What NOT to Buy Your Wife
Although the only person a man usually shops for is his wife, the whole experience is a stressful one. Many a man has felt extreme frigid temperatures for a long period based on a poor present decision. As a veteran of these wars, Im still not sure what to buy my wife, but Ill pass on what not to buy her:
1. Dont buy anything that plugs in. Anything that requires electricity is seen as utilitarian.
2. Dont buy clothing that involves sizes. The chances are one in seven thousand that you will get her size right, and your wife will be offended the other 6999 times. “Do I look like a size 16?” shell say. Too small a size doesnt cut it either: “I havent worn a size 8 in 20 years!”
3. Avoid all things useful. The new silver polish advertised to save hundreds of hours is not going to win you any brownie points.
4. Dont buy anything that involves weight loss or self-improvement. Shell perceive a six-month membership to a diet center as a suggestion thats shes overweight.
5. Dont buy jewelry. The jewelry your wife wants, you cant afford. And the jewelry you can afford, she doesnt want.
6. And, guys, do not fall into the traditional trap of buying her frilly underwear. Your idea of the kind your wife should wear and what she actually wears are light years apart.
7. Finally, dont spend too much. “How do you think were going to afford that?” shell ask. But dont spend too little. She wont say anything, but shell think, “Is that all Im worth?”