“Can You Hear Me Now? - A Woman's Levels Of Connection” www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Tips for connecting with wives on three levels
It happens without warning; static invades the conversation. Missing every other word, you strain to hear and struggle to be understood. Before long, you’re raising your voice, repeating key phrases – but it’s no use. You’ve dropped the call, and you might as well be talking to yourself.
The limits of cell phone technology are all too familiar; but that frustration pales in comparison to miscommunication in a marriage. Whether it happens in the middle of a crucial conversation or at the same spot every day, for husbands the problem can be a difficulty connecting on the right levels. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg help couples strengthen their signals and take their communication to the next level.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: When a woman is loved by her husband, she experiences it on three different levels. Barb’s going to expand on this; but beforehand, let’s look at a biblical foundation for this. Paul addresses this in Ephesians 5:33. He says,
“However, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself.”
Barb Rosberg: Connection for a woman is going to be different than connection for a man. I want to talk about connection from a woman’s perspective. There are three levels on which we connect; and Gary, it’s different for me than it is for you. First of all, when you connect to my feelings – yes, connect to your wife’s emotions – it’s a wow with her. God has wired your wife with emotions to be expressed, emotions that sometimes need to be drained. And when your wife is having a hard day and you come in and decide you don’t want to go there, you don’t want to work on it, then she really feels isolated in marriage. And yet, when you step close and you choose to connect to those feelings – for instance, you might say, “You’re having a bad day – oh, did your mom call you today? Was your sister hard on you?” When she knows that you’re connecting to that emotional journey, that means a great deal to her.
The second area, that second level of connection, is that of connecting to our ideas. As she begins to explain to you what has happened, step back and speak back to her what you hear her saying. “Honey, did I hear that your sister called and she was hard on you about the job you’re taking?” Repeat back to her so she knows that you are connecting and listening. That will also validate the ideas that she’s expressing.
Third, it’s connecting to the solution; and it’s very key that you get this in the order of connecting to her feelings, then her ideas, and then solutions. Often if solutions come too soon, a man can get himself into trouble. But when you listen and you ask a question – for instance, “Honey, what would you like me to do? Do you want me to just listen? Sweetheart, do you want me to pray with you? Honey, would you like some ideas on what I think you should do?” When you ask the question and she partners with you, then she will ask you into the oneness, the process of solving the problem. When she sees that you’ve connected on all three levels, that’s when we know that we’ve had true connection in marriage.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series