• If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
• If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out.
• Calories don’t count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same amount.
• Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes toast, hot chocolate, and Sara Lee chocolate cake.
• If you fatten up everyone around you, you’ll look thinner.
• Snacks consumed at a movie do not count as they are part of the entertainment. For example: Mild Duds, popcorn with butter, red licorice and M&Ms.
• Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes a calorie leakage.
• Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
• Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life

There’s one thing to be said for a diet—it certainly does improve your appetite.

E. Wilson

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