Good News:-You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: -You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: -The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News:-The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: -The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: -They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News:-You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News:-The choir mutinied.

Good News:-Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News:-Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News:-Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News:-They beat your men's softball team.

Good News:-The trustee's finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News:-They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News:-Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News:-You were on vacation.

Good News:-Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News:-They are stalling until the next war.

Good News:-Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News:-He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.