come into me and flow through me. Before I get out of bed in the morning, I’ll say, “Lord, help me. Help me think of others’ needs more than I think of myself.” It is the power of the Holy Spirit that will enable you to think about your mate in the smallest of things, and to honor your mate even when you’re struggling, especially during those times of differences. Differences are normal. We need to understand each other. And it’s the Holy Spirit that is the glue that bonds us together and we can be wowed by one another, even when we feel like we’re not understanding one another. On the other side of it, we gain great intimacy because of His help.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series