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Numbers 32:23

Bungling Burgler

In San Antonio, a man was sentenced to ten years probation for a bungled burglary of a liquor store. The burglar had cut his hand badly when he broke through the roof of the store. He tried to throw a bottle of whiskey out through the hole he had created but missed, causing the bottle to fall to the floor, shatter and set off an alarm. He then fell onto the broken glass, cutting himself again. Reaching the roof for his getaway, he fell off, leaving his wallet on the sidewalk. He also left a trail of blood from the store to his home, just around the corner.

Chuck Shepherd, Universal Press Syndicate

Drug Deal

A San Diego patrol officer was off-duty when she witnessed a drug deal. Wearing a dress and high heels, she figured she’d never be quick enough to catch the buyer. But as she watched, the buyer walked back to his car and threw up his hands in despair. His dilemma left the officer plenty of time to call in a patrol unit to arrest the fellow. The hapless druggie had locked his keys in his car.

Tom Blair in San Diego Union-Tribune

Stolen Pig

The farmer killed a pig and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone. He didn’t tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months. Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, “By the way, Josh, did you ever find out who stole your pig?”

“Nope,” said Josh. “Not ‘til just now.”

Contributed by Mrs. H. Castle

Sowing and Reaping

The Bible teaches that we cannot hide our iniquities. Oh, we may be able to cover them up for a while and even get away with them for an extended period of time. But the time will inevitably come when we must face up to them, either in this world or in the next. Paul told the Galatians, “Be not deceived, God is not mocked, for whatever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Gal. 6:7).

This Scriptural truth was illustrated by what happened to a group of students at Renaissance High School in Detroit. The Detroit News reported that the young people cut classes to attend a rock concert at Hart Plaza. I’m sure they felt they had gotten away with it. But the next day, when the Detroit News appeared on the newsstand, it carried a color photo of the concert—right there on the front page. And who was in that picture?

That’s right—the delinquent students of Renaissance High, easily recognizable by anyone. According to the paper, “Eagle-eyed assistant principal Dr. Elijah Porter spotted the students and had a conversation with them.” As for the kids, it went on, “There was nothing they could say.”

Our Daily Bread

Dreaded Inspections

Robert Wood Johnson, the former chairman of Johnson & Johnson, was known to be a terror when he inspected his plants. On one such unannounced visit, the plant manager had a fortunate 30-minute tip prior to his arrival. Hastily he had things spruced up by ordering several large rolls of paper transported to the roof of the building.

When Johnson arrived, he was furious. “What in the hell is all that junk on the roof?” were his first words.

How were they to know that he would arrive in his personal helicopter'

Edward Buxton, Promise Them Anything (Stein & Day), in Reader’s Digest, March 1980

Fingerprint

AP Oakland, CA —A fingerprint left on a bottle eight years ago led to the arrests of two women who admitted tying an 84-year-old woman to her bed, beating her and setting a fire that killed her, police said.

Denitra Cunmoore, 21, and Dethra Edwards, 23, both of Oakland, confessed to the crime, police said Friday. The women told police they were 12 and 14 years old, respectively, when they tied Virginia Hogan to her bed, beat her and set fire to the room in the woman’s San Francisco apartment to hide the crime, police said.

The attack occurred January 19, 1984, and Hogan died of smoke inhalation six days later.

The women are being held without bail in San Francisco on charges of murder, burglary and arson. Because they were minors when the crimes occurred, the case will be handled in Juvenile Court.

Dunmoore was arrested Tuesday after Wendy Chong, a San Francisco police fingerprint technician, matched Dunmoore’s fingerprints to one taken off a wine bottle found on Hogan’s scorched bed.

The unidentified print lay in a file for eight years until this month, when Chong ran it through a computer fingerprint identification system that scans the print files of other police departments. She found a match in Oakland, where Dunmoore had been arrested on a petty theft charge.

Edwards was arrested Thursday on a prostitution warrant. Her mother was the dead woman’s housekeeper.

Spokesman Review, 1992

“Good Doggie”

When a Rochingham, North Carolina bank was robbed recently, a witness jotted down the license number of the getaway car. Further checking led police to the home of Lonny and Benjamin Steele. Waiting for a search warrant clearance, the cops were parked out front, when a large dog trotted through the yard and up to their squad car. In its mouth was a wig matching that worn by one of the alleged robbers. “Nice doggie,” the officers cooed as they took the wig and followed the animal into the back yard, where it had also unearthed a satchel containing the stolen money. After police dug up a gun and fake stick of dynamite reportedly used in the heist, the brothers surrendered.

Source unknown

The Baseball Manager

In addition to being the most successful baseball manager of his day, John J. McGraw may have been responsible for there being today a third-base umpire. But this happened long before he became a famous manager.

As a young third baseman with the old Baltimore Orioles, the intensely competitive McGraw had a habit of hooking his finger in the belt of a base runner who was tagging up to score after a long fly ball. This trick usually slowed the runner enough so that he was thrown out at home plate. Despite violent protests, McGraw got away with his ploy for some months, until one base runner secretly unbuckled his best. When the runner dashed for home, he left his belt dangling from McGraw’s finger. The need for a third-base umpire could hardly have been made clearer.

R. Owens in Quote Magazine