• Never have more children than you have car windows.
• Never loan your car to someone to whom you have given birth.
• Pick your friends carefully. A “friend” never goes on a diet when you are fat or tells you how lucky you are to have a husband who remembers Mother’s Day--when his gift is a smoke alarm.
• Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.
• Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
• Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man-woman someday to finish a sentence.
• There are no guarantees in marriage. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a Sears battery.
• Never go to a class reunion pregnant. They will think that’s all you have been doing since you graduated.

Erma Bombeck