• Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
• 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
• Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
• Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
• Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
• I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
• Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
• I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
• I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.
• Don’t be so open-minded your brains will fall out.
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
• Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’...till you can find a rock.
• Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
• If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.
• If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
• Don’t look back, they might be gaining on you.
• It’s not hard to meet expenses; they’re everywhere.
• Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Dain bramaged.