To avoid offending anybody, the school dropped religion altogether and started singing about the weather. At my son’s school, they now hold the winter program in February and sing increasingly nonmemorable songs such as “Winter Wonderland,” “Frosty the Snowman” and—this is a real song—”Suzy Snowflake,” all of which is pretty funny because we live in Miami.

A visitor from another planet would assume that the children belonged to the Church of Meteorology.

Dave Barry in his “Notes on Western Civilization” (Chicago Tribune Magazine, July 28, 1991)