Grace Products, a leading creator of premarital counseling resources, presents their newest, cutting edge release entitled “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics”. This is a fantastic Bible-based, resource (DVD & online) that goes straight to the heart of the crucial issues that face marriages today.
Respected Christian counselors Dr. Gary & Barb Rosberg, Dave Ramsey, and Dr. H. Norman Wright address areas such as Conflict Resolution, Money, Sexual Intimacy, and much more. “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” is the new benchmark in premarital coaching and marital enrichment.
The content of this series displays how Marriage 101 addresses some of the most common topics on marriage.
Get Marriage 101 FREE for your church, call 800-527-4014 x 0"Your Wife Ain't Your Mama - Serving Your Wife" www.marriage101online.com
We need to be clear about how we can lighten each other’s loads. Every married couple has to discern and figure out how they are going to do this. I think the preponderance of responsibility falls on the husband to set the pace for “OUTSERVING” our mate.
How do you do this?
A lot of men didn’t see this in the home they grew up in but when we go to the Word of God, we can see where Jesus demonstrates this. One of the best examples of this is in the upper room just before He went to the cross. You know the story.
He’s seated at the table. He’s with the disciples. He knows what’s coming.
Jesus gets up from the table and he grabs a cloth and a bowl. You can imagine the disciples looking at him, thinking “What is Jesus going to do?” because in that culture the lowliest servant is the one that washes the feet of the visitors. Yet here is Jesus.
He takes the bowl up to Peter and begins to wash his feet. Peter pushes back because he doesn’t want that to be done.
What Jesus has demonstrated is absolute humility and service. When he did that, he set the pace for us as men on how we are to love and “OUTSERVE” our wives.
Years ago I spoke at a Promise Keepers and there were 67,000 guys at that event in Indianapolis. My wife, Barbara had no idea I was going to do this but I brought her up on the platform. I then took a bottle of water and a handkerchief and got down on my knees and said to the guys “I’m going to show you something you need to do because this is what Jesus demonstrates for us. This isn’t about Gary and Barb Rosberg, this is about Christ and the way he serves us.” And I then washed Barb’s feet.
At the end of this passage from John 13, verse 17 is what rocked my world. Jesus says:
“If you understand these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” – John 13:17 (NET)
Every person reading this wants to be blessed by God. I want to be blessed by God. So we need to be intentional about serving our spouse.
Dr. Gary Rosberg
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“Differences in Marriage – Blessing or Curse?” www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Advice on how can a couple deal effectively with their differences?
In this video, Gary and Barb Rosberg talk about the issue of “differences in marriage”. Whether you are already married or are in a premarital situation, it is important for couples to understand that our differences are god-given and are meant to compliment one another in Christian marriage.
They identify these differences as a challenging but important aspect of a strong marriage. And they highlight several important attitudes couples can adopt when working through these differences.
These include realizing differences have a purpose, the need to be teachable, the importance of seeking to understand our mate and then learning to work together as one.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Barb Rosberg: Well whether you have been married for a number of years, or you’re experiencing the anticipation of marriage, this is a really important time to examine your differences. Because, those differences are there for a reason.
They are to compliment one another. And it’s like a dance we learn over time. In fact it takes a lot of practice, experience, understanding one another’s needs, and then we get the rhythm down.
Gary Rosberg: The scripture is very clear about marriage and all the way back in the book of Genesis, here’s what we read.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
There is a sequence of leaving and cleaving and then becoming one and becoming united in that flesh, and scripture says being naked and unashamed.
But you know what folks, it takes time. It takes adjustment to get there. And what Barb and I have learned in coaching families is that it really takes a teachable heart and a teachable spirit.
As you are fleshing out all these differences and all these different expectations with each other, we want to coach you with some take-aways and some coaching tips in order to equip you to have a great marriage.
BR: Well, you’re likely coming from two different backgrounds and that’s important because we’re different. But what happens is that we try to change one another.
The best part, however, is when we try to seek to understand those differences and to come together as one.
GR: As a husband is learning more and more about his wife, what we need to do guys is be attentive to her. We need to be tuned into her.
Sometimes that is a little bit difficult. One time I was chatting with a guy and he said “Rosberg, I just don’t know what my wife wants. I try something on a Monday and it works and on a Tuesday it’s like she moves the goal post and I’m kicking the ball in the wrong direction. “
Another guy said, “Gary I’ll do something one day for my wife and it seems to work and the next day it’s like I’m starting all over again. “
The bottom line is that it can be difficult but we need to be discerning about what does our wife need.
That is the mystery of marriage.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“Christian Pre Marriage Counseling – Erosion Warning! Following the Map to a Health Marriage” www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Strategies for recognizing and managing erosion in the marriage relationship.
Day after day, year after year, wind and waves beat against the pristine coastline. Most people who travel the route are too busy enjoying the view to notice the effects of the forces of nature until the road signs appear. WARNING: EROSION! What was once a beautiful sanctuary is now a place of danger.
The same is true of marriage. The inevitable disappointments of life can erode even the best relationships. If only a map existed to help couples recognize and avoid the slippery slope.
Good news – it does! In this video, Gary and Barb Rosberg address the issue of natural erosion in marriage. Their Marital Map offers an indispensible picture of the downward spiral from simple disappointment and discouragement to emotional and physical divorce. Together, they serve as seasoned guides, providing intentional strategies for preventing a serious fall or climbing back to the summit of marital hope.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Gary Rosberg: The natural course of marriage leads to something called entropy. Entropy is a natural erosion that occurs in marriage. So we’ve got to be purposeful. We’ve got to have a plan. We've got to go into marriage with some type of a strategy and intentionality so that we can put marriage in its proper perspective and learn over the course of a lifetime how to love one another well.
Barb Rosberg: And one way that you can assess this is to really examine what you both need in order to have a great marriage. Take a look at the marital map. What you see before you is a husband and a wife, a bride and a groom, and it’s the dream marriage. It’s why we got married in the first place. There’s open communication, safety, and trust. It’s truly a great marriage. But when disappointments happen, and they always do – maybe your mate doesn’t do something that pleases you – then we can get very disappointed. And when we don't know how to work through those in an effective way, then we can slide down to discouragement in marriage. Discouragement is a word that we, as women, use way too often. We won’t use it with our husbands, but we do use it with our girlfriends. When those discouragements pile up, and we don’t work through them in a healthy manner, then we’ll continue to slide down that marital mountain.
GR: Then we go into distance. And when there's emotional distance in a marriage, it's as if there's a wall of self-protection that goes up between a husband and a wife. If we don’t take care of things at that stage, then we get to disconnect. Disconnect is where he is doing his thing, she is doing her thing, but they are really living two parallel lives. And then you can move toward something called discord. Discord is when other people begin to see that you’ve got a conflict in your marriage. And this is where there are arguments, there’s overt conflict – the kids pick it up, your in-laws pick it up, your neighbors can even pick it up. And if you don't take care of it at that stage, you get to the stage of emotional divorce. And emotional divorce is one step away from the courthouse where you step into an actual, physical divorce. So this marriage map gives you, if you will, a birds-eye view - if a husband looks at it, wife looks at it - where he is, where she is. And it can give you an idea, and a strategy, to begin to move back up that marital map one step at a time.
BR: And it doesn't matter where you're at on the marital map; you can work to get to that place where there is great hope in your marriage. Whether you’re pre-married or early in marriage, prevent that entropy that can happen by being intentional. If you’ve been married a while - maybe you’re struggling - you can, by being intentional, work to get back to that marital dream.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“Christian Pre Marriage Counseling – At Your Service – How To Outserve Your Spouse” www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Determining marital roles based on Christ’s example of humble servanthood
A hush falls over the crowd as the tennis pro tosses the ball into the air and sends it zinging over the net. WHACK! In the blink of an eye, the serve is returned with the same passion and precision. This time, the spectators cheer; they know they’re about to witness a thrilling match.
Marriage isn’t a game between opponents; but it is exciting to watch two evenly matched partners competing to “outserve” each other. It’s a delicate balance, though. Consistently serving someone else – even someone we love – doesn’t come naturally; and changing roles in society and the lack of early examples can make it even more challenging.
Fortunately, we have the ultimate role model of humble servanthood in Jesus Christ. In this video, Gary and Barb Rosberg discuss the importance of a commitment to serve one’s spouse. Using a timeless scriptural example, they coach couples toward a relationship based on mutual honor and respect – one that is thrilling to participate in and to witness.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Barb Rosberg: One of the main issues for couples to determine is the roles you’re going to play in your marriage. On our radio show we often hear of men who are working and come home at the end of the day and they plop down on the sofa. The wife comes home from work, or maybe she has worked inside the home all day long, and what happens is that she will work well into the evening. Every couple needs to decide what they’re going to do as far as this push and pull in roles within their marriage. Even with cultural changes, we need to have respect and open communication as we serve one another and attempt to meet the needs of our spouse.
Often when one husband’s mother has been home all of her life taking care of her son and the whole family, he can look to his wife as though she is to be his mother. Not so in marriage. One man we know says, “Your wife ain’t your momma!” - and we agree. Your wife is your wife. Treat her with that honor and respect and be open to meeting her needs as you listen to the needs that she has in her heart.
Gary Rosberg: We need to be clear about how we can lighten each other’s loads. We look at these marital expectations and roles and every couple has to discern and figure out how they’re going to do this. And I think the preponderance of responsibility lies on us as the husbands to set the pace for what we call outserving our mate. And when we set that pace, it makes our wives respond to us. And when she reciprocates, that makes it all reasonable.
Now, how do you do this – especially if you didn’t see it modeled in your house while you were growing up? When we go back to the Word of God, we can see how Jesus demonstrates this. And one of the best places to find that demonstration is in the Upper Room just before He went to the cross.
You know the story. Jesus is seated at a table. He’s with the disciples. And He knows what’s coming. And He gets up from the table and He takes the cloth wrapped around his waist and He grabs a bowl. You can imagine those disciples looking at him and thinking “What is Jesus going to do?”; because in that culture the lowliest servant was the one who washed the feet of the visitors. Yet, here is Jesus. He takes the bowl and goes up to Peter and He begins to wash his feet. You’ve read the passage – John 13. Peter pushes back because he doesn’t want that to be done. What Jesus has demonstrated here is absolute humility and service. When he did that, he set the pace for us as men on how we are to love and outserve our wives.
Years ago, I spoke at a Promise Keepers rally. There were more than 60,000 guys at that event in Indianapolis. I took a bottle of water and a hanky – and Barb didn’t know I was going to do this – I brought her up on the platform and got down and said, “Guys, I’m going to show you something – this is what Jesus demonstrates for us. This isn’t about Gary and Barb Rosberg; it’s about Christ and the way He serves us.” And I washed Barb’s feet.
At the end of the passage, verse 17 is what rocked my world. Jesus says,
“Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”
Everyone wants to be blessed by God. I want to be blessed by God. So we need to be intentional in serving our spouse.
BR: That act communicated in such a clear and concise way. When we serve one another from a clean heart – a heart that isn’t perfect, but desires to do right – that’s when we are truly blessed in our marriage. We really do encourage you to button down how to communicate clearly and concisely. Often there can be a push and pull in this area of marriage. When you serve one another and you really enjoy it, you can enjoy the ride.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“Top Of The List – Five Love Needs Of Men And Women” is a selected excerpt from the online/DVD teaching series Marriage 101: Back to the Basics. Be sure to check out the clip. www.marriage101online.com
Summary: A revealing look at the top five needs of married men and women
Be honest – have you ever made a list of the qualities in your “perfect” mate? One glance at the exhaustive online dating service questionnaires leaves little doubt that, when it comes to finding love, people are making their lists and checking them twice.
But what about sustaining love after you say, “I do”? There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want before marriage, but it’s far more important to know what you need within marriage – and it’s absolutely crucial to know what your spouse needs.
Gary and Barb Rosberg interviewed hundreds of couples to compile a list of the top five love needs of married men and women. In this video, they share the results, and provide solid biblical guidance that will help you tune in to your partner’s needs and express your own.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Gary Rosberg: How do you meet each other’s needs? We know that the Word of God has a lot to say. 1 Peter 3:8 is terrific:
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult; but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
That’s what all of us want in our marriages. You want to be blessed. Barb and I want to be blessed. So we need to be other-centered and serve each other well. Years ago, we wrote a book called The Five Love Needs of Men and Women and we learned that men and women are wired differently. Now, there’s no newsflash on that, I know.
Barb Rosberg: We researched 700 couples to find out what they needed in order to feel loved in their marriage. We’re going to list for you what these five needs are. Now, some of you may say, “Hey, wait a minute. You’ve switched us around. I feel one way and my spouse feels the other.” Well, this is good. There is hope. The bottom line is this: we need to understand what our mate’s needs are, and then meet them.
GR: The number one love need for men is unconditional love and acceptance. That’s the agape love, it’s the way Jesus Christ loves us. And women, you need to understand something about your husband. Life is hard. He’s getting beat up all day long and he needs to know that you love him no matter what.
BR: And when we, as women, were asked that question, women told us that they need to feel loved unconditionally with acceptance as well. It’s the unconditional love from the Father. It’s when we make mistakes, when we blow it, when we find out that our mates love us to that extent, that’s when we can grow from good to great in our marriage.
GR: The number two love need is intimacy. And men spell it correctly – S-E-X. I love this part of this teaching.
BR: The number two love need for women is intimacy as well. But we spell it correctly – T-A-L-K. We need loads of talk time – open communication with our spouse so that we feel the safety and the boundaries around our marriage relationship.
GR: Number three is the area of companionship. Wives, your husband may not tell you this, but he needs you to be his best friend. Guys love to go hunting with each other, or play basketball, or go to a men’s event but when we come home, we really want to connect to our wives. And when you watch a marriage over the stages that they go through, as they grow old together, there’s nothing better than seeing a husband and a wife really becoming one, and that companionship and friendship need being met. It’s phileo love in a marriage relationship.
BR: The third love need for women is that of spiritual intimacy. If you want to take an ordinary marriage to the next level, it will become extraordinary when we follow Christ individually, and then corporately as a couple. If you want power in your marriage, truly it’s the couple that prays together, that talks about spiritual things, that’s when couples really go deep in their relationship.
GR: The number four need for men and women alike – and this is remarkable to us in this research – is encouragement. It’s encouraging one another. Scripture is clear that we need to do that with one another; but when we’re getting beaten up, when it’s hard out there, what I coach wives to do is to let your husband hear the applause from heaven and then let you be the one whispering in his ear, shouting from the rooftops, that you are encouraging him, that you’re with him, that you believe in him.
BR: And women, we need encouragement from our husbands. We need it because truly we are the hub of the family. If your wife doesn’t get encouragement she will slowly die without it. Give your wife loads of encouragement.
GR: Number five for men is spiritual connection. Wives, you need to understand something – your husband may experience his spiritual life differently from the way you experience it, and that’s okay. As you’re growing in a marriage, as you’re becoming one in the marriage, you will find that your husband moves closer and closer to Christ. But you’ve got a lot to do with affirming him in that area. You need to speak that belief in him, and cheer him on, because it’s hard to be a spiritual leader for us as men. Many of us did not learn how to do it in the homes in which we grew up. Nevertheless, our role is to serve our wives, to “out serve” our wives, and to continue to speak into the spiritual connection with our brides.
BR: And number five for women is that of friendship in marriage. We as women love our girlfriends, don’t we? We love being a circle of friends to one another. But when we examine it within the context of marriage, I want my husband to be my very best friend. It’s on the level of being a soul mate. And so we talk about the importance of making sure that friendship is a strong ingredient in marriage. You know, marriage can be costly. It can be sacrificial to you. But when we understand that the power of marriage is to cause us to walk together side by side with our spouse, we can then understand how God has designed marriage to be great – not just good, but great – this side of heaven.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
This clip, “Strengthening Your Grip – The Unexpected Benefit of Marital Stress” www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Strategies for using stress to strengthen a marriage
The bodybuilder strains against his weights. Muscles burn as he lifts the bar above his head and quiver as he brings it down again. With hardly a moment to rest, he repeats the task. It’s not easy; but he knows that stress is a necessary part of building strength.
Unlike the muscle man who heads to the gym each day, most people will do just about anything to escape emotional stress. And when the tension caused by differences and expectations creeps into a marriage relationship, common avoidance tactics can leave both partners isolated and weak.
Can stress actually strengthen a marriage? Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg believe it can. In this video, they offer a realistic look at marital stress and provide a strategy for using it to grow closer to each other and to God.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Gary Rosberg: When we experience differences – and you know what, folks, we’re all going to experience them – we can either allow those experiences to separate us and push us off into our isolation, or that same stress can come down on the side of two people, pressing them closer together and up against the wall of Christ.
When you’re learning your roles, when you’re learning these expectations, when you are becoming one in a biblical marriage, there’s going to be stress. It’s going to be difficult. It can be costly – commitment can be costly. But when those stresses come, let them push you closer together; and yet push you up against the wall of Jesus Christ so that you have that biblical marriage of a husband and a wife with Jesus Christ right smack dab in the middle. Learn how to blend those expectations, learn what those roles are. And whether you’re in a pre-marriage situation or in a great marriage and you’re pursuing that great marriage, this is a lifelong process. Don’t give up – keep on going.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
In this short clip, “The Key To Intimacy – Connecting Emotionally With Your Wife” www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Tips for building emotional intimacy by meeting a woman’s needs
Sooner or later, it happens to every traveler. You reach to steady your suitcase, or step out of the hotel room for some ice – and by the time you hear the fateful click, it’s too late. You’re locked out. If only you had remembered the key!
Tragically, the same situation is all too common in marriage relationships. We find ourselves on the outside of our spouse’s locked heart, trying desperately to open it again.
In this video, Gary and Barb Rosberg reveal the keys to emotional intimacy for women – and the surprising spiritual benefit for men who honor their wives.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Barb Rosberg: Intimacy is the number two love need of both men and women. It’s just that we spell it differently. How do women spell it? T-A-L-K.
Gary Rosberg: A woman is honored by her husband when he listens to her, he connects with her, and then she begins to experience emotional intimacy. But a lot of times we don’t know how to do it. How do we let our wives into the interior of our hearts? Scripture has a lot to say. In 1 Peter 3:7, we read:
“Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
When we talk about consideration, when we talk about living with respect with our wives, our goal is so that God will hear our prayers. And when scripture says live with her as the weaker vessel, that doesn’t mean second class; it means she’s more fragile. You need to be tender. You need to be gracious. You need to be respectful of your wife.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“The Deal Of A Lifetime – Investing In Your Marriage”. www.marriage101online.com.
Summary: Strengthening marriage through intentional communication
Infomercials – for most of us they conjure up an image of miracle creams, complicated gadgets, and expensive equipment guaranteed to make us smarter, thinner, and more productive. Of course, the only real guarantee for most of those products it that they’ll end up cluttering the attic or inspiring a garage sale.
Considering the time and money we squander on empty promises, how much would you pay for a guaranteed investment in your marriage? Good news – you already have everything you need to get started. Pull up a chair (or two) as Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg offer you the deal of a lifetime – a better marriage for the price of two chairs and twenty minutes.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Barb Rosberg: Let’s get very practical because unless we can really bring it home, it won’t make a difference what the Bible says or anybody else. When we think about being practical and bringing it home with emotional intimacy, it means you need to have two chairs. It’s not going to cost you anything but a little time. In fact, we’ve learned in our own research that if you spend ten minutes a day sitting in two chairs and just talking, you can have a fairly good marriage. But you don’t want good; you want great. In fact, if you take twenty minutes a day and really sit and connect and talk to your mate, your marriage will go through the roof and you will have a great marriage.
We used to tell our kids years ago when they were young that unless they were bleeding, broken, or bruised, this was our time. And it strengthened our marriage. In fact, for those of you who haven’t had kids yet, let us remind you that as the marriage goes, so goes the family. We’d spend our discussions around the dinner table with our children, focusing on their needs. But for us to strengthen our marriage, we’d take those twenty minutes a day and connect to one another. And as a wife, I bonded so much more to my husband because I knew he cared about me. I knew he loved me. And I knew he was listening to me.
Gary Rosberg: I want you to imagine and identify two chairs in your home. They could be on the front porch, they could be in the living room, they can be anywhere you want. But when you go to those chairs, you’re not there to have conflict, you’re not there to pay the bills, you’re not there to make phone calls or get on the Blackberry. You’re there to connect with one another. And when Barb and I sit in those two chairs, it’s as if all else outside the two of us ceases. It’s where we spend time in the Word. It’s where we spend time connecting with one another.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“Marriage Maintenance Check – Four Points Of Daily Connection”. www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Four crucial times for daily connection in marriage
Visit any dealership and within minutes you’ll be faced with the temptation to run your hand along the body of the brand new sports car parked prominently in the center of the sales floor. It's sleek, shiny, and undeniably attractive; but any true auto aficionado will tell you it’s what’s under the hood that matters. Those fancy foreign models are fun to drive, but they need extra attention; and if the engine isn’t firing on all cylinders, you’ll soon find yourself just spinning your wheels.
A great marriage is far more precious than a sports car; and it shouldn’t be just a fantasy. But daily maintenance is a necessity. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg discuss four points of daily connection that will keep the relationship between you and your spouse running smoothly – and in the same direction!
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: We have learned that there are four times each day that connection can happen.
Barb Rosberg: Absolutely! When you are building that connection within your marriage, do you realize that you are building a resiliency for times of conflict or when marriage is really hard? And it will be from one time to another. Those four times of connection that Gary is referring to – these are times when we can have touch points during the day that can add up to be life changing.
The first time is before you even get out of bed in the morning. What does it look like? It’s before you’re really even out of the sheets. Perhaps one of you awakens and thinks about the other person, and then says it out loud – “Lord, thank you for my spouse. They are amazing, and I thank you and I pray that they have a great day. In your Name, Lord – Amen.”
A second point of contact is when you leave for work in the morning. Recently, Gary and I said goodbye and he kissed me and I was going to meet him at work later. But I heard the door open. He came back into the house where I was, and he said, “Can I pray for you?” I said, “What?” He said, “Can I pray for you?” And you took my hands, you prayed for me, and I stood there and thought, “This is a man who’s thinking of me before eight o’clock in the morning and going to the God of the universe on my behalf. You connected to me, and you connected me with God our Father. It was a wow.
Do you want to know the third time that you have connection during the day with your spouse? Well, every woman can tell you, it’s between four and seven p.m. It’s when we’re coming home from work, or maybe you’ve worked in the home all day long. But we call it the Valley of the Shadow of Death around our house because it is that time period for every woman under the sun when we are getting our list accomplished. It’s when you’re finishing your list outside the home, you’re running errands, so that by the time you get home you can build that base to have a strong home, a great meal, and also a great marriage. When your man walks in that back door, maybe he gives you a kiss that means, aha – he’s got something else on his mind. Unfortunately, if you’ve got a list of twelve things, he’s just become number thirteen on that list. Why? He’s entered The Take Zone. And for every woman who is the hub of the home and is a great wife to her husband, he needs to realize that if you’re going to connect, it’s a time when you need to give. And when you give, it might mean you give that sense of, “I’m here for you. Can I take something off that list and do it?” And when my husband has taken the vacuum, plugged it into the wall, and done a little vacuuming for me? Oh! I’m telling you – it hits the mark!
GR: Be still my heart!
BR: That is a part of connection – anything practical during the hours of the Valley of the Shadow of Death, four and seven p.m. daily, is a wow for a woman. And Gary, I know that for a man, too – or a woman – coming home, who’s got a lot of business on their mind, you’ve done something for years that has changed our marriage.
GR: A very specific way of explaining this is what a gentleman told me years ago. He identified a telephone pole about halfway between his home and his business. So he would leave his business at the end of the day, and he would be thinking about and reflecting on his business for the first ten miles until he got to the telephone pole. Then he would flip an imaginary switch and begin to anticipate engaging his wife and his family. So when he came in the back door, he wasn’t preoccupied. He wasn’t on automatic pilot, and he would be able to connect to them. Because the first ninety seconds that a man and a woman connect at the end of the work day is the most significant part of the day and it will set the pace for the rest of the evening. Then he explained to me that the next morning when he headed out, he’d spend the first ten miles on his way to his telephone pole praying and considering and just thinking about his family. He’d get to the telephone pole, flip the switch, put on the armor, and get ready to engage the workday. So when you come home at the end of the day, guys, you need to be anticipatory of engaging. You need to turn off the Blackberry. You need to shut off the cell phone. And when you connect to your wife, and then someday to your kids if you don’t have kids yet, you will find that you will be better prepared in order to engage them to set the pace for the rest of the evening.
BR: What a great way to have a great marriage.
GR: Yeah.
BR: Point number four – that fourth time of connection – is right before you go to bed at night. What woman doesn’t want to be kissed before she goes to bed? Kiss your wife. Go to bed at the same time. Pray out loud – and it doesn’t matter who starts the prayer. On some nights, I start praying out loud; other nights, Gary does. But when we hold hands and we discover that oneness together…When I think about those four times of connection and add them all up – by the end of the day, you’re growing deeper, more intimate, and more emotionally connected in your marriage.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To…Men”. www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Forging marital connection with husbands through respect
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Those seven letters catapulted a preacher’s daughter from Detroit to the top of the Billboard charts; and decades later, when the Queen of Soul belts out her signature anthem, everyone knows exactly what she needs.
But what does respect look like for the average husband? The answer might surprise his wife. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg take a biblical and practical look at respect from a male viewpoint – and discuss the emotional benefit for wives who offer that gift to their husbands.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: One of the things we know is that women and men do, indeed, communicate differently. Now I’m going to give you a take away to coach the wives on how to connect to your husband. You need to realize something; if you want to connect emotionally to him, you’re going to need to show him respect. A buddy of ours did some research on this area of respect and love, and he cited a research study that said a man will choose respect every time over love. And you know what? The Bible talks about that. Paul knew that when he wrote to the Ephesians. A man needs to love his wife; but if you look at the last part of Ephesians 5:33, it says,
“And the wife must respect her husband.”
Now wives, let me tell you about your husband. He gets beaten up all day long in the workplace. He is a tremendous man. He is a man of God; and he needs to be esteemed and encouraged and affirmed and blessed by you. But I’m going to guarantee you that when you sit down to communicate with him at the end of the day and you want to connect, if you start by trying to engage his feelings and unpack what he’s experiencing in his heart, you’re never going to get anywhere because a lot of guys don’t know where to go to begin to unpack that. A man is wired to focus on his thoughts, his ideas, his visions, and what is going on cognitively. So when you encourage him in that, you affirm him in that, and esteem him in that and he feels connected to you, he will then have more of a willingness to take a risk to go down to the heart area of his life. He’ll begin to talk about some of those emotions.
Now you may find that he only knows a couple of emotions – I’m mad, or I’m sad, or I’m glad – that’s kind of how we’re wired as men. Yet, you as his wife - when you’re completing him, when you are loving him unconditionally – I want to encourage you to help him explore. “Honey, are you frustrated? Are you insecure about something? Are you anxious? Are you apprehensive?” Because when you help your husband identify those needs, he will feel safe to move toward you.
So you’ve connected to his thoughts, you’ve connected to his feelings, and then you’re ready wives – and we know that you love this – because it’s connecting to his needs. Just as a husband can learn more about a wife’s needs, when you ask a husband what he needs, be ready to hear something that may be different than you would say. Maybe he needs some space. Maybe he needs a hug. Maybe he needs you to defend him. Maybe he needs you to just say, “You know what? I’m here for you. We will figure it out together and we’ll get to the other side.”
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“Can You Hear Me Now? - A Woman's Levels Of Connection” www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Tips for connecting with wives on three levels
It happens without warning; static invades the conversation. Missing every other word, you strain to hear and struggle to be understood. Before long, you’re raising your voice, repeating key phrases – but it’s no use. You’ve dropped the call, and you might as well be talking to yourself.
The limits of cell phone technology are all too familiar; but that frustration pales in comparison to miscommunication in a marriage. Whether it happens in the middle of a crucial conversation or at the same spot every day, for husbands the problem can be a difficulty connecting on the right levels. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg help couples strengthen their signals and take their communication to the next level.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: When a woman is loved by her husband, she experiences it on three different levels. Barb’s going to expand on this; but beforehand, let’s look at a biblical foundation for this. Paul addresses this in Ephesians 5:33. He says,
“However, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself.”
Barb Rosberg: Connection for a woman is going to be different than connection for a man. I want to talk about connection from a woman’s perspective. There are three levels on which we connect; and Gary, it’s different for me than it is for you. First of all, when you connect to my feelings – yes, connect to your wife’s emotions – it’s a wow with her. God has wired your wife with emotions to be expressed, emotions that sometimes need to be drained. And when your wife is having a hard day and you come in and decide you don’t want to go there, you don’t want to work on it, then she really feels isolated in marriage. And yet, when you step close and you choose to connect to those feelings – for instance, you might say, “You’re having a bad day – oh, did your mom call you today? Was your sister hard on you?” When she knows that you’re connecting to that emotional journey, that means a great deal to her.
The second area, that second level of connection, is that of connecting to our ideas. As she begins to explain to you what has happened, step back and speak back to her what you hear her saying. “Honey, did I hear that your sister called and she was hard on you about the job you’re taking?” Repeat back to her so she knows that you are connecting and listening. That will also validate the ideas that she’s expressing.
Third, it’s connecting to the solution; and it’s very key that you get this in the order of connecting to her feelings, then her ideas, and then solutions. Often if solutions come too soon, a man can get himself into trouble. But when you listen and you ask a question – for instance, “Honey, what would you like me to do? Do you want me to just listen? Sweetheart, do you want me to pray with you? Honey, would you like some ideas on what I think you should do?” When you ask the question and she partners with you, then she will ask you into the oneness, the process of solving the problem. When she sees that you’ve connected on all three levels, that’s when we know that we’ve had true connection in marriage.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
“Home Team - The Power Of Unconditional Commitment”. www.marriage101online.com
Summary: The importance of unconditional commitment in marriage
Custom jersey? Check. Giant foam finger? Check. Neon face paint? Check. Even in a crowd of thousands, the bleacher creatures stand out. No matter what you call them, you always know where to find these fiercely loyal fans – cheering on the home team with everything they’ve got. Rain or shine, win or lose, the players can count on their unwavering support.
Can you and your spouse say the same thing about each other? Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg hope so. In this video, they explain the importance of unconditional commitment in marriage, and inspire husbands and wives to cheer each other on to victory in the game of life.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Barb Rosberg: I am yours and you are mine. What does that mean? It means whatever we are going through – whatever challenges, whatever difficulties, whatever trials – we’re going to get to the other side together. Every couple needs to know that there is a sense of unconditional commitment to one another, because we are quarterbacking for the marriage. In fact, as we stand back and we think about those issues that get in the way of our marriage, that get in between us, that cause us to go to different corners of the home, we need to realize that the relationship of marriage has got to be far more important than any issue that you’re going through. In fact, we used to teach at a lot of conferences that we would say these words: my mate is not my enemy. No way! There’s a boundary, a sacred hedge, around your marriage and it’s there to guard and protect you. Remember these words – the relationship has got to be far more important than the issue.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
"Bullseye - Positive Emotional Expression in Marriage" www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Tips for managing conflict without wounding your spouse
Strong hands pull back the bow, and release. An arrow slices through the air with stunning precision, and the arrowhead buries itself deep in its intended target. For an archer, the mark at the center of the tournament bullseye is cause for celebration; but imagine the chaos that would follow his demonstration of skill if he neglected to take careful aim!
In every marriage, arrows are bound to fly; but they don’t have to cause wounds. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg help you examine your emotional arsenal for the arrows of anger, and provide strategies for keeping conflict on target by focusing on the issue, not the person.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: I want to talk about the issue of anger that a man carries. Wives, you’ve got to understand something about your husband – he was likely raised to not experience anger and to not express anger. I remember as a young boy living in Chicago, my older brother was swinging a baseball bat and he cracked me right upside the head. (It was a mistake – he said!). It opened my eyebrow and it started bleeding, and he said two things: don’t cry, and don’t tell Mom. So on my way in the house to tell my mom, because I had to go get some stitches, I learned Jack was essentially saying, “Gary, don’t experience pain, and certainly don’t express pain”.
And wives, you’ve got to understand something about your husband. He may have learned that emotions can’t be experienced. I can’t experience and express any kind of emotion. So sometimes what we, as men, do is we keep you - our wives - at bay. We self protect, and we hide behind the anger. Rather than showing fear, or insecurity, or frustration, or anxiety, or apprehension, or sadness, or hurt, or anything else, we put up that wall because we don’t know what to do with the anger.
Early in our marriage, Barb and I were having some conflict. And you remember this.
Barb Rosberg: Absolutely.
GR: We were sitting on a sofa in our house, and there was a pillow there. And I started to talk to you, Barb, and I remember I was making a lot of sense. I think I had just finished my doctoral program so I was kind of full of myself. And I was shooting arrows through your position on something, and I saw your countenance drop. And I remember thinking to myself, “Gary, you just did it again. You just wounded your wife. When am I going to stop and break this pattern?” So I picked up a pillow off the sofa and I remember I handed it to you, and I said, “Barb, just hold this in front of your heart. When I talk about these issues, these arrows are going right into your heart, and I don’t want to do that. If you’ll just hold it to the side so that when I talk about this issue – which I feel a lot of passion about – when I talk about it, what I want to do is separate the person from the behavior.” So I looked at that issue and I began to realize that in my strength, there are times when I wound you. In my strength sometimes I’m a brute rather than connecting to you and loving you well. And when we learned how to separate those two, it’s almost like we said, “Let’s partner together to talk about this issue to get to the other side.”
Emotions are strong. Emotions can be toxic. Emotions can be harming in a relationship if we don’t learn how to balance them in an encouraging way.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
Summary: Strengthening the marital bond even in difficult times
“Strong enough to bond (almost) anything!” So says the construction worker dangling from a steel girder hundreds of feet in the air. That crazy claim is a permanent part of television advertising history; and the iconic image backing it up really is worth a thousand words (not to mention millions of dollars for the makers of Krazy Glue). The bond between hard hat and beam is designed to be permanent; and for the man hanging in the balance, failure is not an option.
A godly marriage involves a similar connection; and once two become one, separation causes irreparable damage to both parties. But, just like the gravitational pull on the construction worker, internal and external forces are always at work to weaken the marital bond. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg discuss the importance of respecting God’s design for the marriage covenant and offer encouragement for sticking with your spouse in every season of life.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Barb Rosberg: Remember these words: every person you talk to is carrying a burden. Do you realize that in marriage, you have the Divine call to be God with skin on and carry those burdens for your spouse? And there may be times when you emotionally disconnect from your mate. Whatever you do – stay! Because your emotions will catch up, and once again you will feel the joy. You will feel the experience of walking with God and walking it out in your marriage so that you can walk together, run together, and enjoy the race together of having a great marriage.
Dr. Gary Rosberg: One time, our youngest daughter, Missy, was a little bit concerned because a friend of hers’ parents had just gone through a divorce. And Barb and I were having a disagreement about something and she said, “Dad, will you ever get a divorce?” And I remember thinking, “Will I ever get a divorce?” And I remember, I grabbed her little cheeks and I looked her in the face and I just said, “Missy Rosberg, let me tell you something, little girl. I will never, ever, ever leave your mom.“
She said, “I know.” And I said, “You know?” She said, “Yeah. Because if you try, I will sew your two bodies together so you can never pull apart.” Now, Missy understood the covenant of marriage. And folks, I’m going to tell you something. You’re going to have episodes, you’re going to have seasons, you’re going to have times when those walls go flying up, where you don’t want to spend twenty minutes connecting, when you’d rather not be God with skin on because it’s hard. We want to promise you that you can get to the other side of those painful times; but you’ve got to connect emotionally to your spouse.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
Summary: Tips for managing expectations in marriage
Hand in hand, the happy couple strolls the aisles of the department store, armed with their trusty scanner gun. BEEP! With the touch of a button, a shiny new espresso machine joins the hand painted dishes, sparkling stemware, and perfectly matched his-and-her towels on their computerized wish list. On their big day, they’ll get exactly what they want – including each other!
But marriage relationships, like wedding presents, don’t always measure up to our highest expectations. Flaws surface, cracks are created, and sometimes it feels like the operating manual is written in Mandarin. When the newness wears off, it’s tempting to think about returns or exchanges instead of cherishing what’s been given. In this video, Dr. Barb and Gary Rosberg discuss the importance of realistic expectations in marriage, and show you how to receive your mate as God’s perfect gift.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Dr. Gary Rosberg: A few years ago, I was in a hardware store. Something broke in our house, and I was sitting there looking at the shelves and trying to pick out a piece to take it back and repair something, and a guy walked past me. He had a big parka on, and he said, “Rosberg, I know who you are. Hire it done.” And I thought, “You know what? My reputation goes before me.”
A lot of you wives marry a guy who is a lot different than your dad. Your dad could take a roll of duct tape and a Sears toolbox into the garage and put up the space shuttle. And then you marry a guy like me who just doesn’t have those skills. When something breaks in our house, I just say, “Put it in the garage sale pile, and let’s get over this thing.” But regardless of expectations, when we step into a marriage relationship - whether you are anticipating that, or you’ve been married for a while, - you may place an expectation that your spouse is going to be just like your parent, or whomever it is that you’re placing on that person as that expectation. Yet, we need to realize that when we get married, we can receive our mates as God’s perfect provision to complete us. And we can affirm their strengths, and even cover their weaknesses.
Barb Rosberg: Absolutely! Here are a couple of things that we have learned both in our thirty-five years of being married and also from coaching couples for many of those years. You can’t change your mate. In fact, in Galatians, it says this:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness…
…and other control. Or did I say that wrong? You can’t change your mate. No, the fruit of the Spirit is self-control. And the only person I can change – it’s not Gary, even though I may have good intentions, and I might want to cover his back – it is not in the Bible. It says this, that we are called to allow ourselves to be changed, and to experience the self-control of the Holy Spirit.
GR: You know, we’re all going to try to change each other, though, Barb. I mean, we’ve been married thirty-five years, and I know there are things you would love to change in me. But I think, when a marriage is growing and you look at those personality differences and those different expectations, you honor each other when the problems come by helping to cover that other person, by encouraging that person, by blessing that person, by really covering that person’s back.
BR: And you know when those differences really show up? It’s during stress. They’re magnified. For instance, when we get under stress in our home, it can become a real struggle for us. You may become very quiet and want to solve the problem, whereas, I may become more emotional and expressive and dramatic. But just about the time I get silent and I withdraw, that’s when you get very talkative and want to share it with everybody. It’s amazing how similar we are, but it’s when we’re under stress that those differences are exaggerated and it can be really hard on our marriage relationship.
Now, if you’ve been through this and you’re thinking, “I married the wrong person; maybe we weren’t supposed to get married,” that is a lie from Satan. It’s not true. Those differences are what expand you to complement one another in becoming one. And it’s a journey, as Gary said, of covering one another’s weaknesses.
GR: I think the bottom line is, we are different. And you know what? If we were the same, one of us might be unnecessary. And we’d prefer that not be the husband!
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
"Built To Last - The Secrets To A Lasting Love" www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Ways to strengthen your marriage every day
Few architectural elements are as impressive as an ancient stone fireplace. River rocks of every shape and size, polished smooth by years in the current, fit snugly together with a solidity that seems to defy the laws of physics. Look closer, and you’ll spot the secret. The strength is in the mortar spread between each one; holding them all together and creating a safe space for the flames that will light and warm an entire home.
In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg reveal some of the secrets to lasting love. From the boulders of forgiveness to the pebbles of daily acts of service, they offer a do-it-yourself guide to building a beautiful marriage, strengthened by the mortar of the Holy Spirit.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Gary Rosberg: Let’s talk about some of the differences in marriage, Barb, and zero in on how we can encourage great couples.
Barb Rosberg: Well, it’s in understanding our differences that you really cover one another’s weaknesses. It’s in our differences that we can honor one another’s strengths. We’ve learned that there are secrets to a lasting love, and we’re going to show you great takeaways that you can learn in order to strengthen your marriage.
GR: The first one is the issue of forgiving love. That means that we take care of issues on a daily basis. Paul said, in Romans 12:18 –
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
The number one predictor of divorce in America today is the inability to resolve conflict and experience forgiveness. And you know what: The punch line is that a lot of us grew up in homes where we didn’t see the resolution of conflict. We don’t know how to do it. And yet, if you can learn how to do it, you can really strengthen your relationship. During my years of doing pre-marital counseling, I would often tell couples during the last session to take away three different bullets.
Number one is to always guard your heart. If you step into an area of temptation, or even moral failure, allow the Holy Spirit to restore you and to redeem that with which you’ve hit the wall. Number two is to be the first person to issue and to initiate forgiveness in your relationship. Learn how to resolve conflict. And number three is to develop friendships in marriage. They may be different friends at different stages because of the transitory aspect of our culture and moving from one community to another, but identify couples to go through relationships with. And when you team up with people, we want to really encourage you to be with people - to walk through life with people - that forgive one another, that will bear one another’s burdens, that will show up and exercise grace with one another.
BR: Well, all of this falls under one takeaway, and that is the power of forgiveness. The second takeaway is that of out serving your mate. You need to really seek to serve in the littlest of things – Gary, it’s that small cup of coffee that you bring me in the morning before I get out of bed that so encourages me! It’s also in the large things, when you’re struggling in your marriage and you seek to honor one another, no matter what. In Romans 12:10, it says this:
Honor one another above yourselves.
We call this serving love. You see, serving love causes us not to be selfish. It causes us to really put the other person’s needs before meeting our own needs. When you serve your spouse, you are purposing to affirm them and also to lighten their load. This is at times when it is not natural in any of us. I like it my way. I like to be self-centered. When I wake up in the morning, I’m quiet. You’re very communicative.
GR: I’m happy!
BR: So what I have to do from the time I wake up in the morning is to allow the Holy Spirit to just come into me and flow through me. Before I get out of bed in the morning, I’ll say, “Lord, help me. Help me think of others’ needs more than I think of myself.” It is the power of the Holy Spirit that will enable you to think about your mate in the smallest of things, and to honor your mate even when you’re struggling, especially during those times of differences. Differences are normal. We need to understand each other. And it’s the Holy Spirit that is the glue that bonds us together and we can be wowed by one another, even when we feel like we’re not understanding one another. On the other side of it, we gain great intimacy because of His help.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
"Just What The Doctor Ordered - The Power Of Persevering Love" www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Strategies for divorce-proofing your marriage
A cup of coffee soothes the tickle in the back of your throat as you rush out the door. The visor in your car shields your eyes against the unusually bright morning sun. A tissue from the box on your secretary’s desk muffles your sneeze as you head toward your office. But now you’re coughing, aching, sniffling and desperately wishing you’d gotten that flu shot. There’s no point in denying it any more; you’ve been bitten. And now you’re part of the problem.
Divorce can be as contagious – and more deadly – than any flu bug. The virus thrives on the conflict stirred by personality differences and seasons of stress, and it’s reaching epidemic proportions in today’s society. But Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg have just what the doctor ordered. In this video, they offer some strong spiritual medicine in the form of persevering love, as well as tips on how to guard your heart each day for the health of your marriage.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Gary Rosberg: Some of you grew up in homes where, when your family hit a hard place or a fork in the road, you saw deterioration. You saw destruction. Maybe you saw families give up. But maybe the other person in the relationship forged through those trials and tribulations. One of the secrets that Barb and I have found to a lasting love is to purpose together, regardless of your history, to get to the other side of your pain. We call it persevering love; and more important than what we call it is what Paul has to say about it. Listen to this verse out of Romans:
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
You know what, folks? You are going to hit hard times. Marriage can be very difficult. It can be painful. Yet, when you hit those hard times, there is an opportunity to forge together to support one another. Often, when Barb and I have gone through problems, she will remind me that there is a beginning, there is a middle, and there is an end to every tough time we’re going through. And there have been times we’ve been smack-dab in the middle and I’ve said, “Barb, are we there to the end?” And she’s said, “No. I think we’re one day closer to the end.” You see, we’ve got to persevere. And other people around you may say, “You know what? I wouldn’t put up with that. I’d walk away from that relationship.” Barb and I have learned that divorce is contagious; and yet, a couple can begin to change the voices they listen to, and they can say, “We’re going to get through to the other side. Let’s make biblical marriage contagious.”
We can really affirm a strong and biblical marriage. Persevere. Regardless of what you’ve experienced in the past, purpose to do that. The vast majority of couples that do persevere and get to the other side report being either happy or very happy five years later. Persevere!
Another important takeaway is really my heart’s message. It’s the issue of guarding our hearts. Solomon gave us a lot of wisdom; but the only time in scripture the words “above all else” are ever used is in Proverbs 4:23. Here’s what Solomon says:
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Everything emanates from the wellspring. Our fears, our prejudices, our biases, our judgments, our intuition, our discernment – everything comes through the wellspring. And when the wellspring is tainted, everything else is tainted. As you step into marriage, or as you’re going through stages of marriage, there will be temptations. There may be temptations of pornography. There could be temptations through Facebook or social networking. There could be temptations of emotional connection to somebody that you went to high school with as you’re looking at your marriage and thinking, “You know what? This isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.” Maybe you’re allowing your gaze to last just a little bit too long, or you’re allowing that wall of protection that guards the heart of a marriage to diminish and you’re allowing somebody else into the interior of your life that you did not share wedding cake with. You need to be intentional to guard the heart of your marriage. And if you’re stepping into a step-parenting situation, Barb and I want to encourage you not to let any man, woman, or child come between you. A biblical marriage needs to have a husband and a wife committed to one another.
Just like the castles of old, you have to be intentional to guard the heart of your marriage. You can’t put this on automatic pilot. And yet, when you are intentional to guard the heart of your marriage, and one of you is struggling while the other one is doing well, we have learned that you can come together and support one another.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
"It's Party Time! - The Importance Of Celebrating Your Marriage" www.marriage101online.com
Summary: Ideas to help couples celebrate marriage on a daily basis
Noisemakers? Check. Brightly colored balloons? Check. Fireworks? Check. You’re cordially invited to a party. What’s the occasion? Your marriage!
Hardships are a fact of life in this broken world; and no marriage is immune to them. That’s why it’s important to cultivate an attitude of celebration that emphasizes what is good in your relationship. In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg discuss the value of renewing your love on a daily basis. Find out how daily laughter, intimate conversation, and – yes – even passionate sex can deepen your relationship with each other, and with God.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Barb Rosberg: Something we need to experience on a daily basis is called celebrating love. We’ve got to celebrate. Well, how do we do it? We laugh together daily. Do not go a day without laughter. Laughter is great medicine. There might be times in your life when all you feel you have are lemons. You’re being served lemons by the trials, the reality, the finances, the lack of friendships, betrayals – you name it, we’ve experienced it. But when you can take those lemons and turn them into lemonade, you can laugh again as a couple. This is good medicine. As Gary says, you’ll come through it. There’s a beginning, a middle, and an end – and there’s a purpose for it. Laugh together daily. Oh, we’ve got to celebrate.
Celebrate intimacy in bed. Yes, I said that. You’ve got to pay attention to your sexual relationship. Laugh together in bed. Close those doors, and enjoy one another. Emotional connection is so powerful. Yes, indeed, it’s that talk time. It’s heart to heart. It’s when you can say, “You’re my best friend.” Gary is my soul mate, but it’s come from years of talking together. And if your mate needs to talk about even the littlest of things, enjoy it. It will bond your two hearts as glue together. We see in God’s word that the Song of Songs is so important. Song of Solomon 1:4 says this:
Take me away with you – let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.
GR: I love this!
BR: Well, Solomon returns her love in Song of Solomon 7 by saying these words:
…the king is held captive by its tresses. How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
What we’re talking about is emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy. All together, all three elements are true intimacy forged into one. When it’s in the Word of God, you have to read the Song of Songs. It’s a very intense love chapter. God longs for you to express, to show, and to experience great love – emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.
Finally, I want to cover renewing love. It’s a very important takeaway. What’s renewing love? It’s renewing your mind through the power of Christ Jesus. I need to have the mind of Christ on a daily basis. Sometimes it comes in the form of prayer. Sometimes you don’t have the time to really pray those long prayer requests, but imagine this; God is in the place of praying for you. Yes, he’s covering your back. And when you renew your love, and renew your mind, you are joining with God as your very best friend. When I am talking to Jesus, I know that in his Word, he says this – he bends down and he listens to me. Oh, there are times I go sit on his lap as a Father, and I’ll lay my head on his shoulder. And if I have to cry to drain my pain in order to get myself back up, he’ll strengthen me. There have been times I have moved so close to God out of desperation that he, and only he, can give me the strength to know what to do in the next five minutes.
Maybe you’re there. Allow your desperation to bring you to the foot of the cross. Renew your mind, renew your spirit – and then share that with your mate. It has to be experienced individually and independently of your mate, because we need to have a personal connection – a place where we get our own strength that only God can give us. And then, in marriage, this is a place where I love to cover my husband’s back because I can pray for his weaknesses. I can pray for Jesus Christ to take his mind, to speak into his mind, to whisper into his spirit. You’re not supposed to change your mate. It’s the spirit of self-control, where God speaks to you, that we have that renewed mind and that renewed spirit in our marriage.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014
"What Really Matters - God's Passionate Perspective On Marriage" www.marriage101online.com
Summary: A biblical exploration of God's plan for marriage
The city slicker cheerfully pitches a tent. The diehard rock and roll fan stands in line for opera tickets. The night owl gets up with the early bird. The old song says it best – the things we do for love. The switch from high heels to hiking boots or fish sticks to sushi isn’t a change of mind; it’s a change of heart. Simply stated, what matters to your beloved now matters to you.
Regardless of the current state of your union, it’s a safe bet that Someone else cares more about it than you do. Your marriage matters to God! Can you think of a better reason to guard that sacred relationship? In this video, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg open the scriptures to reveal God’s passionate perspective on marriage – and share His advice for couples that want to honor Him.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
Gary Rosberg: Remember that your marriage does make a difference to God. It makes a difference to God. In fact, in the last book of the Old Testament - in Malachi 2 – here’s what Scripture says:
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel.
Folks, when you read that, it may sound harsh. He doesn’t hate the people who go through divorce; he hates divorce. Why? Because he wants you to get to the other side, regardless of your differences. Remember, the differences allow you to complement one another in marriage, to cover one another’s backs. And a lifelong marriage will give you the opportunity to take those differences and kind of rub off a little bit on each other so that you become one – bringing glory and honor to Jesus Christ.
From “Marriage 101: Back to the Basics” DVD series
http://www.marriage101online.com
800-527-4014