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Eight Rules

1. Never have more children than you have car windows.

2. Never loan your car to someone to whom you have given birth.

3. Pick your friends carefully. A “friend” never goes on a diet when you are fat or tells you how lucky you are to have a husband who remembers Mother’s Day—when his gift is a smoke alarm.

4. Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

5. Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

6. Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man-woman someday to finish a sentence.

7. There are no guarantees in marriage. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a Sears battery.

8. Never go to a class reunion pregnant. They will think that’s all you have been doing since you graduated.

Erma Bombeck