October 28, 1979

Introduction¹

Through the years, I have been greatly disturbed by the self‑abasement of many of my Christian friends who were not in so‑called “full‑time Christian service.” They consistently have thought of themselves as second‑class citizens in the kingdom of God. Often they view their occupations as being spiritually fruitless and frustrating. I cannot emphasize too strongly that such thinking is deplorable because it is unbiblical. There are several reasons why I feel so strongly concerning this mentality, which is common among Christians today.

The first is this: If (in your mind) your job is solely for the purpose of “putting bread on the table,” you are, in a sense, prostituting your labor. Consider these words from the Book of Proverbs:

For on account of a prostitute one is brought down to a loaf of bread,
but the wife of another man preys on your precious life (Proverbs 6:26).²

To the harlot, her work is only a “loaf of bread,” or in today’s language, a “meal ticket.” The intimate, physical relationship between a man and his wife should be a beautiful thing. The prostitute, however, does not regard her “work” in this light; it is simply a way of “putting bread on the table.”

Realizing that I am not taking this verse completely within its context, is it not a tragic thing for Christians to regard their work merely as “putting bread on the table?” Is there not more to one’s work than this? Does one spend a great portion of his waking hours in vain? If there were no relationship between one’s work and one’s ministry, a secular occupation would be an anathema to one’s spiritual life and ministry. Thank God, this is not the case, as we shall soon discover.

A second reason people often consider secular occupations spiritually insignificant is because they have a distorted and unrealistic concept of “full‑time ministry.” Unfortunately, much of this is the result of the propaganda generated by those in the allegedly elite category of professional ministry. Let me whet your appetite for the message that follows by stating that much of the current conception of the “full‑time ministry” is categorically untrue. I will be more specific shortly.

Third, and most important of all, the distinctions often made between “full‑time Christian ministry” and secular employment are unbiblical.

With these observations in mind, let us pursue the question: “What is the relationship between one’s ministry and one’s occupation?” As we begin, I would ask you to stop for a moment and ask the Spirit of God to open your heart to the truths of Scripture concerning this issue of the relationship of ministry to vocation. Pray that the Holy Spirit will expose errors and misconceptions that may have been sanctified by years of tradition. Pray also that you will be able to rightly discern the truth or error of what is about to be taught.

Review

Before we press on to our study, we must review the highlights of our last lesson. There are several principles that encapsulate the New Testament concept of ministry:

1. New Testament ministry is vastly different from that found in the Old Testament.

2. New Testament ministry is exceedingly broad.

a. In the Old Testament, ministry was largely the responsibility of the few, the priesthood. In the New Testament, all true Christians are priests (1 Peter 2:5; Revelation 1:6) and thus the ministry is the work of all the saints (Ephesians 4:11‑12).

b. While ministry was very narrowly defined in the Old Testament, it is very broadly interpreted in the New Testament. It encompasses the ministry of the Word as well as the ministry of feeding widows (Acts 6:1‑2,4).

A New Testament ministry is any service rendered by a Christian that is motivated and empowered by the Holy Spirit that benefits men (saved or unsaved) and brings glory to God.

3. Ministry is both general and particular. There are certain ministries that are required of all Christians (giving, for example). For these tasks, we are prompted and empowered by the Holy Spirit, regardless of our spiritual gifts.

In addition to general duties, each Christian is given a particular ministry to fulfill (1 Corinthians 12:5; Colossians 4:17). This ministry is the outworking of a particular spiritual gift or gifts (Romans 12:3‑8; 1 Corinthians 12:4‑6; 1 Peter 4:10‑11).

4. New Testament ministry is both practical and spiritual. Often in the New Testament, diakoneŌ refers to a service to God that is expressed by ministery to people. It is service that benefits others (1 Peter 4:10). In addition, it is a spiritual ministry; spiritual in that it is of the Spirit, and that it results in spiritual edification and growth (Ephesians 4:12‑16). While the activity may not appear particularly spiritual, the outcome is what reveals true ministry (cf. 2 Corinthians 9:12‑15).³

5. Finally, we could probably best compress the meaning of New Testament ministry into one term, servanthood.

Popular Misconceptions of Secular Work

A great deal of the dilemma concerning the Christian who earns a living by means of “secular” work is the result of a false conception of work. Let me suggest just a sampling of some popular misconceptions of employment.

1. There is a great deal of confusion regarding the relationship of a Christian’s priorities to the expenditure of his or her time. Most Christians believe that their priorities should fall in this order: God, family, church, and – last of all – employment. If employment is one’s lowest priority and yet consumes most of a person’s waking energies, is this not unspiritual? No wonder the many hours one spends in secular employment is often viewed as wasted time. This idea is by no means a recent one.

Eusebius revealed this attitude as early as the fourth century when he wrote:

Two ways of life were given by the law of Christ to His Church. The one is above nature, and beyond common human living. . . . Wholly and permanently separate from the common customary life of mankind, it devotes itself to the service of God alone . . . . Such then is the perfect form of the Christian life. And the other, more humble, more human, permits men to . . . have minds for farming, and trade, and the other more secular interest as well as for religion. And a kind of secondary grade of piety is attributed to them (Demonstratio Evangelica).⁴

2. Closely related to this is the arbitrary division of life’s activities into that which is sacred and the rest, which is secular. Here is the continuation of the Old Testament distinction of secular and sacred. It is found not only in Roman Catholicism, but is also woven into the fabric of Protestantism.

3. Secular work is, in reality, a curse. Perhaps men do not base their thinking on Genesis 3, but the result is that working for a living is a kind of life sentence.

“By the sweat of your brow you will eat food
until you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust, and to dust you will return” (Genesis 3:19).

4. Secular work is competitive and antithetical to spiritual ministry. One who engages in secular work cannot be truly spiritual, cannot be involved in any significant ministry, and must simply settle for second best. If one is to have a meaningful ministry, he or she must leave the secular world to do so.

Such are the mistaken thoughts of many Christians today.

Popular Misconceptions of Full-time Christian Ministry

Many Christians who are a part of the “secular” work force in our country are discontent with their role because of a greatly distorted mental picture of the nature of full-time Christian service. Among these “myths” are the following:

1. Full-time “spiritual” ministry is more significant than mere “secular” work.

2. Full-time ministry is the “better way” for any Christian. Those who are in “Christian service” are more spiritual, more fulfilled in their work, and do not face the same degree of testing and temptation. In short, the rewards are greater, and the liabilities fewer.

3. He who ministers best does so full‑time: “If I only had more time to serve the Lord, I would do a better job.”

4. God wants as many Christians as possible in full-time ministry and only our lack of faith and failure to “step out in faith” keeps us from this blessed place of service.

These four misconceptions may have a ring of familiarity, but they are not true. Clinging to them may keep you from being content with your present situation and could encourage you to attempt a kind of ministry to which you have not been called. In response to these misconceptions of work and ministry, let us consider some pertinent biblical principles.

Biblical Principles of Work and Ministry

1. God does not distinguish between secular and spiritual, but only between that which is of the flesh and that which is of the Spirit (Romans 8).

The Old Testament distinctions have been eliminated by the work of our Lord Jesus Christ. This includes the distinctions between clean and unclean (Acts 10), clergy and laity (1 Peter 2:9), holy and unholy (Colossians 2: 8‑19), circumcision or uncircumcision, and bond or free
(1 Corinthians 7:17‑24; cf. also Colossians 3:11). Whatever we do is to be done as to the Lord:

And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:17).

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).

The point is this: Fundamentally, it is not a question of whether your work is in the realm of the secular or the spiritual, but whether the work you do is done in the power of the Spirit or in the power of the flesh. God desires to be glorified by His saints, whether it is in the assembly line or in the pulpit. First and foremost, we are called to be saints (cf. Romans 1:7; 1 Corinthians 1:2). One will manifest the character of God and bring glory to Him as a missionary; another will glorify God as a mechanic. Both are needed and will bring glory to God as they serve Him through the strength He provides.

2. God does not measure the significance of ministry as men do.

Man has a built-in tendency to stratify the worthwhileness of any activity. The disciples of our Lord (as well as the religious leaders of Israel) were greatly preoccupied with the status of their service (cf. Matthew 23:1‑12; Mark 9:33ff.; 10:35ff.; Luke 22:24ff.; John 13).

The Christian cannot take pride in the magnitude of his spiritual abilities, for they are a gift of God (Romans 12:3; 1 Corinthians 12:4) through the Holy Spirit. No one can take credit for their ministry because that ministry is given by the Lord (1 Corinthians 12:5). And none can boast over their successes, for their effectiveness is also of God (1 Corinthians 12:6).

We tend to measure the significance of our activities by the degree to which it appears spiritual. “People look on the outward appearance” (1 Samuel 16:7). If there is a religious hue to our activities, they must impress God, we suppose. And yet, the religious leaders received our Lord’s most severe criticism (cf. Matthew 23).

We often engage in the numbers game, counting attendance or conversions. God is not impressed with the results of a ministry. Often they are deceiving, and even when they are accurate they only reveal the power of God (1 Corinthians 12:6). The basis for the measure of a ministry cannot be the judgment of men or the tallying of numbers.

The measure of a ministry is God’s business, not ours. God does not compare our ministry with that of others, nor should we (cf. 2 Corinthians 10:11). We are judged according to the abilities and faith which He has given to us (Matthew 25:14‑30; Romans 12:3,6; James 3:1). Strangely, it is those with lesser abilities who often neglect their responsibilities, and this is sometimes due to slothfulness (cf. Matthew 25:26).

But even beyond this, God judges us according to our motives:

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Don’t be impressed by his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. God does not view things the way men do. People look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

1 People should think about us this way--as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2 Now what is sought in stewards is that one be found faithful. 3 So for me, it is a minor matter that I am judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. 4 For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not acquitted because of this. The one who judges me is the Lord. 5 So then, do not judge anything before the time. Wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the motives of hearts. Then each will receive recognition from God (1 Corinthians 4:1-5).

What we do must be done as unto the Lord, and not unto man:

23 Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people, 24 because you know that you will receive your inheritance from the Lord as the reward. Serve the Lord Christ. 25 For the one who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there are no exceptions (Colossians 3:23‑25; cf. also 1 Corinthians 10:31; Colossians 3:17).

God has not required the Christian to be fruitful, but to be faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2). Let us be careful about measuring the effectiveness and significance of our service to God; that is God’s business, not ours.

For it is not the person who commends himself who is approved, but the person the Lord commends.

I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:18).

Am I now trying to gain the approval of people, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ! (Galatians 1:10)

3. The Christian’s vocation is not a matter of consecration, but a matter of calling.

Here is a fundamental principle. How often we speak of a Christian being “called” to a full-time ministry. Seldom, if ever, do we refer to secular work as a “calling,” but it is every bit as much a “calling.” Look at these words of the apostle Paul:

17 Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each person, so let him live. I give this sort of direction in all the churches. 18 Was anyone called after he had been circumcised? He should not try to hide the fact. Was anyone called who is uncircumcised? He should not get circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Instead, keeping God’s commandments is what counts. 20 Let each one remain in that situation in life in which he was called. 21 Were you called as a slave? Do not worry about it. But if indeed you are able to be free, make the most of the opportunity. 22 For the one who was called in the Lord as a slave is the Lord’s freedman. In the same way, the one who was called as a free person is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought with a price. Do not become slaves of men. 24 In whatever situation someone was called, brothers and sisters, let him remain in it with God (1 Corinthians 7:17-24).

Apparently, the Corinthian Christians were disturbed about their circumstances after being saved. They felt it must make a difference whether or not one was circumcised, or whether one was a slave or a freedman. Paul encouraged slaves who could obtain their freedom to do so if possible, but if one could not he was not to worry about it (verse 21).

While this passage may not speak directly to the relationship between one’s occupation and one’s ministry, the principle he teaches here does apply. The Corinthians were inclined to think that it was not possible to be a Christian slave. Paul taught that Christians need not feel compelled to change their occupation or status just because they had become believers.⁵ A wife who has accepted Christ may glorify God by remaining married to her unbelieving husband. A slave may glorify God by his faithful service. A man may continue to work in a factory and glorify God.

Each of us has been called to a particular occupation as well as to a specific ministry. A few may find their ministry also to be their vocation. As far as the Word of God is concerned, a Christian in a “secular” job is no less “called” than the missionary or the preacher.

Most important, we must not confuse “calling” with consecration or dedication. I do not believe that Peter was any more spiritual than the other disciples were, even though our Lord designated him as a leader among leaders (Matthew 16:18-19; Luke 22:31-32). Peter, James and John were privileged to enjoy a more intimate relationship with Christ, yet we dare not assume any greater spirituality on their part.⁶ As I have sometimes said, if apostleship were to be based upon one’s devotion to the Savior, I suspect that there would have been a good number of women apostles.

The tragedy for many men who are in the professional or full‑time ministry is that people expect them to be more spiritual. As a result, they are reluctant to share their failures and shortcomings. They do not feel free to ask others to pray for them, and they bear their burdens alone. Some “ministers” preach as though they have no problems, as though they are sharing only out of their vast resource of victories and triumphs. I want you to know that I and the other elders of our church do not always live our lives on the mountaintops. Our wives and families can verify this.

4. Our calling is not set in cement.

We should all be familiar with these words of Paul:

For the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable (Romans 11:29).

Some Christians seem to take this as the final word on their vocational calling. They suppose that one’s vocational calling needs be settled only once. This is not the case.

There are various “callings” in the Bible.⁷ The “calling” of which Paul speaks here in Romans 11:29 is not the call to Christian service. Paul is assuring the Jews that while this is the time of Gentile salvation and (by and large) of Jewish unbelief, God’s eternal purpose of the Jews (their “calling”) is sure, and will come to pass.

Our vocational calling, therefore, is not forever fixed by this verse in Romans. In 1 Corinthians 7:1724, Paul made it clear that while one may have been called as a slave, the slave may change his or her status. Paul was called to be an apostle (Romans 1:1). While his calling never changed, it took years before that calling was fully realized. In Acts 6, Stephen and Philip, among others, were appointed (in my opinion) as deacons, or at least they were a kind of prototype of deacons,5 and yet it is clear that Stephen had an even more significant calling as indicated in the verses that follow his appointment in chapter 6. Philip had a ministry of evangelism, as evidenced in Acts 8.

Beyond this, Christians seem to equate a call to certain types of ministry with full-time service. If you are called to preach, they think, surely you must do so full-time. The Bible clearly teaches that some should devote all their available time to their ministry (1 Corinthians 9; 1 Timothy 5:17‑18; 2 Timothy 2:6). This may especially be true of certain ministries, such as preaching and teaching (cf. Galatians 6:6). The life of the apostle Paul makes this position hard to justify. Paul spent much of his time working with his own hands, supporting himself and others.

While the teacher may have the right to be supported as he ministers (1 Corinthians 9:5‑14), it is not necessarily right to do so (cf. 1 Corinthians 9:15ff.). Paul refrained from being supported full-time when it would hinder his effectiveness as a minister. Some would have felt that Paul was no different from all the other “traveling holy men;” that he was simply in it for the money. By supporting himself, Paul gave his ministry great credibility.

In other instances Christians were lazy and idle. They had ceased working perhaps on the pretext that they were waiting for the Lord’s return. Paul worked with his own hands among them, showing them that the Christian is to contribute to the needs of others, rather than expecting others to meet their needs (2 Thessalonians 3:6‑15). Very often laziness is cloaked in the spiritual jargon of spirituality and “waiting on the Lord.”

Full-time service is not a life-long decision, made once and for all. Neither can it be determined solely on the basis of what one’s ministry is. It is a matter of conscience, of conviction and of calling.

I must go on to say that Paul had the right as an apostle to be supported full-time. Being an apostle was a full-time job. As I see it, those in full-time Christian service must be careful about laying claim to this “right.” Paul possessed the right to be supported because he was an apostle. It is the obligation of those who are the recipients of ministry to reciprocate in return (Galatians 6:6). While this is true, I am of the conviction that no one should insist upon being paid for his ministry, as though it were a right. Instead, I would encourage a man to minister as to the Lord, and let God convict men of their obligation to reciprocate financially.

This would seem to me to be an ideal way of discerning whether or not the Lord wanted me in full-time ministry. If God provides sufficiently (and there is no reason to refuse this support), then I would assume that is God’s will. If God does not provide, I would find some other employment that is sufficient to meet my needs and those of my family.

I have the impression that some go into full-time ministry expecting to be supported. When their needs are not met, they often blame those to whom they have ministered as being irresponsible or insensitive (as they sometimes are). Sometimes, however, they are simply reflecting their evaluation of the ministry they have received.

5. Full-time ministry is not necessarily more effective ministry.

We have already said that God calls some to serve Him in a secular occupation, while others are called into “full-time Christian service.” While this may be given mental assent, there often remains the idea that full-time service will be more effective and fruitful.

In 1 Corinthians 9, Paul wrote that he refrained from serving full-time because it would hamper his ministry. This is often the case. Full-time ministry often creates a wall, an invisible shield between the “minister” and those whom he wishes to serve.

When my family and I moved into our present house, the people of the church planned a surprise housewarming party for us one Sunday evening after the meeting. Eventually cars were parked along both sides of our street for nearly a block in each direction. One of the couples, arriving a bit late, had to park some distance from our house. They did not know our street number and had expected to determine the house number by the house with the most cars in front of it. Unable to determine this, they decided to go up to one of the houses (some distance away) to ask where we lived.

“Do you know where the Deffinbaughs live?” they asked. “Who?” “The Deffinbaughs.” “No, I have never heard of them.” “Well, he is a preacher at our church, and they just moved in somewhere around here.” “Oh, you mean the preacher. Well, he lives right up there in that house.” That person did not yet know me personally, but the word had already spread that I was a preacher. That, my friends, is a barrier to my ministry. Many of our neighborhood friendships have begun over the fender of a car in my driveway. Being a “professional” Christian can create barriers to ministry.

Let me give another illustration. A couple of years ago I met a lovely Christian family in the Northwest. The husband was an agricultural expert and was sent to India to initiate the “green revolution,” a program to introduce superior strains of wheat, which would resist insects and diseases and produce greater yields. After several years, he was sent to a Muslim country. In both places where he had worked, Christian missionaries were either refused entrance to the country or were greatly hindered and harassed. This Christian was free to have Christian gatherings in his home and to share his faith without interference. You see, he was too valuable, too much of an asset to that foreign nation, to be hindered in any way. That man’s occupation was not “full‑time ministry,” but his ministry was greatly enhanced by his secular job. Full-time ministry is by no means an assurance of the effectiveness of one’s service.

6. Full-time ministry is hard work, and all work falls under the curse.

I have been saving this for the last. I could hardly wait to get to this because so many myths begin here. Countless Christians believe that if they could only become full-time servants of Christ their frustrations with their secular occupations, their failures in their work, would be eliminated. This is wishful thinking, and shallow thinking at that.

A few times I have been irked when someone has innocently remarked, “Bob, why don’t you take care of that; I have to work today.” I would like to respond, “What do you think I do all day?” I really believe some people look at preaching as a kind of paid vacation. I get to do what I enjoy best, and I get paid for it as well. Observe how Paul refers to Christian ministry:

I urge you also to submit to people like this, and to everyone who cooperates in the work and labors hard (1 Corinthians 15b-16).

14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without blemish though you live in a crooked and perverse society, in which you shine as lights in the world 16 by holding on to the word of life so that on the day of Christ I will have a reason to boast that I did not run in vain nor labor in vain (Philippians 2:14-16, emphasis mine).

28 We proclaim him by instructing and teaching all people with all wisdom so that we may present every person mature in Christ. 29 Toward this goal I also labor, struggling according to his power that powerfully works in me (Colossians 1:28-29, emphasis mine).

Paul describes his work in the ministry by using the Greek term kopiano, a word used to denote exertion and exhaustion through labor.⁸ Whoever believes the work of the ministry is an easy life has not carefully studied the life of the apostle Paul (cf. 2 Corinthians 11:23ff.).

We must see that the ministry is no less “work” than “secular” employment. As such, it comes under the curse:

17 But to Adam he said,

“Because you obeyed your wife
and ate from the tree about which I commanded you,

‘You must not eat from it,’
cursed is the ground thanks to you;
in painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
but you will eat the grain of the field.
19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat food
until you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust, and to dust you will return” (Genesis 3:17-19).

Are you frustrated by your work? To a great extent this is a result of man’s fall. But if you think that entering the full-time ministry will exchange your frustration for fulfillment, you are greatly deceived, my friend. I want you to know that I face frustration every week in my preaching. I am frustrated because I can’t find time to study uninterrupted. I am frustrated because I cannot find a handle on the passage on which I am attempting to preach. I am often frustrated and discouraged with the results of my preaching. (Having already delivered this message, I can honestly say I was frustrated with the way I handled it.) You see, I can never blame a bad message on a poor text.

Are you bored with your job? That is a part of the consequences of the fall, and I face the same problem. I must disillusion you by telling you that I sometimes fall asleep reading the commentaries. Worse yet, I have to read my own material. Every job has its routines, which few find enjoyable. I know that my wife does not find housekeeping a highly stimulating and exhilarating task. There is no great pleasure in dirty dishes and dirty diapers. All I can say is “Welcome to the club.” Our work, as well as our world, is affected by the curse.

Are you under pressure in your work? Welcome aboard. If you stop to think about it, you will have to agree that the full-time ministry is the only occupation where a man is pressured by the belief that the “minister” should neglect his wife and family on the pretext that this is the test of his spiritual dedication.

Sometimes Christians feel that while Christian ministry may not be without its drawbacks, at least you would be doing a work that will keep you in the Word, that you will be stronger and more able to resist temptation. Many Christians have had to leave the full-time ministry because it overtaxed and dried up their spiritual lives. For them the Bible ceased to be a guidebook and a love letter and became a textbook and a sermon manual. This brings me to my last principle.

7. Any honorable work is worthwhile when God is in it.

The main factor essential to satisfaction in your vocation is that you are doing what God has called you to do and therefore, that God is in it.

The book of Ecclesiastes gives great insight into this matter of one’s work. Solomon tells us that work which is for selfish gain, that which attempts to gain pleasure and build a monument to oneself, is vain (Ecclesiastes 2:4‑11). Work that leaves God out will not bring about enduring results. That for which you labored a lifetime may become the property of a fool (Ecclesiastes 2:18‑23).

To find pleasure and fulfillment in our work, we must recognize work as a good gift from the hand of God (Ecclesiastes 3:12‑13). Work is in one sense a curse, but it is also a blessing (Ecclesiastes 5:18‑19). If God is at work in us, in our work, then our work will endure (Ecclesiastes 3:14; Psalm 90:17).

Some Suggestions Concerning the Relationship Between Your Work and Your Ministry

I am not certain that Scripture can substantiate everything I say here, so beware! I would ask that you at least consider these suggestions:

1. On the one hand, be careful not to equate your work and your ministry. For those in full-time ministry, this can lead to a devastating kind of professionalism. I suppose this is one reason why I like to minister to others as a mechanic, as well as by preaching.

2. On the other hand, be sure to regard any honorable occupation as a ministry that is an opportunity to serve men and to glorify God.

3. The full-time worker should regard his ministry as his job. That is, work hard at it, and be diligent. But also be willing and able to leave your study and go home and be a husband and a father. Be able to leave your job behind.

4. As much as possible, let your “secular” occupation serve to enhance your ministry. You can surely manifest godliness on the job. You can undoubtedly find times to share your faith and minister to the needs you encounter on the job. You can view your job as a means of enabling you to minister to others financially (Acts 20:34‑35; Ephesians 4:28; 2 Thessalonians 3:8‑10). Look at your job as an opportunity to relate to others in the real world, where their problems (and sins) are evident. (There is no stained glass in a factory.) If possible, seek to develop and improve the use of your spiritual gift(s) on the job. Some will find that the nature of their task may facilitate Bible study, Scripture memorization, or meditation.

5. Finally, while you are working, plan and prepare for a new and different (or expanded) ministry during your retirement years. Perhaps your occupational skills will be useful in ministry after you retire. In these years you will normally have greater maturity and biblical knowledge, as well as greater financial freedom and mobility. Plan ahead. This can be the greatest time of your life.

Conclusion

Let me conclude by raising several areas of application for you to consider.

Do you find your work frustrating and less than fulfilling? Do you have good reason to think it should be otherwise? How are you dealing with these frustrations? Have you come to learn contentment in circumstances that are less than ideal? Have you experienced the intensity of suffering that slaves experienced under cruel, unbelieving masters (cf. 1 Peter 2:18ff.)? Have you considered the possibility that it is you who needs to change, rather than your environment?

I do not say that you should never change jobs. But I do say that if you are a good part of the problem, a new job won’t solve your dilemma. We must learn to live with frustration and failure in our occupations. Full-time ministry seldom solves occupational problems, and it often compounds them.

Have you been thinking of going to work for a Christian organization or institution to improve your work situation? You will probably discover that backbiting, backstabbing, and arrogance will be there as well. If you are thinking of working for a religiously-oriented organization, you will often discover that lower wages are excused because your work is (in your employer’s mind at least) a ministry.

Over the years, Christians have desired to establish a Christian business. I am not always sure what people mean when they speak of a “Christian business.” Does it mean that you will be known for being good at what you do, or for being (by reputation) a Christian? Why do you want, or expect, people to patronize your business? Do you plan to employ only Christians? Is that legal? Is that wise? Will you expect every employee, saved or unsaved, to have the same ethical standards? Will you be willing to pay a comparable salary and give the same benefits as any other business? Can there be such a thing as a Christian business?

Finally, why do we as Christians choose to patronize Christians over others? Is it just because they are believers? Would you rather have surgery performed on you by a highly-skilled pagan doctor, or by a sincere, but inept (God forbid) Christian doctor? Does a non-Christian surgeon shorten God’s hand?

I do not have the answers to all of these questions, but they hinge upon your understanding of what has been distinguished as the spiritual versus the secular. I am not as concerned about where you may land on these questions as I am afraid that some of us have not even thought about it.

May God help us to glorify Him in our work and to be content where He has called us to serve Him.

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¹ This is the edited manuscript of a message delivered by Robert L. Deffinbaugh, teacher and elder at Community Bible Chapel, on October 28, 1979. Anyone is at liberty to use this edited manuscript for educational purposes only, with or without credit. The Chapel believes the material presented herein to be true to the teaching of Scripture, and desires to further, not restrict, its potential use as an aid in the study of God’s Word. The publication of this material is a grace ministry of Community Bible Chapel. Copyright 1979 by Community Bible Chapel, 418 E. Main Street, Richardson, TX 75081.

² Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the NET Bible. The NEW ENGLISH TRANSLATION, also known as THE NET BIBLE, is a completely new translation of the Bible, not a revision or an update of a previous English version. It was completed by more than twenty biblical scholars who worked directly from the best currently available Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek texts. The translation project originally started as an attempt to provide an electronic version of a modern translation for electronic distribution over the Internet and on CD (compact disk). Anyone anywhere in the world with an Internet connection will be able to use and print out the NET Bible without cost for personal study. In addition, anyone who wants to share the Bible with others can print unlimited copies and give them away free to others. It is available on the Internet at: www.netbible.org.

³ A beautiful illustration of this interweaving of the spiritual and the practical can be found in the ministry of a friend. My friend and his wife have always had a compassion for seminary students. They felt it would be nice to do something special for the seminary wives, who sacrifice so much for their husband’s theological education. They could have given each wife a new Bible, or better yet, a set of commentaries. That would seem very spiritual. Instead, my friend had his wife take every seminary wife from his church out and buy her a new dress. The result was the meeting of a very practical need, but also the spiritual results of realizing God’s bountiful provision for those who trust in Him for their needs.

⁴ Leland Ryken, “Puritan Work Ethic: The Dignity of Life’s Labors,” Christianity Today, October 19, 1975, p. 15.

⁵ You will, of course, understand that there are limits to this. The immoral woman was told by Jesus to go and sin no more (John 8:11). A vocation or lifestyle that is not honorable must be left behind (cf. 1 Corinthians 6:9‑11; Ephesians 4:28).

⁶ You will recall that James and John were the two who asked for the two highest positions in our Lord’s service (John 10:35ff.).

⁷ In the Old Testament, the predominant use of calling is with reference to the corporate call of Israel as the people on whom and through whom God would pour out His blessings. In the New Testament, the most common use pertains to the call of the Father that results in salvation (Romans 8:30; 1 Corinthians 1:9, etc.). In addition, the term “calling” is used of the call to special service (Acts 13:2; 16:10; Romans 1:1) and to a particular occupation (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:20). C. H. Horn, CF. “Calling, Call,” The Zondervan Pictorial Encyclopedia of the Bible (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1975, 1976), I, p. 694.

⁸ “Kopiao is used in the general sense of to labour or toil in everyday work (cf. Matthew 6:28; Luke 5:5; Romans 16:6; 1 Corinthians 3:8 Kapos). . . .It also de‑notes weariness through the exertions of a world, John 4:6 speaks of weariness through the exertions of a journey. . . . Paul uses work in his own particular sense of work in the Lord. Kopos and Kopiao describe his own manual labour (1 Corinthians 4:12; 1 Thessalonians 2:9). He practiced this in the context of his missionary calling, to make himself financially independent of the churches . . . .” W. Mundle, “Burden, Heavy, Labour, The New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1975), I, p. 263.

November 11, 1979

Introduction¹

There is a well-known poem that clearly depicts the problem we Christians have in putting up with each other. It goes something like this:

To live above, with the saints we love;
Oh, that will be glory!
But to live below, with the saints we know;
Well, that’s another story.

When I was in seminary, I knew a fellow who was certainly wiser than I, and he had the experience of ministering in several churches for quite a few years of his life. He passed on to me a rather sage piece of advice. He was speaking of ministering to people in a particular context in terms of church polity. But he said to me, “Bob, if you’re going to minister to these folks, you’ve got to have skin as thick as rhinoceros hide.” As the years have gone by, I think I have a slight sense of what he was talking about. Among evangelical Christians, many are too thin–skinned and too sensitive to criticism in their ministry. One reason we need to look at the subject of “Putting Up With One Another” is simply for this reason –– we will never really have a ministry to people until we have learned to put up with people. Probably it would be a corollary to say we will not have much of a ministry until people have learned to put up with us as well.

But there is another thing that strikes me about the command in Scripture to put up with one another, and that is that putting up with one another is not a characteristic of our age. As I hear people talking, I often hear it expressed in the negative rather than in the positive. “I wouldn’t put up with that,” they say. Husbands and wives are no longer willing to put up with many of the normal irritations and difficulties of married life, and so they leave their marriages. Women are no longer willing to put up with the difficulties of pregnancy, and so as the sign says, “It’s the woman’s choice – abortion.” They don’t have to put up with pregnancy. In local churches, many Christians have some painful experience, some little blow–up, some little personality clash, and they say to themselves, or other Christians say to them, “I wouldn’t put up with that,” and they move on to the church down the street. There is a lot of that kind of super–sensitivity among Christians, and it makes ministry very difficult. Thus, I have chosen to include in the series on ministry to one another a message on “putting up with one another.” I think it is a vital subject, and one we all need to keep in mind.

Let’s take a look at the definition of “putting up with one another” as we see the expression used in the New Testament. Our Lord Himself gave us the first instance of the use of the Greek word² which is found in Matthew. He has been up on the Mount of Transfiguration with Peter, James, and John. Coming down, He found the other nine disciples frustrated by a situation in which a man had asked them to cast the demon out of his son, and they were not able to do it. When Jesus arrived, the father of the boy besought Him to cast the demon out of his son. But when Jesus responded, I think more to the crowd than to the nine disciples, He said,

Oh, unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you, how long shall I put up with you? (Matthew 17:17).

Perhaps we haven’t thought about it much, but a lot of our Lord’s life and ministry probably involved just that –– “putting up with” a lot of things from His disciples and from the crowds.

Then we find these words used in Acts 18 below. This is where Paul has been brought forward, accused of teaching what was contrary to Judaism, which was a religion accepted by the Roman government. Gallio decided that whatever their disagreements, they were disputes within Judaism and not with some religion that was in contrast or in competition with Judaism. From what is known of Gallio, he was not one whose heart was warm toward the Jews. As Paul was about to speak in his defense, Gallio interrupted and said to the Jews,

If it were a matter of wrong or of vicious crime, O Jews, it would be reasonable for me to put up with you; but if there are questions about words and names and your own law, look after it yourselves; . . . (Acts 18:14–15).

Gallio was not willing to put up with those who were trying to press charges against the Apostle Paul. Then in 2 Corinthians 11, we see these words occurring several times. In verse 1, Paul wrote,

I wish that you would bear with me in a little foolishness, but indeed, you are bearing with me (emphasis added).

And then down in verse 4,

For if one comes and preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different gospel which you have not accepted, you bear this beautifully (emphasis added).

There was a kind of “bearing with” or “putting up with” that was not really tolerable to Paul, and the Corinthians were practicing that. Then again in verse 19, Paul used the word:

For you being wise, bear with the foolish gladly.

Again, seemingly, this was a kind of “bearing” or “putting up with” that should not have existed. The writer to the Hebrews says to his readers,

Bear with this word of exhortation (Hebrews 13:22).

This is an appeal at the conclusion of the epistle to accept the word which the author had written as coming from God. Paul says in 2 Timothy 4:3 that in the last days there will be a spirit of opposition and that men will not bear to hear the truth of the gospel in its purity. They will have itching ears and will want us to preach what they want to hear. These are some of the senses in which this Greek term is used.

In Ephesians 4, we see Paul speaking with reference to the unity of the body of Christ and the need to preserve that unity in the midst of great diversity in terms of gifts and so on which will follow. But notice verse 2:

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love.

The expression, “showing forbearance,” is again the word “to put up with.”

In Colossians 3, I think we find the key to understanding what it means, “to put up with” other Christians. Paul is writing there again, and he says beginning at verse 12:

And so those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

As I looked at these verses, initially I would have expected Paul to say something like “bearing with one another; that is, forgiving one another.” If it were in this form, then you would understand that forgiving each other is an explanation of bearing with one another, and the two then would be, in a sense, the same concept.

But as I began to look at this, it became clear to me that these are two different concepts. The “and” is saying that these are coordinate ideas –– they are of equal significance, but they are distinct. Let me see if I can show you how those two fit together. Forgiving someone has to do with an offense against you –– this is where someone has done something wrong against you or me. Paul says our response should be one of forgiveness. As our Lord forgave those who were against Him, so we must forgive those who are opposed to us  those who do wrong against us. So forgiveness is only appropriate when something wrong has been done.

As I was watching television with my children recently, this fellow gave what seemed to be an apology. The girl responded, “I accept your apology,” and he said, “That wasn’t an apology.” He was distinguishing between a confession of wrong and what he had said. There has to be guilt, there has to be wrong, in order for forgiveness to be granted. You can’t forgive someone who has not done something wrong to you.

This whole dimension of forgiving one another is related to the wrongs which we as Christians commit against one another. If they haven’t happened to you already, you haven’t been here long. We are going to wrong one another; we are going to say things which hurt; we are going to say things which may not be true of one another. Wrong is going to be committed. I am going to do wrong against you, and I am sure you will do wrong against me. When that happens, there must be forgiveness in order for there to be unity and harmony within the body.

But bearing with one another does not refer to this. Bearing with one another does not refer to our relationship to other Christians when they have wronged us. Bearing with one another has to do with differences between individual Christians. It has to do with personality clashes, differences in perspective, differences in viewpoint about what the problem may be and what the solutions are.

Here is the kind of thing that husbands and wives begin to learn early in their marriage. Bearing with one another has to do with adjustments that have to be made. These are not sins which need to be dealt with; they are differences of perspective. Most often, we men think we are looking at a matter logically, while our wives have a totally different perspective. I did not say wrong. She comes at it from a different point of view. I often say to my wife, “But that’s not the point.” To me, that’s logic; that’s a different perspective, with which you have to learn to live. A man may marry a woman and discover that while he is an outdoorsman, she is a homebody. Where she is an extrovert, he may be an introvert. She is outgoing; he is not.

These are differences; they are not wrongs. They are differences, but they can, and often do, create irritations, as all of us know. Putting up with another has to do with those differences between individuals  not wrongs done by one individual against another, but individual differences within a diverse body of believers. We have personality differences, differences in perspective, differences in personal convictions, and differences in our interpretation of passages of Scripture. We are to deal with one another in the midst of these differences by learning to put up with one another.

“Putting up with” is not the same as toleration. It is not the same as gritting your teeth. That is not good enough. As I understand it, it is a warm acceptance of that person, recognizing our differences and loving them for what they are. I think this is what Paul is talking about when he says that we must put up with one another.

Now let us consider some illustrations of how we can apply this in practical ways. First, let’s consider just what we should put up with. There are some things we should put up with in Scripture, and there are other things we dare not accept.

If we are to put up with differences, then we must put up with differences in personality. Churches have personality. Some churches, for example, are “high church.” Other churches are “low church.” Some like to sit in their seats and sing very solemn songs; worship, to them, is equated with solemnity. Other people love guitars and worship in that way. There are differences of outlook, differences in personality, differences of expressions of worship. All of those must be accepted.

You will find that people tend to congregate with others who think and who worship in a similar way. I do not think that is wrong. But there is still a great breadth of difference in personality and in outlook within a body like ours. There are differences in maturity. Hopefully, a growing church is always bringing in those who are new in the faith. Hopefully, we are serving as obstetricians as well as pediatricians. If this is true, you will find people who have been in the congregation for years, and you will find others who have been Christians for minutes. My friend, Bill McRae, was teaching in the Book of Romans, and at the end of the message, a Christian sitting in her seat turned and said to the young man beside her, “Tell me, how long have you been a Christian?” He thought for a moment and said, “Well, I think about five minutes.” That’s beautiful. But, you see, if that is true, we must learn as Christians to accept those who are not as mature, who are weak in the faith; we must accept them warmly, not just tolerate them or grill them in such a way that they feel they can’t be a part of us until they have reached the level of our maturity.

After Paul had spent a chapter discussing the relationship between the strong and the weak, he wrote,

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves (Romans 15:1).

This instruction has a lot of implications. Does a new Christian have the freedom to feel loved and welcomed, or does he feel that he must somehow come into conformity to all of our standards before he can be a part of our group? That is a part of accepting one another.

There are differences among Christians regarding the interpretation of certain Bible passages that need to be dealt with by putting up with one another. I think this is one of the real problems we have in the church, and perhaps in Dallas in particular. We all love authoritative, dogmatic teaching. At least we think we do, and we want everybody to teach so as to suggest that there is just no other way it could be interpreted than the way we do. This gives a kind of security for the person who doesn’t like to think or read or talk to anybody else. But you see, our convictions and interpretations of Scripture are not inspired, inerrant, or infallible. I have said, for instance, with regard to the second coming of Christ, that there are many things I believe that I would not go to the wall for, nor should I. Yet many churches will divide themselves on this kind of issue.

The problem is that all too often we have not discriminated between biblical principle, personal opinion, preference, or convictions. Paul said that when a man has certain convictions, he ought to keep them to himself and that we ought to welcome those who are weak  not for the purpose of cramming your convictions down their throats, but to help them, support them, and bear them up (cf. Romans 14:1,22). We need to discriminate between biblical interpretation that is fundamental, and biblical interpretation that is important.

You may have read the little booklet, The Tyranny of the Urgent, which deals with the fact that in our day-to-day life, our time is gobbled up by urgencies. But the urgencies aren’t important in the long run. They are just things that demand our attention right on the spot. Our lives are lived putting out fires (urgencies), while the important things go unattended. That is exactly parallel to Christian doctrine. We need to distinguish between truth that is fundamental truth and truth that is important truth. For our church, I mention ecclesiology as an example, because that is one of the doctrines that distinguish us from other churches. Our understanding of the way a church ought to operate is important. I believe we can defend much of it from the Scriptures, and I believe that as a church we ought to practice what we understand to be New Testament church principles. But I also have enough perception of what is going on out there in the rest of the Christian world to know that not everybody believes the way we do things is the way it ought to be done. I am naive enough to believe that those people who have other convictions may be mature, Bible-believing, Christ-loving Christians. We must divide only over fundamental issues, not just important issues (and I am distinguishing those). Fundamental issues are those which divide the Christian from the unbeliever. The deity of Christ is a fundamental issue. The inspiration of Scriptures, in my estimation, is a fundamental issue. The bodily resurrection of Christ from the grave is a fundamental issue. I must draw the line here. I must make distinctions. But issues that are not fundamental are simply important issues.

To use the analogy of the human body as an illustration, every part of my body is important, but some are essential. Cut off my right arm, and I will survive. Remove my appendix, and I will continue to function. But cut out my heart or my lungs, and I will die. Some organs are vital; some are only important.

I may differ with other saints, but I must accept them as those whom God has saved. I have a fundamental unity with them, whether I agree with them on a certain point of theology or not. Unfortunately, Christians aren’t believing and practicing this as we should. These are the areas in which we ought to have the spirit of bearing with one another, or putting up with one another, a warm acceptance of other Christians as children of God with whom we are one in Christ.

What should we not put up with then? There are some things in Scripture we clearly cannot bear. That would be, for example, immorality (1 Corinthians 5). Now Paul is writing to the Corinthians, and he says there was immorality  a man living with his father’s wife. Even the Gentiles considered this conduct to be unacceptable moral behavior. So in verse 2 Paul says,

And you have become arrogant, and have not mourned instead, in order that the one who did this deed might be removed from your midst.

Rather than grieving about this sin and dealing with it decisively, the Corinthians were priding themselves in being broad-minded: “Well, we’re a loving church, and we’re just going to love that brother and love that sister.” But Paul said, “You’ve got to put them out.” This is because Christians cannot put up with open immorality. The name of Jesus Christ is defamed by doing that. So we cannot put up with immorality or open sin.

In Galatians 6:1, the brother who is overtaken in a fault is to be approached by those who are spiritually mature, and his problem is to be addressed and he is to be rebuked for it. If he refuses to submit to the Scriptures, then he must be put under church discipline (cf. Matthew 18:15ff; Luke 17:3). The Scriptures make it clear that we must stand aloof from that brother or that sister until their sin has been dealt with. We are to deal with them as a believer –– as a brother or sister –– but we are to stand apart. Again in
2 Thessalonians 3, Paul talks about those who are unruly and so on. We cannot put up with willful, persistent sin. This, of course, applies to those who name the name of Christ (1 Corinthians 5:9-13).

Then, the Scriptures teach that we cannot bear with those who teach false doctrine. Now I am speaking of error in the areas of fundamental doctrine. This would include those who deny the deity of Christ, those who would disturb other Christians and pull the foundations out from under their faith. In Jude 1:3-4, we are told that we ought to contend earnestly for the faith. This instruction is found in the context of warning about apostates who are teaching that which is fundamental error. We must contend; we must divide over that. In chapters 9-11 of 2 John, again there is a command to stand apart from those who teach heresy. So there are those with whom we cannot put up. We must stand apart, and we must deal decisively. Oftentimes, however, Christians are dividing over incidentals, not fundamentals.

Dozens of books could have been written on church splits. You would be amazed over what Christians have divided. I mean absolute trivia. I would go so far as to say that the bottom line in most church splits is not theological at all; it is personality. It is the failure of Christians to get along with one another. We simply cloak our disagreement in theological jargon. That is a tragedy, and it has divided the church of our Lord Jesus Christ.

How can we bear with one another? The passages in Colossians and Ephesians are especially significant. You will notice this is one of the first things Paul has to say when he gets to the section on putting your position into practice. In Ephesians 4:1, Paul urges Christians to walk worthy of the manner in which we were called. We ought to practice what we profess; we ought to practice our position. The first thing he says after this is we ought to bear with one another. It is not without significance that our Lord said: “by this shall all men know that you are my disciples, that you love one another.”

In Colossians, we find the same thing. Paul speaks of the sanctification process as that of taking off an old garment and putting on a new one. When he comes to the specifics, he says we are to have a heart of compassion and kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, and that we are to put up with, or bear with, one another. It is a natural outgrowth; it is a part of the sanctification process. It is an elementary Christian truth. It is not something we ought to get to by and by. It is something which should characterize us at our initial stages of growth and all along in our Christian maturing process.

Notice that the actions we are to have, the actions of bearing with one another, are based upon Christ-like attitudes. These attitudes, as I understand them, are basically the fruit of the Spirit. If you compare this verse with Galatians 5,³ you will discover that these are basically the attitudes produced by the Spirit of God. It is the mind of Christ in us which enables us to accept other people as they are. It is simply reflecting Jesus Christ to men as we live with one another. I don’t think this is something we are to approach with a “let go and let God” attitude. Rather, we are to apprehend that this truth is given to us in the form of an imperative, and therefore it is something toward which we must strive –– not something on which we must sit. It is an active effort on the part of Christians through the power of the Holy Spirit to get along with one another.

But why is it all that important to put up with one another? As I have thought about the fellow who said you need to have skin like rhinoceros hide, I do not really think this captures the spirit of the New Testament. That conveys thick skin and thick heads and insensitivity, and this is not what the Scriptures urge upon us. Rather, we are to be willing to endure differences and irritations that could be potentially destructive for the maintenance of unity and the proper functioning of the body.

Notice the sequence of events in Colossians 3. First, there are the attitudes. These are the attitudes which bear fruit in the acceptance of one another. The attitudes are compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. The actions then are described in verses 13 and 14 –– bearing with one another, forgiving one another, and ultimately, loving one another. These actions stem out of the godly or Christ-like attitudes. But in all the time I have heard this portion of Scripture taught, I have never heard these verses taught as a contextual unit. I have never looked at verses 12-17 as a paragraph before, and generally when I hear it taught, I hear people start at verse 15 or 16. I have never heard anyone start at verse 12.

You see, the attitudes and actions are interrelated to Christian ministry one to the other. They are absolutely essential to one another. This is the primary concept which has come to mind as I’ve studied the subject of “putting up with” one another. Look at it. We are to have these attitudes of Christ; we are to bear with one another, to forgive one another, and to love one another. Now look at the manifestation, or the fruit, in terms of the church corporate. I understand this passage to be speaking, by and large, to the church as a body. It is a collective gathering of saints, and here is the manifestation of it.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts (Colossians 3:15).

I do not believe there is one shred of evidence that this text can be used by individual Christians for seeking the will of God, so that when “you have peace about it,” it is the will of God. There is absolutely no basis for such an interpretation. If you think some activity is wrong, believe me, you had better not do it (Romans 14:22-23). But just because you feel it is right is not necessarily sufficient data. What Paul is talking about here is the peace of Christ which rules in the church, which maintains unity and harmony.

We know there are various kinds of peace. There is peace with God; there is the peace of God, and so on. But as I understand Paul’s expression here, the peace of Christ is that of which he wrote in Ephesians 2 when he said Jesus Christ is our peace. He has torn down the middle wall of partition which was a barrier between Jew and Gentile. Therefore, the peace of Christ in Colossians 3:15 is the peace that prevails between Christians. Jew or Gentile, one race or another, it doesn’t matter because there is a peace that Jesus Christ has achieved, and that peace is to prevail in the church corporate as it meets together and lives out its bodily life. That is the peace of which Paul is speaking. Collectively, the peace of Christians with one another expresses the unity of the body of Christ. Peace is to prevail; it is to rule in our hearts so as to maintain the Christian unity of which Paul has been speaking in Ephesians 4, “One Lord, one faith, one baptism,” emphasizing the unity of the body of Christ. Unity is also a central theme in Colossians 3:

And beyond all this, put on love which is the perfect bond of unity (Colossians 3:14).

Christian unity is central in this text. The peace of God is to prevail, and there is to be harmony within the body.

Now he says,

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts of God (Colossians 3:16).

I believe this is speaking of the church assembled. It is speaking of the way the word of Christ dwells or abides in the church. It dwells richly when the saints are full of the Scriptures, and they share them with one another and sing praise to God. More than this, there is a distinct relationship between the word of Christ dwelling richly amongst us and our bearing with one another and our manifesting Christian unity.

Let me see if I can illustrate this on an individual level. Peter says husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way in order that their prayers not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). Have you ever tried to carry on a spiritual conversation with your wife after a big argument? There is something that just divides and distracts, and there is no spiritual harmony when there is disunity. Peter is talking about the husbands understanding their wives by knowing what they are like. I am sure this understanding specifically relates to the differences which men have as opposed to women. All of us ought to read the book, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women.⁴ We must live with our wives with understanding so that we might have a unity in our relationship with God. If there is no harmony, then there cannot be harmonious worship and praise.

In Romans 15, Paul wrote,

That with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 15:6).

Paul is not saying we are all to be singing the same notes, but that we are to be in harmony with one another. Do you see it? There is nothing worse than all of us singing in a different key. There may be those who sing bass and others soprano or baritone. All these different parts are beautiful, as long as we are all in the same key. But if we are not in the same key, it’s misery. You see, a church that is trying to live out its corporate life in disharmony is a tragic reflection of Christian unity. Petty irritations and personality clashes create friction and disharmony between Christians. In such churches, there can be no harmonious worship of God. We are all clashing with one another. I think that is what Paul is talking about.

So there is a decided relationship between bearing with one another, between Christian unity and acceptance of one another, and Christian ministry. I do not believe Christian ministry can truly occur within the body of Christ until there is this mood of acceptance for which Paul calls.

Application

Now let us consider how we might apply this in several specific ways:

1) Apply it in your own life individually.

I do not think you will have an effective ministry, no matter what it is, until you can learn to accept other people. You will find many times that what you do as a service to the Lord may not be received as such. It may not be responded to in exactly the way that you wanted it to. That’s not your problem. But if you wear your feelings on your shirt sleeve, and you allow that to hinder your ministry, you won’t have one. You can’t minister effectively if you’re always touchy and irritated by the way other people respond. Your attitude should be to minister as unto the Lord. You may minister to somebody in a financial way, and they may go out and blow that money in a way you think is incredible. That’s not your problem. That’s between them and the Lord, but you may let that hinder your ministry. You must accept other people for what they are and where they are in their spiritual life.

There is a tremendous application in this passage for Christian marriage. One of the tragedies of our time is that people go into marriage today without any commitment. We can see that in their vows. Today’s vows, if they exist at all, aren’t a pledge to be faithful to one another regardless of what happens, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, but only for better. There must be a fundamental commitment to unity if there is to be harmony. Christian marriages need a commitment to a purpose, a commitment to unity and a commitment to put up with one another, as well as to forgive one another. Those of us who are married need to reaffirm our commitment to unity, acceptance, and forgiveness.

2) Let me relate this to the meeting of the church.

One of the things we have striven for as a church is to have a family atmosphere in the worship hour. We have striven for an atmosphere where people feel free, not where people are sitting there looking for theological error, and seminary students have their Hebrew texts out shaking their heads and saying, “Oh, no!” Somebody may get up and say something really unusual or distressing. Maybe they have just been saved. What do you expect them to say? But some may want a theologically-polished masterpiece, homiletically perfect. It may not be. But the very fact that a person has mustered the courage to participate should be encouraging to all of us.

When I first began to attend Believers Chapel years ago, I remember the elders repeatedly stressing the fact that where there was fire there would also be smoke. What they meant was that those who were immature or inexperienced in publicly sharing with others would be expected to make some blunders. But the people there rejoiced that men were struggling to develop their gifts by publicly sharing with the entire congregation. I hope this sense of expectation and excitement will never leave us. Such a spirit of acceptance will greatly encourage others as they seek to minister to the saints.

3) This matter of accepting one another goes beyond our own circle of close friends and our own church congregation.

It relates to the church of Jesus Christ at large. It is often difficult for those of us who are committed to the way we do things in “our” church to believe that God is just as much at work in the other evangelical, Bible‑teaching churches in our city and throughout the world. So often churches view other churches as competitors rather than compliments in the work of Christ. We cannot minister to all people nor can we minister to every type of Christian. Hopefully, we are following the Scriptures as closely as possible, but even within the context of Biblical principles, there is room for diversity in philosophy and approach to ministry. Over and over the Scriptures tell us that unity is best expressed in diversity, not in uniformity. While we may have come to accept this truth as it relates to individuals in the body of Christ, we must also see its application to various churches which are a part of the universal body of Christ. It is my prayer that we, as a church, will accept other Christians, other churches, other organizations which name the name of Christ, and not only tolerate them, but strive to enhance their ministries by prayer, encouragement, and even financial involvement.

May God enable us to accept one another, to His glory, and to our good.

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¹ This is the edited manuscript of a message delivered by Robert L. Deffinbaugh, teacher and elder at Community Bible Chapel, on November 11, 1979. Anyone is at liberty to use this edited manuscript for educational purposes only, with or without credit. The Chapel believes the material presented herein to be true to the teaching of Scripture, and desires to further, not restrict, its potential use as an aid in the study of God’s Word. The publication of this material is a grace ministry of Community Bible Chapel. Copyright 1979 by Community Bible Chapel, 418 E. Main Street, Richardson, TX 75081.

² The most common Greek word used is anechomai. Other words also contribute to this concept of “putting up with” one another.

³The attitudes included in Colossians 3:12 are: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. The fruit of the Spirit of Galatians 5:22 and 23 is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self‑ control.

⁴ Dr. James Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publisher, Inc. 1975).

January 27, 1980

Introduction¹

I spent the summer after my first year of seminary teaching history and psychology in a state penitentiary. It is not one of the warmest memories of my past, but I learned many helpful lessons about people. Perhaps the most striking impressions of that experience were the sense of despair and pessimism that prevailed among my colleagues. This was especially true of those who were the most humanistic in their thinking. The basic goodness of man just didn’t square with what we observed day after day. Surprisingly, the humanists, the “do-gooders,” who were despised by the prisoners, usually didn’t stay around long.

The fact of the matter is that the secular approach to human problems must be rejected. It often doesn’t square with the Scriptures, but it also simply does not work. As I understand this subject of Christian counseling, three fundamentals must be present if men are to receive enduring help.

The Sinfulness of Man

It is interesting to me that a few years ago a secular psychiatrist wrote a book entitled Whatever Became of Sin?² Traditionally, here is the dividing line between Christian and secular counseling. By and large, secular psychiatry and psychology deny the existence of sin. Worse yet, they actually blame the evangelical for putting such ideas as sin and biblical standards of morality into people’s minds.

In some ways, unbelieving counselors and therapists are only giving their clients what they are willing to pay for. As one psychiatrist observed, the patient usually comes not in order to be better, but to feel better.³ I recently read the story (I hope it was not true!) of a man who went to a psychiatrist. When the doctor asked this young man what the problem was, he replied, “Doctor, I’ve been living the way I should, and my conscience has been bothering me a lot.” “And you want me to help you change your behavior?” the doctor questioned. “Well,” the man responded, “actually, I was hoping you could do something about my conscience.”

The result has been that the blame has had to be shifted from the client to some other source.⁴ Sociobiology teaches that human behavior is genetically based.⁵ Carried to an illogical extreme, this approach could conclude, “I am not to blame for my conduct; my genes are.” Freudian psychiatry conducts expeditions into the client’s past in order to find someone else to put the blame on.⁶ Others would tell us that it is our sick society and our evil institutions that cause men to go astray.

How different is the diagnosis of God:

There is a kind who is pure in his own eyes, yet is not washed from his filthiness (Proverbs 30:12).

Who can say, “I have cleansed my heart, I am pure from my sin”? (Proverbs 20:9)

Fools mock at sin (literally, guilt), but among the upright there is good will (literally, the favor of God) (Proverbs 14:9).

He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion (Proverbs 28:13).

The foolishness of man subverts his way, and his heart rages against the Lord (Proverbs 19:3).

I do not mean to imply that every problem faced by man is the direct result of sin. Some problems are to find their origin in purely physical conditions. For example, a brain tumor or a hormonal imbalance may produce abnormal behavior. But even in cases where there is a physical malfunction at the root of our problems, we may still respond in a sinful fashion. I am simply trying to say that sin is related to many emotional and psychological difficulties. Any approach which ignores or denies man’s sinfulness is destined for many failures.

The doctrine of man’s total depravity is fundamental to counseling which will contribute to Christian growth and maturity. Contrary to popular misconception, total depravity does not mean that man is 100% evil, and that he is incapable of acts of kindness and good deeds. It does mean that all of man, his intellect, his emotions, and his will, have been disabled and distorted by the fall of Adam and by his own acts of sin. As a result, man is incapable of achieving any righteousness and favor in the sight of God.

God’s standard for man is perfection, perfect obedience. To fail in one part is to fail entirely (James 2:10). Let me attempt to illustrate it in this way. When I work on our car, I always get grease on my hands. Whatever I touch is left with the marks of the grease on my hands. The doctrine of total depravity teaches that the grease of sin is on everything that I touch. Thus, nothing I present to God is free of grease stains. And God does not, and cannot, accept imperfection.

The application of the doctrine of total depravity is essential to good counseling. Man is not only sinful, but sinful in every aspect of his being, intellect, emotions, and will (cf. Romans 3:10–18; Jeremiah 17:9). Christian counseling must be consistent with this reality.

Christian and secular counselors alike have sometimes supposed that emotional problems can be solved intellectually. Re-education, whether spiritual or not, is not sufficient. The major fallacy is that man’s intellect, as well as his emotions and will, is darkened by the fall and by sin. Isn’t it interesting that Solomon’s wisdom did not keep him from doing what was wrong? His problem was not in his head, but in his heart
(cf. 1 Kings 4:29–34; 10:1–8).

I know that it is very popular today to quote the passage,

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he . . . (Proverbs 23:7).

But it is most doubtful that, in its context, this statement can be understood as it is commonly applied. Far more likely is the rendering of the New International Version:

Do not eat the food of a stingy man, do not crave his delicacies; for he is the kind of man who is always thinking about the cost. “Eat and drink,” he says to you, but his heart is not with you (Proverbs 23: 6–7).⁷

Ideally, our theology should determine our morality. To put it in more biblical terms, our practice should conform to our position (Ephesians 4:1ff.; Colossians 2:6ff., etc.). But as Paul put it, he knew what was right, but he practiced what was wrong (Romans 7:15ff.). Paul’s problem was not knowledge, but inadequate power. Often, when we submit to our passions and let them overrule principle, we find that our morality begins to dictate our theology.

He who walks in his uprightness fears the Lord, but he who is crooked in his ways despises Him (Proverbs 14:2).

Fools mock at sin, but among the upright there is good will (Proverbs 14:9).

Eventually, we find ingenious and convincing ways of persuading ourselves and others that sin isn’t really sin at all.

This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, I have done no wrong (Proverbs 30:20).

All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the Lord weighs the motives (Proverbs 16:2).

The counselor who grasps the doctrine of total depravity understands that man’s whole being is distorted by sin and that his whole being must be restored, or in biblical terms, transformed. While this must include the mind (Romans 12:2), it must not neglect the emotions and the will.

In the final analysis, men and women suffer, not for lack of counsel, but for its rejection.

And you say, How I have hated instruction! And my heart spurned reproof! And I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to my instructors! (Proverbs 5:12–13)

Because they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the Lord. They would not accept my counsel, they spurned all my reproof (Proverbs 1:29–30).

This is why we can expect some to reject biblical counsel for that which is more appealing:

An evildoer listens to wicked lips, a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue (Proverbs 17:4).

In the words of a recent writer, Happiness Is A Choice.⁸ So also in the words of Scripture:

All the days of the afflicted are bad, but a cheerful heart has a continual feast (Proverbs 15:15).

If you and I are to be conformed to the image of Christ, it must be by the transformation of our fallen intellects, emotions and wills. If we are to help others in this process, we must minister to them on every level of need.

The Sufficiency of God

The picture of man apart from God is one of hopelessness and despair.

There is no creed, no way of life left in the world at all, which really meets the need of the time…. There is no reason whatever to believe that the order of nature has any greater bias in favor of man than it had in the favor of the ichthyosaur or the pterodactyl. In spite of all my desperation to a brave looking optimism, I perceive that now the universe is bored with him, is turning a hard face to him, and I see him being carried less and less intelligently and more and more rapidly, suffering, as every ill-adapted creature must suffer in gross and detail, along the stream of fate, to degradation, suffering and death.⁹

While we must begin at the point of man’s sin, Christian counseling presses on to the sufficiency of God to meet the needs of men. The good news of the gospel is that there is a God Who is sufficient for man’s every need. Christian counseling should stress the following truths:

1. There is a God Who is in control.

The chaos which we see is the result of sin, but even in this chaos, there is reason and purpose.

Man’s steps are ordained by the Lord, how then can man understand his way? (Proverbs 20:24)

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord (Proverbs 16:1).

The Lord has made everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil
(Proverbs 16:4).

The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps (Proverbs 16:9).

The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord (Proverbs 16:33).

2. God is able to help men, no matter what the need.

The Scriptures assure us of the omnipotence of God—He is all–powerful.

But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases (Psalms 115:3).

Ah Lord God! Behold, Thou hast made the heavens and the earth by Thy great power and by Thine outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for Thee, (Jeremiah 32:17).

And looking upon them Jesus said to them, With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26; Cf. Job 9:4–12; Luke 1:37; Romans 1:20; Ephesians 1:19).

This limitless power was demonstrated in the life and ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ. Virtually every kind of human need was met by our Lord, from the feeding of the 5,000 to the stilling of the storm, from the raising of Lazarus to the casting out of demons.

3. God is willing to help.

It is not enough to know that God exists and that He is able to help. Men must also be told that God is willing to help.

The Lord is gracious and merciful; slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works (Psalms 145:8–9).

Thou dost open Thy hand, and dost satisfy the desire of every living thing (Psalms 145:16).

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? (Matthew 6:25).

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, (Ephesians 2:4).

Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).

To my knowledge, there is not one instance in the Gospels where someone who earnestly sought help from our Lord was ever denied it. God is both willing and able to help.

4. God has already provided help.

The Bible does not speak of the mere possibility of help, but of that which has already been accomplished, that which needs only to be appropriated.

Foremost is the help which has come in the person of Jesus Christ, the sinless Son of God, Who died on the cross in the place of the sinner.

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly (Romans 5:6).

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were entreating through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17–21).

The fundamental problem of man -- sin -- has been dealt with by the Lord Jesus Christ. He has taken the place of the sinner. He has borne the penalty for sin. He has broken the power of sin.

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body that you should obey its lusts (Romans 6:12).

While available to all men, the work of Christ is effective only for those who believe on Him and who trust only in Him for salvation.

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12).

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast (Ephesians 2:8–9).

. . . if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved (Romans10:9).

It is important to stress that God’s help is what might be called a package provision. The core and cause of God’s help is the sacrificial death of Christ for sinners. Many today want God’s help in marriage or in their business, but not in their soul’s salvation. In the words of the song writer, “You can’t have one without the other.”

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? (Romans 8:32).

Many today want the fringe benefits of the work of Christ without bowing the knee to Him in faith and obedience in the matter of salvation. Anyone who follows biblical principles will reap the benefits of living according to divine guidelines. This is why some non–Christians have “better” marriages and families than some Christians. But the fullest blessing can only come when we live according to God’s Word by the power of His Spirit working in us.

God has provided the Christian with access to Himself in prayer through His Son.

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:14–16).

Since therefore, brethren, we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God … (Hebrews 10:19–21).

In the tests and trials of life we can ask for wisdom and know that it will be given without reproach.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him (James 1:5).

God has made provision for the inadequacy of the flesh by giving true believers His Spirit.

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death (Romans 8:2).

But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who indwells you (Romans 8:11).

Finally, God has given us His Word, which is sufficient for every spiritual need.

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16–17).

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12).

Thy testimonies also are my delight; they are my counselors (Psalms 119:24).

O how I love Thy law! It is my meditation all the day. Thy commandments make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever mine. I have more insight than all my teachers, for Thy testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the aged, because I have observed Thy precepts (Psalms 119:97–100).

There are some today who would have us believe that the Bible is not the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God, and this greatly disturbs me. What is more distressing is those who believe in biblical inerrancy, but who also practically nullify their position by believing in the irrelevancy of Scripture. On some subjects, such as the role of women in the church, they tell us that the Scriptures were only for that culture and time. And beyond this, they unhesitatingly maintain that the Scriptures are not really sufficient to deal with complicated and sophisticated subjects such as counseling.

While giving lip service to Paul’s contention in 2 Timothy 3:16–17 that Christians are adequately equipped with the Word of God, they urge us to set the Scriptures aside for secular psychology and psychiatry. “All truth is God’s truth,” they tell us. With this I agree. But, to use the words of Pilate, “What is truth?” (John 18:38). Functionally, secular thinking becomes the standard. The Bible is simply used to “amen” secular thinking with a salting and peppering of verses which seem to support contemporary thinking on the subject.

Now, I do not for one moment wish to say that we should use the Bible as our only reference in the matter of removing the appendix or for resetting a broken leg. But the Bible does not claim to be all sufficient and authoritative here. Where Scriptures teach or imply medical truth, we should hold it as authoritative. Where it does not, we must lean upon the science of medicine.

What Paul does claim is that the Word of God is adequate and authoritative for counsel that involves teaching, reproof or admonition, correction, and training in righteousness (Romans 15:14; 2 Timothy 3:16–17). While other books may enlighten our understanding of the Bible’s teaching, the Bible is the text; other books are mere commentaries, all of which must be true to the Scriptures or must be rejected.

I would doubt that when we come to stand before the living God to give account of our lives and ministries, that most of us will agonize over reading the Bible too much and other works too little.

The Essential Ingredient of Hope

The message of the Bible is one of hope. While Scripture clearly declares that man’s basic problem is sin (cf. Romans 3:10–18), it stresses the hope which we have through Jesus Christ and God’s provision for our needs.

. . . by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified in His sight; for through the Law comes the knowledge of sin. But now apart from the Law the righteousness of God has been manifested, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe; . . . (Romans 3:20–22).

The ungodly counselor tries to offer hope, but at the cost of truth (and salvation). They either deny sin or attempt to redefine it. At best, they pin it on someone or something else. To recognize man’s basic problem as sin gives men hope, for Jesus Christ has dealt with sin. We need no longer to be under its penalty and power.

To tell a homosexual he is sick does not offer hope, for there is no cure for the “sickness” of homosexuality. To call it sin (Romans 1:24ff.) is to offer hope, for there is no sin which is not under the blood of Christ.

. . . do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolators, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our Lord (1 Corinthians 6:9–11).

If alcoholism is simply a disease or sickness, like the common cold, we are left without hope. If it is a sin, we have hope in Christ, who died to sin and for the sinner.

If we maintain a balance of emphasis between the truth of man’s sinfulness and the verity of God’s sufficiency, our counsel will offer hope to men.

Proverbs makes it very clear that hope must always be the keynote of our counsel. Hope is what desperate people most need.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life (Proverbs 13:12)

Desire realized is sweet to the soul, but it is an abomination to fools to depart from evil
(Proverbs 13:19).

A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4).

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22).

The spirit of a man can endure his sickness, but a broken spirit who can bear (Proverbs 18:14).

The good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that God meets men at their point of need, not their point of strength. That, my friend, is what grace is all about.

Conclusion

From my study of the ministry of counseling, I have come to several convictions I would like to share with you as we conclude this series:

1. The only good counsel is Godly Christian counsel.

Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the Lord, how much more the hearts of men! (Proverbs 15:11)

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the Lord, it will stand (Proverbs 19:21).

Man’s steps are ordained by the Lord, how then can man understand his way? (Proverbs 20:24)

There is no wisdom and no understanding and no counsel against the Lord (Proverbs 21:30).

Only God knows the hearts and motives of men. Only God’s counsel will stand. While secular counsel can often be of help to people, it is because that counsel not “against the Lord” (Proverbs 21:30) is true to biblical principles. If you and I do not have words of hope and help, my Christian friend, who does?

2. Counseling and evangelism compliment one another.

Counseling seeks to pinpoint specific and basic needs and minister to them. Nowhere is the gospel more appropriate and more welcomed than at the point of desperation. More than ever I am convinced that we are poor evangelists because we are poor counselors.¹⁰

3. No other word so captures the substance of counseling as that of grace.

Grace is God’s sufficiency applied to my inadequacy. Legalism, intellectualism, and other humanistic attempts to solve man’s problems only serves to compound man’s problems.

4. Counseling is a process.

It involves time (a lifetime), the collective involvement of many saints with diverse gifts, and it ministers to the whole person, body, soul and spirit.

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¹ This is the edited manuscript of a message delivered by Robert L. Deffinbaugh, teacher and elder at Community Bible Chapel, on January 27, 1980. Anyone is at liberty to use this edited manuscript for educational purposes only, with or without credit. The Chapel believes the material presented herein to be true to the teaching of Scripture, and desires to further, not restrict, its potential use as an aid in the study of God’s Word. The publication of this material is a grace ministry of Community Bible Chapel. Copyright 1979 by Community Bible Chapel, 418 E. Main Street, Richardson, TX 75081.

² Carl Menninger, Whatever Became of Sin? (New York: Hawthorn Books, 1973).

³ Andras Angyal, as quoted by William Klassen, The Forgiving Community (other data is not available), p. 207.

⁴ Albert Ellis contends that . . . “giving anyone a sense of sin, guilt or self–blame is the worst possible way to help him to be an emotionally sound and adequately socialized individual. . . . If . . . we can teach our patients . . . that even though human beings can be held quite accountable or responsible for their misdeeds, no one is ever to blame for anything, human morality will be significantly improved. . . . The concept of sin is the direct and indirect cause of virtually all neurotic disturbance. The sooner psychotherapists forthrightly begin to attack it the better their patients will be.” William Klassen, The Forgiving Community, (other data not available), p. 205.

⁵ Cf. C. Donald Cole, “Shall We blame It All On Genes?”. Moody Monthly, October, 1977, p. 24. In this article, Cole responds to an article contained in Time magazine.

⁶ Jay Adams, Competent to Counsel (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1970), p. 6.

⁷ Kidner understands the expression often rendered “thinks,” “thinketh” as meaning, “doing mental arithmetic.” Derik Kidner, The Proverbs (Chicago: Inter–Varsity Press, 1964), p. 151. Delitzsch, in his commentary on Proverbs, seems to agree. He takes the Hebrew term (with Fletcher) to mean “to measure, to tax so as to determine the price, to reckon.” He goes on “but there lurks behind the mask of liberal hospitality the grudging niggardly calculator, who poisons thy every bite, every draught, by his calculating, grudging look.” Franz Delitzsch, The Proverbs of Solomon, (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1968), II, pp. 109–110.

⁸ Frank B. Minirth and Paul D. Meier, Happiness is a Choice (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1978).

⁹ H. G. Wells, as quoted by Wilber M. Smith, Therefore Stand (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1945),
p. 197.

¹⁰ We should not seek to counsel only as an excuse to give the gospel. Our Lord met the needs of men without the pre-condition of trusting in Him as the Messiah. But as a result of His ministry, many did believe. It may be that as biblical counsel is demonstrated to be right counsel, the men and women we minister to may come to trust in what the Scriptures say about their eternal salvation.

December 2, 1979

Introduction¹

Cold churches are not a product of the present energy crisis.

Singer John Charles Thomas, now sixty-six, wrote to syndicated columnist Abigail Van Buren a few months ago about an interesting project he undertook because he moves about a great deal:² “I am presently completing the second year of a three-year survey on the hospitality or lack of it in churches. To date, of the 195 churches I have visited, I was spoken to in only one by someone other than an official greeter––and that was to ask me to move my feet.”³

While it is painful to admit, the experience of John Charles Thomas is probably common to nearly all of us. It is often on the basis of hospitality (or its absence), that newcomers determine whether or not they will return to the church they have visited. I must say from my own experience that my wife and I nearly left a church which we were convinced was the most biblical we had ever attended because there seemed to be little interest in welcoming newcomers.

A Definition of Hospitality

In order to focus our attention on this matter of hospitality, we must first define it. Since there is no one term which fully conveys the entire spectrum of its meaning, we will begin by looking at the various biblical terms which refer to this gracious ministry.

The primary New Testament term for hospitality is philoxenia, (Romans 12:13), a noun referring to hospitality (literally, a lover of strangers) or its adjectival counterpart, philoxenos (1 Peter 4:9), given to hospitality. The emphasis of the term falls upon love (Phileo) bestowed upon those whom we do not know (Xenos, stranger). Another term, Xenizō, means “to receive a stranger” or “to receive as a guest,” “to entertain” (cf. Acts 10:23; Hebrews 13:2).

Another expression frequently employed is “to receive” or “to welcome.” While several Greek terms are employed with this meaning, the context makes it clear that it refers to the welcoming of those who are strangers into the hospitality of the home (cf. Matthew 10:40-41; Acts 18:27; 28:30; 3 John 9-10).

In other passages, no one specific term is employed (e.g., Genesis 18:1-8; 19:1-3), but the activity is that of welcoming strangers and opening both hearts and homes to them. Usually this involves the sharing of a meal, and often providing accommodations for spending the night. Perhaps hospitality can best be defined as,

The ministry of making others (often strangers) at home in our home by welcoming them and sharing our home with them, providing food and lodging as needed.

Hospitality in the Old Testament

Much of the significance of the sharing of a meal in the New Testament is the outgrowth of Old Testament teaching and practice. Because of this, we must begin our study in the pages of Old Testament history.

1. Hospitality was a part of the near Eastern culture.

Let us begin by frankly acknowledging that hospitality was an activity highly esteemed by the culture of the saints of old.

Hospitality, we have said, is a necessity of life in the desert, but among the nomads this necessity has become a virtue, and a most highly esteemed one. The guest is sacred: the honor of providing for him is disputed, but generally falls to the sheikh. The stranger can avail himself of this hospitality for three days, and even after leaving he has a right to protection for a given time. This time varies from tribe to tribe: among some it is “until the salt he has eaten has left his stomach;” in big tribes like the Ruwalla of Syria it is for three more days and within a radius of 100 miles.⁴

2. Hospitality was a requirement of the Old Testament Law.

Hospitality was not only culturally expected, it was divinely commanded. Repeatedly in the Old Testament Law, strangers were to be kindly treated and warmly accepted.

The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God (Leviticus 19:34).

And the Levite, because he has no portion or inheritance among you, and the alien, the orphan and the widow who are in your town, shall come and eat and be satisfied, in order that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hand which you do (Deuteronomy 14:29).

3. Old Testament hospitality was more than a meal or a place to spend the night.

The sharing of a meal with another was deeply significant because it symbolized the bestowal of greater blessings or benefits. Hospitality clearly implied that the guest was assured of protection (cf. Genesis 19:8; Judges 19:23). A meal was often eaten together as a part of the signing of a treaty (Genesis 26:30; 31:46, 54; Joshua 9:14-15). A meal was a vital part of the commemoration of the Passover (Exodus 12). David gave evidence of his intention to care for Jonathan’s son by providing for him at this table (2 Samuel 9:7). When Boaz invited Ruth to partake at his table (Ruth 2:14), it was an indication of his care, favor and protection. Isaiah foretold of the coming Messianic kingdom in terms of a great banquet (Isaiah 25:6-8).

4. Hospitality was an evidence of godliness.

It would be safe to say that the degree of one’s hospitality was proportionate to one’s love for God. This should come as no surprise, for our Lord taught, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets (Matthew 22:37-40).

Abraham urged the three “strangers” to stop and rest and share a meal with him (Genesis 19:1-5). Lot, likewise, asked the two messengers to spend the night with him (19:1-3). The widow at Azrephath cared for Elijah (1 Kings 17:9f), and the Shunamite woman persuaded her husband to prepare a “prophet’s chamber” for Elisha (2 Kings 4:8f).

All of the above are evidences of the spirituality of those who showed hospitality to others. But the converse is also true. When one’s devotion to God wanes, so does his desire to minister to others.

No passage makes this point as forcefully as Judges 19. This book almost depressingly depicts the depravity of those whom God had chosen as His own people (cf. 3:1-7; 17:6). What a contrast there is between the hospitality of the father of this Levite’s concubine (verses 3-9)⁵ and that of the Benjamites who lived in Gibeah (verses 15-25). The Levite had to tear himself away from the hospitality of his father-in-law. As they traveled toward his home they found night falling upon them. Knowing the dangers of traveling at night, the Levite’s servant suggested that they stop at the nearest town, Jebus (Jerusalem) which was as yet not possessed by the Israelites (cf. verse 12). He would only feel safe when received hospitably by his brethren. They must press on to Gibeah or Ramah (verse 13).

Finally arriving in Gibeah, they went to the town square expecting to be welcomed and provided with a place to stay. No one responded (verse 15), even though the Levite would not have been a burden to them (verse 19). Finally an old man, who himself was not a Benjamite (verse 16), invited them to stay with him.

Not only did the Benjamites fail to offer the provision and protection of their homes, they threatened to do him great harm by sexually assaulting him. Rather than violate the protection he was obligated to guarantee his guests, the old man offered his daughter to these men (verses 23-24). Finally the Levite gave these men his concubine, whom they raped and killed.⁶ The magnitude of this outrageous act was evidenced by the dismemberment and distribution of the body of the concubine.

There is little doubt in my mind but that the author of Judges was graphically describing the depravity of the Israelites and their sad spiritual state by this account. Godly men showed hospitality to strangers, while the godless sought only to use or abuse them. Such is the picture of hospitality as we see it in the Old Testament.

Hospitality in the New Testament

We shall see that the New Testament virtually ratifies the Old Testament concept of hospitality in fact. This is true in the life of our Lord, in the life of the early church, and in the Epistles.

1. Hospitality in the life of our Lord.

In the first place, our Lord’s acceptance of the hospitality offered Him was an act of identification with those with whom He ate. Our Lord’s unashamed presence at the table with sinners evidenced His identification with such men, and thereby greatly troubled the religious elite:

And Levi gave a big reception for Him in his house; and there was a great crowd of tax-gatherers and other people who were reclining at table with them. And the Pharisees and their scribes began grumbling at His disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with the tax-gatherers and sinners?” And Jesus answered and said to them, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call righteous men but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:29-32).

We may rightly conclude that acceptance of one’s hospitality in some way identifies you with that person. In this way, our Lord chose to associate with sinners.

Second, our Lord not only accepted the hospitality of men, but He also extended it in His earthly ministry.

And disembarking, He saw a great multitude, and He felt compassion for them because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things. And when it was already quite late, His disciples came up to Him and began saying, “The place is desolate and it is already quite late; send them away so that they may go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.” But He answered and said to them, “You give them something to eat!” And they said to Him, “Shall we go and spend two hundred denarii on bread and give them something to eat?” (Mark 6:34-37).

Both the disciples and their Lord were exhausted from their rigorous schedule and desperately needed to get away (verses 30-32). Unfortunately (in the minds of the disciples at least), the crowds were not to be easily eluded (verses 33-34). As the boat landed, it was met by a large crowd.

No doubt the hearts of the disciples sank. They wanted a vacation, but instead they found only their vocation. Our Lord felt compassion on the crowd. They were as sheep without a shepherd (verse 34), and later on they were getting hungry. The exasperation of the disciples is thinly concealed in their request that Jesus send the crowds away (verse 36). Instead, Jesus told His disciples to feed them (verse 37).

In this feeding and others (cf. 8:1-9), Jesus revealed His compassion and concern for those in need. While Jesus did not have a home to share, He did minister to the physical needs of His sheep. In so doing, He revealed Himself as the Good Shepherd (John 10) and the Messiah for which Israel had waited. While God had provided mannah for the Israelites in the wilderness, Jesus offered the bread which is from above, leading to eternal life (John 6:22ff.).

Third, men evidenced their acceptance of Jesus as their Messiah as they offered Him hospitality. Martha welcomed Jesus into her home, revealing her faith (Luke 10:38). Jesus invited Himself into the home of Zaccheus, knowing his heart (Luke 19:2ff.). Those who refused to receive the disciples revealed their rejection of the Savior. To welcome them was to receive Him (Matthew 10:14, 40-41).

Not only was this true during the life and ministry of our Lord, as is the case today, but it will also be so in the future:

But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. And all the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; …Then the King will say to those on His right, “Come you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in” (Matthew 25:31-35, emphasis mine).

During the tribulation, men’s acceptance or rejection of the Savior will be reflected by their treatment of the saints. To offer hospitality to the people of God is to evidence faith in God and obedience to His Word.

2. Hospitality in the practice of the early Church.

One of the earmarks of the apostolic church was that of its hospitality.

And they were continually devoting themselves to the apostle’s teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. . . . And day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart (Acts 2:42, 46).

The sharing of meals described in Acts 2 was that which occurred among Jewish Christians. It was not long until differences around the meal table threatened to divide the church into Jewish and Gentile segments. In chapter 6, the Hellenistic Jewish widows were being slighted in the daily feeding of those in need (verse 1). The apostles took decisive action to put an end to this division (verses 2-6).

The real danger is dealt with in chapters 10 and 11 of Acts. The Jews had used the Old Testament food laws as a basis for their rigorous efforts at separation from the Gentiles. These Laws (as interpreted by Judaism) when rigidly applied, meant that no devout Jew could ever eat with a Gentile. This would never do when the Lord’s table was conducted as a part of a meal.

Peter’s vision in Acts 10 was intended to inform him that in Christ the former ceremonial food laws were done away with. This removed the theological basis for segregation at the dinner table. As a result, he did not (better yet, could not) refuse the Gentile delegation from the house of Cornelius the hospitality of his home. They came at meal time (verses 9-10), so they must have eaten with him and then stayed the night (verse 23). They then traveled to Caesarea, where Peter preached to those gathered with Cornelius, and where Peter remained a guest for a few days (verse 48).

When word reached the Jewish brethren in Jerusalem, they were deeply distressed:

And when Peter came up to Jerusalem, those who were circumcised took issue with him, saying,

You went to uncircumcised men and ate with them (Acts 11:2-3).

Once it was clear that this was the work of God, none could protest further, and it was concluded that God must have purposed to save the Gentiles also (verse 18). While Peter did not always live consistently with this revelation (cf. Galatians 2:11ff.), it was a decisive turning point for the church of Jesus Christ. How much is implied when Jewish and Gentile saints sit at the same table, and how seldom we realize the significance of it.

In Acts 16, we are reminded that conversion was evidenced, in part, by the hospitality of those who have come to faith:

And a certain woman named Lydia, from the city of Thyatira, a seller of purple fabrics, a worshiper of God, was listening; and the Lord opened her heart to respond to the things spoken by Paul. And when she and her household had been baptized, she urged us, saying, “If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come into my house and stay.” And she prevailed upon us (Acts 16:30, 34).

Summarizing the New Testament teaching on hospitality, we can lay down several principles.

Principle 1: In the New Testament, hospitality is a command.

…practicing hospitality (Romans 12:13).

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it (Hebrews 13:2).

Be hospitable to one another without complaint (1 Peter 4:9).

Beloved, you are acting faithfully in whatever you accomplish for the brethren, and especially when they are strangers; and they bear witness to your love before the church; and you will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. For they went out for the sake of the Name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. Therefore we ought to support such men, that we may be fellow-workers with the truth (3 John 5-8).

In the Romans passage, the emphasis falls upon the word “practice,” which is better rendered “pursuing” (the marginal reading in the NASV). It highlights the fact that hospitality doesn’t just happen; it is a matter of determination and discipline. People don’t happen to diet, or to jog; they purpose to do it, and they are willing to pay the price to follow through with it.

The Hebrew text emphasizes the need for hospitality to be practiced toward strangers, and not just with those whom we are acquainted and comfortable.

Peter reminds us that our attitude must be right in showing hospitality toward others. There is a likelihood that any ministry of grace will be abused. When we act like servants (as we should), people will inevitably treat us like a servant. In spite of this, we must carry on this ministry of hospitality joyfully (cf. that of giving, 2 Corinthians 9:7).

John is more specific in urging us to open our hearts and our homes to those who go forth proclaiming the gospel. Since they have determined not to accept help from “the Gentiles,” that is, unbelievers, they should be cared for by the Christian community. I cannot help but sense that this text blends our obligations to minister with food and shelter as well as with money.

Principle 2: Hospitality will be abused.

We have already alluded to abuses of hospitality, but let us linger on this for a moment. The Corinthians nullified the blessing of the Lord’s Supper by failing to reflect true Christian unity in the meal that was a part of the communion remembrance. The one loaf from which all partook reflected the unity of those gathered (1 Corinthians 10:17). And yet during their meal, some refused to wait for those who worked late (1 Corinthians 11:33-34). Some ate and drank to excess, while others (no doubt those who were late) went without (verse 21). This error had to be corrected.

In the Thessalonian church, some were using the Lord’s imminent return as an excuse not to work. They chose to abuse the hospitality of the saints instead of working with their own hands and providing for themselves (2 Thessalonians 3).

Abuses of these kinds must have been common. According to an Italian proverb,

A guest is like a fish––after three days he stinks.⁷

The Didache (11:4-6), a kind of ancient church manual, has this word of counsel:

Let every apostle who comes to you be received as the Lord, but he must not stay more than one day, or two if it is absolutely necessary; if he stays three days, he is a false prophet. And when an apostle leaves you, let him take nothing but a loaf, until he reaches further lodging for the night; if he asks for money, he is a false prophet.⁸

In the light of biblical and extra-biblical evidence, the serious Christian should approach this area of ministry anticipating abuses.

Principle 3: Hospitality is a qualification for the office of elder.

The importance of the ministry of hospitality is suggested by the fact that being hospitable is a prerequisite for the office of elder:

An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, apt to teach (1 Timothy 3:2, cf. Titus 1:8).

I believe there are several reasons why this matter of hospitality is so essential for elders in particular. First of all, elders will provide an example and set the pace for the entire congregation. I have yet to see a church congregation that was not a reflection of its leaders. Second, it is through hospitality that elders can get to know the flock and be known by them (cf. John 10:14, 27). Finally, the elders are responsible to guard the flock. Often false teachers would travel about, passing themselves off as teachers of the truth. If the elders were men who were given to hospitality, these men would be exposed and the flock protected.

Let a widow be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works; and if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work (1 Timothy 5:9-10).

Principle 4: Hospitality does more than meet a physical need.

As in the Old Testament, hospitality is significant not only because of what it provides, but also because of what it implies or enhances.

Hospitality binds together the host and the guest. This is evident in John’s Epistle:

Beloved, you are acting faithfully in whatever you accomplish for the brethren, and especially when they are strangers; and they bear witness to your love before the church; and you will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. For they went out for the sake of the Name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. Therefore we ought to support such men, that we may be fellow-workers with the truth (3 John 5-8).

Conversely, we must not offer the hospitality of our homes to false teachers:

If any comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house, and do not give him a greeting; for the one who gives a greeting participates in his evil deeds (2 John 10-11).

To offer hospitality to a teacher, whether true or false, makes our home the base of his operation. We become a partner in the ministry of anyone to whom we offer hospitality.

Hospitality is inviting a guest to share in the intimacy of home and family life. This is necessary and beneficial in church life, but it must be withheld from those under discipline:

But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he should be an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler––not even to eat with such a one (1 Corinthians 5:11).

As I understand Paul’s words in this passage, they apply to professed Christians living knowingly and willfully in sin. These are to be “delivered over to Satan” (verse 5, cf. also 1 Timothy 5:20) for chastening and discipline. If one chooses to willfully disobey God and reject His Word, he should not be allowed to share in the blessings of “family life” but should be constrained to live his life, for the time being, in the sphere of Satan’s power and influence.

One’s absence from table fellowship (which in New Testament times would have included the Lord’s Supper) implied a definite spiritual problem. Likewise, one who refused to accept those who came in the Lord’s name evidenced an unspiritual attitude:

I wrote something to the church, but Diotrophes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say. For this reason, if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, neither does he receive the brethren, and he forbids those who desire to do so, and puts them out of the church (3 John 9-10).

Perhaps the most significant aspect of hospitality is that it invites intimacy. The most intimate circle into which others can be invited is that of home and family life. And the time of greatest family intimacy is the sharing of the meal.

Until I grasped this, I never caught the significance of this most familiar verse:

Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me (Revelation 3:20).

The Laodicean church, was an apathetic church, not apostate; indifferent, not unbelieving (cf. verses 14-17). Of all the metaphors that could have been employed to picture a return to intimacy with the Lord Jesus, that of fellowship at a table was used. Hospitality is a picture of the deepest intimacy between a believer and His Lord, and between believers themselves, in the Lord. How vital is its presence, and how critical is its absence from our churches and homes today.

Conclusion and Application

We have seen from both the Old and New Testaments that hospitality is an essential part of godliness. It meets the physical needs of people. It is a matter of obedience to divine imperatives. It promotes the proclamation of the gospel. It both conducts and is conducive to the work of the ministry. It offers men and women “the intimacy of the soul” for which they are desperately seeking.

It is most profitable to contemplate the relationship of what we have learned about the “meaning of a meal” to the most important supper of all, the Lord’s Supper. In this weekly remembrance,⁹ our Lord invites us to participate at His table, to share intimately with Him, in what He has provided. How sad it is when people disdain His table and think it unnecessary, irrelevant, or repetitive. That says much more about our spirtuality, I fear, than about the Supper itself.

The meaning of a meal is nowhere better seen than at this remembrance of the Lord’s table. It implies spiritual intimacy and blessings (cf. Luke 12:15). It reminds us of a covenant which is symbolized in the elements (Luke 22:20). It assures us of God’s divine care and protection of those who are at His table. It warns those of the implications of neglecting it, or worse, of being banned from it. It binds together all those who share in it. What a privilege!

Then, too, it amazes me to realize that the sons of darkness are often wiser then the children of light concerning the value of a meal. Even the federal government recognizes the sharing of a meal as necessary for the carrying on of business. It is tax deductible! But Christians seem to have neglected hospitality as a vital means of carrying on God’s business.

What young man has failed to appreciate the usefulness of a meal? How many hopeful bachelors have chosen to propose to their sweethearts after a romantic meal? What a way to enhance the intimacy of soul between fellow Christians, between husband and wife, parents and children.

We have failed to make use of meal times as an opportunity to share ourselves with others. We often complain that we don’t have time to share with our families, but what use is being made of the meal table? Father hides behind his paper or in front of the television. Only the most mundane or routine matters are discussed. We hurry from the table to do “more important things.” God help us to rearrange our thinking and our living.

I must confess that I have never appreciated what my wife was trying to tell me when she would confess her desire to go out to eat together (alone––without the kids) once in awhile. I always thought she wanted a good meal. I always preferred to stay at home, pick up a nice steak, and so on. What she wants is what goes with the meal––a quiet, intimate conversation, a sharing of souls, like we used to do before we were married.

(One of my friends came up to me after I shared this in my sermon and said to me, “I hope all those young men understood what you were saying about taking your wife out to dinner.” He went on to share how long it took him to realize what his wife wanted and needed. He told me that recently when someone asked what they were doing on a particular evening, his wife said, “We’re finishing sentences.” That is, they were going out to eat so that all the things they started to say and needed to say could be said adequately. Men, take note!)

It is indeed a frightening thought, my friends, but I believe it to be accurate when I say that most of us look at our homes, not as a focal point for hospitality and sharing spiritual intimacy with others, but as a fortress. That is why we spend so much money on fences. We want to keep people at arm’s reach, or further. We have come to value privacy above intimacy. Good fences don’t make good Christians. Let us tear them down. Let us open our hearts and our homes to others. This is a part of New Testament ministry.

I hope the time will come when no visitor to our church leaves without being asked home by at least one family. That is what many Christians are desperately seeking, not just an open door, but an open heart and open hands to reach out and demonstrate the love of Christ. It is by this, more than by the doctrinal statement printed in our brochure, that men will measure us by, and to some extent, rightly so.

By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:35).

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¹ This is the edited manuscript of a message delivered by Robert L. Deffinbaugh, teacher and elder at Community Bible Chapel, on December 2, 1979. Anyone is at liberty to use this edited manuscript for educational purposes only, with or without credit. The Chapel believes the material presented herein to be true to the teaching of Scripture, and desires to further, not restrict, its potential use as an aid in the study of God’s Word. The publication of this material is a grace ministry of Community Bible Chapel. Copyright 1979 by Community Bible Chapel, 418 E. Main Street, Richardson, TX 75081.

² The following are some of the passages that should be considered in a study of hospitality:

Genesis 18:1-8; 19:1-3 Leviticus 19:9-10, 33; 23:22; 25:35 Deuteronomy 10:18-19; 14:28-29; 24:19 Judges 19	Acts 2:42, 46; 6:1-6; 10; 11;   16:14f, 25-34; 18:1-3, 7;   20:7, 11; 21:8, 16; 28:7,   30-31
I Kings 17 (especially verse 9)	Romans 12:13, 20
II Kings 4:8-10	I Corinthians 5:11; 10; 11
Nehemiah 5:17ff	Galatians 2:12
Job 31:32	II Thessalonians 3
Proverbs 25:21	I Timothy 3:2; 5:10
Isaiah 25:6-8	Titus 1:8
Matthew 10:5-15; 40-42; 25:31-46	Hebrews 13:2
Mark 6:30-44; 8:1-10	I Peter 4:9
Luke 3:11; 10:1-12, 38; 15:2	II, III John
John 6:51-58	Revelation 3:20

³ “In Defense of Paper Carnations,” Christianity Today, Eutychus VIII, June 3, 1977, p. 4.

⁴ Roland deVaux, Ancient Israel, 2 vols. (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, 1965), I, p. 10.

⁵ Hospitality was normally expected to last 3 days (cf. fn. 3 above). After three days (verse 5), the son-in-law prepared to leave, but the father-in-law urged him to stay on, which he did (verses 5-7). Even on the fifth day he was urged to remain (verses 8-9) and, at best, he got away late in the day.

⁶ Christians today are greatly troubled by this man’s offering of his virgin daughter to the crowd in place of the stranger (verse 24), as also Lot proposed to the Sodomites (Genesis 19:8). In the case of Lot, the angels did not allow anyone to be molested. In this instance in Judges 19, the concubine was ultimately sacrificed to the sexual appetites of the townsmen.

We should understand how seriously these men took their responsibility to protect those who came under their roof and sat at their table. No doubt they went too far in being willing to make any concessions to the violent desires of these perverts. Neither in Genesis 19 nor in Judges 19 is there any defense of the actions of those who would give up anyone to the hostile mob. Perhaps we are to understand that even the heroes of these accounts were tainted by the evils of their times. While the Levite went to “speak tenderly” to his concubine (Judges 19:3), persuading her to return home with him, he was not very tender in his actions (cf. verses 25, 28, 29).

While we should rightly be offended by the violence of this chapter, it is part of God’s Word, recorded for our instruction (1 Corinthians 10:11; 2 Timothy 3:16-17). We should rightfully be angry at sin. So often the absence of godliness and true hospitality are disguised as sophistication and are lauded as virtues. Judges 19 forces us to look at the matter in a much more sobering way.

⁷ Quoted by, J.N.D. Kelly, The Epistles of Peter and of Jude (New York: Harper and Row, Publishers, 1969), p. 179.

⁸ Quoted by, F.F. Bruce, Commentary on the Epistle to the Hebrews (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1964), p. 390

⁹ While some would try to convince us that the New Testament gives us no directives concerning the frequency of the Lord’s Supper, this is based upon very shallow reasoning. Our Lord instructed His followers to “be doing this” (present tense, Luke 22:19), “until He comes” (1 Corinthians 11:26). In the early church, this remembrance was done daily in Acts 2:46 and weekly in chapter 20:7.