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Sweet as Honey

By: Richard L. Strauss Send to friendPrinter-friendly version

Childhood memories, some pleasant and some unpleasant, linger in our minds no matter how old we become. I can remember the neighbors on our block. Right next door to us was one of the nicest older couples I have ever known. Though my friends and I got a little noisy at times, or thoughtlessly ran across their beautifully manicured lawn, they were always kind, congenial and friendly. Long after I had married and moved many miles from home, I still considered them as friends. When I returned to my hometown for a visit, I would stop in and say “Hello.”

Next door to them lived one of the grumpiest men I have ever known. I can never remember hearing him say a kind word during the entire ten years I lived in that neighborhood. If my ball accidentally rolled on his grass, he would give me an unforgettable tongue-lashing. When I walked by his house with my friends, he would scowl at us as though we were the enemy bent on invading his property and killing a blade of his precious grass. I can’t remember his name, but I can remember hoping I would never grow up to be an old grouch like he was.

Nearly every child knows some miserable people like that. They have a tendency to become the target of childhood pranks, and that just makes them more cranky. But their irritability is not only directed at the neighborhood kids; they get out of sorts with their own families, with their in-laws, with people at work, people at church, and anyone else who crosses them. When you talk to them you usually find out how bad things are going for them, how poorly they have been treated, how unhappy they are about the way things have turned out, and what a mess the world is in. Being near them is about as enjoyable as hugging a porcupine. You seldom hear a pleasant word from them. And the sad thing is, some of them claim to know the Lord.

Did you know that God puts a premium on pleasant words? “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). We all know that too much honey can make us sick. But Solomon is not talking about the flattering, fawning, sickening sweet gush that turns our stomachs. He is talking about words that are born in love, that breathe love—agreeable, gracious, friendly, kind words that demonstrate unselfish concern for the welfare of others. They are the opposite of negative, critical, complaining, quarrelsome words. They are sweet to the soul. That is, they minister to our innermost being, lifting our spirits and brightening our lives. And they are health to our bones. That is, they contribute ultimately to our physical well-being. Just as surely as unpleasant words can make us sick, pleasant words can help to keep us healthy.

Some of us have never considered this far-reaching effect of our words. Think of it! We by our words can contribute to health and happiness, or to sickness and sadness. It might be wise to learn how to use that awesome power properly before somebody gets seriously hurt or emotionally maimed for life. Let’s discuss the nature of pleasant words so we can use them to minister health and happiness to our own lives as well as to those around us.

They Are Agreeable

One of the basic meanings of this word pleasant is “agreeable.” It was used by David of his friendship with Jonathan. “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; you have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of women” (2 Samuel 1:26). Those two men enjoyed a beautiful harmony between them. They thought much the same way, had similar likes and dislikes, and shared the same goals and aspirations. The result was that they spoke agreeably to one another, and that was pleasant to both of them.

Being agreeable does not mean that we never have differing opinions. It means we have a positive outlook rather than negative. We emphasize areas on which we agree rather than look for things at which we can pick and complain. We avoid making an issue over minor details. We maintain good feelings and accepting attitudes toward people even when we do not concur with everything they say or do. And we speak kindly and amiably to them under all circumstances.

We all know negative people, don’t we? Not me, or you, of course. But someone else! It is always someone else, isn’t it? And we don’t enjoy being with them, do we? If we have a new idea, they will usually oppose it. It is like an automatic response with them. If we have an opinion, it is not exactly right and they will insist on correcting it. If we tell a story, our details will be a little mixed up and they will straighten us out. If we try to do a job, they will tell us there is some better way to do it. If we propose a solution, it won’t work, or it will cost too much, or it doesn’t consider every possible consequence. Something will be wrong with it—we can count on it. These people spend their lives looking for problems rather than solutions.

Negative parents chip away their children’s self-respect and self-esteem. The kids feel as though they can never please. Negative teachers discourage their students from learning. The students feel that they can never do well enough. Negative church members subdue the enthusiasm of others in the assembly and grind the progress of God’s work to a halt. Their disagreeable words are like ice water on warm glowing embers, and they destroy the health of a congregation. But “pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

They Are Joyful

Pleasant words are also joyful words. “Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad” (Proverbs 12:25). “Good” is a synonym for “pleasant” which emphasizes joyfulness. And joyful words cheer people up and gladden their hearts. Some Christians have the strange notion that it is more spiritual to be gloomy and glum, and that the closer a person walks with God the more he will look like he has been sucking lemons. We seem to view ourselves as sanctimonious rain clouds whose job is to dampen every smile. But that isn’t quite the picture the Bible paints.

“A joyful heart makes a cheerful face” (Proverbs 15:13a). God takes pleasure in a happy heart and a happy face. “All the days of the afflicted are bad, But a cheerful heart has a continual feast” (Proverbs 15:15). In other words, it savors all of life, just as a connoisseur of fine food savors every meal. “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22a). Cheerfulness is therapeutic.

When Norman Cousins, former editor of The Saturday Review was told in 1964 that he was suffering from a rare disease of the connective tissue that was causing his spine literally to come apart, his chance of full recovery was estimated at one in one hundred. He asked for some old comedy films and found that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter gave him at least two hours of pain-free sleep. Very gradually, to the astonishment of his doctor, he began to improve. Sixteen years after his prognosis, he was free of pain, riding horses and playing tennis and golf.

God said it thousands of years ago, “A joyful heart is good medicine.” And there is something that can make our hearts more joyful than old comedy films. David told us about it: “The righteous man will be glad [joyful] in the Lord” (Psalm 64:10). When we know the Lord we have something to make us merry. There is every evidence that the Lord Himself has a sense of humor, and there is no reason why the people who know Him shouldn’t cultivate it as well. We would relax more and enjoy each other more if we learned to laugh more, even laugh at our own blunders and our own perfectionist demands.

Some of the most memorable times we have had as a family have been the times when our house was filled with raucous laughter. Some of the greatest experiences our pastoral staff has had together have been those occasions when we laughed so hard the tears flowed and our stomachs ached. There was nothing sacrilegious about it. It drew us closer and made our prayer times even more meaningful. I am not advocating coarse joking that is inappropriate, offensive or insulting. I am talking about the ability to see the comical side of life and express it with light-hearted wit and wholesome humor. Some Christians could use a good dose of laughter.

I know that there are some folks who will not like what I am saying. They will insist that the Christian life is no laughing matter, that we ought to be dead serious about it. And we should be serious. But that is no reason to walk around with a frown, looking for somebody who is having fun so we can give him a stern lecture. That isn’t spirituality. It is probably just a miserable disposition that resents anybody else being happy. Pleasant words are joyful words, “a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

They Are Thankful

The psalmist teaches us something else about pleasant words. “Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant and praise is becoming” (Psalm 147:1). Praise is pleasant, and it is more than parroting “Praise the Lord” to your friends. Praise is speaking with approval and thanksgiving about God, who He is and what He has done. While it is not identical to thanksgiving, praise involves a thankful spirit. It may be expressed directly to God, such as, “You’re a good God, and I am grateful to you for these good things you have done.” Or it may be expressed to others, such as, “Let me tell you about God’s grace and some of the gracious things He has done for me.”

Paul said much the same thing. “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person” (Colossians 4:6). Whenever we open our mouths to speak, God wants our words to be saturated with grace. That means gracious, attractive, favorable, kind, and filled with gratitude. Gratitude and thanksgiving are basic elements of the word grace. Our conversations should be generously punctuated with thanksgiving and praise.

More thanksgiving and praise would help to transform our gloomy dispositions and improve our relationships with other people. It is impossible to speak of who God is and what He has done, and then go on complaining about circumstances and criticizing people. It is impossible to have true gratitude in our hearts to God, then go on grumbling and griping. Pleasant words are thankful words, “a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

They Are Hopeful

Pleasant words will also be hopeful, not preoccupied with the gloomy side of life but anticipating God’s best. If there is one thing the child of God should have, it is hope. We know a God who controls all things and who promises to work everything together for good. As He promised the Jews in exile through Jeremiah, “‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11). He plans for our well-being and promises us a bright future.

Believers can anticipate the very best. But you would never know it to hear some of them talk. Listen to them moan: “Things are bad. And we haven’t seen anything yet. They’re going to get worse.” And they can give you all the facts and statistics to prove that they are going to get worse. They have appointed themselves as official bearers of bad tidings, and they proceed to infect the Body of Christ with their pessimism and despair. And that is anything but pleasant.

We have good news to cheer us. God is at work in our midst and in our lives “both to will and to do work for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). I know what some will say: “Yes, but.” The Yes But Brigade tells you all about the pitfalls, the problems, the obstacles, the unanswered questions and the potential defeats. They are convinced that every cloud has a darker lining than it appears to have, and that behind every cloud is … another cloud. If you tell them that God has the power to make their marriage happy and successful, they will probably reply, “Yes, but my spouse is unwilling to make any changes.” If you tell them that God can supply their material needs, they will answer, “Yes, but you don’t realize how bad the economic outlook is.” If you tell them that God can save their loved one, they will offer this happy information: “Yes, but you don’t understand how antagonistic he is.” If you remind them that God can help them overcome their depression, they will complain, “Yes, but I’ve been this way for ten years now.” If we keep talking about the worst that could possibly happen, it probably will.

The psalmist had the answer to pessimism. “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, the help of my countenance, and my God” (Psalm 43:5). Believe that God can accomplish the very best. Put your hope in Him. Talk about the good things that He can do. Pleasant words are hopeful words, and they are like “a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Could it be that you have been sowing seeds of dissension with a negative, irritable, critical, complaining and gloomy attitude? If you asked your family and friends to rate you on the pleasantness of your words, would they give you a failing grade? But you would like to change. You would like to have pleasant words come out of your mouth. What can make it happen?

The Lord Jesus put His finger on the key factor when He said, “The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (Matthew 12:34). In order to speak pleasant words we will need to feed pleasant thoughts into our minds and meditate on them until they become part of our lives. That may not be easy to do. Some of us have been thinking unpleasant thoughts for years. We may have had a poor example to follow from our parents. We saw them get irritable, heard them fuss, argue, criticize, accuse, grumble, complain, worry, and insist that nothing was going to turn out right. So we naturally assumed that was the thing to do.

In addition, they may have directed some of their unpleasant words at us. Few of us realize how much our personalities have been shaped by our subconscious struggle to gain the approval of our parents. We may have become obsessive, compulsive perfectionists who thought they would commend us if only we did a little better. That made us demanding and critical of ourselves and others. Our failure to measure up to their standards may have damaged our self-esteem and filled us with false guilt, and with a tendency to lay guilt on others. It may have made us angry and resentful, with an inclination to lash out at the whole world. It is difficult to overcome attitudes that were formed in those early years, but it can be done. God’s power is available to change us, to give us pleasant dispositions that will become the source of pleasant words that minister health.

It depends initially on our desire to change. If we are satisfied to remain as we are, we will not change. If it doesn’t matter to us that our unpleasant words are hurting our spouses, damaging our children, alienating our friends or disrupting God’s work, we will go right on talking as we always have. Change is usually painful, and we will not subject ourselves to that pain unless there is an overpowering desire to be the people God wants us to be.

That is basically a matter of yieldedness. It begins when we yield our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. It continues as we reprogram our minds according to God’s Word. And it results in knowing and doing the perfect will of God (Romans 12:1-2). That will include speaking to one another with gracious and pleasant words. If the desire is there, yield your will to Jesus Christ. Then you will be ready to let Him reprogram your mind and change your disposition through the application of His life-changing principles.