Welcome to small group ministry! Small groups provide a great opportunity for women to grow in their faith and to experience authentic, loving relationships with other Christians. Your role as a small group leader is to maximize both opportunities for all participants, including yourself. This handbook is a resource that any small group ministry can use to train its leaders in the “how-to’s” of ministry to others—not just for leading Bible studies but also for all other small group communities within your organization. It covers 5 aspects of leading a small group: Character of the leader, Connection with fellow leaders, building Community within a group, the Commitment of leadership, and the Commission of being a disciple-maker.
“Equip small group leaders for effective ministry & for disciple-making”
Welcome to small group ministry! Small groups provide a great opportunity for women to grow in their faith and to experience authentic, loving relationships with other Christians. Your role as a leader of a small group is to maximize both opportunities for all participants, including yourself.
Women are best equipped for small group ministry through regular training and resources in the “how-to’s” of ministry to other believers and in how to use their unique personalities, spiritual gifts and calling to enrich the ministry within the Body. This handbook is a resource that any small group ministry can use to train its leaders—not just for leading Bible studies but also for all other small group communities within your organization.
The 5C’s of Small Group Leadership handbook contains valuable information presented in a teaching format followed by “Think About It” questions for reflection and practical application. The most effective way to use this guide is for each new small group leader (or those who have not already been through this handbook) to read through and reflect on the “Think About It” questions in advance of a designated “small group leader training” day. Consider the “small group leader training” day as a gathering time for all leaders (new and experienced) to discuss what they’ve learned from each section, to ask questions, and to brainstorm solutions to any anticipated challenges.
Since participants in small groups might be new Christians, long-time Christians who have never been discipled, or those who have not trusted in Jesus yet, be certain to include training for your small group leaders in how to share the gospel and how to disciple young believers in the basics of the Christian faith. This information is included in the “Commission” section.
Character — This section covers the role and character qualities of a servant leader in Christ’s kingdom, the handling of doctrinal differences, and incorporating one’s unique personality, spiritual gifts and behavioral style in a ministry setting.
Connection — This section covers how a small group leader effectively connects and works with other members of her ministry team.
Community — This section covers the advantages of small group participation and ways to build and maintain community within a group.
Commitment — This section covers the ongoing commitment to the “nuts and bolts” of small group leadership including preparation, managing the time, and directing the discussion. It also includes managing crisis situations.
Commission — This section covers the role of the small group leader who is commissioned by Jesus to be a disciple-maker, encouraging the members of her group to follow Jesus as His disciple and to live for Jesus as disciple-makers in their sphere of influence.
Being part of a small group can be a most enjoyable experience for a Christ follower. The ideas in this handbook have been developed by those who have spent years being women’s small group leaders. Women of all ages enjoy community and benefit from it when it works well. We hope that you will take to heart these suggestions and become the best small group leader you can be. Enjoy serving Jesus through serving the women in your small group!
Melanie Newton
Character of a leader
Acts 2:42-47 describes the Christian life applied in a small group setting—house churches meeting in Jerusalem led by the apostles. What each of those men brought to their small groups was their faith in Jesus Christ, their character, and the way they were uniquely gifted. Likewise, every small group leader in Christ’s Church brings to the small group those same things—faith, character, and uniqueness. Character is defined as “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” The health of the small group is no doubt impacted by the character of the person leading it, character springing from your faith walk with Jesus Christ and expressed through your unique giftedness.
Think About It: Thinking back on your own experience with small group leaders through the years, what character qualities in your small group leader did you find essential for a healthy, functioning group? |
“Jesus called them and said to them, ‘You know that those who are recognized as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those in high positions use their authority over them. But it is not this way among you. Instead whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.’” (Mark 10:42-45)
Jesus contrasted the world’s concept of leader with what he wanted for his Church. Leaders in Christ’s Church (which includes elders, deacons, and small group leaders) are to be servant-minded. The phrase “servant-leader” best describes this role and heart attitude.
Think About It: Describe a servant-leader you have known. What made you think of that person? Be specific. |
Several Bible passages describe character qualities of servant leaders. Please read each passage below and the associated character descriptions.
1 Corinthians 2:1-5 —
“When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come with superior eloquence or wisdom as I proclaimed the testimony of God. For I decided to be concerned about nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and with much trembling. My conversation and my preaching were not with persuasive words of wisdom, but with a demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not be based on human wisdom but on the power of God.”
John 13:34-35 —
“I give you a new commandment – to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples – if you have love for one another.”
Think About It: Why would humility, teachability, and love be important qualities in a small group leader? |
1 Timothy 3:11 —
“(Women) likewise are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers, but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” (NIV)
Note: Paul outlines the qualifications for the office of “deacon” in 1 Timothy 3:8-13; verse 11 particularly addresses women (the Greek term gune denotes a woman, married or unmarried). The term deacon (from the Greek meaning “servant”) is used in the New Testament for both men and women, although this is not always clear in many English translations. The early church had both male and female deacons who were servant-leaders in their churches.
Think About It: Why would being respected, trustworthy, and disciplined in speech and behavior be important qualities in a small group leader? |
Titus 2:3-5 —
“Older women likewise are to exhibit behavior fitting for those who are holy, not slandering, not slaves to excessive drinking, but teaching what is good. In this way they will train the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, fulfilling their duties at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the message of God may not be discredited.”
Note: The term “older” can refer to age or spiritual maturity. Mentoring is someone older in the Lord helping someone younger in the Lord understand and apply biblical truth to every day life.
Think About It: Who has effectively modeled the daily Christian life for you? How? |
Think About It: What are some of your fears about being a small group leader? |
For most small group ministries, the leaders generally come from various church backgrounds. Each small group leader is also learning and growing in her faith walk with Jesus. Your ministry probably has a statement of faith associated with it. Some parts of that statement may be considered “non-negotiable,” that is, all leaders are expected to not only agree with those doctrines but also support those positions should they come up in small group. Some examples of non-negotiable doctrines might be:
Think About It: What are the “Non- Negotiable Doctrines” for your church or group? |
Procure a copy of your ministry’s statement of faith and read through it. As you read, make note of anything you need to clarify or further discuss with your ministry team leader. After you read through it, do the “Think About It” activity below.
Think About It: Is there anything in the Statement of Faith with which you don’t fully agree or about which you have further questions? Based on the list you wrote in the previous “Think About It” box, is it a non-negotiable?
If you do not hold the exact position as your church or ministry on a non-negotiable doctrine, what are some gracious ways you can support that non-negotiable issue if it arises in your small group? See also “Community” for other ways to handle controversial doctrines in a group discussion. |
Have you ever asked yourself these questions?
What you are really addressing is BEHAVIOR.
1. Observing behavior is historical.
From ancient times, people have been observing people. Centuries before Christ, the Greeks recognized 4 basic categories of human behavior, using the terms “Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic” to identify each. Other systems of classification have since been used.
2. Behavior is how you naturally tend to react to the environment around you.
This affects how you communicate with others and also how you receive their communication. Behavior can change over time. Your behavioral tendencies today may be somewhat different from what they were 20 years ago due to the many circumstances and life phases you have experienced.
3. Behavior is not personality.
Personality is a complex issue that deals with emotions and usually falls under the realm of psychology. Behavior doesn’t deal with whether you are happy or sad, nervous or depressed, angry or calm. A visual used to describe the difference between behavior and personality is a tree. Personality is like the tree roots—unseen but developed long before the tree grew tall. Behavior is the visible part—the trunk and branches.
4. Behavioral variety is good.
When God created Adam and Eve, He placed in them genes that would give variety to the human race in hair color, eye color, body shape, size and also in behavior. Since God made Adam and Eve to complement one another, we can assume they were different in their behavioral tendencies. But, together they made a team. It is a mistake to think that as we are conformed to the image of Christ, we will be cookie cutter images. That is not biblical thinking.
We know that one behavior type is not better than another. One strength is not better than another. Some are just more suited to specific tasks. All are needed in a society and definitely in the body of Christ.
5. Recognition of behavioral strengths and weaknesses is beneficial.
Everyone has behavioral weaknesses. The challenge for us is to be willing for God to grow us in those areas and to appreciate others who are strong in the areas where we are weak.
We know we are not perfect but are being perfected by the Perfect One whose power is sufficient for our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) In fact, when our tendency to self-sufficiency is overcome, we best recognize our need for Him. The main value of recognizing behavioral strength and weaknesses is to help you understand yourself better as well as those closest to you. You become more aware of what you bring to your ministry team and to your small group.
6. Behavior can be assessed through the DISC dimensions of behavior.
Many different approaches to human behavioral differences have been made through the centuries. In recent years, the one assessment tool used most often in ministry settings utilizes the DISC dimensions of behavior.
Developed in the early 1900’s, this tool has been widely used by businesses and Christian ministries because it helps to enhance teamwork. The DISC dimensions of behavior are based on behavioral tendencies—not personality. Assessments incorporating these dimensions have been developed that you can do on yourself. One such assessment is found in the next section. It’s simply a tool that will help you to understand yourself better, get along better with those around you, recognize and develop your strengths, and help you to develop teamwork with your co-leader or ministry partners.
Think About It: How would being aware of your behavioral strengths and weaknesses enhance your ministry as a small group leader? |
According to the researchers who first outlined these dimensions of behavior, people fall into four basic categories (or, dimensions) of behavior as described by the diagram below. The measure is based upon whether one is:
Examine the diagram below. Mark where you think you fit.
Take the assessment online at http://www.123test.com/disc-personality-test/ to get a more accurate description.
As you take the assessment, remember:
Once you complete the assessment, write your primary and secondary tendencies below.
Think About It: Primary behavior dimension: _______________ Key words that describe me (see next sections): Secondary behavior dimension (if applicable): _______________ Key words that describe me (see next sections): How would understanding behavioral tendencies have helped you to relate to a past ministry partner or small group member? |
A description of each behavioral dimension is located in the following section of this handbook. Read yours carefully. (NOTE: If nothing seems to match “you,” it’s possible you took the assessment incorrectly. Retake the assessment.)
You can use this assessment to enable you to communicate and work well with others so as to encourage them to reach their potential as well. As you read through the various descriptions below, notice how the information can help to enhance communication and teamwork as well as help you to resolve conflict with others.
The “D” behavior tendency describes those whose emphasis is shaping their environment by overcoming opposition to accomplish results.
The “I” behavior tendency describes those whose emphasis is shaping their environment by influencing or persuading others.
The “S” behavior tendency describes those whose emphasis is on cooperating with others to carry out the task.
The “C” behavior tendency describes those whose emphasis is on working conscientiously within existing circumstances to ensure quality and accuracy.
____________________
____________________
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Think About It: What did you learn from these lists that will help you relate to someone whose behavioral tendencies are opposite of yours? |
Not only are you uniquely designed in your behavior, you have also been gifted by the Holy Spirit to serve the Body of Christ. A spiritual gift is a supernatural capacity for service to God in the Body of Christ.
All believers receive the same gift of the Holy Spirit but individually receive spiritual gifts that differ, according to the will of God, to be used for the common good.
Although opinions differ on the actual number of spiritual gifts, the Bible clearly indicates a variety of gifts understood from such key passages as Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12 and Ephesians 4. Listed below are some of the gifts and how they are beneficial to the Body of Christ, especially the local church body.
The following list is adapted from “The Gifts of the Spirit” by Kenneth Boa accessed at https://bible.org/article/gifts-spirit.
Various spiritual gift assessments are available to further help you understand how you have been gifted. We recommend the online spiritual gifts analysis freely provided by “Ephesians Four Ministries” of the Church Growth Institute at the following website: http://www.churchgrowth.org.
Please take this assessment (or any other assessment you have available to you). Be sure to allow yourself at least 15 minutes to answer the questions for this analysis. At the end, you will receive a detailed description of what may be your main spiritual gift. Often, a second gift is evident, and that description will be displayed as well. If possible, print these descriptions for future reference.
Think About It: Primary gift: __________________ Brief description of this gift: Secondary gift (if applicable): __________________ Brief description of this gift: What did you discover about yourself regarding your spiritual gift(s) and how they could benefit your ministry as a small group leader? |
Please let your ministry team coordinator know the results of both your DISC Dimensions of Behavior and the Spiritual Gifts Analysis. Your coordinator and your ministry team will benefit by knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and spiritual gifts.
The purpose in doing these assessments is to:
Celebrate your unique design and giftedness by bringing Jesus Christ glory as you use your gifts in the Body of Christ. And, although you are gifted with many strengths, even in using those natural strengths and spiritual gifts be ever mindful that you need to continually depend on His power to use them for his purposes and for his glory. Ask Jesus to show you how to use your strengths. And, pray for him to be working through you in both your strengths and your weaknesses.
“For in him we live and move about and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we too are his offspring.’” (Acts 17:28)
Connecting with fellow leaders
“Love creates community. Jesus gave to His disciples a new commandment: ‘Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.’ The call to or the commendation of love within the fellowship of Christians is repeated in every Epistle. God has through Christ laid the basis for a relationship more intimate than that experienced in many families. It is in the context of the family of God that, rooted and grounded in love, believers are to grow in their experience of God’s love and reach Christian maturity.’ (Larry Richards)
Think About It: What did you find out about yourself from the DISC dimensions of behavior and spiritual gifts assessment that would be significant information for your co-leader or ministry partners to know? |
Every small group leader is part of the greater ministry of either a local body of believers or the universal Body of Christ in general. No one is alone. Jesus not only gathered together his group of apostles, he taught them how to work together to carry on the ministry after his earthly departure. The Holy Spirit is given to every believer to equip each one with gifts needed to grow Christ’s kingdom on earth.
We were never intended to work alone but in connection with others who have a faith walk with Jesus Christ. A connection is “a relationship in which one person is linked or associated with another person.”
“For if they fall, one will help his companion up, but pity the person who falls down and has no one to help him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together, they can keep each other warm, but how can one person keep warm by himself? Although an assailant may overpower one person, two can withstand him. Moreover, a three-stranded cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:10-12)
Ministry leaders need to pursue love for and connection with one another to share the burdens and joys of ministry as well as to support and encourage one another in the use of one’s gifts.
Every small group needs someone who can manage the discussion and the time plus someone who can build relationships and nurture the group. Rarely is one person gifted to do both.
Small group leaders and co-leaders should be deliberate in how they work together to meet the ministry needs of their group. This involves getting together and discussing how you will work together, incorporating your spiritual gifts and behavioral style to best advantage for the group.
Spend some time working through the following questions to see how you foresee being able to manage your group. If you have a co-leader, plan a time when you can talk through these things with her. If you do not have a co-leader, look for a mature woman in your group that can help you manage some of the tasks that you will have difficulty doing alone.
“And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works,” (Hebrews 10:24)
While you are going through these questions, pray through them as well. If we become accustomed to depend on our natural strengths, we may feel no need to cry out to God for help. In both your strengths and weaknesses, ask Jesus to do them through you and to do them his way. We can do neither without the help of our God.
Think About It: Who are your partners in small group ministry? |
Talk to your co-leader on a regular basis. You will benefit from having the other person’s perspective. Pray together for the women in your group. Periodically review your plans and see how you are doing. What needs to change? Working together as a ministry team (leader/co-leader for each group and leaders in the ministry) benefits all the participants in the ministry. And, our Lord Jesus is glorified by our unity.
“I am not praying only on their behalf, but also on behalf of those who believe in me through their testimony, that they will all be one, just as you, Father, are in me and I am in you. I pray that they will be in us, so that the world will believe that you sent me. The glory you gave to me I have given to them, that they may be one just as we are one –I in them and you in me – that they may be completely one, so that the world will know that you sent me, and you have loved them just as you have loved me.” (John 17:20-23)
“I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to agree together, to end your divisions, and to be united by the same mind and purpose.” (I Corinthians 1:10)
“Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.” (Philippians 2:3)
Think About It: Have you experienced or witnessed a conflict between women in ministry? How was it managed/resolved? What, if anything, could have been done better? |
Unity or like-mindedness with your ministry team is essential for a servant-leader of a small group. Remember that your goal is to have them focused on their relationship with Jesus Christ and connected with a local church. The larger a ministry grows, the more difficult unity becomes. Conflicts will naturally arise between women who have different behavioral tendencies, backgrounds, and/ or approaches to ministry. We must all work hard to resolve conflicts quickly for the health of the ministry. Conflicts usually fall into 2 categories: 1) conflict with the ministry operation or 2) conflict with a ministry leader or co-leader.
Some conflicts that might possibly arise between co-leaders or between a leader and the ministry itself are: behavioral clashes, how one does/does not nurture the group, childcare issues, and/ or misunderstanding of ministry directives.
We’ve given you some suggestions for resolving conflicts in the “Character” section. We offer you more guidelines below.
We realize that there may be times when issues come up that need to be addressed. We ask that you please bring these issues to the coordinator or staff member that oversees your ministry. It is our hope that this will give you a new perspective on why we do things the way we do and an avenue for your concern or idea to be discussed and considered for the benefit of the entire group.
If you have an issue with another ministry leader, assume good will on her part and ask the Lord how best to proceed in your relationship with her. If you need to discuss the issue in order to get guidance on how to proceed, set aside some time to talk with your ministry leader. Do not gossip about the situation with others. When needed, talk directly with the other leader for the purpose of reconciliation.
If your attempts to reconcile with another leader do not resolve the issue, please set a meeting for the two of you to discuss the issue with the ministry coordinator or the staff member that oversees your ministry. See Matthew 18:15-17 for a good passage on dealing with conflict biblically.
If you have a co-leader, tell her as far in advance as possible when you will be absent. Your ministry coordinator may want to be told as well.
If you will both be absent on the same day, contact your ministry coordinator or staff member that oversees your ministry to make arrangements for your group to be properly served.
Remember those who serve your ministry—set-up, childcare, hospitality, or any other areas. Thank them often for their service, which makes it possible for your small group to meet. Help your group also practice gratitude toward them.
Building community in a group
“Salvation is individual, but not individualistic. God’s people are called together in community.” (Francis Schaeffer)
Group community can be defined as “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” The life of following Christ was never meant to be solitary. The early Christians pursued it in groups not much larger than our small groups. They met exclusively in homes for the first 200 years or so of the movement. By meeting in a small group, we are imitating a time-tested format for spiritual life. Small groups are the ideal setting in which women can learn what it means to take on the character of Christ.
Women join a group to meet some type of need. Some want to mainly study; others want to mainly socialize. Most want a balance of both.
Some of the advantages of participating in a small group are:
Since women join and/or participate in a small group in order to have some need met, we as small group leaders can help to meet some of those needs. How we do that is often as unique as we are. But, every small group is likely to experience some challenges to community.
Think About It: What have you gained by participating in a small group? |
“Connection” is the key word to building community. You must connect with your co-leader as described in the previous section. Then, your role in your group is to also connect them.
1. Connect the women with you.
You as a small group leader set the tone for the group. Through your actions, you say, “I care about you.” Here are some ways to connect the women with you.
Think About It: How important do you think it is for a small group leader to intentionally connect with each member of the group? |
2. Connect the women with each other.
“Hospitality is the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy.” (Henri Nouwen)
The small group leader “facilitates.” To facilitate means to “make an action or process easy or easier.” As the servant-leader for your group, your role is to make being part of a group “easier” for those who participate. At the start of a small group, most of the women are strangers. The challenge for the leader is to help build community within this group of “strangers.” That involves overcoming hesitancy, incorporating authenticity, and working at connection.
Think About It: How did you feel when/if you joined a small group (Bible Study or other) for the first time? |
First-time participants will often have underlying questions and concerns about their participation in a small group setting. These are more often felt rather than verbalized: Will I be accepted or rejected here? I’m afraid I’ll look stupid or nervous. Will I feel pressured and pushed to perform in some way?
Some other feelings, concerns and fears that women might have when they are meeting with their small group for the first time are:
The central issue of all these fears and feelings is trust vs. mistrust. Whom can I really trust in this group?
Authenticity is an essential ingredient of a small group, but it requires trust. Building trust takes time, though, before women may open up and share what’s really going on in their lives. You, as a leader, need to share some of your own joys and struggles. Be authentic yourself. This gives them insight into your own faith walk with Jesus and helps them to identify with you as an ordinary woman, not the “superior” leader.
Connection is valuable for building community in a group as well as between ministry partners. It is important for group members to connect with one another and connect with the message of transformation being shared through the Bible study or life modeled by the small group leader.
Many groups will naturally connect with one another. If at any time your group is struggling to connect, be proactive to step in and create stronger connection within your group through any means you think might work with your women. One way is to connect them with you by spending time with them individually. That encourages women to attend the group more regularly. Another way is to pick a project the group can do together to serve other people.
Think About It: What are some ways to facilitate building trust within a group so as to encourage authenticity? |
The complexion of a small group will be as varied as the women attending. Every woman has a need to feel heard, a need to be valued, a need to experience love, and a need to contribute. Occasionally, leaders will face some challenging situations emerging from the personalities and life situations of the women participants. How we handle these challenges may influence how well our group experiences community.
A leader can help the individual and the group to meet these challenges by loving each woman and by redirecting and giving perspective as needed. First…pray for ideas; our God knows that woman best. Here are some gracious yet practical ideas others have discovered for dealing with the following challenges:
What you can say:
What you can do:
What you can say:
What you can do:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group including “the overly talkative gal” or “the excessively shy gal”? |
What you can say:
What you can do:
This can be frightening because of the potential time demands. Don’t try to do it all. We have to balance our care of others with our commitment to our own families.
Here are some ways to realistically and graciously meet needs without overwhelming yourself or the group:
What you can say:
What you can do:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group that included “the argumentative gal” or an “extenuating illness?” |
Some women are hesitant at making a commitment to a group. Whether it’s rarely preparing for a class, sporadic attendance throughout the year, or consistently not showing up on the days when your group is providing the brunch food, we as leaders must do what we can to make them feel welcome and wanted in the group.
In a Bible Study group —
If you are leading a group that is doing a Bible study and has homework, please encourage all women to come and learn from the discussion time, even if they haven’t done the lesson for that day. It’s not unusual for someone to not get the lesson done for that week. However, some women routinely come to a study without doing the lesson yet freely participate in the discussion, giving their own opinions.
Here are some suggestions for handling this graciously during group time:
Some ways to encourage her to do the lesson at home yet not discourage her from coming:
In any group —
Some women stay on the fringes of the group (examples: attending sporadically, forgets to bring food when promised, rushes in/out). You will need to devise ways to keep her connected to the group so that when she does attend, she feels welcomed.
Here are some suggestions for doing that:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group that included “the occasional woman?” |
A little girl was sent on an early errand by her mother, but she took far too much time to return home. When she finally did return, her mother wanted to know what had taken so long. The little girl explained that on the way she had met a little friend who was crying because she had broken her doll. “Oh,” said the mother, “then you stopped to help her fix the doll?” “Oh, no,“ replied the little girl, “I stopped to help her cry.”
This little girl knew exactly what her friend needed. When people are hurting, they need comfort. But, we often respond to hurting people in unproductive ways. None of us can know the depth of someone’s emotional pain; we can only direct them to the reality of God’s comfort.
Here are some ways we can give comfort to someone who is emotionally hurting:
What you can say:
Think About It: What have you seen small group leaders do to effectively facilitate a group that included someone with “emotional pain?” |
How would you graciously respond to the following situations in your group?
The commitment of leadership
Imagine with me that you’re on a plane to Greece. You've wanted to go there all your life, but you've also been hesitant because you don't know the language or the culture…AND there is SO much you want to see and do, you don't know where to start! You're excited, but getting more and more nervous that this was a mistake. What made you think you could travel alone to a foreign country! The plane lands. Where do you go? What if customs won't let you through? What if you can't even find the bathroom? What if…wait, there is a smiling face holding a sign with YOUR NAME. You approach the smiling face, and she welcomes you to Greece IN ENGLISH and tells you that your travel agent back home contacted her to help you as you begin your journey. She comfortably navigates you through baggage and customs until you are standing in the beauty of the country you've always wanted to explore. She equips you with local maps, landmark suggestions, historical information, and makes sure you know the words for "bathroom" and "McDonalds hamburger" (in case you need some American food). You are now free to roam and discover Greece, always knowing that your guide, and new friend, is there to help you when needed. Soon what was unknown becomes familiar. Your trip is a huge success and the experience of a lifetime. And, you're eager to return to discover more!! Ladies, YOU are the smiling face, and YOU can make a difference to women coming to your small group for whatever reason, with whatever anxieties. You can help navigate your women to discover an experience of a lifetime in their walk with God, and to become more familiar with His Word and truth so they are eager to return and discover more! (Joan Floyd, Small Group Leader Training at Crossroads Bible Church, 2006)
A commitment is “a devotion or dedication to a cause, person, or relationship.” As a small group leader, you are making a commitment both to your group and to the ministry as a whole. What does that look like? What is involved in the day-to-day, ongoing management of a small group?
Think About It: What do you think your commitment to your small group will look like? |
The following pages will cover 7 responsibilities of a small group leader that are considered the “nuts and bolts” of your commitment to your small group. Paying attention to these will help you be an effective servant-leader for your small group.
Preparing ahead of time frees you to focus on the women in your small group during your group time. This may take the form of knowing the discussion topic for the day, knowing who is leading that day (if you have a co-leader), knowing which women are struggling that week, or even how to set up the room.
Here are some other ways that will help you prepare beforehand:
Think About It: What will be your biggest challenge in doing this? |
How many of you can walk into almost any room, anytime, and feel comfortable? Your group will have the confident, the nervous, the insecure—all kinds of women. You need to be their "welcoming guide" so they will want to continue their journey week-to-week.
Here are some ways you can help make walking into the group a highlight of a woman’s week:
Think About It: What did a past small group leader do to establish a caring atmosphere for your group? |
A good discussion leader encourages all the women to contribute to the discussion and interact with one another while retaining control of the group and maintaining biblical integrity. Your group depends upon you to be the “thermostat” (sets the tone; the group adjusts to that) rather than just a “thermometer” (adjusts to the group, lets the group set the tone).
Here are some suggestions for accomplishing this:
Think About It: Why is it important for the leader to encourage interaction between the group members and not just with yourself as “answer woman?” |
You and your co-leader (if you have one) need to ensure that group time is wisely used not only for discussing small group questions but also for caring for one another. Here are some suggestions for accomplishing this:
What do I do if a woman breaks down in tears? Some suggestions for managing this graciously:
Think About It: Why is it important to manage group time wisely? |
“The more you get to know a person, the more you get to teach them.” (Howard Hendricks)
Picture each woman wearing a sign that says, “Do you care about me?” She wants you to pursue a relationship with her. Spend time connecting with each woman in your group. If you successfully connect her with you, you have a greater chance of her connecting with the other women in the group because she’ll want to come. Here are some suggestions for accomplishing this:
Think About It: Why is it important to pursue relationships with the women in your group? |
Sharing one another’s burdens in prayer helps to build community within the group. Managing the time and ways to do so is a challenge. Here are some suggestions for gathering prayer requests from group members or encouraging group prayer:
Think About It: Why would it be important to establish a process for sharing prayer requests within the group? |
To prepare for potentially dangerous situations, you need to know some basic bits of information:
Think About It: What do you need to do to prepare yourself mentally for any of these 4 potential crisis situations? |
Commissioned to be disciple-makers
Christianity is Christ! It is not a lifestyle, not rules of conduct, and not a society whose members were initiated by the sprinkling or covering of water. It is about Christ and our relationship with him.
Jesus Christ calls us to a new life, clothes us with himself, commissions us with a purpose, and empowers us to fulfill that purpose—to follow him as his disciples and to live for him as disciple-makers.
Jesus calls us to a new life — A 20th century Bible teacher put it this way:
He gave His life for you so He could give His life to you, so He could live His life through you. (Major Ian Thomas)
Paul described this relationship in Galatians 2:20,
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Jesus clothes us with Himself — Galatians 3:27 says that we are clothed with Christ. God sees Jesus when he looks on us. We are in him; that is our new identity. We become the walking talking, visible representatives of the invisible God.
Jesus commissions us with a purpose — Actually, it is a two-fold purpose. The first part is to follow him as his disciples. In John 12:26, Jesus said, “whoever serves me must follow me.” And, we are to live for him as disciple-makers. Before returning to heaven after his resurrection, Jesus said to His followers:
“Then Jesus came up and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and MAKE DISCIPLES of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,” (Matthew 28:18-19)
When Jesus gave that command to his followers to go and make disciples, it was not to ordained preachers, hired church staff or mission organizations. He spoke those words to average, every day kind of people like you and I are. Jesus commissions us with a purpose: to follow him as his disciples and to live for him as disciple-makers.
Jesus empowers us to fulfill that purpose — He empowers us through the Holy Spirit present in our lives.
“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses…” (Acts 1:8)
“Now to him who by the power that is working within us is able to do far beyond all that we ask or think, …” (Ephesians 3:20)
Our response is to live dependently on his power…by faith. You and I can be disciple-makers not because we are so great or smart, not because we have been a Christian for a long time or know the Bible well. Who makes us able to do what he asks us to do? Jesus! We are simply to obey him and trust his Spirit in us to work through us. Being a little scared is a good thing because we will rely on Jesus more.
The bottom line is this: Jesus followers become disciple-makers.
Think About It: What do you think Jesus’ commission to you as a disciple-maker would look like in your life? |
It is always good to understand the terms we use. So, let’s define three terms and use a recent movie to illustrate them.
Disciple — A disciple is an active follower or learner. A disciple studies the teachings of another person whom they respect and applies those teachings to her life.
Discipleship — Discipleship is the normal process for Christians to get established and grow in their faith. That would include small groups whether Bible studies, moms groups, or general fellowship groups. This is traditional discipleship. It has a tendency to be inward-focused on how much I as a believer am growing in my faith.
Disciple-Making — Disciplemaking is the full process of trusting in Christ, choosing to follow him and grow in him while at the same time being equipped to reach new people for Christ, build them up in the faith, and help them reach their peers. It is outward-focused. That is full discipleship.
Discipleship is incomplete without disciple-making. We tend to cut off the second half and call it discipleship. Jesus didn’t leave that option open to us.
Here’s the illustration:
The movie Julie & Julia portrays the young woman Julie Powell becoming a disciple of master chef Julia Child through Julia’s cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Julie studies the recipes and follows the procedures. As a result, she experiences the joy of cooking and eating delicious food as Julia has taught her through a book. She wears her apron and pearls like Julia. Towards the end, one realizes that Julie got to know Julia Child “personally” though they never met. That is traditional discipleship.
Julie Powell didn’t keep her good cooking to herself, though. She wrote a blog about her cooking, bringing others along with her and introducing them to Julia Child and her book. Then, Julie wrote a book about her experience. Soon, a movie came along. How many women do you think bought that book and started cooking through it because of Julie’s influence?
While Julie Powell was following Julia Child as a disciple, she was engaging others and introducing them to Julia and sharing what she was learning with her readers so that they were being taught how to cook that way. That’s disciple-making.
The point is Julie was a follower and a disciple-maker at the same time. That’s what Jesus calls each of us to do. Small groups are great fishing pools for fulfilling this purpose. You, as a small group leader, have the opportunity to pursue disciple-making as you minister to the women of your small group, and you can encourage them to become disciple-makers as well. Let’s see what this would look like.
Think About It: How long have you been a disciple of Jesus? Why did you decide to follow him? In what ways have you helped others to also know Jesus and follow him? |
Small groups attract new Christians as well as those who have been believers for years but have never been discipled. Even non-Christians are attracted to small groups because they are seeking truth and/or fellowship. This is true for Bible studies, mothers’ groups, or other small groups. What a great opportunity to help someone grow in her relationship with Jesus and in his truth!
“Now a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, arrived in Ephesus. He was an eloquent speaker, well versed in the scriptures. He had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and with great enthusiasm he spoke and taught accurately the facts about Jesus, although he knew only the baptism of John. He began to speak out fearlessly in the synagogue, but when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained the way of God to him more accurately.” (Acts 18:24-26)
This is a great example of someone in leadership listening to what is being shared in a group setting, realizing that the person sharing is lacking some beneficial information, and personally discipling that person so he can influence others more effectively. How important do you think it was that the couple invited Apollos to a private place for discussion?!
Think About It: What did someone use to establish you as a new believer? |
Since your group may contain mature Christians with lots of Bible knowledge alongside those who have limited Christian understanding, it is very important that you do two things in an intentional and relational way:
1. Pay attention — Do not assume that woman sitting next to you in your Bible study group knows who she is in Christ. Listen to what she says. She may not even be a believer yet. She may be a new believer. She may be a long-time believer who has never been discipled and feels ignorant compared to others. What if her answer reveals she doesn’t know the truth? Maybe she is leaving blanks because she doesn’t know how to do a study or can’t figure out how to answer the question. Many Bible studies are written using one particular translation so the question wording often reflects that. If she doesn’t use the same translation, she may not know how to get the answer. So…
2. Come alongside her — If you catch that she’s new to Bible study, church, and/or doesn’t know much, invite her somewhere to visit—maybe in your home as Priscilla and Aquila did or any place where you can be together and have enough quiet to discuss. Find out what her background is, what she already knows, and what she’d like to know. If she’s interested in meeting with you one-on-one to get more established in her faith, agree on a first time to get together. Be intentional and relational.
Think About It: Why is it important to come alongside someone in your group who is struggling or lacking truth in her life rather than assuming she will “catch up” just by being in the group? |
3. Encourage mature group members to do the same. If you have several mature believers in the group and several new believers, encourage the mature Christians to pay attention and come alongside at least one younger believer in the group. Follow the same procedures as above. Encourage the women to be doing this outside the group as well with those in their sphere of influence who need to be more firmly established in their faith.
What about those who come to your group who are not yet believers?
As you pay attention to your group members, you should recognize those who have yet to trust Christ.
“But they [believers] overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…” (Revelation 12:11)
This verse tells us that we have two very powerful tools to introduce others to Jesus that cannot be stopped. We have the gospel facts (the blood of the lamb) and the story of our own experience validating the power of the gospel. People can reject the facts of the gospel and even its logic, but it is very hard to argue with someone about her experience of the gospel.
Every Jesus follower needs to have these two tools to fulfill your purpose — 1) a way to share the gospel facts and 2) a readiness to share your own story. That’s intentionally partnering with the Holy Spirit in bringing others to Christ.
Think About It: If you were saved as a teen or adult, what was life like without Jesus? What triggered your need for him? What did God use to draw you to himself? |
There are different ways to share the gospel—4 spiritual laws, the bridge diagram, Romans road, and others. Hopefully, your church or organization will offer you training in how to share the gospel relationally. If training is not offered, you can ask others and find out what’s available in your area and when. Ask your ministry coordinator for help.
Find a presentation that works for you and practice it until you know it well. The idea is that when the opportunity comes up in conversation, you will be ready to share the gospel without stressing about remembering the “details.” Gather the members of your small group together to get trained along with you. It’s more fun to do in a group, and it is more likely to be done!
Here are two ideas:
Evantell.org — You can go online to evantell.org to watch the online training videos available there. This follows the good news/bad news approach. The training gives you opportunity to introduce your own illustrations including those from your own faith story. (See the next section for ways to work on your faith story.)
John 3:16 — This familiar verse is often referred to as the Gospel in a nutshell. Using four simple elements, you can introduce someone to Jesus in a concise way. Open with, “Has anyone introduced you to Jesus so you could know Him? May I?”
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (NIV)
"Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask you into my life and heart to be my Savior. I want to serve you always."
Be sure to meet with her afterwards to walk her through a new believers guide such as Graceful Beginnings: New Believers Guide. See above for information. Introduce her to the group as their new sister in Christ. Lead a celebration of her new life.
Once called “testimonies,” the more friendly term is “faith stories.” Be ready to share YOUR faith story with the women in your group—either one-on-one or in the small group setting—whenever appropriate.
Now, I am hearing the hesitation out there. Are you unconvinced that your story matters? Do you think your story is boring, not sensational enough? Jesus Christ died for you so he could give his life to you so he could live his life through you. It’s his story in your life. Only you know it. Share it. If grew up in the church and stayed faithful to Jesus for the most part until now, you have the story every parent of young children wants to hear. What influenced you to stay faithful?
1. For help in preparing your story, a worksheet is available at melanienewton.com/Disciplemaking_Resources.html. Once you have your story thought out, prepare a 10-minute version, and then whittle it down to a 5-minute version.
2. Consider simple statements or questions you could include in conversation that could lead into sharing your story. Then, be ready for openings in the conversation where you can share simple statements of what God has done in your life. Give her a peak into the life you have in Christ. Create curiosity for more.
Here are some transitions from common topics about which people are already passionate:
Think About It: What are some conversation starters to stimulate meaningful conversation that might reveal a woman’s heart and give you a chance to invite it somewhere? |
Suggest all the women in the group work on their faith stories. Direct them to the worksheets mentioned above or any other outline you may already by using.
Give opportunity for each to share for 5 minutes during group time, or plan a group get together over dinner or dessert where there is plenty of time for each one to share her story.
Identify the woman in your group who demonstrates a greater level of spiritual interest and commitment to your group who might also be challenged to become a small group leader herself. You, in essence, help her develop as a leader who is capable of ministering to others.
Think About It: Why would developing future leaders be important for a ministry? Has someone done this for you? |
You can become a disciple-maker as Jesus commissioned you to be — by faith:
For more information about Disciple-Making, and especially the Disciple-Making Pathway training, visit my website at www.melanienewton.com. Consider hosting a Disciple-Making Pathway training at your church so that all your small group leaders will be onboard with their commission as DISCIPLE-MAKERS for Jesus!
1. What Is Inductive Bible Study? by Bill Cook, http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Valley/6135/inductive2.htm
2. Walk This Way? The Book of Mark, Irving Bible Church, pages 73-75, 207.
3. Effective Personal Bible Study by Mike Messerli, Crossroads Bible Church.