Building community in a group
“Salvation is individual, but not individualistic. God’s people are called together in community.” (Francis Schaeffer)
Group community can be defined as “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” The life of following Christ was never meant to be solitary. The early Christians pursued it in groups not much larger than our small groups. They met exclusively in homes for the first 200 years or so of the movement. By meeting in a small group, we are imitating a time-tested format for spiritual life. Small groups are the ideal setting in which women can learn what it means to take on the character of Christ.
Women join a group to meet some type of need. Some want to mainly study; others want to mainly socialize. Most want a balance of both.
Some of the advantages of participating in a small group are:
Since women join and/or participate in a small group in order to have some need met, we as small group leaders can help to meet some of those needs. How we do that is often as unique as we are. But, every small group is likely to experience some challenges to community.
Think About It: What have you gained by participating in a small group? |
“Connection” is the key word to building community. You must connect with your co-leader as described in the previous section. Then, your role in your group is to also connect them.
1. Connect the women with you.
You as a small group leader set the tone for the group. Through your actions, you say, “I care about you.” Here are some ways to connect the women with you.
Think About It: How important do you think it is for a small group leader to intentionally connect with each member of the group? |
2. Connect the women with each other.
“Hospitality is the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy.” (Henri Nouwen)
The small group leader “facilitates.” To facilitate means to “make an action or process easy or easier.” As the servant-leader for your group, your role is to make being part of a group “easier” for those who participate. At the start of a small group, most of the women are strangers. The challenge for the leader is to help build community within this group of “strangers.” That involves overcoming hesitancy, incorporating authenticity, and working at connection.
Think About It: How did you feel when/if you joined a small group (Bible Study or other) for the first time? |
First-time participants will often have underlying questions and concerns about their participation in a small group setting. These are more often felt rather than verbalized: Will I be accepted or rejected here? I’m afraid I’ll look stupid or nervous. Will I feel pressured and pushed to perform in some way?
Some other feelings, concerns and fears that women might have when they are meeting with their small group for the first time are:
The central issue of all these fears and feelings is trust vs. mistrust. Whom can I really trust in this group?
Authenticity is an essential ingredient of a small group, but it requires trust. Building trust takes time, though, before women may open up and share what’s really going on in their lives. You, as a leader, need to share some of your own joys and struggles. Be authentic yourself. This gives them insight into your own faith walk with Jesus and helps them to identify with you as an ordinary woman, not the “superior” leader.
Connection is valuable for building community in a group as well as between ministry partners. It is important for group members to connect with one another and connect with the message of transformation being shared through the Bible study or life modeled by the small group leader.
Many groups will naturally connect with one another. If at any time your group is struggling to connect, be proactive to step in and create stronger connection within your group through any means you think might work with your women. One way is to connect them with you by spending time with them individually. That encourages women to attend the group more regularly. Another way is to pick a project the group can do together to serve other people.
Think About It: What are some ways to facilitate building trust within a group so as to encourage authenticity? |
The complexion of a small group will be as varied as the women attending. Every woman has a need to feel heard, a need to be valued, a need to experience love, and a need to contribute. Occasionally, leaders will face some challenging situations emerging from the personalities and life situations of the women participants. How we handle these challenges may influence how well our group experiences community.
A leader can help the individual and the group to meet these challenges by loving each woman and by redirecting and giving perspective as needed. First…pray for ideas; our God knows that woman best. Here are some gracious yet practical ideas others have discovered for dealing with the following challenges:
What you can say:
What you can do:
What you can say:
What you can do:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group including “the overly talkative gal” or “the excessively shy gal”? |
What you can say:
What you can do:
This can be frightening because of the potential time demands. Don’t try to do it all. We have to balance our care of others with our commitment to our own families.
Here are some ways to realistically and graciously meet needs without overwhelming yourself or the group:
What you can say:
What you can do:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group that included “the argumentative gal” or an “extenuating illness?” |
Some women are hesitant at making a commitment to a group. Whether it’s rarely preparing for a class, sporadic attendance throughout the year, or consistently not showing up on the days when your group is providing the brunch food, we as leaders must do what we can to make them feel welcome and wanted in the group.
In a Bible Study group —
If you are leading a group that is doing a Bible study and has homework, please encourage all women to come and learn from the discussion time, even if they haven’t done the lesson for that day. It’s not unusual for someone to not get the lesson done for that week. However, some women routinely come to a study without doing the lesson yet freely participate in the discussion, giving their own opinions.
Here are some suggestions for handling this graciously during group time:
Some ways to encourage her to do the lesson at home yet not discourage her from coming:
In any group —
Some women stay on the fringes of the group (examples: attending sporadically, forgets to bring food when promised, rushes in/out). You will need to devise ways to keep her connected to the group so that when she does attend, she feels welcomed.
Here are some suggestions for doing that:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group that included “the occasional woman?” |
A little girl was sent on an early errand by her mother, but she took far too much time to return home. When she finally did return, her mother wanted to know what had taken so long. The little girl explained that on the way she had met a little friend who was crying because she had broken her doll. “Oh,” said the mother, “then you stopped to help her fix the doll?” “Oh, no,“ replied the little girl, “I stopped to help her cry.”
This little girl knew exactly what her friend needed. When people are hurting, they need comfort. But, we often respond to hurting people in unproductive ways. None of us can know the depth of someone’s emotional pain; we can only direct them to the reality of God’s comfort.
Here are some ways we can give comfort to someone who is emotionally hurting:
What you can say:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group that included someone with “emotional pain?” |
How would you graciously respond to the following situations in your group?